The Story
by missambermariek
Summary: "The paths I have chosen to walk have been filled with joy and with pain, but they have led me to where I am today. Every choice I've made, every mistake, every heartbreak, every sorrow...it has all led me to this very moment. And I would not change a thing." Follow Buffy and Spike from adolescence to adulthood, as they grow into who they are today. AU All human
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Every choice she has made, every mistake, every joy, every sorrow, it has all led her here. AU All human, pure Spuffy goodness.

Prologue

Have you ever stopped to ponder what led you to where you are or how you became this person? Do you ever look back at your life and wonder how one person, one single event, can affect your life so completely?

If that one thing was removed...if it just disappeared like _that_ from your life...how would everything change?

Would you still be the person you are today?

The paths I have chosen to walk have been filled with joy and with pain, but they have led me to where I am today. Every choice I've made, every mistake, every heartbreak, every sorrow...it has all led me to this very moment.

And I would not change a thing.

Chapter 1

She was a quirky little thing. Her large personality was in sharp contrast to her stature. At age 9, it was quite clear that Miss Buffy Summers wasn't going to be very large in the size department. In fact, looking at her now, sneakily maneuvering around her neighbors home, golden skin to match her golden pigtails, and those huge green eyes framed by a mischievous little face, she seemed almost pixie-like.

The aforementioned neighbors had recently moved in to the house right next door to little Buffy and had yet to come introduce themselves. Can you believe the gall? The wait was killing her.

Her curious mind was running wild, wondering what these new people might be like. Were they adventurers from oversees? Secret government spies staked out on assignment? Members of a mafia family, recently placed in the little town of Sunnydale by the witness protection program? Oh, the possibilities were endless, and Buffy Summers was determined to find out who her new neighbors were.

She hopped from bush to bush, slyly peeking through each curtained window, hoping for at least one with a sliver open just enough to peek at what was inside. Realizing she had come to the fence designating the end of the front yard, Buffy cautiously peered around before climbing, in a very unladylike fashion, over the wooden fence.

She froze when she landed with a thud on the other side, hoping no one had witnessed her rather ungraceful entrance. Crawling on all fours, she silently crept to the next window, to what she assumed would be the living room.

That's when she saw him. He was just a little thing, all honey curls and thick-framed glasses. He was sitting in the corner of the room between the couch and love seat, cozily reading a rather thick book.

So they had a kid? This was great! Buffy would finally have a new friend. Before she could knock on the window to get this nervous boy's attention, however, a loud shattering sound echoed through the room. Buffy jumped back in surprise, wondering what happened. It didn't take long to find out.

A huge-balding man wearing a wife-beater and boxers stumbled into the room with Buffy's bookworm. He was hers, she had already decided.

"What the hell is the matter with you, boy, leaving your goddamn books all over the floor for me to trip on? That was my last fucking beer, you little brat."

The boy pushed himself further into the corner and Buffy thought she heard a timid "Sorry" whispered from his mouth before the man grabbed him by the shirt and threw him over the couch.

"Sorry! You're fucking sorry? You sure as hell are sorry. That whore of a mother you had should've had a goddamn abortion when she could've. Then I wouldn't be stuck dealing with you while she rots away 6 feet under."

Buffy's temper was rising but her fear held her in place. Sure, she had seen fighting before; her parents fought all the time. Yet Buffy had never seen someone look so hateful...and she had definitely never seen someone put their hands on their child, not in this way.

Picking up the book the boy had dropped when he was thrown across the couch, the man threw it violently at the boy's face. He lumbered over to the fallen child and grabbed his head full of curls maliciously, then roughly shoved the boy's face into the book until Buffy heard his glasses crack.

"You want to read this shit? Then read it, but keep it out of my fucking way. Do you understand, boy? Well, do you?"

Buffy saw the boy nod his head shakily and then heard his squeal of "Yes, sir!" The man let go of the boy's head and stumbled off back down the hall to whatever hell he came from.

Buffy, still frozen, watched as the boy shakily sat up, grabbed his book and held it to his chest. _What a brave boy_, she thought as she watched him return to his corner and continue reading, albeit unsteadily. If she were in his place, she would have been a blubbering mess. _But look at him, not a tear in his eye._ Buffy wasn't sure how she felt about that.

* * *

Over the course of the next 24 hours, the scene replayed itself over and over again in Buffy's head. Late in the evening, her mother found Buffy weeping quietly in her room. Joyce questioned the tears, but all Buffy could say was, "It's not fair." Joyce simply held Buffy close and explained that sometimes things aren't fair, but that we do our best to help and make it right.

Buffy knew she was just a girl and wished she could stand up to that big mean man and show him who was boss, but that was obviously somewhat impossible at the moment. By the next night, however, she knew she had to do something. What she could do — what she would do — was be that quiet boy's friend.

Once she knew her parents had fallen asleep, she used her spy skills and snuck out of her bedroom window. It wasn't the first time she had snuck out the window, though admittedly, the other times she would just sneak out and into the tree house in her own backyard. But there was a first time for everything. She hustled down the tree that stood next to her window and quickly hopped the fence into the neighboring yard.

She'd done some recon earlier in the day and figured that the boy's room was on the far side of the house. After some quick recon earlier that day, Buffy found out that the boys room was on the other side of the house.

She slowly snuck to the boy's bedroom window and peeked inside. To her surprise, the boy appeared to still be awake. He was reading by the light of a flashlight he had somehow taped onto a hat that sat atop his head.

Buffy couldn't help it; she giggled at the look of it and his head shot up.

Bright green eyes met soft blue and it was as if lightning struck. For the rest of her life, she would never forget the way her body reacted in that singular moment. She also immediately saw his fear and confusion, and shook herself as if clearing her thoughts before motioning for him to come to the window. Buffy drew her mouth into her prettiest smile, hoping to soothe his obviously frayed nerves.

The boy seemed to consider his options for a moment before gently closing his book and walking over to the window, The flashlight bobbed haphazardly with every step. When he finally reached to window, he quietly raised it halfway. For a moment, they just stared at one another, feeling a vague connection but unaware of how important they would soon become to one another.

Buffy decided to break the silence.

"Hi! I'm Buffy Summers, your neighbor. Do you, um, mind if I come in?" He remained quiet, staring cautiously at her. _Well, this was awkward. _After a few moments of awkward silence, Buffy continued. "Or not. I just…well, I kind of overheard some things yesterday and thought your might, you know, like to have someone to maybe talk to or something. Like a friend?"

His eyes opened wide before he finally spoke. "YOU want to be MY friend?"

She nodded happily; pleasantly surprised to hear that he had a kind of cute accent. It made him sound like one of the guys from her spy movies.

"Well, yeah. That is, if you'd let me in. It IS kind of chilly out here." Again, she smiled the trademark Buffy smile that would one day melt hearts.

He sat in silence for a few more moments, but Buffy knew the exact moment that he had made his decision. A gentle smile broke across his face and he stepped back, allowing her entry into his room.

That night they talked about everything. She told him that she lived with her parents and little sister, Dawn, and that her most favorite things to do were spy and cheer. She was sure she was going to be a cheerleader when she grew up. She told him that her own parents fight — quite often in fact — but that it was subtle enough that her little sister never noticed. After a few moments, she admitted that she always felt confused and sad after the fights.

She revealed what she had seen the day before and how it made her feel, and he told her how that happened all the time since his mother's death almost 2 years before. He told her how his mother loved him very much but would often disappear for days and come back with marks all along her arms. He never understood where she went, but when she came back, his father would go insane with rage and take it out on the both of them. After her death, the rages got worse, but his father tended to stay to himself most of the time, locked away in his room with the TV blaring.

She learned his name was William Pratt, that he was born in London but had moved here after his mother's passing two years before, and that he had made no friends since moving to America. This revelation made Buffy sad and thoughtful; that was a long time to go without any friends. William didn't feel that way, though, and explained that he thought of his books as friends. They were always there for him when he needed to escape, to go on a journey somewhere else.

"When I read a book, it's like I become the characters and live the story. For a little bit, I feel okay. Not lonely or sad, but okay."

Buffy smiled and reached for his hand. "Well, now you have more than these books, you have me. I'll be your person and you can be mine!"

He tilted his head and gave her a curious look. "Your person? What quite do you mean?"

She giggled quietly and then whispered, "The person you can always go to when you're sad, or happy, or just want to talk. The person you can always count on. I can be yours, and you can be mine. We'll be each other's…people!" She squeezed his hand.

He smiled and turned away. When he looked back at her it occurred to her that he had been crying. _Why now_, she wondered. He didn't cry when he told her of his mother's death or of having no friends. So why now?

Before she could think much on it, he responded to her suggestion. "I think that's a smashing idea."

* * *

Over the summer, the young Buffy and William — or Will, as Buffy dubbed him — grew closer and closer. At first, Will was worried that he leaving the home to go to Buffy's would provoke his father's ire, but it proved to be the opposite. The more Will was out of the house, the less he had to see his father. This pleased both Buffy and himself a great deal.

Almost every bleeding second of the summer was spent with Buffy. Sometimes they stayed at her house, looking through her mother's library or playing one of Buffy's silly pretend games. Other times, they would roam the neighborhood on an elaborate adventure constructed from Buffy's bravado and his impeccable imagination.

Mostly, they just sat in Buffy's bed and talked. They talked about 9 year old things like toys and school, but they also talked through very mature things — things most adults assume are of little concern to children. They talked of their dreams, their fears, about life.

Occasionally, when his father would become enraged and take out his anger on his son, Will would silently let him. Then, when it was over, Will would sneak out of his window and in through Buffy's. He never had to say anything; he would just nestle himself up against her and she just knew. She would hug him tight and whisper to him the dreams they shared. She always knew how to make it better.

Will feared that things would change when the summer was over. After all, Buffy was a pretty, vibrant girl who surely had plenty of friends. He on the other hand…well, he was less than impressive. Will looked into the mirror, gazing at the odd boy staring back at him.

He saw a narrow face with surprisingly sharp cheekbones that were framed by wayward light brown curls flying in every which way. Behind his thick black glasses, he saw two bright blue eyes — one of the few features he did not get from his mother. He actually didn't know where he got his blue eyes — and Buffy often would tell him how bright or "pretty" they were — but it wasn't really important. Will knew he was invisible.

Sighing solemnly, he straightened his collar over his plaid vest and turned away from his image. He knew that today, when they went back to school, his "person" would forget all about him.

* * *

_Oh my God, where was he!_ Buffy had been up since the crack of dawn, or something like that. Usually her mom had to fight to get her out of bed every single school day...every single school day, that is, except for the first day of school.

Today, she woke up extra early so she was sure to have enough time to pick out her cutest outfit. She knew she looked adorable in her khaki jumper, pink ruffled shirt, and all black Mary Janes. Buffy had begged her mom to put her hair in a French braid, and the pleated tail now hung with a big pink bow over the arch of her shoulder. Her dad had bought her the cutest pink backpack before leaving for his monthly conference, and she stood with the bag slung over her arm as she waited — not so patiently — for her friend to join her in the walk to school.

She balanced along the edge of the curb, pacing back and forth between her house and Will's until she finally heard the door creak open.

"FINALLY!" She whined, flinging out her hands melodramatically.

He turned around quickly and his eyes were as wide as saucers. "B-Buffy?"

She rolled her eyes at him and answered, "Well, duh!"

"I just…I, um, well, I didn't expect you to be here is all."

"What? Of course I'm here. Now come on, I can't wait to introduce you to my friends!"

The smile that came across his face stunned even her. She was unsure as to why he was so surprised. They spent every day together; why would she have left without him just because he was a few minutes late?

_Whatever_. She wouldn't worry about that today.

When they arrived at the school, Buffy pulled him over to a table with two other girls — one blonde and the other brunette — and immediately set about introducing them. Will couldn't help but smile at the excitement all over Buffy's face, but his merriment quickly vanished when he saw the expressions on the other girls' faces.

"Cordy, Harm, this is Will, my person." Buffy said happily.

"Ewww! Buffy! How could you bring this dork over here? He's just so…nerdish!" the plump blonde girl squealed.

The brunette sitting next to her rolled her eyes dramatically and snickered. "Really, Harm, couldn't think of anything better? Not that I disagree, but, I mean, like, really, Buffy. Look at him!"

Will immediately bowed his head in embarrassment and appeared to shrink into himself.

Buffy's face turned red with agitation and she turned towards Will. With exaggerated movements, she looked at his feet, lifted his arms, felt his cheeks, peered into his ears, and looked around the circumference of his head.

"Hmm. He looks good to me. I see a really nice, smart kid who doesn't need to make himself feel better by being mean to other people."

Will was shocked. Did she really just stand up for him? He looked around nervously, noticing that many of the students around them had paused to witness the scene. Harmony's eyes were as wide as saucers and Cordy looked like she was about to blow a fuse.

"Excuse me, Miss Priss," Buffy continued, wagging her finger at the brunette. "You better remember who you're talking to."

Buffy walked purposefully over to Cordy, stopping mere inches from her. She made a scene of looking her up and down as well, and then nodded at Will.

"You know what I see, Will? I see a sad girl who has no life and bad hair." Both girls gasped. Buffy turned her head casually to the blonde girl, "Oh, and her stupid friend."

With that, Buffy walked away. Her mom had always told her there was nothing more to say to people like that. She dragged a stunned Will behind her as she walked through the common area until she found another bench and plopped down.

"Wow, can you believe those girls, Will?"

"Actually Buffy, yes, I can." He whispered, thinking of all the kids at his old school in London who teased him constantly. Buffy turned concerned eyes at him and grasped his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry I introduced you to those losers. They aren't worth our time anyway. We don't need those nasty people bringing us down, right, buddy?" She smiled her trademark smile at him and he nodded enthusiastically. Her smile could do wonders to a boy's attitude.

"Right." He replied, feeling worlds better.

As they smiled at one another, they didn't notice a timid red head in a long brown dress and a quirky boy in a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts making their way towards them. Both had huge smiles upon their faces.

"Can I just say, _WOW_!"

Buffy and Will turned towards the boy's voice, confused with his meaning until the red head stammered out, "Y-Yeah. I mean, I've never seen someone stand up to Cordelia before, especially not like that."

The brown-haired boy piped up again. "You sure told her."

Buffy smiled and said, "Thanks! Do you guys want to sit with us?"

And with that simple question came the start of something wonderful.

* * *

Please review. It motivates me to update. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and especially to those who reviewed, favorited, or followed. I truly appreciate it and it is a great motivator to continue. Extra thanks to my amazing beta, Dani. Dani, and I both decided this chapter would be best in two parts. I am presenting to you Part One of Chapter 2. Again, please let me know what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2 Part One

Will looked at his best friend of almost six years and smiled. Buffy was talking about boys again — always with the boys — but he was paying little attention to her words. All he could hear was the cheerful lilt in her voice. All he could see was her beautiful smile, and the way her big green eyes sparkled as she bubbled with excitement.

He watched as she gossiped about who and what was going on at their school, realizing that he'd become so absorbed in watching her that he was ignoring the words coming out of her mouth...something he didn't often find himself doing.

He prided himself on being a avid listener and sensitive to his best friends feelings. He usually even tried to give her good advice…when he could. It was amazing the way that their relationship had developed over the last 6 years. In fact, Will and Buffy spent every waking moment with each other. The longest they had gone apart was during Buffy's family vacations every summer, and even then they would talk on the phone.

Will knew that they had a special friendship that was envied as well as misinterpreted by many of their peers. They were comfortable being close to one another, hugging, holding, goofing around. They also told each other everything, no secret went untold. Well, almost none of their secrets went untold.

See, while Buffy was Will's best friend, his confidante, his _person_, he was also in love with her. It shouldn't have surprised him really, when almost 3 years ago now he realized he loved her more than best friends usually do. Ever since he laid eyes on her that fateful night, long ago, he was slowly falling for the girl. When she smiled, he smiled; when she cried, he cried. Every touch, every talk, every moment shared between them sent such powerful emotions through his 16-year-old body.

Believe it or not, these emotions were not purely physical. While he was desperately attracted to Buffy, he also was in love with all her nuances, even her quirks. He loved how much she cared for the people around her, the way she laughed, even the way she scrunched her nose when she was lying.

Just looking at the two, it was hard not to see how much had changed.

In fact, Will had grown quite a bit in the last couple of years. His awkward and gangly features had transformed, giving him a smooth and striking look. Despite the fact that his brown curls still sprung unceremoniously around his head — and the fact that sweater vests were still his go-to choice outfit — Will was truly growing into himself.

Buffy, on the other hand, had stayed much the same...in stature, at least. She was still a tiny, little thing, but she had definitely also sprouted some subtle yet womanly curves, drawing the attention of much of their high school. Her blonde pigtails were now worn in a stylish shoulder-length 'do, and she regularly rimmed her bright green eyes with black eyeliner and thick mascara.. _Not that she needed it, _thought Will_._

As far as Will — and anyone else, for that matter — could see, the girl may not have grown much in height but she had indeed grown exponentially in beauty.

Will was, quite literally, enamored with Buffy, and there was no place in the world that was quite as perfect to be as right next to her.

"Oh, my God, Will! Are you even listening?"

He shook himself from his reverie and frowned. "I'm sorry, Buff. What was it then, pet?"Buffy rolled her eyes at Will, sighed in exasperation and repeated her question. "Well, I was asking you if you think that Angel will finally make his move?"

_Oh, Angel, the prick. _Will shook his head softly and sighed. "I honestly couldn't tell you, pet. We don't exactly run in the same circles."

Will watched as Buffy nodded thoughtfully, seemingly resigned to the fact that Will didn't likely know if Angel was interested in her. She lay back on the cool grass and rested her head on Will's arm. The two often came outside and lay together in the grass, soothed by one another as they gazed at the clouds or stars. Sometimes they would have talks like this. Other times they would just remain silent, drawing comfort from each other's presence.

Today, the silence was enough — and the feeling of Buffy in his arms brought him a comfort beyond measure.

* * *

Music played softly in the background from Buffy's old boom box as she laid back against Will's side. As one song ended and the first notes of the next one began to play, Buffy gasped and rolled over to face Will. Propped up on her forearms, she smiled, bobbed her head for a few beats and began to sing softly in accompaniment.

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I've got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything _

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_It's true_

_I was made for you_

"Oh, my God, Will! It's our song!" She pushed herself up and ran over to the radio to turn it up before plopping back down and scooting against his side once again. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

"It sure is."

_I climbed across the mountaintops_

_Swam all across the ocean blue_

_Crossed all the line and broke all the rules_

_And baby I broke them all for you_

_Because even when I was flat broke_

_You made me feel like a million bucks_

_You do_

_I was made for you_

Buffy couldn't help but smile at the lyrics every time she heard the song. She felt, deep within her heart, that these words described her and Will's friendship perfectly. He was her best friend, and he knew more about her — and she, him — than anyone else in the world. No matter what life threw at them, where they were or in which groups of people they found themselves, Will would always be her very best friend. Hell, people almost always assumed they were dating, but Buffy had never really thought of Will like that.

He was just Will...the loyal, sweet guy who was always there for her. He was her _person_.

* * *

_You see the smile that's on my mouth_

_It's hiding the words that don't come out_

_All of our friends that think that I am blessed_

_They don't know my head is a mess_

_No, they don't who I really am_

_And they don't know what I've been through _

_Like you do_

_I was made for you_

Will loved the song as well, for he felt the same as Buffy. Well, almost the same as Buffy. Buffy was his very best friend. He knew he could tell her absolutely anything, and he knew she would always be there when he needed her.

But Will loved Buffy in another way as well.

It always broke his heart when people assumed they were dating and she would vehemently deny it. He knew she didn't mean it in a cruel way, but he has been in love with Buffy since he first laid eyes on her. He just didn't know how to tell her or how she would feel.

Most importantly, he didn't want to lose her friendship.

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything _

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_Its true_

_I was made for you_

Buffy's and Will's eyes met as the song came to an end, and the two teenagers smiled. But before either could say anything, the harsh voice of Will's father, Liam, rang out, screaming Will's name.

Will flashed Buffy an apologetic smile and hopped up as they untangled themselves from one another.

"I'll be back. Let me go see what the old man wants now."

Buffy smiled sweetly and nodded as Will hopped the fence to his own backyard.

* * *

"MO-O-O-M! I'm going to Will's for the night!" Buffy screamed as she walked down the stairs and headed toward the front door.

Joyce quickly popped her head out of the kitchen and gave Buffy _the look_. "Not so fast, young lady."

Buffy stopped in her tracks and sighed melodramatically before she made her way towards her waiting mother.

"You know I love Will...like a son, really. But Buffy, aren't you two getting a little old for sleepovers?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and answered, "Never too old for sleepovers, Mom. I mean, it's just Will! It's not like we are going to…you know…"

"Have sex?"

"God, Mom! You don't have to say it. Eeeew, the last thing I need is that image in my head."

Now it was Joyce's turn to roll her eyes. "Look, Buffy, just be careful, okay? I don't know how much longer your Dad's going to be okay with this."

Buffy nodded, wondering why in the world it mattered. It wasn't as if Dad was ever around, anyways. He spent most of his time at work or out of town on conference.

Joyce smiled at Buffy and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Go, and have fun, Honey! You better leave before Dawn sees and wants to come with."

Buffy let out a very unladylike grunt and booked it out the door.

When she got to Will's door, she knocked but didn't wait for his response before walking right on in. Earlier, after he'd spoken with his dad, Will had called to let her know that his was leaving for the weekend... for "none of his damn business," apparently. As soon as his Dad's truck's tires had left the driveway, Buffy headed over.

"Willie? Where are you?" She called, searching around the mess of a house for her friend.

"Back here!" he yelled back, from his room.

When Buffy reached his room, she noticed that many of his things were thrown across the floor. Her heart started to beat faster with concern as she swiveled her head rapidly in every direction, looking for Will. She bunched her eyebrows together in concern and then desperately grabbed for Will as soon as she noticed him looking up from the stack of papers he was perusing across the room.

It was clear that he could tell how scared she was for him when he jumped up, wrapped his arms around her and soothed,"Hey, it's okay. It's okay, pet! Nothing happened. M'dad just wanted me to go through some stuff to get rid of some rubbish and whatnot."

She pulled away from him and gave him a gentle shove. "Oh, my God, Will! You scared the hell out of me!"

He chuckled as the situation diffused. "Sorry, luv."

She smiled gently up at him and shoved him away again. Surveying the mess around them, Buffy took a deep breath and said, "Well, come on. Let's do this!"

She knelt down by one of the piles of "junk" he had laying around and began inspecting the contents. He motioned to one pile and said, "Trash," pointed to another, "attic," and then another, "and keepers."

She nodded and knelt down on the floor, beginning on a stack. She tossed old school work into the trash pile without a second thought and threw books in the keepers pile. Then she paused as an old picture fell out from between two of the papers. Buffy glanced back at Will and found him distracted with what looked like old cards, so she took a closer look at the photograph.

The paper was old and faded, but she could see a beautiful woman with long flowing dark hair and striking, cat-like eyes. She wore a huge smile on her face and she gazed upon a tall man with bright blue eyes — so very similar to Will's — who was gazing just as lovingly back at her. Buffy flipped the photograph over and tried to make out the cursive writing on the back. '_Jenny and…._' The ink had become too faded with time and the remaining name wasn't legible, but whoever it was clearly loved this Jenny woman a lot.

That's when it hit Buffy that Jenny was the name of Will's mom. Immediately, she found she was looking at the picture with new eyes. This woman was breathtakingly beautiful. She looked so happy. It was hard to imagine her the way Will had described. When he spoke of his mom, he spoke of a beautiful, dark woman. Never going into purely physical descriptions, he told her that he used to think she was an angel. Her beauty was that magnificent, but he also said that there was a sadness about her that he could never quite touch, almost as if she was lost in a world that had dragged her down.

As she privately considered the magnitude of her discovery, Buffy realized that there were no pictures of her at all throughout the house. In fact, this was the first time she had ever actually seen a picture of Will's mom at all. Who was this mysterious man with her? Did Will know? If he did, why wouldn't he have shown her this before?

"Um, Will?" He turned his blue gaze towards her questioning face. She held up the picture in a silent question.

Will's eyes widened and he scurried hastily over to where Buffy sat holding the photograph. He took the weathered image from Buffy's grasp and held it close to his face. Buffy noticed that tears had begun to pool up in his eyes.

"Who are they, Will?"

He looked away from the picture and blue eyes met green as he whispered, "It's...it's my mum…"

She nodded her head. She had assumed as much. "Is that your Dad?"

Will hurriedly shook his head, "No, actually I haven't a clue who this man is."

His brow furrowed, as if he was trying to recall if he'd ever met this man his mother look so blissful with. Clearly unable to come up with anything, Buffy watched as he shook his head again before getting up, fumbling through his top drawer and pulling out a small wooden box. Will carefully lifted the lid and gingerly placed the photograph inside before shutting it tight and hiding it back inside the mess of clothing in the drawer.

Buffy waited a moment and then said, "Are you okay?"

Her friend turned his head back towards her and smiled. "Yeah. It's just been a while since I saw her." He nodded towards one of the piles and said, "Let's get this stuff up to the attic."

He left the room for a few moments and returned with a cardboard box. Together, they cleared the keepers pile by piling the books and papers into the box.

"Why are you saving your old report cards?" Buffy asked with a curious grin. Her report cards rarely stuck around long enough to collect dust — she threw those suckers out as soon as possible. Hell, if she could have gotten away with tossing them before her mom could see them, she would have. And here he was saving his.

He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly and responded, "I don't know. Maybe one day I'll want to look back and see how I was doing."

She gave him a funny look before closing up the box and standing up. He stood beside her, carefully lifting the box as she pulled down the ladder to the attic and ushered him up the stairs.

Buffy couldn't help but cough as an abundance of dust was unsettled, likely disturbed for the first time after who knew how long. She spun around slowly, peering at all of the boxes and furniture in the small storage space, amazed at what she saw. There was just so much. It was like finding a cave full of treasure.

"Wow, you never told me you had so much up here, Will."

Again, he shrugged and said, "It's just a bunch of junk."

"I don't know, there could be all kinds of treasure or secrets to find in here. You never got curious? Think about it. Your mom's stuff could be up here!"

Now, Will look intrigued. Clearly, he had never given that much thought. He always assumed his careless father threw out most — if not all — of his mother's things.

, Noticing the curiosity on Will's face, Buffy reached for his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Let's look!"

Together, they rummaged through boxes and drawers. Most of them were full of old newspapers and trash — and Buffy couldn't help but wonder why Will's dad would put this crap in the attic instead of the garbage.

After hours of digging, they had yet to find anything of substance...until Buffy found a dusty old trunk lurking behind a few large boxes. She was convinced that it just looked like it was full of goodies.

"Will! Come quick!"

He rushed to her side, helping her pull and shimmy the trunk out into the open. Buffy looked up at Will with excited eyes and said, "Lets open it together!"

He chuckled and, together, they lifted the heavy lid.

Once the trunk was open, the two friends couldn't believe what was inside. Buffy gasped in awe as her fingers trailed over what seemed to be a large amount of antique lace. Carefully unfolding it, she pulled out the fabric and realized it was a beautiful lace wedding gown. Buffy stood and held the dress up to the front of her body, gazing adoringly into the mirror across the room.

"Oh, Will. Look how beautiful it is. This stuff must be your mom's!"

* * *

It was hard for Will to take his eyes off of Buffy. She was stunning, smiling in just that way and holding his mother's wedding gown close over her heart. It was beyond any beautiful image he could dream up, and he found that his breath caught in his lungs.

Will shook himself from his reverie and turned back towards the trunk. With the wedding dress removed, countless pictures, letters, jewelry, and clothes had been revealed underneath. He couldn't believe that his father had actually kept all of this.

Buffy carefully folded the delicate lace dress and placed it gently to the side of the trunk, then sat back down. She began pulling things out, one by one.

Photographs showed various people, most of whom Will assumed were his mother's family. Reading the backs of some, his assumptions were confirmed — and he realized he was looking at his mother's parents and sister. He had never seen any of his mother's family before. It was amazing!

He pulled another pile out and found pictures of his mother laughing with girlfriends, which made him smile brightly. He also noted that many of the photos included the mysterious man from the picture Buffy had found earlier.

If Will didn't know better, he would think that his mother was in love with this man — and he, her. He stopped his perusal of the pictures when he heard a gasp from the girl beside him.

"You okay, pet?" He asked hesitantly. Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes wide as saucers as she passed him the bundle of notes in her hands.

Then, one by one, he read them.

_Dear Rupert,_

_Last night was amazing. I've never been with a man before, and the way you made me feel was incredible. I know it has only been a few short months, but I cannot imagine myself outside of your loving arms. _

_I know my family disagrees, but your financial position will not stop my love. I refuse to let you go over something as petty as wealth. Love is all I need; it is all I'll ever need. Without you, I would wither away. _

_Please tell me my father has not scared you away. Let me know if you still feel the same._

_Yours Truly,_

_Jenny_

_My darling Jenny,_

_Of course I feel the same. You are my heart, my soul, my entire being. You are my precious rose and I will not let you wither away. I could never leave your side._

_The other night was special to me as well. You were my first lover, and I want you to be my last. I know I do not have much to offer you, my sweet, but I can promise you that I will work every day to be a better man, for you. _

_Marry me, darling._

_R. Giles_

_Rupert,_

_Please do not take what my father said to heart. He cannot force an annulment on us. I do not care if he has intended me to another. We have already consummated our vows. _

_Please Rupert, do not let him get into your head. I cannot lose you! _

_Forever Yours,_

_Jenny_

_My darling Jennifer,_

_I am sorry but I have lied to the courts and they have granted an annulment. I understand now that I have nothing to offer you. Liam will be a much better provider for your future family. Marry him. Forget me. _

_The words I wish to say no longer matter. You are mine no longer. _

_I have returned your letters and gifts. Please let me go, sweet Jenny, for that is what I will do to you. _

_Be happy._

_R. Giles_

Buffy had tears running down her smooth cheeks and Will could hardly deny the tears that threatened to fall from his own as he roughly tore the unopened envelope and read the last letter that had been marked return to sender.

_Rupert,_

_I know that I am now bound to another, but I have not given up hope that you will return to me and save me from this loveless marriage. _

_He was a liar, to us all. He has no wealth, no degree, nothing. We survive off the money my father sends. Although I refuse to take anything from him, Liam continues to beg like a vagrant. _

_How am I to accept anything from the man who tore me from your arms? _

_Nonetheless, I must let you know that I am pregnant. While I have been with Liam, I know that the child I am carrying is not his. I have not told him, but he suspects the truth. He is violent and ill tempered. While he has yet to place his hands on me, I fear for it every day. I fear for our child, Rupert._

_Please respond to me. Let me know you still care. Save us from this monster._

_Yours Truly,_

_Jenny_

Will reread the last letter a number of times, feeling dizzy as the words seemed to fade in and out from the paper. As he slowly folded the letter back up, he turned with glazed eyes towards Buffy.

"Oh, Honey." She cried and threw her arms around him. They sat in silence as her arms enveloped him, his body wracked with violent shaking and sobs tearing from his throat.

* * *

After the emotional revelation in the attic, Buffy was afraid to let go of Will. She held him until she felts him nod off to sleep and then closed her eyes to join him, exhausted.

The next morning, she helped him tidy up the remaining piles and put things away.

Neither of them said a word about the letters they'd found. Will was clearly confused and shocked, and Buffy just didn't know what to say or how to handle this. For a moment, it occurred to her that it was very rare to be caught speechless — but here she was, being just that.

Will was her friend, her very best friend. She'd watched for years as his "father" abused him, both verbally and physically. Now that she knew there was a chance that that bastard wasn't actually his father — and that his real father could be out there somewhere — she didn't know how she should handle it. She wanted to help Will.

Better yet, she knew that she could help him...and she already had the information she needed.

But right now, he needed time to process everything. So time, at least for now, is what she would give him.

Two weeks later, neither Buffy nor Will had yet to say a word about the letters. On the way home from school, Buffy couldn't help but take the first step in clearing the air.

"Look Will, we both know what we read in those letters has been on our minds. What do you think of finding this Rupert guy? We could find him and we could get a DNA test! You could get the hell away from your bastard dad...or well possibly bastard...not…dad…you know what I mean."

The smile that always seemed to be on Will's face when he was in her presence disappeared, and Will looked calmly down to the ground.

Buffy didn't know what to think. Was he ignoring her? "Well? What do you think, babe?"

When Will finally looked up, Buffy was shocked by the venom in his eyes. She had never seen Will angry...at least not at her.

"No."

And that was it. That was all Will said before he sped up his pace and forced Buffy into a brisk jog.

"No, what, Will? You don't want to find out if this guy is really your dad?" Buffy asked.

"No."

She was shocked. If it were her, she would be dying to know the truth...but then again, no matter how much they loved each other, she and Will were very different.

"W-why?"

Will stopped walking and turned to face her. "I just don't, Buffy. Can you respect that? I'm always doing what you want. This time, for once, can you do what I want?"

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. She always considered Will's feelings and interests. She never felt like she was being selfish. Was she being selfish? _No._ Sure, she was curious, but this wasn't just about that. Will deserved better than his "dad" and the abuse he dished out.

"Are you serious, Will? You know it's not like that. I want to help you."

"Well, help me by staying out of it." And with that, Will walked away, effectively silencing Buffy's reply and leaving her standing there, hurt and confused.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since the fight, and neither had actually spoken more than a couple words to the other. In the six years since they'd met, Buffy and Will had never gone more than a day or two without at least talking...and the separation was taking its toll on Will.

Deliberately keeping himself unavailable, Will went right to school every morning and right home after school every afternoon. He ignored Buffy's calls — and eventually didn't even pick up when Xander or Willow phoned. He had even been eating lunch alone in the library. He knew that the way he was acting was hurting his friends — especially Buffy — but for the first time in years, he couldn't focus on that.

All he could think about was those letters.

He spent so much of his time trying not to think of them that it was becoming extremely distracting. He knew Buffy well, and he knew that she had his best interests at heart, but he couldn't take this seriously. He couldn't get his hopes up.

And even if he did, whoever this guy was, he'd abandoned his mother. Why should he look for a wanker like that? He didn't see how that was any better than Liam.

Will was aware that he was withdrawing into himself, but he'd stopped caring. He felt less and less like William, and more and more like someone he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

A few nights before, Will had swiped a few of his dad's beers and downed them in his room. It was bloody scary, just how good it made him feel. He loved how it made him forget...forget about his shitty life, his dead mum, that poof Rupert Giles.

But it didn't make him forget about how much he was hurting Buffy.

Buffy couldn't stop thinking of Will and his situation. She didn't have anyone to talk to about it. While Will would have obviously been her first choice, she didn't want to take advantage of their fight and break his trust by telling Willow or Xander about what was going on.

As a result, most nights she would sit in her room and cry. She cried because she missed her friend, because she didn't know how to make it right, and because of what he was going through.

The other day at school, she actually saw him talking to Drusilla Manning. She was the school goth...and as far as most of the high school was concerned, was also the Whore of Sunnydale. Why would he even be talking to her? They had nothing in common.

_Then again_, she thought sadly, _neither do he and I._

Every time she tried to speak to him at school, Will mumbled a few words and walked away. She just couldn't handle not having him around. He was her _person_, and she could see him changing before her eyes. That innocent twinkle in Will's eyes was gone...and in its place something very dark and very sad.

She was doing everything she could think of to try and make things right, but it seemed like that just didn't matter to Will. Willow assured her that he would pull through and that he just needed time, but Buffy wasn't sure.

One thing was for sure, though. This time she wasn't going to make the mistake of not giving him enough time.

Will was beginning to agree with the old adage about time healing. A few weeks had passed and he felt like a different man...and, bloody hell, he was okay with that. He'd met a new girl, Drusilla, who blew his fucking mind. He'd sneak her into his house late at night and let her do things to him that he'd never in his lifetime experienced.

It was amazing.

Instead of sitting around talking like a bunch of poofs, they'd go out to the empty lot a few blocks down and get lit. Other kids would show up and they'd all share bottles. Every now and then, a joint would get passed around.

Will had never felt better in all of his 16 years.

_Rupert, who? _

_Buffy, who? _

He laughed loudly as he felt a slender hand press into his. He turned his head to look into the ice blue, thickly lined eyes of his girlfriend, Drusilla.

"All giggles and tickles, my Spikey."

At first, he blanched at the pet name she had given him for very naughty reasons. Hated it, in fact. Then he realized that this could be the start of a new him. He could forget about poncy _William_ and become a brand new man.

He smiled sexily at Dru, running his tongue along the back of his teeth.

"Call me Spike, luv."

This time, it was Dru who cackled wildly, running her hands up and down his arms.

"Spike it is, then. Goodbye…Spike." She added extra emphasis on his newly professed name before walking away down the path to her home. He stared at as the way she swayed her hips as she walked away, watching her until he could no longer see her, and then he himself headed home.

He had an idea that he was dying to make a reality.

He was going to change more than his name.

* * *

Buffy, Willow, and Xander sat on the stairs off her front porch, talking about this thing they'd noticed developing between Drusilla and Will. They all agreed that it was odd that the more time Will spent with Dru, the more and more different he seemed to become. First, it was his attitude, then his clothes, and now Buffy had actually caught him sneaking Dru into his room.

"I don't know guys, maybe this is it. Goodbye, Will. Hello, Captain Depresso." Xander exclaimed to the girls, trying in vain to liven their spirits.

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed, then she responded, "This isn't it, Xander. I don't care how much he changes, he is still my friend. He always will be. I just have to…figure out how to reach him."

Willow gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her hand. "Come on, Buff! Don't get sad. Think about your date tonight...w-with Angel!" She said, nodding her head enthusiastically and opening her eyes as wide as saucers.

_Oh yeah, Angel_, Buffy thought, surprised she had forgotten so easily at the mention of Will.

"You're right, Willow. Maybe I'll even go over to Will's to let him know that I…" Her words were cut short as she heard Will's front door open, and the very person she was just speaking of stepped outside.

All three of the teenagers sat in a stupor, jaws dropped at the sight of the boy walking out.

"Speak of the devil." Xander mumbled. "Wait, that _is_ Will, right?"

It was Will, all right, clad in slim-fitting black jeans and combat boots, with a skin-tight black shirt under an unbuttoned red shirt. Of course, that wasn't what had stunned the three teens who watched him from Buffy's front yard. No, it was his hair...platinum blonde and slicked back with what looked like a gallon of industrial-strength hair gel.

"Will?" Buffy questioned loudly as he awkwardly walked by. When he didn't respond, she called out louder, "WILL!"

He stopped in front of Buffy's house and turned towards her. "Spike."

She tilted her head to the side, squinting her eyes in confusion and deliberately flashing him a look that screamed w_hat the hell?_ She countered, "Huh?"

"Spike. It's Spike. That's my name now. Not William, not Will, not Willie. Spike."

Without meaning to, Buffy let out a laugh. "Ok, Spike. What's up with the hair?"

"You like it do you, pet?" He asked with a wicked grin.

"I...I…I..." She stammered, realizing that she actually did. As much as she hated to admit it, this new look kind of got her motor going. She was seeing Will...er, Spike in a new light. The tone he was using had her more than confused, though.

"Whatever. Is there something you want, pet?"

Buffy smiled at Xander and Willow before stepping down and striding to the end of the walkway, stopping right in front of Spike.

"What's going on Wi…Spike? This isn't like you."

"Ha! That's funny, because I don't think you really know what I'm like. At least not anymore, sweets."

Buffy immediately withdrew, stung, and decided the whole sweet girl act just wasn't going to work with this defensive punk.

"Look Spike, I'm your friend whether you want me to be or not. I know that what we found out is messing with you. And, sure, maybe I fucked up by pushing you to look into it. But God, I'm just human! I want my friend back. Please." She didn't mean to start crying but couldn't stop the tears that fell freely from her green eyes.

For a second, it seemed as if Spike wanted to reach out to her and hold her in his arms, just as he had done when she'd been upset in the past. Then she watched as his eyes transitioned from sympathetic to cold, and his arms tightened against his side. It was as if it had occurred to him that he wasn't that person — _her_ person — anymore.

"Stop it, luv. You know I've never been able to take your tears. Just let me go. I've done the same to you." Buffy didn't miss how his words paralleled those written by the man who had obviously loved — and lost — his mother all those years before.

"No. No!" Buffy was so resolute she almost stomped her foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum. "I won't accept that. I know it's not true. I love you, Will!"

"Spike! IT'S SPIKE! And I loved you, too, Buffy, but I loved you more. While you yapped on and on about Ford...and then started in yappin' about that ponce, Angel...I just sat there and pined over you, wishin' I was one of those boys you couldn't stop talkin' about." At the look of shock on her face, he continued, "Yeah, I bet you never even noticed, didja?"

Buffy felt as if she could do nothing but blink at Will.

"You're a tease Buffy. That's what you are," Will went on. "And now that I've stopped pinin' after you, you can't handle it. You can't handle not having your bloody bag boy there to follow you around like a man possessed ."

Buffy stammered. "I...I…Will, I never…"

"Don't. Just don't. It's over, Buffy." And with that, he looked over her shoulder with sad eyes and threw up two of his black-nailed fingers at the two teens who sat, still frozen, on the stairs behind. "Xander, Willow."

And with that, he walked away, leaving Buffy to pick up the shattered pieces of her broken heart.

* * *

Willow and Xander perched at the top of the steps leading to Buffy's house, watching as the scene played out in front of them. Xander draw in a sharp breath as Buffy started crying — he'd always had a thing for the petite blonde — and then his eyelids closed in sympathy for his friend after witnessing Will's indifference.

"What is up with him?" he heard Willow whisper incredulously.

Xander slowly shook his head. He, like Willow, could barely believe how Will was acting. In all the years that they had known each other, Will was always the nicest guy, the most caring listener, the most loyal friend. Above all, he obviously cared deeply about Buffy. Hearing the way he spoke to her made Xander cringe.

"It feels like we just lost one of our closest friends," he whispered back. Silently Xander added, _while the other is left for us to put back together_.

* * *

Buffy stood absolutely still for several seconds after Will had walked away. When she didn't turn around, Xander walked to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Willow followed, walking around Buffy and stooping slightly to peer up into her friend's tearful eyes.

A small smile from Willow and a gentle nudge from Xander encouraged Buffy to turn back towards the house, and the two friends guided the blonde swiftly inside.

After walking a dazed Buffy up the stairs and setting her gently on her bed, Willow looked over at Xander and silently motioned for him to say or do something. Xander fervently shook his head and signaled for Willow to go. With a sign, Willow sat next to her friend.

"Um, h-hey, Buffy. Are you…you know…how are…" Willow coughed nervously before continuing, "You ok?

Buffy gazed over at Willow with a blank expression. "He loved me, Willow. He was in love with me. Did you know?"

Willows eyes widened and she looked frantically over at Xander who was nervously biting his lip across from them.

"Um, well…I always thought that could be the case."

Buffy looked quickly over at Xander. "What about you?"

Xander shuffled anxiously before nodding. At the hurt look in Buffy's eyes Xander spoke up. "We weren't like one hundred percent sure or anything, Buff. It was just…well; you know…it was the way he looked at you."

Buffy nodded, solemnly. "So it was just me who was blind them. God, how could I be so stupid. The things I said, the way I talked about other guys in front of him…"a sob escaped her throat as he hand came flying to her chest, "I must have hurt him so bad, and I didn't even know it. I'm supposed to be his best friend. How could I not know it?" Turning her head into Willows shoulder, Buffy let herself cry in earnest now.

Awkwardly, Willow placed her arms around her friend and sniffled back her own tears. Xander cautiously came up to the girls and enveloped them both in his arms. For a while, they just stayed like that, holding each other, while Buffy cried, all missing their friend.

* * *

Well, I hoped y'all like it. The second part of this chapter will be posted sometime next week. Again I want to ask y'all to please review, and thanks for reading my story!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

Ok, I was going to hold off on posting this one until next week (im trying to update once a week), but I just can't wait. I'm dying to see how you all feel about Spuffys make-up scene lol! I will be going out of town this weekend, so please excuse me if I dont update until the first week in June. I'm still aiming for once a week right now, but just a warning just in case.

Thank you a zillion times to everyone who has reviewed. It really revives my muse and gets my writing juices going. Also, a HUGE thanks to my amazing beta, Dani. Without her this story would not be nearly as good as it is.

Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 2 Part Two

Buffy knew a night out would be better than sitting around and crying. She also knew how desperately she needed to get out of her own head. She wanted to forget the words Spike had said to her... and the harsh look in his eyes when he told he was letting her go.

She felt like a fool for not seeing how he'd felt about her. They had always been so close, so she had never given it much thought — and it never felt odd — when they would act loving towards one another.

Now, after hearing his confession of love, she was confused. _What does this even mean? What do I do now? _She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as another thought popped into her head. _What do I do without Will?_

She couldn't get the thought of Will writing her off out of her mind, and she knew the night out would give her the opportunity to do just that.

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, admiring her shoulder length blonde hair, big green eyes rimmed with mascara, pouty red lips. She slipped on a short, fitted black dress that hung off her shoulders and hung her favorite gold hoops from each ear.

She looked good. She knew it. Hell, the majority of the school knew it. What made her even hotter was the fact that she didn't flaunt it...but tonight she wouldn't give one shit how cocky she looked.

Tonight, she was letting go.

As she walked into the Bronze, Buffy's eyes immediately strained to catch a glimpse of that platinum head.

"Buffy, I think Angel is over by the bar." Willow drew up behind her and shouted over the din of the club, pointing her finger in that direction.

Buffy nodded guiltily, silently admonishing herself. _Oh, yeah...Angel. You're looking for the wrong person, stupid._ Walking over to the bar, she found Angel and placed a hand on his arm. He turned quickly, realized it was her, and held out his hand as he gave her a sultry look, reminding her why she was attracted to him in the first place.

_Spike, Schmike_, she thought as she took the outstretched hand and let Angel lead her out onto the dance floor.

* * *

"Mmm, Angel…" Buffy moaned into his mouth as he laid her down, a few hours later, onto the backseat of his car. This same scene had played out a number of times since their first date more than two months ago, but it always ended with her refusing to let things progress further...and Angel begging for more before giving up and driving her home in frustration.

But Buffy had no intention of stopping him this time. The feel of his hands and mouth on her body forced those dismal thoughts far from her mind, and for a little bit she felt sane again.

Angel's hands ran up and down the sides of Buffy's body as their mouths danced and their tongues swirled. She was vaguely aware that this was moving a little faster than she was accustomed to. She was, in fact, only vaguely aware of what was even going on. All she could think about right now was the way Spike looked when he told her he had been in love with her. She kept hearing the brutal tone he used to tell her to let him go. She kept feeling that ache in her heart when she pictured her life without him.

_Stop, Buffy_, she told herself. _Enough. You're with Angel. _

Buffy took a quick breath in between kisses and resolved to stop thinking about Will...or Spike...or whatever he was calling himself this hour. She was immediately drawn back into reality when she felt Angel draw her dress up over her hips and run his hands around her back. When he began to work on the clasp of her bra, she didn't protest.

Taking her agreeability for what it was, Angel seemed to pick up the momentum, going to work on his belt buckle, pulling it roughly from the loops around his waist and throwing it into the front seat. Buffy felt him unbutton his jeans and then heard the rasp of the zipper as he shoved it downward.

Angel continued kissing her as he lifted his ass and struggled to pull the pants down from his hips, their teeth bumping awkwardly for a moment.

It occurred then to Buffy that she'd never pictured her first time in the back of some dude's car. Her life was constantly surprising her.

And with that, she let go of her conscience and gave in.

* * *

A few hours later, Buffy found herself laying on her side in her bed, staring across the room at the mirror hanging on her wall. She couldn't stop looking into her eyes and seeing the pain that they were laced with.

She noted the mascara smudged on her cheeks.

And the way her lips were red and swollen.

And the tears silently rolling down her face.

Buffy clutched Mr. Gordo tight to her chest, unable to make sense of the reason she was crying. Tonight hadn't been so bad, had it?

She and Angel had been dating for a few months now. He was a really good looking guy, he seemed to like her...and being with him was actually pleasurable. She kept telling herself that everything was okay, that she hadn't rushed things...that this was how it was supposed to be.

And all the while, it was William's face she kept seeing in her mind.

She had never consciously thought about Will as more than her best friend. She just never had those types of feelings for him.

_Then why can I not stop thinking that it should've been him tonight?_

Buffy closed her eyes and felt her eyes well up again behind her eyelids. She was unable to stop picturing Spike above her in that back seat. She could see Spike's eyes locked with hers...feel him as he moved his hips towards her...heard him whisper sweet words as he held her afterwards.

She opened her eyes again and stared at her reflection.

_Who are you?_

* * *

By the following week, it was all over school that Angel had fucked Buffy in the back of his car at the Overlook.

Spike knew that just the day before he had told her to _fuck off_. He'd given her up, let the bitch go. He had no claim to the silly bint.

_Why_ then did he feel the need to punch lockers when he heard the whispers? Why couldn't he stop picturing her with Angel, moaning his name, nails running down his back? Why couldn't he stop thinking that it should have been him?

Spike had always dreamed that Buffy would eventually fall in love with him and that they would experience their first times together. It would have been gentle and sweet. They would have made sweet love...and they'd have held each other afterwards. He would tell her how much he loved her, and she would smile that knowing smile and just kiss him.

His hand gripped the edge of the sink tightly as he looked up at his wretched face in the mirror.

_Who are you?_

* * *

Spike sauntered through the halls, Dru perched on his arm. He basked in the attention they were drawing, loving the way everyone stared.

_Yeah_, he thought cockily, _it's me. The little bitch you loved to poke fun at. Look at me now_, he thought to himself.

As they walked past Angel and his pals, Spike overheard them laughing. He paused swiftly, listening.

"So then what happened?" someone asked.

"Well, what do you think? That girl was begging for it for months. All I had to do was whisper a few sweet words into her ear and she let me fuck her senseless."

Spikes ears perked up. Now these fools had his full attention.

"How was she?" asked another male voice.

"Ah, Buffy was a so-so lay. But man, can that chick give some amazing hea…"

Before Angel could finish his sentence his head was being smashed against his locker.

"DON'T." Spike pulled Angel's head back and slammed it back down.

"YOU." He pulled him back again and threw him on the cold tile floor.

"EVER." Stepping over the brunette, he punched him in the face, enjoying the sight of blood pouring out of his nose.

"TALK ABOUT BUFFY!" For extra emphasis, he landed a swift kick in Angel's stomach.

Spike felt as if his world was moving in slow motion. The whole confrontation lasted mere seconds, but it was as if it spanned several minutes. With a sense of satisfaction, Spike realized that Angel had started crying.

Now that Angel's friends had a chance to realize what was happening, they began progressing on Spike. He didn't care. All he could think about was the way that nancy boy was talking about _his_ Buffy.

He stepped away from the sobbing boy on the floor and held out his arms, gesturing with his hands for the pricks to come get some.

Before anything could happen the principal came running down the hall, a uniformed officer jogging behind him. "STOP! Stop that this instant."

Spike turned around and held his arms up. As the cop grabbed him, spun him around and cuffed him, only one thought ran through his mind.

_That was so worth it._

* * *

"Buffy! Buffy! BUFFY!" Willow emerged from the front building of the school and ran out into the courtyard. Buffy watched as she scurried around, searching anxiously for her blonde friend. She finally spotted her friend talking with Xander and raced to Buffy's side. "Omigod-omigod-omigod-omigod-omigod," Buffy looked at Willow like she was crazy...and she was sure Xander's facial expression was identical.

Xander placed a hand on Willow's shoulder and reminded her, "Breathe, Willow."

Willow took a few deep breaths and began again. "Spike! Angel! Fight!"

Buffy's eyes widened and she jerked her body towards Willow and grabbed her friend's shoulders to steady her. "Deep breaths, Willow," she repeated Xander's suggestion. "Now, what happened?"

"There was a fight. I don't know...I guess, well, Angel was saying some…um…crude things about you, Buff..." Willow's voice trailed off slightly, and Buffy figured she was acknowledging the need for a little care in choosing her words. "I'm sorry, but, well...yeah! And I guess, well, Spike beat him up for it...and good, too! Enough for the cops to come and take him away in handcuffs. Handcuffs!" Willow's eyes were as round and full as balloons.

Buffy was flabbergasted. She simply couldn't believe what she was hearing. It had only been a week since she and Angel…well, did the deed, and already he was spreading rumors?

She was taken aback to realize this didn't actually shock her as much as she figured it should, but her mind was reeling from the fact that Spike actually stood up for her.

He still loved her!

Maybe he wasn't in love with her anymore, but he at least cared for her as a friend. That's all she needed, as long as he was in her life.

Then it hit her. He had been arrested! _Oh, God!_ He had been arrested for her, which meant it was likely that his dad had also been told. She knew how this could end for him.

Without thinking, she booked it to his house without another word to either of her friends.

At Spike's front door, she glanced at the driveway and noted that his dad's car was gone. _Good. Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought. _Buffy banged her fist hard on the door, screaming for Spike.

Where was he? Why wasn't he answering? Her mind raced with possibilities.

_Oh, God._

Then she forced herself to take a breath and think rationally. _Maybe he's just out. Maybe he went to the fields with Dru. _That had to be it. She took another deep breath and walked slowly back to her house.

But as soon as she opened the door, she knew that something was wrong. Her mother was sitting on the couch, crying into her father's shoulder. Her little sister sat with wide eyes next to them.

Buffy panicked. "Mom? Dad? What's wrong?"

Her mother looked up with tear-stained cheeks and tilted her head at her elder daughter in concern. "Oh, honey" she almost seemed to whine at Buffy. "It's Will."

And Buffy's heart dropped.

* * *

"William Pratt. P-R-A-T-T. Do you know what room he is in?"

The nurse looked up at the pale girl and noticed the alarm in her green eyes. Buffy waited to be asked if she was family or a friend — she was already prepared to identify herself as a cousin — but the question didn't come. The nurse peeked back at her computer and replied, "Room 326."

Without another word she barreled down the hall and up the stairs until she found the room labeled 326. Buffy grabbed the metal knob, flung it open and tore through the door, only the thought of her best friend on her mind.

What she saw broke her heart.

There Spike lay sleeping, bruised from head to toe and with a cast wrapped around his entire left arm. _Oh, God. Spike. _

Softly, she tiptoed over to his bedside and rested her hand gently on his cheek. She leaned over and pressed her forehead to his, determined not to wake him. He needed his sleep.

After a quick brush of her lips on his cheek, she turned and stepped out of the room just as a nurse was walking in.

The nurse smiled at her and patted her arm. "So sad," she said. "The father took off, apparently. Just up and left. Poor kid's hardly able to move. Sunnydale PD has yet to find him."

Buffy immediately turned cold as anger-fueled adrenaline shot through her veins. _That damn bastard is gonna get away with it_, she thought. _He's gonna get away with what he did to his son._

That was when she decided that she was going do whatever it took to fix this for her friend.

* * *

A day later, Buffy squinted at the computer screen as Willow peered over her shoulder.

"Are you sure this is the right guy, Willow?" Buffy asked.

"I'm pretty sure. I mean, you didn't give me a lot of info to work with," she said with a worried look, then flashed Buffy a quick smile and shrug. "But it's not exactly like there are many _Rupert Giles_ in the world."

Buffy sighed and reached for the phone with her left hand. "No other family, right? He isn't married? Doesn't have any kids?"

Willow shook her head, drew her lips tight and opened her eyes wide. The expression was like a Willow trademark. "Nope. Looks like he's just a business owner, living in L.A. all by his lonesome."

_Could it really be that simple? _Buffy was doubtful as she took the phone and dialed the number flashing on the computer screen in front of her.

* * *

It had been a long week in the hospital, and Spike couldn't take it any longer. He had already figured that going home was near impossible, what with the police knowing about his father and all. But where was he going to go when they did finally release him? He had no family. He had abandoned all of his friends. And he had already heard that Dru had moved on with the other half of the school.

_Maybe I need to make a break for it,_ he thought. _Just bust out and figure everything out once I'm free._ Before he could talk himself out of it, Spike ripped off the wires attached to him, yanked out the IV inserted into the back of his hand, and threw everything to the side. He hopped down off the bed and was searching for his clothes when the door opened.

Frozen in place, Spike slowly turned his head, hoping it wasn't one of the nurses or doctors coming to bother him again. As his eyes reached his visitor, he realized happily that it was a visitor of some sort...and then he realized that he had no clue who this guy was. The man now standing in the doorway was tall, with dark, graying hair, and his eyes were cast downward, gazing shyly at his feet. As the man lifted his head, blue met blue and time stood still.

"Who are you?" Spike questioned. His voice sounded breathless, but Spike was surprised that he was able to force out any words out at all.

The man shuffled his feet, very clearly feeling uncomfortable. "Why don't you sit down, William." He motioned with his hands to the hospital bed.

"Spike." He said absently as he walked in a daze over to the bed, sitting on the edge, eyes never once leaving this stranger's oddly familiar face. He noted that the man had spoken with a British accent that was a bit more upper-crust than the cockney lilt that colored Spike's voice.

"Well, um...okay...uh, Spike, is it? Um, well, a mate of yours...Buffy Summers...she phoned me. Well, she notified me of your existence, actually. She seems to believe that I may, in fact, be your father."

Spikes clenched the sheets tightly in his fists and forced himself to reply. "Rupert Giles, I assume?"

The man's eyes widened and he nodded his head at the boy, confirming Spike's suspicions.

"Indeed," replied Giles . "I, um...I would like you to know that I truly was unaware of your existence. I'm sorry, I'm aware that this all sounds like rubbish. There's really no excuse..."

The man's voice trailed off as if he felt helpless. Spike heard him sigh loudly and watched as he lowered his head and wiped his eyes with two fingers. Sitting down gingerly next to Spike on the bed, he slowly looked up from his feet and stared into Spike's eyes.

"When I left your mother, all those years ago, I honestly believed I was leaving her so that she could have a better life than I could offer. The man that her family expected her to marry seemed like a good sort and...," he faltered again, winced and took a small breath before forcing himself to continue. "I thought he came from wealth and dignity. It seems I was wrong."

He removed his glasses and began cleaning them with the edge of his shirt before continuing. "From what I have heard, you have not had the easiest life. Neither did your mother when...when she was…alive." Another pained pause. "I was not aware that she was pregnant when I left. If I had known…well, I don't know what I would have done. I honestly thought she was in better hands."

For another few moments, Giles seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. He closed his eyes, a tear slowly trailing from his lashes and down the side of his face before he swiped at his hand across his cheek. The man finally raised his head, looked at Spike and continued with resolve. "Now that I know, I am petitioning for custody. I want to be your father, William. Er, Spike."

Spike fumbled for words but found himself unable to form anything comprehensible. His mind was scrambling, so many feelings and thoughts coursing through his mind that he simply couldn't organize them. Ever since finding out about this man's existence, he had felt confused and lost...and angry. He had been very angry, with feelings of contempt and resentment towards the man who abandoned him and his mother to the life they suffered at the hands of Liam.

But now, hearing the pain and regret in his voice, and seeing him here in front of him, Spike came to the guilty realization that he was comforted by the older man's pain. In fact, he couldn't help but be glad.

Without saying a word, Spike nodded his head vigorously and allowed the tears to fall freely down his face.

Rupert Giles placed an arm around the boy and pulled him close, holding him as a father does, while he, too, cried.

* * *

Buffy hadn't seen Spike for more than two weeks. He wasn't back at school, and she knew that he had been released from the hospital the previous week. A couple of days ago, movers had come and removed everything from his house. She had asked the truck driver what was going on.

"Well, I'm pretty sure some new renters are moving in, cutie," he replied, smiling suggestively and looking her up and down with a look that made Buffy's skin crawl.

Ever since then, she had been frantic, fearful of having lost her best friend for good.

She called Rupert Giles and explained what she'd learned and what she had surmised of the situation, but he only said that he needed to mull it all over. She had tried contacting him since then and hadn't heard a word.

When she thought about it, she imagined yelling at the older man in frustration. _What more do you need to think about? You have a son that was in an abusive situation. You should've been on your way here as soon as you heard the news._

She thought that maybe she had made a mistake in contacting him, though it was a little late for that thought...and it certainly wasn't helping her frame of mind.

Shifting her thoughts to the house next door, she gazed out the window. Buffy wondered...if she stared and wished long enough, would he would just be there, smiling that forgiving smile? She closed her eyes tight, trying her hardest to shoo this train of thought away when she heard a car door slam. And then another.

Flinging her eyes open, she was immediately stunned by what she saw. It was Spike! It was Spike with…Giles?

It was Spike with Giles!

_Should I go down there? Should I wait? Does he need more time?_ Millions of thoughts surging, all at once, through her mind.

She ran over to the phone on her dresser and quickly dialed the one of the two people she knew would understand. Her fingers raced over the number keys in a pattern she knew by heart.

"Hello?"

"Willow! He's home. He's back. And he's with his dad...his real dad. What do I do?"

"Oh my…h-he's...he's back? Oh, God! I don't know! What should you do?" She asked frantically.

"That's why I called you!" Buffy exclaimed, exasperated. She was pacing in circles, panicked and beginning to feel hysterical.

"Hold on. Let me…" Buffy heard a click followed a second or two of silence, and then the phone started ringing again.

"Hello?"

"Xander, it's Willow! I have Buffy on the line. He's back! He's back and she doesn't know what to do! What should she do? I mean, what should she do?"

"Uh, I don't know. Calm down! Breathe!" Xander waited a beat and continued. "Okay, well, maybe, uh...nothing? I mean, the guy just got home. You should probably give him a second to adjust before going all googly moogly on him."

The girls sighed simultaneously, each sending a questioning glance to the other. He was a guy, should they really be taking his advice?

Hearing their collective inhale, Xander added, "Or not. It's up to you."

Buffy decided she was getting nowhere with these two. "Thanks guys," she said. "See you at school." And with that, she hung up the phone.

She walked back over to the window and stared hard at the house next door. What was a girl to do? With a sudden burst of adrenaline, Buffy took off out of her bedroom, raced down the stairs and out the front door before she was able to give it another thought.

Her confidence grew with every step she took. _Why am I so nervous? This is Will we're talking about?_ Her best friend.

Then her mind — fickle friend that it was — decided to pop up with the scary reminder that while he was her best friend, Spike had taken on a new identity...and they had not even talked for more than two long months.

Shaking off her fears with newfound determination, Buffy marched up the stairs and banged on the front door. She immediately worried that she was coming at this a little too gung-ho, so she knocked again...only slightly gentler this time.

The door creaked open and Buffy froze, expecting to see that handsome blonde head of his and sighing when she saw it was, instead, Mr. Giles holding the door open.

"Hello?" The British man said with a thick accent.

"Um, hi! I'm Buffy, uh, Spike's friend. I talked to you a few weeks ago about the whole…"

"Oh, yes," he interrupted. "Yes! I remember you. What can I help you with, my dear?"

"I was actually hoping to talk to Spike. Is he here by any chance?"

"Hmm, yes. Give me one second." The man shut the door softly.

She waited patiently against the closed entryway for what seemed like an eternity. When the door began to open again she smiled expectantly...only to see once again.

"Well, I'm sorry, dear, he isn't…he isn't really feeling well. Can you come back at a different time? Or...or maybe he'll come around later."

_Ok_, she thought, _maybe he hasn't forgiven me._ She nodded solemnly and walked away.

About halfway to her house she got angry. Turning towards the back yard, Buffy hopped the fence and walked purposefully to Spike's window. She knocked on the window roughly, tapping her pretty painted toes as she waited. She knew he was in there, probably reading a book.

After a few minutes, she knocked again. "Spike!" she whispered rather loudly.

When no one responded, she wiped away a stray tear and huffed off, back to her house, fighting her tears with all that she had.

What she couldn't see, though, was the boy standing just to the left of the the other side of the window, back pressed to the wall and head in his hands as silent sobs tore through his body.

* * *

Spike finally returned to school on the Friday of their junior prom. The vibrantly colored streamers and spirited posters did nothing to liven his mood.

He had done his best to avoid his friends. He just couldn't stand the looks he knew would be on their faces: the pity, the disgust. He had put them through so much. How could he expect them to ever forgive him?

And Buffy…how could she ever forget the hurtful words he spoke to her?

As soon as classes let out, he rushed out the door, desperate to elude any human contact. This time he wasn't so lucky.

"Hey, Captain Peroxide, you're looking a little gloomy. Did somebody's daddy finally give him he what he deserves?"

Spike turned slowly towards the vile voice to come face-to-face with Angel and his gaggle of morons.

"What do you want, Angel?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wanted to see how pathetic you look, bruised and beaten. Karma's a bitch isn't it?"

Spike lifted an eyebrow and chuckled, "Yeah…karma. Look, I don't have time for our usual verbal sparring match, Angel. Why don't you just piss off?"

"Got someplace to be? What else you have to do, Spikey? I know you don't have a date to prom tonight." Angel gave Spike the once over. "I mean, who would want to go with you?"

Spike wasn't up for this today and began to walk away...until he heard Angel continue.

"Certainly not my girl, Buffy."

Spike turned back in the direction of Angel and his crew. "What of Buffy, mate?"

"You hadn't heard? She just can't resist me. After our little incident, she decided that you must be psychotic and came running back to good ol' Angel for comfort." Angel rubbed his crotch crudely. "I'm sure we'll get another go tonight after prom."

Spike rolled back around and took off down the street, not giving two shits about the laughter that rang out behind him.

* * *

Staring at her reflection in the full-length mirror hanging from the bedroom door, Buffy turned in half circles and admired herself. Her long, flowing dress clung to all the right spots and her strappy sandals were just the perfect matching shade of red. Her blonde hair was swept up in an elegant bun with a few stray curls framing her face, which was done up to the best of her ability. She just knew she looked amazing.

Since the night she had braved the trip to Spike's door, she had returned two additional times...each time denied a visit with Spike by the polite Mr. Giles.

She was, however, able to talk with Giles, Spike's biological dad. As it turned out, the two British males had spent those weeks after Spike's hospital discharge getting things figured out legally. They had done a court-ordered DNA test and received irrefutable proof that Rupert Giles was Spike's real father.

After spending the week getting to know his son, Giles had determined that it would be best for Spike to remain in Sunnydale — and after speaking with Liam's disgruntled landlord, Giles signed a lease and took over renting the home.

Buffy was happy for her friend. If Giles was anything like he seemed, Spike would finally get the devoted father he had always deserved...and she was grateful that she could help give that to him.

Now if only he would let her back in.

She was surprised to find that, even amidst what felt like utter chaos, life continued to go on around her, The school had been positively abuzz in anticipation of the junior prom, but she'd been pretty adamant about not attending. Willow and Xander had eventually worn her down, though, and talked her into joining them at the dance.

The main reason she'd eventually agreed was to keep herself distracted from all Spike-related thoughts. As she admired the work she'd put into getting ready, she longed for the days before any of this drama had happened, when she'd get excited to dress up and dance with all her friends. Now it all just felt forced, and she knew she was only doing it to keep her mind occupied.

It seemed like there were so much more important things to worry about, and this stupid dance was not one of them. But she also knew her mother would be disappointed if she didn't go, and she would just be moping in her room anyways. So she'd acquiesced.

Turning her heel so she could admire the way the shoes made her calves look, she drew her eyes back up her ensemble another time.

Yeah, she looked good. She looked damn good.

And maybe she would even have some fun.

* * *

Spike stared out the window at Buffy's house. He knew he deserved nothing more than for her to forget about him. Hell, he had been ignoring her attempts to contact him for a good while now. He just hated that he'd lost her to that ponce, Angel .She deserved so much better. He wouldn't treat her the way a girl like Buffy should be treated.

Spike watched as a limo pulled up outside of Buffy's house, then stared in awe as she walked out onto the front pathway. Her parents quickly followed after her.

Spike's breath caught — he thought he felt his heart stop for a few beats — and he couldn't help but gaze with purely male appreciation of her beauty. She looked radiant in her dress. Then again she always looked lovely in his eyes.

But he refused to watch her take pictures with that ponce.

Instead, he moved away from the window and sat down with his box full of memories, digging out the pictures from the last six years and smiling at what used to be between him and Buffy.

Spike lost himself in the memories...Buffy smiling through the grass at him...her face as he showed her how to fish...the lot of them posing together before their 8th grade dance. He had no idea how long he sat and stared at those pictures, replaying the moments with perfect clarity in his head.

With a heavy sigh, he placed the photos back into the box and then the box back into the drawer. It was dark outside now, and with the darkness came a shroud of loneliness. Feeling stuffy and claustrophobic inside the confines of his bedroom, Spike lifted his window, climbed outside and headed towards the treehouse he and Buffy had spent so much time in together when they were younger.

When he reached the top he sat, legs hanging, and turned on the radio that they'd hidden in the corner. With the music playing, he stared across Sunnydale and got lost again in a torrent of his memories. He heard the song end...and then _theirs_ began to play. Spike closed his eyes, took another deep breath and willed himself to let go.

He didn't notice the girl moving cautiously towards him.

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

He jumped as he felt a tiny hand on his shoulder. Turned toward the intruder, his jaw dropped as he realized it was Buffy staring back at him. She smiled her knowing smile and slowly sat next to him, taking a moment to adjust her dress.

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I've got to where I am_

"Buffy, I…" He stopped talking when she held up her palm to shush him.

He watched her slowly reach for his hand, noticing how Buffy seemed to relax a little bit as soon as he let her lace her fingers with his.

_But these stories don't mean anything _

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_It's true_

_I was made for you_

An avalanche of words seemed to fall from Buffy's lips. "Before you say anything, I need you to know how truly sorry I am for my part in all this. I never meant to push you. I should have known you were having a hard time dealing with finding out about Giles. I wasn't thinking…"

_I climbed across the mountaintops_

_Swam all across the ocean blue_

"Don't, Buffy," he replied. "You don't need to apologize to me. This whole thing, luv, it's all my fault. I didn't mean what I said the other week. You know me better than anyone in the bloody world does. I am so sorry for hurting you. I love you, Buffy. I hope you know that."

_Crossed all the line and broke all the rules_

_And baby I broke them all for you_

She nodded and whispered anxiously, "Did you mean what you said...when you said you were in love with me?"

_Because even when I was flat broke_

_You made me feel like a million bucks_

He gulped and after he considered for a second, deciding that the truth was the best way to go. He nodded back at her...then was confused when tears began to fall from her eyes.

_You do_

_I was made for you_

"I love you too, Will. I mean, I'm in love with you. I think I've always been and I was just too dumb to notice until it was too late."

Spike could do nothing but stare back at her in shock before she was throwing her arms around his neck.

She loved him. She was in love with him. But how could someone like Buffy be in love with a dope like him?

_You see the smile that's on my mouth_

_It's hiding the words that don't come out_

As she tightened her arms around him, he felt his initial shock begin to fade away. He let his arms relax around her and hid his face in her neck, taking in that amazing Buffy smell.

_All of our friends that think that I am blessed_

_They don't know my head is a mess_

When Buffy pulled back, he feared she was already regretting her words, but the thought was wiped from his mind as she gently pressed her lips onto his. Once _that_ surprise wore off, he allowed his lips move with hers as their first kiss grew in intensity, becoming something far more than either of them had ever experienced before.

_No, they don't who I really am_

_And they don't know what I've been through _

_Like you do_

_I was made for you_

When they finally separated, Buffy was in his lap, arms still wrapped around his neck. Both teenagers were wearing goofy smiles on their face.

Spike was the first to speak up. "What about, Angel?"

Buffy gave him a confused look, her brows scrunched together. "What about him?"

"I thought you were together?"

Buffy moved out of Spike's lap to sit next to him. "What? Oh, my God, no. I would never get back with that ass after what how he acted...after…"

Spike cupped her chin and tilted her head until she was looking back into his eyes. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, luv."

"I know, I just wish that it could have been…" He stopped her with a gentle kiss to the lips.

"I know," he said, drawing back and gazing deep into her eyes. "Me, too."

They both turned their heads towards the Sunnydale skyline, taking in the beauty of the city, the moment, the way they were feeling. Hands melded together, Buffy leaned her head on Spike's shoulder.

With a small voice, she said, "So, um, does this mean we are officially an item?"

"Do you want to be, pet?" Spike drew his lips up into a cocky smile, and though she couldn't see him, it was reflected in his voice.

She giggled at his newfound confidence and whispered, "More than anything."

_All of these lines across my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I've been_

_And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything_

_When you've got no one to tell them to_

_Its true_

_I was made for you_

* * *

Don't forget to review! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3 Part 1

"Spike! God, yes! Please…Oh my god. Please. I….need…to…Ahhhh…"

Spike grinned from ear to ear as he looked up to see Buffy desperately gripping the sheets, head thrown back in passion, eyes squeezed shut, and that pert little mouth in the shape of an O.

When her eyes opened, she propped up on her forearms and smiled lazily at him. "You're amazing." She mumbled before closing her eyes, lying back down, and running her fingers through his platinum hair.

"Not me, love. You are just so damn tasty."

"Eew! Freak!" She teased and sat up clumsily. Grasping Spikes head gently in her hands, she brought him up for a passionate kiss, caressing his mouth with her tongue and secretly enjoying the taste of herself on his lips.

Buffy playfully tossed his head back and maneuvered around him. "Ok, we have got to go! I'm sure the gang is all waiting for us."

Spike chuckled and got up, straightening out his black shirt as he walked up behind his woman who was fixing her hair in the mirror. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and leaned so close his lips were almost touching her ear. As they looked at each other in the mirror, he whispered, "Y' look beautiful, pet."

She rolled her eyes at him and turned to give him a quick kiss. Smiling she said, "Less talky, more walky."

Spike couldn't help but laugh as he followed behind her. Holding her hand gently in his, they made their way to The Bronze.

* * *

"They been doing that the whole time you guys have been here?" Buffy gestured to Xander and Anya making out across the table from Willow.

Willow shrugged, smiling brightly and responded, "Kinda sorta. I've tried not to pay much attention."

Spike held out a chair for Buffy to sit in before taking a seat of his own. Looking at Willow, he chuckled. "Yeah, it might be easier to ignore if we didn't have the sound effects to go along with the visual. I mean, who kisses that loudly?"

Buffy lifted and eyebrow and smirked. "I don't know, Spike. You sounded pretty sloppy earlier."

Blushing, Spike gave her a cocky grin while Willow sent them a disgusted look from across the table. "Do I even want to know?"

The couple laughed and turned their heads to the stage as live music began to flow through the building. Spotting their friend, Oz, on the guitar, they gave him a wave. Their currently blue-haired friend smirked back at them and continued with his routine.

"Loving Oz's new hair color, Wills."

Willow smiled a dreamy smile and whispered. "Yeah, it's pretty great isn't it? I mean, he could look good with any hair color…or in anything…or on anything. Mmmm. Yeah, he's just…yeah."

"We getcha, Red. No need to get all hot and bothered." Spike said, laughing when he noticed the blush creeping up Willows face.

Willow had been dating Oz for the past month now and, so far, Buffy and Spike think he was the perfect complement to Willows bubbly personality. When she started to spazz and become frantic, it was his trademark calm that kept her feet grounded. If her insecurities got the best of her, it was his quiet confidence that convinced her to perservere. Not to mention she was absolutely enamored with him.

Turning towards the other guests at their table, Spike gave Xander a shake, disrupting the makeout fest he was currently wrapped up in. The girl Xander currently was wound around, Anya Jenkins, was Xander's first…well, everything. Now that Xander has discovered the pleasure of girls it seems like they were never apart. Frankly, it was getting a little old to Buffy. Spike on the other hand found it rather amusing.

"Hey, old buddy. Do you have any time for your old mates?" Spike laughed as Xander shot him an irritated look.

"Would you like to make out with me then, Bleach Boy?" Xander teased, gruffly.

Anya, never one to blush, quickly spoke up, feeling slightly insulted and confused. "No! My Xander! How could you even offer those delectable lips to anyone other than me, Pookie Bear?" Anya asked with a pout.

Willow and Buffy rolled their eyes at the newest pet name Anya had dubbed Xander with, both stifling a giggle at Xander's exasperated tone. "I wasn't serious, Ahn."

Anya smiled and smoothed back her curly blonde hair behind her ear. "Oh. Ok, then. Spike! Buffy! When did you guys get here?"

The table laughed once again at Anya's apparent air-headedness. "What?" She asked, confused.

"Nothing, Anya. We actually just got here a couple of minutes ago." Buffy conceded.

"Oh. Well, hi!"

Xander sighed and shook his head. "Drinks anyone?"

The girls at the table all nodded yes and Spike pushed in his seat, standing with Xander.

"I'll go with you, mate." Spike said before giving Buffy a quick peck on the cheek and following his friend to the bar.

Buffy couldn't help but stare as Spike walked away with all the swagger an 18 year old could muster. While Spike had been her best friend for almost 9 years now, they'd only been dating for 4 months. When they'd confessed their feelings to each other, though, and mutually agreed to pursue a relationship, it was as if they'd been together for years. They'd gone from best friends to utterly inseparable lovers in no time flat.

The urgency of their courtship didn't bother Buffy though.

While her mother was concerned about the seriousness of their relationship, Buffy knew the way that she felt about Spike was real, the realest thing she had ever felt. Sure, they were both young, but they were each other's world, and both teens knew that their relationship was meant for the long run.

Looking away from her boyfriend with a faraway smile, Buffy focused her attention on her two friends left at the table. Anya was rambling on as Willow nodded distractedly. Glancing in the direction of Willows gaze, Buffy was not surprised to find that it was directed at Oz on the stage.

Buffy really liked Oz and she was truly happy for her friend. She was happy for both of her friends, actually – both Xander and Willow – although it was hard not to acknowledge that Anya could get pretty annoying at times. She wanted both of her friends to find what she had with Spike. They deserved it.

Noticing Anya jump up and walk away from the table, Buffy shot Willow a confused look.

Shaking her head as if to clear her mind from its Oz-centered reverie, Willow said, "Oh, um, I think she said something about seeing what's taking the boys so long."

"Oh, ok. They are taking a while, huh?"

"Probably just talking. You know how Spike and Xander get." Willow rolled her eyes knowingly.

Buffy nodded, mimicked Willow's eye roll and then aimed a sly smile at her friend. "So, I see you just can't take your eyes off the blue-haired man across the room."

Willow blushed and nodded. "Yeah, I could look at him forever," she admitted wistfully, her eyes drifting back to the stage and to the guitarist with cobalt tresses who was performing there. Turning back to Buffy she admitted, "I've never felt like this before, Buff. It's like while I wasn't looking everything stopped and rearranged itself around him. Almost as if my whole world revolves around him now." She looked down at the table and then back up at Oz before she continued. "The thing that surprises me most is that I actually like it."

Buffy nodded her understanding, privately agreeing with her friend before placing a loving hand on Willows arms. "I'm happy for you, Wills."

Willows smiled and then turned her attention back to the stage. Meanwhile, Spike and the others made their way back to the table. Tenderly she whispered, "He's absolutely magnificent."

Staring adoringly at Spike as he walked with their friends back to the table, Buffy couldn't help but agree. "Yeah, yeah he is."

* * *

"I just hate how she throws herself all over you, ya know?" Buffy roared at Spike later that night as he drove them home.

"I know, pet. For what it's worth I hate it too, and I don't let that barmy bitch think that her behavior is ok by any means." Spike assured Buffy as he returned his focus to the street.

Buffy sighed, uncrossed her arms, and forced herself to relax slightly at Spikes reassurance. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I know, babe. I just hate Harmony with a freakin' passion."

Spike chuckled. Without budging his gaze from the road, he stretched his arm across the seat and slipped his hand into hers. They drove like that for a few minutes, holding hands and staring forward in comfortable silence until the car in front of them stopped short, forcing Spike to also brake quickly. As the De Soto came to an abrupt halt, Buffy stretched in her seat, curious to what the holdup was. Extending before them in the darkness was a long line of cars leading to red and blue flashing lights.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Spike complained. "It's almost midnight and there's traffic in Sunnydale?"

Stretching further in her seat as she strained to see ahead, Buffy worriedly looked over at Spike. "I think it's a wreck?"

Buffy watched as Spike put the car in park and stepped out. Not one to be left behind, Buffy quickly followed. "Where are you going?"

"Going to find out what's going on. They might need help, anyways."

"Help? Obviously the ambulance and cops are here already. I doubt either of us could help. Plus, I just have a bad feeling about this. Let's just go back to the car and find another way home." Buffy shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, as she picked up her pace to match Spikes hasty stride.

"I'm sorry, luv. It'll just take one second. I don't like ignoring things like this."

Knowing there was no persuading him, Buffy begrudging let go of the subject of turning back.

As they reached their destination, Buffy couldn't help but grimace at the scene playing out before them. It appeared as if the person driving one vehicle had run a red light and collided with another vehicle, sending both cars flying into the light pole across the way. Glass and plastic littered the street and the now bent light pole flickered and sparked above the mess. The car that had run the red light looked like a mess, but the other car was a mangled mess and she doubted that anyone in that car could even have made it out alive.

Buffy's lip quaked in fear and she quickly bit it to cover her fright. Eyes looking to Spike, Buffy didn't honestly know if she wanted to find out the outcome of this wreck.

Spike looked around, concern wracking his face for whoever had been involved in this obviously gruesome wreck. Wrapping his arms around Buffy, Spike gave her a quick kiss, sensing her anxiety and need for reassurance. He squeezed her shoulders and assured her he'd be right back, then walked away from his love, trying to get a closer look at the wreckage. He was almost immediately stopped by a police officer who had been scanning the perimeter of the scene.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot go any further."

"O-Okay. I just…did everyone make it out alright?"

The officer looked down sadly and shook his head. "Unfortunately not everyone survived."

Spike grimaced and whispered as the officer walked away, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Not noticing that another driver had stepped up next to him, Spike jumped when he heard another male voice respond. "Yeah, I just talked to that other cop," the man gestured toward another officer who was standing to the side of the wreckage conversing on his walkie-talkie. "Apparently some drunk teens wrecked into a car with a family inside. From what I can gather, there were only three survivors. The two teens and the father…I think they said his name was Daniel Hose or Holtz or something like that. Did you know 'em?"

Spike shook his head and then watched as the other man shrugged dismissively and walked back to a car parked just behind the De Soto. Following him, Spike drifted slowly back to Buffy, who was still frozen in the exact spot he had left her. He wrapped his arms around her again and pressed his lips against her temple. Spike closed his eyes and drew in a breath, taking in her scent and trying to absorb everything about her.

"Let's go home." He whispered as he withdrew his arms and pulled Buffy towards the car.

* * *

The next Monday, the school was abuzz with rumors of the accident. Buffy, Spike, Willow, and Oz sat somberly at their table, none of them knowing what to say. They'd all heard stories about drunk drivers on the news, but it had never happened so close to any of them. They hadn't driven the same route and had missed the traffic holdup, so Willow and Oz had listened attentively as Spike gave them the details of what he knew. Afterwards, the table had been relatively silent, each teen lost in their own thoughts on how such a horrific event could happen in their little town.

The quiet was interrupted with a bang on the table, though, and all four heads shot up as Xander slammed his tray down. Anya was huffing dramatically behind him.

"You are not going to believe this." Xander spoke with wide eyes.

"What are you going on about, Poncey-boy?" Spike grumbled.

Xander sat down across from Spike and looking at his friends he said, "Ok, so I was standing in line with Anya when I overheard Harmony and Gunn talking about the accident from last night. You'll never believe this but it was…"

"Angel; Angel and Darla." Anya interrupted, causing Xander to sigh dramatically and give her a disgruntled look.

"Thanks, Ahn." Xander rolled his eyes before continuing. "Anyway, they were the ones who wrecked into the Holtz family. Apparently, they were caught with some kind of pills and their blood alcohol level was like a .3 or something like that."

"A .3? That's, like, way over the limit. I mean, not even considering they are, like, 18 years old." Willow shrilled. "Definitely of the bad."

"Wow, man. Wow." Oz breathed. Then he shrugged. "I have to say, though, it doesn't really surprise me. Not with the way those two are." After Oz's admission, everyone nodded somberly in agreement.

Buffy couldn't help but notice how quiet Spike was. She could see in his eyes that there was more going on than just sympathy for the dead. Leaning towards him, she grabbed his hand and said, "Spike, will you come with me to get another milk?"

He gave her a curious look before getting up and following her. Stepping out of the cafeteria, Buffy pulled Spike to the side.

"You ok?" She whispered as she ran her knuckles through the stray hairs that poked through near his temples.

Spike shut his eyes and opened them again, seemingly relaxing some as he gazed into Buffy's knowing eyes.

"I just…well, pet, it could've been me. Back when I was out of my mind. I was just like that; drinking, getting high, driving around town with my girl. Before you saved me, that was who I was, and I can't shake this feeling that in another world, another time, that could have been me who killed those kids and that man's wife." He shuddered and looked down at his hands. "That could have been me with the blood on my hands."

Spike's trembling continued, and Buffy quickly drew him into her arms, burying her head near his heart. "It wasn't you though, Will. It wasn't you." She whispered encouragingly and caressed his back. "It never was. It never will be. What happened, it was horrible, but you had no part in it. No matter who you used to be, you have to realize that."

He nodded, hiding his head in Buffy's hair, taking comfort in the scent of the vanilla shampoo that washed over him. "I know, luv. I know."

Picking his head up, Spike pulled Buffy's lips towards his, and not caring who saw, shared a passionate kiss until the bell signaling the end of first lunch broke them apart.

* * *

Buffy and Spike had walked home together every day since the 5th grade, and today was no different. They had spent the entire trip in silence, walking hand in hand towards Buffy's front door. When Buffy reached for the knob, Spike stopped and let go of Buffy's other hand, turning away from her instead of joining the petite blonde as she walked over the threshold and into the house.

"Spike?" Buffy questioned as she turned back towards him.

Spike smiled reassuringly, leaned towards Buffy, and whispered, "I'll be over later. Got some stuff to take care of first, pet."

Without even thinking about it, Buffy extended her lower lip into her signature pout, provoking a hearty laugh from Spike.

"Look at that lip. Gonna bite it." He joked, leaning forward and capturing the sexy bit of flesh seductively between his teeth before giving her a sensuous kiss.

"I'll be over later, luv, I swear it." He repeated sweetly, then turned and walked towards his home.

Sighing with acceptance, Buffy made her way through the front door. As soon as she took her hand off the knob, she could feel that something was off. Swinging the door open cautiously, Buffy walked into the foyer. As if she had flipped a switch with her presence, the yelling began.

"How could you, Hank?" A crashing sound echoed through the home. Buffy guessed it was from something being thrown across the room.

"How could you do this to us, to our girls, to our family?" Buffy slowly walked towards the sounds of her mother's desperate voice, which had now broken off into sobs.

"Joyce, calm down, the girls will hear you."

"You think they won't find out? That they won't get their sweet hearts broken? It'll be hard enough for them once they find out about the divorce, but to find out their father's a cheating ass with a baby on the way? That'll just do wonders for them, won't it Hank?"

Buffy hovered at the doorway, just outside of her parents' range of sight. Her mother's words had frozen her in place, and Buffy stood, replaying them over and over again.

"Mommy?" Buffy heard a small voice behind her, gasping as she realized her little sister, Dawn, must have gotten home and into the house without her noticing. Buffy's heart broke as she watched her sister walk in a daze past her, tears streaming silently down her face.

Reaching out, Buffy gently grasped her sister's arm but was angrily shaken off. Buffy watched as Dawn made her way to her parents, who now stood, wide-eyed, in the kitchen. Joyce's face bore a pained expression as she realized what had just occurred. Unknowingly, and in the cruelest of ways, her children had just been told the harsh truth of what was to come: the abrupt end of their parents' marriage and so much more.

"Dawnie? Buffy?" her mother sobbed.

Hank took a few steps towards the girls before running his hands anxiously through his hair and whispering, "I'm sorry, girls. We didn't want you to find out this way."

Dawn's shrill reply rang through the house. "Find out this way? You didn't want us to find out this way? We shouldn't have to find out at all! We should be a normal family who loves each other and stays together. Our parents shouldn't be getting a divorce." As she continued, her voice became more of a shriek. "Our…D-Dad shouldn't be with other woman or having babies with other people. THAT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN!"

Joyce quickly moved past Hank and wrapped her arms around Dawn as the girl shook with grief and anger. Dawn, however, reacted by stiffening and then pushed away from her mother, turning and running loudly up the stairs.

Both adults nervously turned their eyes towards their oldest daughter.

"Buffy…" her father began before being cut off by Buffy, silent until that moment.

"How could you?" She raspily whispered. Without another look, she turned on her heel and followed Dawn up the stairs.

As soon as she cleared the room, she heard her parents continue their argument in harsh whispers. _I guess they think that's better than screaming. _Shaking herself from her thoughts, Buffy passed her own bedroom and knocked softly on Dawn's door.

"Dawnie? It's me, can I come-" Before she could finish her question, Dawn threw the door open and pulled Buffy inside.

Once in the room Dawn wrapped her arms around her sister's waist and pushed her face into Buffy's shoulder. The younger girl sobbed deeply, leaving a giant wet spot on the front of her older sister's shirt. Pushing her own fear and heartache down, Buffy reached out to shut the door and moved her sister towards the bed, sitting them both down at the edge.

Dawns cries resonated through the room, the pain in her wails matching Buffy's silent ones. Buffy ran her hands through her sister's hair quietly, closing her eyes and wishing that Spike would come rescue them from this anguish.

* * *

An hour after Buffy walked in on her parents life-changing fight, Spike was walking unknowingly towards her door with a small box in his hands. Lifting his hand to knock, Spike froze at the sounds of Joyce sobbing and Hank yelling. Pressing an ear close to the door, Spike listened.

"I may have fucked up, Joyce, but you…YOU… are the one who just traumatized our girls. Listen to Dawnie crying up there. That's your fault! YOURS!" Spike heard a slam, as if Hank was pounding his palm on a table to emphasize his words.

Joyce sobbed loudly as Spike backed away from the door and made his way towards his tree near Buffy's window. Stopping at Buffy's bedroom window, Spike opened it slowly and gazed into her room. She wasn't there, but Spike slipped in anyways and walked out into the hallway. He listened for a moment and realized he could hear the sounds of crying down the hall. Spike walked swiftly to Dawn's room and entered.

As soon as he stepped in the room, he saw Buffy laying on the bed with her arms wrapped around a weeping Dawn. He could see his girl was hurting, tears rolling silently down her cheeks, but all that obviously mattered to her right now was her sister.

Walking on silent feet towards the two prone girls, Spike slipped into the bed and pushed himself against Buffy's side. He gently wrapped his arm around them both, confused by what was going on but needing to comfort these two important women in his life.

He felt Buffy relax slightly and heard her take a raspy breath before cuddling Dawn and herself closer into Spike's embrace. Although he didn't know it, the feel of him next to her was enough to calm the ache in Buffy's heart, at least for this moment.

As soon as she felt Dawn go limp on her arm, Buffy motioned for Spike to move and maneuvered her way from her sister as gently as possible so as to not wake her. The two teenagers stood from the younger girl's bed and, reaching for Spike's hand, Buffy pulled him towards her room. Once there, she closed the door softly behind them before throwing her arms around his neck and letting all the pain she had locked away since this afternoon explode from within.

"Shhh…There, there, pet." Spike rubbed Buffy's back gently and crooned softly. "Spike's here. I'm here for you, baby."

Spike could feel the sobs racking Buffy's little body, but he had yet to hear her make a sound. Deeply concerned for his lover and best friend, Spike pulled Buffy to the bed and pushed on her shoulders so she would bend her knees and sit down. Gingerly unwrapping her arms from around his back, but keeping her hands enveloped in his, he knelt in front of her so that they were eye level.

"Buffy, sweetness. Tell me what's wrong, luv. What the bloody hell's got you like this?"

Sniffling, Buffy nodded her head and squeezed Spike's fingers, appreciating the calm he seemed to pass through his skin as he held her hands firmly in his. She took a breath before explaining. "When I got home today, my parents were fighting. I…I guess they didn't hear me or see me, because they kept screaming things at each other, horrible things." She stopped and squeezed her eyes shut, recalling the memory of her parents' argument as Spike squeezed her hand, silently offering her comfort and encouraging her to go on.

"They're getting a divorce, Spike, which is bad enough, but apparently Dad's been cheating on Mom with another woman, too. And well…well, he is having a baby with her." The last part she whispered quietly, ashamed of her father and his wicked deeds.

Spike was stunned, to say the least. Granted, he had known for a while that things weren't perfect in paradise for Joyce and Hank. Buffy's father was always going out of town for "conferences" or "working late," and Spike had had a strange feeling that Hank had been seeing another woman. He'd never knew for sure, though, and had never mentioned it to Buffy, not wanting to cause her any unnecessary worry or heartache.

It wasn't the affair or the divorce that hit Spike the hardest. The fact that Hank was actually having a baby with this other woman was what really blew his mind.

Poor Joyce.

Poor Dawn.

_Poor Buffy. _

With his last thought, Spike wrapped his arms around his love and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, luv. Look, this may be a sodding stupid question, but how are you feeling about this? Buffy?"

She didn't answer right away, and he could feel her shrug her shoulders before he heard her muffled response. "I don't know. I know my heart hurts, mainly for my Mom and for Dawnie." She took a deep breath, which seemed to give her strength to continue speaking. "And I'm angry that Dad would do something like this to them…to us. But mostly I'm just scared. I'm scared because I don't know what's going to happen now. Things are going to change, Spike. I just…I don't know how, and that scares me."

She started crying again, and Spike drew her closer to his body, holding her more tightly and hoping as he enveloped her against himself that maybe he could absorb some of her pain…her fear. He hated seeing her feel like this. His Buffy was always so strong, so confident. He had seen her heartbroken. He had seen her upset. But he had never seen anything affect her this strongly.

It worried him that he wasn't quite sure how to make it all better.

* * *

It didn't take long for Joyce to kick Hank out of the house. One week, to be exact.

And while Hank's absence caused Dawn heartache, to Buffy, it was more of a relief. She just couldn't stand the sight of him, knowing what he did and how little he obviously thought of his family to do such a thing.

She tried to distract herself by wrapping herself even tighter around Spike. They'd spent most of the last two weeks at Spike's house, Giles having replaced Spike's deadbeat of a dad, which made the house seem much more welcoming. Buffy grudgingly acknowledged that she should be there for her mother now more than ever, but she just couldn't stand the pain she saw in her eyes.

For that reason, she had already talked to Spike about staying at his house for the weekend. They hadn't actually spent the night together since they started dating; Hank had swiftly put his foot down on that issue. With the present state of affairs, however, Buffy could care less what Hank thought about what she did. Plus, Giles didn't mind it as long as they left the door open.

As she placed a change of clothes and some other odds and ends into her small floral backpack, Buffy listened as Dawn whined behind her.

"But Buffy! BUFFY!" Dawn slapped at her older sister's shoulder to distract her from packing a pair of socks she'd just taken out of a dresser drawer. "You can't just leave me here. It's so….awkward now…with M-Mom. I just…you're my Buffer! Haha…get it?" Dawns forced laughter faded as she noticed Buffy's pensive face.

"I'm sorry, Dawnie. I really am. I just need a break from all this. Maybe you can try and stay over at Jenna's tonight?"

Dawn glared angrily at her sister. "I don't want to go to Jenna's. I want YOU to stay with me. HERE."

Buffy threw the backpack over her shoulder and gave Dawn a quick kiss on the cheek before looking carefully into her eyes. She noticed a tinge of desperation in her younger sister's face and immediately began second-guessing her decision to stay at Spike's.

"Is it that important to you, Dawn? I mean, I can call Spike and…" Buffy let her voice trail off, waiting for Dawn to respond.

Noting the defeat in Buffy's eyes, Dawn sighed and her body deflated. Acquiescing, she took another breath and spoke timidly. "No…no…never mind. Go on, I'll be fine here. Maybe I will call Jenna."

"Thanks Dawnie!" Buffy's relief was palpable as she smiled sweetly at her sister before making her way towards the stairs.

"And where do you think you're going, young lady?" Joyce's voice was firm.

Buffy froze. _Yeah, maybe I should have asked Mom first._ She had been trying so hard to avoid her that it had just slipped her mind. Cautiously, she turned toward her mother and struggled to drum up a smile, realizing that it was taken most of her strength to cook one up.

"Just going to stay over at Spike's for the weekend. I just needed a…break."

Anger flared in her mothers eyes. "A break? I don't think so, Buffy. You may be 18 years old, but you still live in my house, young lady."

Buffy's eyes flashed with temper as her forced smile shifted into a deep scowl. "Are you serious, Mom? You don't think that maybe your kids need some space after all that's happened?"

"I-I…" Joyce took a steadying breath. "I know you girls are going through a lot right now with…everything…and well, I…, no, Buffy, I still don't want you staying the night over there. You could get pregnant!"

"Pregnant? PREGNANT?!" Buffy no longer cared that she had lost control of her temper and was shrieking at her mother. "I can take care of myself, Mother. I've been on birth control since I started my freakin' period, or did you forget amongst all your drama?"

"Buffy Anne Summers! Watch your mouth."

"You know what, Mom? Forget about it. Forget about the fact that this is affecting us too. Forget that I can barely stand looking at you anymore. Forget how it feels like utter…sadness surrounds this place. None of that matters though…right? Go back into your depression and let me and Dawn heal all by ourselves since you can't be bothered with what we are going through right now. Right, MOM?"

Her mother's eyes widened at Buffy's anger and harsh words. All she could do was point her finger up the stairs, signaling for the girl to go to her room.

Pursing her lips, Buffy raced to her room. Slamming the door shut, she slid to the ground, tears threatening to fall as her mind raced. How could she say those things to her mom? Buffy knew that she should have asked her and that her mom had every right to tell her she couldn't stay over there. Then why did she say such hurtful things? Why did she let all her anger about the situation out on her mom?

_God, poor Mom,_ Buffy thought sadly, but her pride refused to let her go back downstairs and apologize. Her emotions were just too much for her. Buffy needed to get out of this house, desperately.

Grabbing her discarded bag again, Buffy ran to the window, opened it softly, and climbed out. She needed Spike. She needed Spike, _NOW_.

Unable to handle even the shortest conversation with a polite Giles, Buffy bypassed the front door and snuck around the house to Spike's bedroom window. Peering in through the glass, she saw him sitting up against his headboard, ankles crossed and a book in his hands. Without giving it a second thought, Buffy threw open the window sash and climbed in.

* * *

Spike had been staring at the same page for 30 minutes now. His dad had just told him that Angel was being charged with manslaughter for the death of the Holtz family. Darla, on the other hand, would go uncharged legally, but she was destined to suffer an equally worse sentence nonetheless. The snarky blonde was now laying in a coma at Sunnydale General.

The whole situation still rattled Spike. He had been so careless for so many months, acting out on impule and not giving a damn who he hurt. It could have so easily been him in Angel's and Darla's shoes. In fact, that is what boggled his mind the most. _Why did this happen to them? How did I get away with all the same stuff, while a teen now faced jail time and another lay practically dead in a coma?_ While he was grateful that he had never been presented with a situation like theirs, he felt like he got off too easily. It was a miracle that something like that had never happened to him.

A miracle named Buffy.

The thought of his girl immediately calmed his nerves. He closed his eyes as a familiar warmth spread over his body and then shook his head to regain focus on his novel.

Not long after he finally flipped to the next page, the window flew open. Spike looked up quickly from his book in shock. "B-Buffy?" He jumped out of bed and quickly sped over to her, taking her bag and turning her towards him. "What's wrong?"

Seeing the tears in her eyes and that lower lip tremble, Spike wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her towards him. "Aw, come on now, luv. Out with it. What happened?"

She pulled away, looking deeply into his blue eyes that so resembled ice yet held such warmth. "I can't…not now. I just…love me, Spike. Please…" Before he could register her words, Buffy pressed her lips firmly against his.

Knowing just what his girl needed, Spike slid his hands down to her pert behind and picked her up. She quickly wrapped her legs around him as their lips, tongues, and hands met fervently.

Walking blindly, Spike stopped as he felt the dresser in front of him. Placing Buffy gently on top of the dresser, he pulled away briefly to undo his (rather annoying at the moment) pants. As he fumbled with the button, Buffy ran her tongue along his neck, stopping at his ear and nibbling just the way he liked.

Letting out a moan, Spike expertly slid Buffy's sweat shorts and lacey little panties aside as he found her tight entrance. Pulling back, Spike looked into her eyes, wondering briefly, what was going on with his sweet girl.

Eyes closed and head thrown back, Buffy moaned, "Now, Spike. I need you, baby. I need you, now."

Without another thought, Spike entered her in one swift motion, and for the next several moments, all was right with the world.

* * *

"I don't think that dish can get any cleaner, Mom."

Joyce jumped at the sound of her youngest daughter's voice before looking down at the plate she had been scrubbing for quite some time now. Setting the saucer to the side, Joyce walked across the room to the girl.

Reaching a hand towards her youngest, and before changing her mind, Joyce whispered, "Are you ok, Dawn? I know I haven't…well, I haven't really asked you girls. I just…" Shaking her head back and forth Joyce continued, "I have no excuse. No matter how hard it's been for me, I am still your mother. I should have been there for you. I want to be there now."

Dawn's face scrunched as a sob emerged and she desperately wrapped her arms around her mother, burying herself in her mother's bosom, feeling like a baby again. Her mother wasted no time to wrap her own arms around the weeping girl. Tears of her own leaked from Joyce's eyes as she held her daughter close, and Joyce could only hope that the talk she planned to later have with Buffy started out as well.

For several minutes, Joyce and Dawn embraced, the younger girl sobbing as her mother whispered soft words of encouragement. The worst of the crying finally abated, and with a few last sniffles, Dawn pulled back and looked into her mother's eyes. "Can I sleep with you tonight, Mommy?"

"Of course, my precious girl." Giving Dawn a soft kiss on her forehead, Joyce turned away, "I just need to talk to your sister first. I can't sleep with the way things ended earlier."

With a swift nod, Dawn raced upstairs to get ready for bed. Listening for her youngest to make it to her room, Joyce steeled herself for the talk she was about to have with her oldest child. Buffy's words had been disrespectful and hurt terribly, but Joyce had to admit that they rang true. She was neglecting her kids while wallowing in her own grief.

Lost in thought, Joyce found herself in front of Buffy's door without realizing she'd emerged from Dawn's room. Taking a deep breath, Joyce knocked. "Buffy? Buffy, honey, can I come in?"

Joyce waited a few seconds, picturing her angry daughter boldly ignoring her with her headphones blaring in her ears. "I'm coming in, Honey."

Letting the door open, Joyce slipped inside, prepared to face the irate teenager. When all she found was an empty room, her heart sank.

* * *

_BANG. BANG. BANG._

Joyce's knuckles rapped loudly on Spike's door and tears poured down her face as she considered the situation she found herself in. She'd made a mistake and had wanted to apologize for it, but she also needed to be a mother now. Her daughter had snuck out! Actually snuck out! And to her boyfriend's, no less.

Lifting her hand to pound on the door again, she jumped back in surprise as the threshold opened and a rather handsome man stood across the doorway with a look on his face that went from rather annoyed to unexpectedly smoldering.

"Oh…um, I'm sorry…Mr. Giles, right? You're William's father?"

Nodding, his handsome face immediately relaxed. Mr. Giles began speaking, and his soft British voice washed around her in waves.

"Yes, Mrs. Summers, isn't it?" When she nodded, he continued. "Please, call me Rupert. Why don't you come in?" He motioned with his arm and ushered the woman inside his home. "Everything all right on the home front?"

Following Giles…erm, Rupert, inside, Joyce took a seat at the edge of a lounge chair in his living room, briefly forgetting why she was here. Looking around the house, Joyce was astounded at the difference this man had made to the home she hadn't been in since Liam, William's…well, since Liam, lived here.

For starters, everything was noticeably clean and tidy. Framed photos on the walls gave the home warmth, a vase of flowers over the mantle sprinkled a touch of cheer and the books lining the shelves gave the home depth. As Rupert came back with a cup of tea in his hand, Joyce shook out of her reverie.

"I'm really sorry to bother you like this, Rupert, but I…" Before Joyce could finish her sentence, she choked on a sob. God, this all felt like a dream. This whole week has been like living a nightmare for her. She had just been going through the motions, ambling through each minute as if on auto-pilot.

Even though hers and Hank's relationship had lost all its romance and they had stopped communicating long before this – they'd made the unspoken decision to instead stay together for their children - the shock and embarrassment of his betrayal and quick departure from their lives hurt more than anything she'd ever experienced before. But as hurt as she was, the emotional turmoil that she felt over the loss of her husband to his secretary dulled in comparison to the pain she felt when she saw the emotions in her daughters' eyes.

Rupert stood wringing his hands and looking perplexed as he watched tears pouring from Joyce's eyes. She covered her face, hiding behind her hands.

"Oh, dear. Well, this is rather unexpected. Uhh…" Inching closer to her, he awkwardly patted her shoulder and muttered, "There...mm, there, there..."

When she turned towards him to bury her face in his shoulder, a powerful urge to protect Joyce froze Giles in disbelief. When he'd first opened the door, it had been clear that something was bothering the woman. He'd been annoyed at the loud banging, then taken aback with an odd attraction when he first laid eyes upon her. As she'd stood there on his doorstep, it seemed almost as if the air pulsed around her. The strong emotions rolling off of her were quite clear, and the valiant gentleman in him knew he needed to help this lovely lady. It was another, more primal part of him that felt the strong urge to do more..

Primal impulses or not, Rupert was not one for women in tears. The mere sight of a sobbing damsel sent him into a helpless limbo of sorts, and tonight was no different. As soon as her tears hit his shoulder, he couldn't help but wrap his arms around her.

After a few moments, Joyce sniffled loudly, pulled back and wiped at her face. Seeming to wake from some sort of trance, her cheeks turned red as she eyed the man she had just been using as a kerchief. He watched as her embarrassment brought even more tears to the surface, which left him at odds about how best to comfort this woman.

"I'm sorry, Rupert. This is so unlike me. I…well, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but Buffy's father, Hank…well, we are going through a divorce. He was…unfaithful. And now she's pregnant." She whispered the last part solemnly.

Rupert looked down, embarrassed. "Oh, yes…well…" He nervously took off his glasses and wiped at them with the edge of his shirt tail, cleaning invisible debris from the already-spotless lenses.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Rupert." Joyce took a deep breath and straightened her blouse before she continued, more resolute than before. "Our marriage…it had been a fraud for quite some time now. This…this extra family came as quite a surprise, though. Now, I've found myself in a unique position." She looked down at her hands, which were clutched in her lap. "I want to burrow inside myself to mourn a relationship that was truly over years ago…sounds silly, I know. And I need to be there for my girls. They are just…so hurting, and I've been just…so wrapped up in my own grief. What kind of mother am I?" With her last words, she broke into sobs once more and threw her arms back around Rupert.

"I…oh…well…" Giving up, Rupert draped his own strong arms around her, gently rubbing circles on her back and letting her pour her tears and troubles onto him.

A soft, feminine voice sounded from the hallway. "Mom?"

* * *

Buffy stood, watching the two adults. Her mom, who had been wrapped around Spike's Dad, quickly shot up from the edge of the cushion and pushed away from Giles. Normally, the image of her mother pressed deep into the back of the couch, trying to separate herself from the very red man in front of her, would have made Buffy laugh. But her mother was in tears, and Buffy was not supposed to be here…especially having just finishing up from some truly _AMAZING_ sex with her boyfriend.

"B-Buffy…Oh, right!" Buffy watched as her mom struggled to add some backbone to the tone of her voice. "Buffy Anne Summers! What are you doing here?"

Feeling Spike's supportive hand on her shoulder, Buffy turned to look at him and took strength from his sweet blue eyes. Sighing in defeat, Buffy she spun back around to her mother and replied, "I'm sorry, Mom…for everything. I just…I had all these feelings pent up since the whole incident with Dad and I took it all out on you." She took a few steps towards her mother after Spike squeezed her shoulder and allowed his hand to drop from its perch. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I know you care about us. I also know that it's important for you to be a little selfish right now so you can heal. I understand it. I just need you to know I'm sorry."

Noting Joyce's flabbergasted look, Giles, stood up and away from Buffy's mother, placed a hand on Spike's arm and gently walked with him to the kitchen so they could give the Summers women a little privacy.

At the men's departure, Joyce found her words. "I…thank you, Buffy. I know I haven't been the best mom recently and for that I truly am sorry. Now, let's get to the better question. What are you doing here?"

Blushing, Buffy stared intently at her feet. "I-I…I don't really know what to tell you, Mom. I just needed to get out of the house. I needed to…breathe. I know I shouldn't have disobeyed you like that, but I wasn't really in a clear frame of mind."

Joyce sighed and rubbed her temples. "Oh, Buffy…how did we get to this place?" Turning a steady gaze towards her daughter, Joyce added, "I'm going to let this incident slide this once because I understand it's been a long, hard few week for us both. I just want my little girls back."

"Oh. Mom…" Buffy whispered before moving quickly into her mother's warm embrace and wrapping her own arms around Joyce's back.

Relishing the way her mother ran hands through her hair, Buffy pressed closer to her, basking in the feeling of renewal and forgiveness.

They stood like that for a long time - neither woman knew just how long - comfortingly holding one another. When they heard an awkward cough, both women looked up to see Giles and Spike holding four mugs, likely filled with Giles' favorite brand of piping hot tea.

Smiling those big Summers smiles, they graciously accepted. Then the four sat down in the cozy living room, full of books, and brimming with refined dignity, and they had a simple, casual conversation, as if the last few minutes had never occurred.

It wasn't long after that that things started to go back to normal around the Summers house. They had yet to hear from Hank after he'd moved out almost two month ago, but Buffy was satisfied that her mom was finally cheering up some. Joyce seemed, in fact, to be spending more and more time outside. If Buffy had to guess, she would say her mother was purposefully trying to bump into Giles.

It had started out innocently enough, with Joyce and Giles "accidentally" bumping into one another as they checked the mail or took the trash out. These short moments filled with quick words and friendly waves had then transformed into longer conversations about the weather or gossiping about neighbors. Before long, Buffy had started hearing girlish giggles from her mother and noticed lots of glasses wiping from Giles. Now, in the last few weeks, her mother had even taken to visiting Giles' house, telling Buffy she'd wanted to talk about various books or share a cup of tea.

It was weird at first, but Buffy had grown to like Giles and see him as mock father since he moved in with Spike. To have her mother find someone so close and genuinely caring pleased Buffy. Even Dawn was coming around to it, although it had taken a while before she finally accepted that her mom and dad were not getting back together.

These were the thoughts that ran through Buffy's head as she walked hand-in-hand with Spike towards their second period class.

"What's going on in that pretty little mind, pet? You haven't said a word for a while now." Spike asked as he quirked a sexy eyebrow at her.

Buffy smiled gently and squeezed his hand. "Nothing, babe. I'm just…happy!" She giggled as the words left her mouth.

Spike grinned back at her as they stopped in front of Buffy's class. Gently raising his hand to push her hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear, Spike replied, "Well, I'm happy if you're happy, luv." He held her head in his hands, tilted his head and softly kissed her lips.

* * *

Please review! And thank you so much to all my readers and Dani!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry for the wait! Enjoy and review!

* * *

Chapter 3 Part Two

Five months after her parents initiated their divorce, the happiness had yet to fade. And even though the thought of one now-absent Hank Summers made her feel bitter, Buffy had to admit that life seemed to flow much more smoothly since his departure. Her mother filled the Hank-shaped void easily with her new boyfriend Rupert Giles, and while their friends joked how they were almost brother and sister now (gross!), she and Spike, surprisingly, were rather okay with it.

As for Joyce, Buffy's mother was happy again – happier, in fact, than Buffy had ever seen her. Giles was wonderful to her, treating her like the queen she was. Over time, Buffy had watched as her mother's self-confidence grew and she transformed into a beautifully vibrant woman.

Her relationship with Spike was also as healthy and happy as ever, and they had both received acceptance letters from UC Sunnydale earlier that day. This exciting news was on the forefront of both the teens' minds as they walked into the Bronze in search of the rest of their friends,

Before long, they both caught sight of the bright, now-orange hair of their friend Oz, who was standing across the dance floor with the rest of the group. Spike grabbed Buffy's hand and sauntered towards the group.

"Hey guys!" Buffy chirped, glancing around at the table at the group of smiling faces in front of her. "Where's Willow?"

Oz shrugged and took a sip of his drink. "She was in complete study mode last night, so not sure if she's coming tonight."

Xander furrowed his brow at his colorful friend. "Study mode? Studying for what? Is there some test I'm unaware of and therefore am bound to fail?"

Oz laughed softly. "Nah, she's just preparing for finals."

"Finals! Oi mate, finals are two months away." Spike shouted.

Buffy just nodded, unsurprised. "Sounds like Willow."

They all chuckled, then Anya spotted the red head in the crowd. "There she is!"

"Willow! Hey! Over here!" Buffy called, waving for her friend to join them. Willow looked up and flashed a nervous smile as she turned to make her way towards her friends. Buffy's Willow sense was tingling, but she quickly pushed it aside, eager to spill her news. "Good. I'm glad you guys are all here, because me and Spike have some awesome news!"

"You're pregnant." Anya blurted.

All eyes turned to her and she just casually shrugged. "What? With the way those two go at it, you never know."

Shaking their heads and rolling their eyes in unison, everyone turned their attention back to Buffy.

"Well," Buffy shot a quick smile at Spike and screamed, "We both got into UC Sunnydale!"

Various hoots and claps came from the perimeter of the table. As the celebratory sounds calmed down, Xander took the opportunity to share his own news. "Guess what, guys? Anya and I-"

"We got into UC Sunnydale, too!" Anya squealed, eliciting the usual eye roll from Xander and a peal of laughter from the rest of the table.

Buffy smiled brightly at the couple. "That's great! So far, so good. Is there any other news that needs to be shared?" Buffy asked pointedly, looking directly at Oz and Willow.

Oz smirked and mumbled, "I can't speak for the both of us, but I just got my acceptance letter today, too." Turning towards Willow, he quietly added, "I wanted to tell you first, but you've been so busy the last few days. I guess now's as good a time as ever."

Willow smiled sadly and nodded. Looking back at her closest friends, gathered around the table, she said, "Congratulations, guys!" Only it came out in an almost-whisper.

Oz cocked his head at his girlfriend, unsure of what he was missing. "What's wrong, Wills?"

Xander quickly added his two cents, "Yeah, Will! I mean we'll all be together. Right?"

Buffy frowned and whispered, "You did get in, right, Willow? I mean, if anyone at this table got in, it should have been you. You're the wiz…if ever a wiz there was."

The group nodded in agreement.

Willow, however, simply looked away from the group and out into the crowd, watching the strangers who were happily dancing to the rhythm pulsing through the club. Heaving a sigh, she turned wide eyes back to her friends, clearly trying to avoid eye contact with the love of her life, who was seated next to her. "Actually…umm….well, yeah, I did get into UC Sunnydale. B-but…"

Before she could finish, Xander interrupted with a shout, "See! All settled. We are all official UC Sunnydale students." Buffy shushed him as Anya swatted his arm. "What?" he questioned, raising his arms in surrender.

Scowling at the boy, Spike growled, "Let the lady finish, Harris, before you go making assumptions. Red's clearly got more to say about the situation." Turning to Willow, Spike whispered encouragingly, "Go ahead, Red."

"Well…I-I, uh, also happened to get accepted at…at Princeton." Willow muttered the last part under her breath, gazing down intently at her blue sneakers.

The teens stared at their usually chipper, red-haired friend, all of them in shock at the news. After a brief, stunned silence, Buffy was the first to speak. "Th-that's great, Willow! Princeton is an amazing school." She plastered an encouraging smile on her face, hoping she'd forced enough confidence in her voice to betray the uncertainty she felt.

Spike was quick to chirp next, "Damn straight, Red. You've got to be a right smart bird to make it into one of the big three colleges in the states. Good on you."

The others at the table murmured their agreement, and Willow slowly looked up and around the table, finally smiling genuinely at each of her friends. When she came to Oz, her smile faded and her eyes became weary. Tentatively, she said, "Oz, what do you think, ya know, about the whole possibly going to Princeton thing?"

Oz had yet to say a word since Willow's big announcement, though that wasn't necessarily odd behavior for him. Looking straight into his girlfriend's eyes, Oz whispered, "I'm happy for you, babe."

Though she still appeared uncertain, Willow relaxed a bit and smiled at her boyfriend. Buffy could physically see some of the tension ease from her body.

"Thanks, honey. I…I wasn't sure what you guys would think, ya know, with it being, like, all the way in New Jersey and what not. But I can't tell you guys how happy I am knowing you approve IF I do choose to go to Princeton."

"Of course, Wills!" Buffy chimed back, happy that the mood seemed to be lightening but wondering what Willow could possibly be thinking. Glancing at Spike, Buffy knew he was thinking the same thing: their friend was going to have a lot to consider before deciding what she was going to do. Sure, Princeton was an amazing school, but they both knew how strongly Willow felt about Oz. It was going to be tough for her either way.

Buffy resolved right then and there that she would be there for her friend no matter what she chose, and she knew Spike would do the same.

As the conversation drifted into other topics and the teens at the table began to laugh and relax once more, Buffy relaxed her own body back into Spike's. Feeling him shift, wrap his arm tightly around her, and lean his chin against the top of her head, she took a deep breath, content knowing that at least she and Spike's future was planned.

* * *

"William, er, Spike…son, I need your assistance for a moment."

Spike turned towards the voice at his bedroom door, noting that his father was standing awkwardly against the doorjam. Usually his father's sometimes awkward and socially unique behavior was a source of humor for Spike, but he could tell something was clearly on his mind today. "Sure, Pops. What's going on?"

Taking a few slow steps towards his son, Giles stopped when he reached the bed and anxiously sunk down next to Spike. "Well…I actually would like your opinion on a…" Digging in his pocket, the older British man pulled out a small black box before continuing, "On this."

Spike's eyes widened and he reached out to gently grasp the box his father was extending towards him. He carefully pushed back the lid and found himself staring directly into a beautiful rose gold engagement ring. Four leaves were set with diamonds, all of them wrapped around a slightly bigger diamond, creating the impression of a rose in bloom.

"Is this what I think it is?" Spike whispered, examining the jewelry in his hands from every angle.

Giles took off his glasses and wiped at them with the end of his shirttail before responding. "Well, if you think it's an engagement ring, then yes. Yes, it is, indeed, what you think it is." His face was unsure as he continued to peer at Spike.

Giving it barely another moment's thought, Spike's stretched a huge grin across his face and handed the box back to his father, then roughly patted him on the shoulder. "Well, congratulations, you ol' scamp."

Giles smiled back at his son, noticeably less nervous, and mumbled, "So you approve, then?"

Spike spoke up quickly, "Of course, Da'. You didn't think I would?"

"Well, you are dating her daughter…"

Spike laughed, "What, are you expecting us to start acting like brother and sister once you end up marrying Joyce?"

Giles eyebrows shot up and he sputtered, "Well, uh, n-no."

"Then I have absolutely nothing but congratulations for you. I've never seen you so thrilled, and honestly I've never seen Joyce so happy. She was never like this with Hank."

Giles blushed and coughed awkwardly, then gave Spike an affectionate pat on the back. "Thanks, son. I needed to hear that. Now, do you think we can get the girls to assist us with planning how I should go about with…the asking part of this scenario?"

Spike chuckled once more before he said, "Ol' boy they would enjoy nothing more."

* * *

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH. MY. GOD."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at Dawn's reaction to Giles' big announcement. Spike had already broken the news to her after climbing through her window the night before. Unable to contain herself, Buffy immediately crept down the hall and into Dawn's bedroom, then snuck her sister out of their house and over to Spike's to share the big news with her as well. Buffy knew her sister could help them decide on the best way for Giles to go about asking for their mother's hand.

The four of them were seated around the coffee table in the living room, and Giles had barely gotten the words out when Dawn began bouncing up and down, eyes wide and voice yelling in supplication to divine beings.

"Quite." Giles mumbled, as he took off his glasses for what seemed to Buffy like the hundredth time and began furiously wiping them with the edge of his shirttail.

"Calm down, Dawnie!" Turning her attention back to her sister's bobbing shoulders, Buffy slapped a palm down on either side and pushed Dawn back down onto the sofa. "We need to get the whole thing planned before Mom realizes something's up."

Taking a deep breath and swiping her hand across her lips to signal that they were zipped, Dawn relaxed back between Buffy and Spike. "Ok, I can deal. So what do you guys have so far?"

With a cough, Giles began explaining what the three had already considered, "Well…"

* * *

"Buffy! Dawn! I'm home!" Joyce called as she stepped through the door of her home. She froze as soon as she spotted the rose petals scattered around the hallway. Upon further inspection, she noted that there were also candles, lit and placed at various levels around the room. A card with her name on its cover was tented on the bottom step.

Scrunching her eyebrows, Joyce crouched down and grabbed the card, gently opening it and scanning the neat handwriting within.

'_Hello my dear.  
Though I know you're not one for tricks, I must say,  
I have planned a delightful journey for you, this magical day.  
Find your way to your room, where your voyage finds its start.  
And remember my love, to always follow your heart. –R'_

Her breath caught, but she smiled at the rhyme as excitement bubbled up through her chest. Joyce tucked the card under her arm, then climbed slowly up the stairs and walked towards her bedroom. The door was cracked open, and Joyce pushed it further inward to find her youngest daughter, Dawn, standing before her with a smile on her face.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn began reciting. "Hello, mother, sweet lady, I have a task for you now. Please put on this fine dress, I shouldn't need to tell you how. Once you are ready, give me the sign, and then I will feed you my very next line." Dawn giggled as she finished the rhyme they'd made up. It was killing her not just to blurt out everything, but she was also a hopeless romantic…and this whole deal was strikingly beautiful, especially to her young lover's heart.

"Well…ok." Joyce murmured as she took the short black dress from Dawn and made her way to her bathroom to grab a quick shower and dress as was requested.

Forty-five minutes later, she emerged from the steamy room, showered, dressed, and completely glammed up. "Ok, Dawnie. I'm ready." Her voice was anxious, but she felt herself relax some when she noticed her daughters' huge smile.

"Now think back, Mom, to special dates in the yard, and make your way to the spot where you get letters and cards. Venture there, dear mother, to find the next clue, and to get an idea of what next you will do."

With the lift of an eyebrow, Joyce barely waited a beat before she raced back downstairs, flung open the front door and took off towards the mailbox at the end of her driveway. She smiled, recalling how she and Giles had joked that those early, awkward meetings at the trashcans and mailboxes - long before they'd worked up the courage to ask each other out - were their first dates.

With Dawn following close behind, Joyce reached her destination, drew open the cover and stuck her hand anxiously inside. The simple card she drew out read…

'_There you are, my heart, my sweet. Do you remember that shaded place where we'd meet? Go to the spot where we shared our first kiss, it is there you'll receive your next clue - you can't miss!' _

Turning towards Dawn, Joyce said, "What is going on, Dawnie?" When her daughter kept her mouth sealed tightly, she encouraged her again. "Come on, honey, you can tell me. I know you can't keep a secret."

Dawn just smiled mischievously and shrugged before pointing a finger down the street, indicating that her mom follow in the same direction.

Giving it a few seconds of thought, Joyce realized she knew just where she needed to go. Luckily for her currently high-heeled self, it was just a few minutes from their house even at walking speed. As she entered the park, Joyce walked slowly and peered around every tree, not certain which was the exact one where she and Rupert had first touched lips.

It wasn't long before she spotted Buffy, standing in front of a large cherry blossom tree with a sparkling piñata hanging behind her head. As soon as they made eye contact, the younger blonde smiled brightly and waved Joyce over.

She tried again, this time with her elder daughter. "Buffy? Will you please tell me what's going on?"

Buffy simply waved her finger at her mother and made a small "tsking" sound before handing her a card. With a resigned sigh, Joyce read…

'_Well, hello again. I'll be seeing you soon. Just walk, my dear, towards the rising full moon. Stop when you find the magic carpet to ride, be seated - it will take you somewhere special tonight. Recline and relax, you look lovely, my dear. Please, have no worries, there is nothing to fear.'_

Joyce smiled at the message and how Giles knew her so well. He knew she would be nervous, not knowing what all this fuss was about, and that she would be thrilled and excited to find what was waiting for her at the end. Peering back up at her grinning daughter, Joyce hooked arms with Buffy and began walking with her in the direction of the full moon.

After a few minutes of walking, they made it to the other side of the park and emerged onto the street. Joyce watched silently as a limo pulled up, then the window rolled down. Instead of the weathered face of her boyfriend, though, Joyce was surprised to see the face of Rupert's son, Spike.

With a smile, the boy greeted the stunned lady standing before him. "Hello, Mrs. Summers. And won't you hop in. Get yourself seated, I'll take you on a quick spin. Our ride will take just a short bit of time, and then you will find something sure to make your eyes shine."

Joyce pulled on the handle and opened the back door, sliding into the limousine and followed closely by Buffy. To her surprise, Dawn was already waiting inside, smiling brightly at them both. This was certainly weird that all the kids were here. Joyce felt herself start to get anxious, the thrill of the adventure pulsing in waves through her body.

The ride lasted just a few short minutes, and when she opened the door again, they'd arrived at Sunnydale Beach. The smell of salt immediately wafted into her nose and she closed her eyes for a moment to savor the scent. Opening them again, she looked up and noted that the moon shone brightly above, illuminating the waves as they rolled mercifully against the shore. She wanted to remember every moment.

Joyce stepped nervously out of the limo, glancing back as the three kids bade her a quiet goodbye and gesture towards a small sign posted where the sand met the pavement.

'_Walk just a little further and you will see. The light of the moon will lead you straight to me.'_

This was so unlike Rupert, and Joyce couldn't wait to see what was waiting at the end. Walking down the beach, she spotted a flickering light in the distance. She sped up, and the closer she got, the more she saw. Tiny tea candles, placed in small glass globes, lined the shore and led straight to the man in question, who was standing anxiously between two, larger candles.

As their eyes linked, Joyce glided between the candles without another thought, her body driving her towards the man with whome she had so quickly fallen in love. All worries and thoughts of what could be going on were swept from her mind, as if the waves had drawn them out of her head and into the ocean. After what felt like forever, Joyce stopped in front of him, her eyes never wavering from his gaze. Those same eyes followed him downward, as he bent to kneel in front of her. She gasped in shock as he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and held it up and towards her.

Opening the lid slowly, Giles began reciting softly, "A poet once asked how does love speak? She said that love speaks in the faint flush upon the telltale cheek, and in the pallor that succeeds it; by the quivering lid of an averted eye-the smile that proves the parent to a sigh. That is how love speaks." Taking a quick breath, he looked up at her and continued in his own words. "That, my love, is how love has spoken to me. It has told me that I cannot go on without letting you know how much I truly, deeply love you. Now, I know this may be fast, and I know that you are not legally divorced yet, but I have not felt this way about a woman since William's mother, almost two decades ago. Two decades my heart has been cold and bare, biding its time and waiting for someone to awaken it. Someone like you, Joyce, so sweet, so smart, so independent. So truly beautiful. You are the love of my life and I want nothing more than for you to be my last. Will you be mine, my heart, forever and always?"

Tears were pouring down Joyce's face, and she glanced behind her when she heard a sob. The children were standing mere feet away, Spike in the middle of the two girls, with his arms wrapped around them both. All three smiled lovingly at their parents, and Joyce could only smile back as she turned towards Giles and nodded vigorously. "Yes! Yes!" Throwing her arms around his neck, the impact of her excitement caused them both to roll backwards and into the sand. Joyce laid kiss after kiss on Giles lips and face, all the while whispering, "Oh, Rupert! I love you! I love you so much!"

Buffy smiled through her tears at her sobbing sister, then gazed up at the love of her life. When her eyes met his, they smiled, both imagining when a day like today would come for them.

* * *

Buffy smiled, watching as her mother set a fresh vase of flowers on the table, smiling softly and humming to herself. Buffy had never before realized just how much her mother was apt to smile when she was truly happy. The beautiful gold ring flashed on her mother's finger and Buffy sighed. It really was a beaut, and she admired it as she twirled the promise ring - which Spike had given her only a few months after they'd become a couple - around on her finger.

He had been so sweet when he gave it to her. He'd told her that he knew they were too young to get engaged, but he wanted her to have this simple band so that every day, she could see and feel a reminder of his love and know that one day they would be engaged.

She could only imagine the lengths Spike would go to when that day actually came, but found comfort in the fact that the day would eventually come. That, she was sure of. A soft knock on the door shook Buffy from her reverie. "I'll get it!" she yelled towards the kitchen, hoping her mom heard her.

Turning the knob, she swung the door inward, finding herself face-to-face with a frowning Willow, whoc stood fumbling anxiously with her hands.

"Buffy." Willow blurted it with a sign.

"Everything okay, Wills?" Buffy asked cautiously.

With a nod, Willow replied, "I guess. Well, can I come in?"

Buffy stepped aside and gestured for Willow to enter the house. Together, the two walked to her room. As soon as the door closed, Willow's body tensed and her hands rose to her cheeks, rubbing up and down a few times, as if she was cleaning her face. "Oh, Buffy. I just don't know what to do."

Buffy immediately knew what this was about, and sat gently down next to her friend and put her arm around her. "Hey, it'll be ok, Wills. No matter what you choose, I'm here for you. We all are."

"But you have to help me! I can't make this decision, Buffy, I mean, it's either Princeton…THE PRINCETON, where I can get an amazing education in computer science or something else equally, well, computer-y, and find an awesome job that will probably set me up for life. Or it's all of my friends, and my family, and my…Oz." The last word came out a mere whisper, and Buffy leaned forward to wipe the stray tear that followed from Willow's already-soaked cheek.

"I getcha, Wills. Nothing can make this easy. It's a tough decision, but you need to think of it logically. Maybe…okay, how 'bout you make a list? Ya' now, pros and cons, what's of the good, what's of the bad? Something like that?"

Willow perked up a little and screeched, "Great idea, Buff!" And before Buffy could respond, Willow bounced up and was digging through the desk beside the bed. She came back and sat at Buffy's side with a pen and paper. "Ok, let's start."

Drawing a line down the middle, Willow wrote _Princeton_ on one side, _Sunnydale_ on the other. Biting the end of the pen and scrunching her eyebrows in deep thought, she nodded to herself and quickly jotted down _'Great computer science program'_ and _'Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity'_ on the Princeton side. Raising the pen tip to the top of the other side of the paper, she wrote _'Best friends,' 'Family'_ and _'Oz.'_

Willow began to chew on her lip, so Buffy added, "Um, there's familiarity here in Sunnydale." Willow added that and a few more to the list before turning the paper in Buffy's direction.

While the Sunnydale side definitely had a more substantial list, the Princeton side's pros seemed a lot more important. Willow sighed again and balled up the paper in her fist before tossing it into Buffy's trashcan. It appeared as if Willow was still unsure about what decision she should make, but Buffy had noticed something before the redhead threw the list away.

One point was circled and underlined, over and over again. One name, its penned letters thick from being traced, again and again.

_Oz._

* * *

Buffy closed her eyes, feeling the breeze blow her hair back from her face as the Desoto roamed the streets of Sunnydale. She and Spike were on their way to hang out with the gang at the local coffee shop, and to enjoy the last day of Spring Break.

Buffy smiled as she felt Spike's large hand engulf her own and his soft lips press into her palm.

"You okay there, pet?" Her heart did its usual flutter at his cocky brogue.

Widening her green eyes in his direction, she stared intently at the man of her dreams. "I'm always okay when I'm with you, baby."

Spike grinned before turning away to face the road as the light they'd been waiting on turned a bright green. Before long, he turned the car off the main road and pulled it into a parking spot in front of the coffee shop.

It was a quaint little place, like most everything in Sunnydale. While there was no seating on the inside, a number of tables were scattered around the cozy patio. Their friends were currently lounging near the back, and after leading her toward their table, Spike pulled out the chair next to Willow for Buffy to sit before dropping into the chair next to her.

"Hope you don't mind, we ordered the usual." Xander said as he handed them both a Styrofoam cup of coffee. Buffy noticed they had, indeed, ordered the usual and saw Spike's straight black coffee and her own frozen mocha drink. She guessed Spike's already had his trademark ten tablespoons of sugar, too. With a smile, she and Spike both thanked Xander and leaned back with their cups in hand.

"So, what's up, guys?" Buffy said casually, gazing at each one of her friends. Xander had his arm wrapped tightly around Anya, and Anya's head rested on his shoulder. Oz and Willow also sat close together, holding hands on top of the table.

Willow smiled brightly and let go of Oz's hand. "Well, I, um…I actually have something to share with you guys."

"You're pregnant." Anya blurted to everyone's amusement.

Willow blushed, Xander rolled is eyes.

"What? Is this not a plausible option for anyone? I mean, we are all having premarital, teenage sex aren't we?" Anya questioned, confused as usual by their laughs and eye rolls.

Willow finally restarted her explanation. "Actually, I am NOT pregnant. I decided to attend…UC Sunnydale. I'm staying here with you guys."

"Wow, that's great, Will!"

"Cool!"

"And?"

"Awesome, pet!"

They all piped up, pleased that their friend seemed happy, barely noticing that Oz had yet to respond. When the hubbub finally quieted, he spoke.

"Are you sure, Willow? I mean…Princeton….just….yeah."

Reaching for his hand, Willow squeezed. "I'm sure. I have so many reasons to stay here, and UC Sunnydale just so happens to offer its own Computer Science program, although slightly less prestigious. Plus, the admissions officer at Princeton said I can always complete my basics here and reapply there if I change my mind."

Oz stared at her intently, hoping to get a sense if she was telling the truth or lying just to ease his guilt. He knew she was passing up an amazing opportunity, but she appeared to be sure of herself. Accepting Willows explanation, Oz nodded and gave her a quick kiss.

"I'm glad." He said simply, before turning back to the group.

Buffy smiled, happy that that situation was finally resolved. She felt as if some of her worry had been lifted, and could see that her friend's happiness with her choice. She watched as Willow nuzzled close to Oz, then lost herself in a comfortable daydream as the two teenagers smiled at one another. Shaking herself from her reverie, Buffy rejoined the group's conversation, which was currently revolving around Harmony Kendall's apparent venereal disease.

* * *

After kissing Spike goodnight, Buffy made her way inside her house, prepared to head to bed after a long day of…well, gossiping. The moment the door closed behind her, though, Buffy could feel the tension in the air. It was thick enough to slice.

Unsure of the source, Buffy changed her path and veered off in the direction of the living room. She stopped short, in shock at the sight of Hank sitting on the couch across from her mother.

With a scowl Buffy whispered, "What the hell are you doing here?"

In unison, both Joyce and Hank reprimanded her. "Language!"

Rolling her eyes at the man, Buffy turned to her mom and said, "I'm sorry, Mom. I just can barely contain myself with _him_ in the room."

"Now, Buffy. I am still your father and-"

"Say's who? A DNA test? Biologically you may be my father, but I haven't seen you in seven months. SEVEN MONTHS! Where have you been? What have you been doing that was so important that you could just ignore your children?" She laughed wickedly. "Yeah, some father you are. Giles has been more of a father to me in the last few months than you were in the entire 18 years of my life. And he sure as hell as treated my mother better than you ever did." She spat the last part, the venom clear in her voice.

Hank's eyes widened and he paled visibly. "Look, Buffy, I really am sorry. I had other things to deal with. I thought you girls wouldn't want to see me. I was giving you space."

Buffy shook with silent laughter before turning angry eyes once again at her father. "Yeah. Maybe we thought we needed to be away from you, but did you ever think, in actuality, that we needed you? That maybe we needed to know you were still there, that you still loved us despite the divorce? But you weren't! YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

Joyce walked over to her daughter and placed a gentle hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Buffy," she said softly.

Calming slightly at her mother's soothing voice, Buffy took a breath before she said, "Why ARE you here?"

Reddening some, Hank spoke, "Well, honey, I heard your mother was engaged. I have been missing your Mom for so long now and I realized I couldn't wait any longer. I'm ready to come back and be a family again."

Looking down, Buffy saw bags at her dad's feet. Did he just think he was going to move right back in? Before she could say a word, Joyce spoke up this time.

"Where's your girlfriend, Hank? Your new child? Shouldn't he or she be born now?"

Hank coughed and looked away. "Turns out…"

Neither woman could make out what he mumbled. Joyce grumbled, "Speak up, please."

With a sigh, he repeated what he'd said, more clearly this time, "Turns out the kid wasn't mine. "

Buffy was shocked but pleased when her mother actually laughed at this.

"Oh, really, Hank? So you got a taste of your own medicine? What did you think, you could just storm back in here and take up residence in our home…in my bed?" Joyce spat, her temper making her tower over the shrinking man before her.

"Well, legally, we are not divorced, so I just assumed…"

"You assumed wrong. And for the record, we are not divorced _yet_, because you have not signed the papers. In fact, I have a copy with me." Turning her steely gaze towards Buffy, she deliberately drew the tone of her voice higher, sweeter…as if she was talking to a toddler, "Buffy, dear, can you get Mommy's purse?"

Buffy raced upstairs to her mom's room and was back in seconds with the purse in hand. Joyce fumbled around inside it until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a bundle of documents and handed it to the man seated in front of her.

"Here it is. Now, everywhere you need to sign has been highlighted. I assure you, it is completely idiot proof." Reaching back into the purse, Joyce withdrew a pen and handed it to the shocked man as well. "Now sign the damn thing and get the hell out of my home."

Without another word, Hank scribbled in the highlighted blanks, handed the pen back to Joyce and nearly ran out the door with his bags in hand. Buffy watched as her mother's shoulders visibly deflated. Stepping up to her and wrapping her arms around the older woman, Buffy squeezed tightly and whispered, "You did the right thing."

* * *

The wedding was a simple, yet elegant affair that was held at the Summers home. All of their friends and family were invited.

Giles had decided to sell his home and had already started moving his things into Joyce's house. Space wouldn't be an issue now that Spike and Buffy had decided to live in the dorms on campus while they saved for a place of their own.

Staring at her mother, who was dancing joyously with the love of her life, her ivory dress fluttering in the breeze blowing through their decked-out backyard, Buffy couldn't help but be glad of the changes that had happened in her life. Things that had seemed so horrible at first, had turned out to be dreams come true. Her life was just how she wanted. She was starting college with all of her friends in just one more week, her mother and sister were happy and in good hands with Giles. She was finally feeling like an adult…and a relaxed one to boot.

She knew that things wouldn't always be this perfect. College wouldn't always be a breeze and she was sure that they would all face their share of bumps along the road, but she knew they could get through it. If they could get through all that they had already, nothing could stop them.

With a smile she laid her head on Spike muscular shoulder and closed her eyes, basking in the feeling of love and happiness that surrounded her.

* * *

Spuffy is headed to college. I wonder what sort of drama will follow them? Review please!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the chapter being such a short one. Trust me, it gets a lot juicier. This is only the precursor for what sort of dramas lay ahead for Spuffy. Remember, reviews are greatly appreciated.

* * *

Chapter 4 Part 1

"Okay! I love you, too. Oh, and good luck on your presentation tomorrow! Okay, bye."

Buffy hung up the phone and tossed it on her nightstand. She and Spike talked on the phone any night they weren't staying together. Despite always being on each other's minds, they both were doing surprisingly well – in fact, she could hardly believe that they had already completed their first semester of college. Spike being the bookworm had, of course, aced every class, but Buffy hadn't done too shabbily herself.

Of course, it didn't hurt that she had Willow as a tutor. Or that – in addition to being her best friend, part-time teacher and one of the smartest students on campus – that same redhead was also Buffy's roommate.

As she sat on her bed, looking around at their shared dorm room, Buffy was happy to notice all the little personal touches she and Willow had added to the once-bland space. A few motivational prints promised success and achievement from their wall perches, teddy bears and other stuffed animals smiled lopsidedly from corners and shelf tops, a poster filled with images of yummy chocolate treats adorned the door, and both girls' vibrant bedspreads and fluffy pillows added splashes of brightness to either side of the room. Pictures of the entire group were also scattered along the walls and sitting in frames on their dressers.

Buffy's side was also littered with even more snapshots of her and Spike through the years. Her favorite was sitting on her night stand, taken on their first day of the sixth grade. That was the year Buffy got her braces, and even though she hated everything about her mouth full of metal, she couldn't possibly have looked happier in the photograph. Her arms were wrapped around Spikes waist, both of them were smiling stunningly at the camera, and it was clear that they were excited as they started a new chapter in their lives: middle school.

And that's just what this was again, this year, this very moment…it was a new start for them all. She'd never felt more like an adult, and she knew her friends felt the same way.

After enjoying a part-time gig with a local construction company, Xander had decided on majoring in construction management. Anya had taken a job as cashier at Giles' store, the Magic Box – which was quickly gaining Sunnydale infamy for its unconventional products – and had learned early on that she loved money _almost_ more than she loved Xander. As a result, she'd decided to major in accounting.

Most of the others remained undecided about their majors, though each was flourishing in their own way. Willow was editor of the campus newspaper – and since it was the first time the position had been given to a freshman, it was a huge accomplishment for her. Oz had actually dropped out of college shortly after the semester had started, but it was for a good reason since his band had received a small recording contract.

As for Buffy and Spike, they couldn't be happier.

Glancing over at Willow, reclined on the bed next to her and reading, Buffy couldn't help but notice the worry etched on the redhead's face.

"You ok, Wills?"

Willow looked up from her book and nervously smiled. "Yeah! Of course! I mean, why wouldn't I be okay? I'm right as rain. A-Okay." She chuckled anxiously before quickly turning back toward her book.

Buffy quirked an eyebrow at her not-so-good-at-lying friend. "Come on, Wills. How long have we known each other?"

With a sigh of defeat, Willow tossed the book down on the bed and turned to face Buffy. "I know, it's just…I'm probably overreacting."

"Hmmm, sounds serious. What's up?"

"Well, you know how Oz has been going out of town every few weeks now?" Buffy nodded. Since the Dingoes had signed their contract, they had been touring different parts of California, often gone for weeks at a time. But they'd always came back. "I sort of noticed that when they get back, they have all these wild groupies with them, and then they throw these crazy parties where half the people are high on who knows what!"

"Ok, Will. What are you worried about? Is Oz on drugs?"

Willow quickly shook her head. "No! I mean, I don't think so. That's not really his scene, but when I go with him to these parties, girls just throw themselves at him. I just worry that…well, what if he sees that he can do better?"

Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "Are you serious? Do better? How could he do better than you, Wills? You're freaking gorgeous and smart…and so kind! And none of that even matters because Oz loves YOU."

Willow blushed and looked away. "I mean, I know, but…"

"No buts. You don't see the way he looks at you when you aren't looking. You have nothing to worry about."

Willow smiled at her, clearly relieved, and nodded. She took a breath before replying. "You're right. Thanks, Buff!"

Buffy smiled back, glad to have helped ease her friend's worry.

* * *

"Willow! Wait up!" Buffy yelled, scrambling her petite legs towards the redhead who was speed walking in front of her.

Willow turned around and smiled perkily at Buffy. "Hey, Buff! How was Algebra? I heard Mr. Cohen has the most hilarious algebraic equation jokes."

Buffy stared blankly at her friend before breaking into a giggle. "Wow, Willow. I guess I don't see the laugh factor. Just don't find Algebra quite as appealing as you do, smarty pants." With a shrug he continued. "It was okay, I guess. He gave us, like, three sheets of equations to solve for homework, though."

"Oh, well, I can, like, totally help you with those tonight…oh, wait! I completely forgot! The Dingoes are coming back from their road trip tonight." With a sneaky smile, she continued. "I was kind of planning on surprising Oz tonight with a romantic dinner."

Buffy raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Hmm, sounds interesting. Let me hear what you have planned! Maybe I can help you raise the smooch factor a bit."

Willow smiled at her friend and held out an arm for Buffy. Arm and arm, the two girls strolled out of the Science and Math building, their heads bowed together conspiratorially as they turned to walk in the direction of their dorm.

* * *

Later, though, Willow was a nervous wreck.

With Oz being out of town every few weeks, Willow had decided to try extra hard to add some spice to their love life. At first, she'd simply planned on surprising her man with a romantic candlelit dinner and big bubble bath fit for two, but after talking with Buffy had decided to take it a few steps further.

With Buffy's assistance, Willow had chosen a sexy piece of lingerie that hung to all the right curves, making her normally innocent body look sultry. Buffy also advised her to throw on some black heels, which Willow thought was odd until she tried all the pieces on together. As she stared at her reflection before heading over to Oz's apartment, she knew that this sexy Willow would surely blow the boy's mind.

But then she got to thinking. She truly loved Oz and she was sure that he felt the same, but it wasn't always easy for either one of them to express their feelings. While they could talk for hours, had amazing chemistry and fit perfectly, the whole romance department was sort of lacking.

Staring at the sultry, black-laced vixen in the mirror, though, she vowed to ditch the insecurity and lay it on thick for Oz. She could do this.

Oz had given her a spare key to his apartment when he first moved in four months ago, and while she'd never had the chance to use it, she knew this was the perfect time to do so. She only hoped that it would be a happy surprise for him.

Once she'd made her way to his apartment and let herself into the dark foyer, she began setting up candles all over the place, setting food out on the table and putting on some sensual music. She checked her flimsy get up to make sure she still looked as hot as she was feeling and then retreated to the living room sofa to wait patiently for her boyfriend to arrive.

It didn't take long. When she heard someone fumbling at the door, she quickly pushed herself up off the sofa, adjusted her lacey gown and finger-straightened her hair. Hoping her sultry pose didn't look as ridiculous as she felt, she turned to face the door and took a few moments to calm her pounding heart.

Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself. As the door opened, though, Willow froze…because it sounded as if Oz was talking to someone. _Oh no!_

Before she could react further, a raspy, feminine voice whispered, "Mmm, Ozzie. Let's take this inside."

Willow's heart stopped, dropped to her feet. She couldn't move because her limbs were frozen in place. She couldn't breathe because her lungs had stopped working.

As the door was pushed open, Willow watched Oz and a blonde thrust their way through the door making out so furiously that they didn't even realize she was there. Tears filled Willow's eyes and a hurt started spreading from the middle of her chest outward. _How could he!_

The couple in front of her paused, and she watched as both set of eyes turned to her. To her astonishment, the mysterious woman grinned cockily at Willow, her hand sliding up Oz's shirt possessively.

Oz….he just stood their smiling dumbly at her.

His eyes looked glazed and red. Something was definitely off about this, but at the moment Willow could care less. All she could see was that skank's lip marks all over her boyfriend's face and her body rubbing him in ways only Willow was supposed to.

"Willow!" Oz slurred, "What's up? You want to chill with me and V-Veruca?" His voice broke into a raspy giggle. "Veruca, Veruca, Veruca," he repeated, sounding out the name until it became nothing more than a mix of sounds with no meaning.

Willow's body began trembling, absolutely shaking all over. She couldn't believe Oz's audacity. She mentally gathered up the pieces of her rapidly breaking heart, then grabbed for her trench coat and threw it on over the black nightie. She rushed past the couple and out of the door, ignoring the giggling that had yet to stop.

* * *

"Mmmm….I love this." Buffy said huskily.

"Yeah? Love what, pet?" Spike said with a smirk. He loved to hear her describe what she liked…and as far as he was concerned, the dirtier, the better.

Buffy raised her hips off the bed to meet his slow, drawn out thrust, and found she got a more pleasurable traction by tucking her feet behind his knees. Closing her eyes and tilting her head back, Buffy hissed. "Ahhh….this. The feel of you inside me."

With a grin, Spike pulled slowly out of his lover until only the tip of his length was still in her warm opening. Then he quickly plunged it back in until his full girth was wrapped in Buffy's warm, tight, muscles.

"You like it when I do this?"

Without waiting for a response, Spike once again pulled himself out of her and thrust himself back in. Taking pleasure in Buffy's moan, Spike sped up, fighting the urge to cum right then and there as he felt her walls spasming around him.

"Oh, god, pet. I don't think I can last much longer."

As his words came out, he felt her release as her inner walls squeezed around him. As soon as her body stopped pulsating, Buffy flipped Spike unto his back and without removing him from her, began to ride him relentlessly.

"Mmmm, cum for me, baby." She moaned.

Gripping Buffy's ass, Spike thrust her tiny body harder onto his own. It didn't take long for him to find his release and as she felt him throbbing inside her, she threw her head back in ecstasy once more.

They didn't move for what felt like ages, both of them lost in the aftermath of their lovemaking. After a few minutes, Buffy lifted her head, leaned forward and gave Spike a kiss on the lips. "I love you." She whispered.

"And I you, luv." He whispered back, sated and filled to the brim with overwhelming happiness.

Lifting her leg over his body and easing off of him, Buffy rolled off the bed, reached for her clothes and began getting herself dressed. She threw Spike his underwear and pants before glancing at her reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall across from her and Willow's beds. She laughed at her hair, haphazardly pulled from its ponytail, and removed the hairband so she could resmooth and secure it once again. They were supposed to be getting ready to head out to eat with Giles and her mom…and, as usual, had gotten distracted.

Thankfully, they'd finished getting dressed by the time the door flew open and Willow rushed in. Throwing herself on her bed, the redhead had broken into heaving sobs before her face hit the pillow. Spike turned wide eyes to Buffy, both of them stunned to silence by Willow's behavior. Buffy moved to sit beside her friend, placing a gentle hand on Willow's shoulder.

"Um, Will?"

Willow lifted her head to turn red, puffy, mascara-covered eyes at Buffy. "He was with a girl, Buffy! A girl! How could he do this to me?"

Buffy was even more confused than before Willow's emotional explanation. Moving to sit closer to the weeping girl, Buffy whispered, "Oz was with someone? What do you mean, Wills?"

Noticeably shaky as she struggled to sit up, Buffy watched as Willow wiped a hand across her tear-swollen face. "It's exactly like it sounds, guys. I had everything ready, all sexed up to surprise Oz. Then, when he got home he was…he was…with some stupid, skanky, raspy voiced, I'm-sexier-than-you, feel-him-up-right-in-front-of-me bimbo." Throwing her head into Buffy's shoulder, Willow's sobbing once again commenced in earnest.

Buffy furrowed her brow and looked hesitantly over at Spike, who was sitting on the edge of Buffy's bed and staring uncomfortably at the girls across from him.

Finally deciding to speak up, Spike said, "Are you sure she wasn't just a friend, Red? I mean…sleeping around? That's not really your boy's style."

"I know what I saw! They were all over each other." And she turned her face back into Buffy's shoulder once again.

Buffy and Spike sat for a minute, considering Willow's response. Peering over her friend's red hair, Buffy made eye contact with Spike, the only sound in the room Willow's sniffling as they stared in shock at one another.

* * *

After a late night comforting their friend, the three had gotten into bed – Willow alone, Buffy and Spike in the other bed – and immediately fallen asleep. The next day, Buffy awoke cramped and stiff in Spike's arms. Even though their first year in college – and in these dorms – was nearing its end, Buffy still hadn't adjusted to sharing the tiny bed with her boyfriend. It was really time to get their own place.

After pressing her lips to Spike's chest, Buffy pushed herself up and climbed out from under the covers. She quietly walked across the room so she could make her way into the bathroom, but stopped as she passed Willows sleeping form. She stood for a few seconds, staring deeply into the face of her friend.

Buffy noted Willows puffy eyes and splotchy face. They'd stayed up comforting their friend until three in the morning, listening as Willow cried and vented over the whole Oz situation. It looked like the tears hadn't stopped after Buffy and Spike had fallen asleep.

Her heart hurt, and the ache was refreshed as she stared at her friend. As far as Buffy was concerned, no one deserved to hurt like this, but she knew how deeply Willow cared for Oz…and that just made this so much harder to watch. The thing was, she also knew how much Oz cared for Willow. That just made this whole situation even more confusing as well.

Even after hearing about it the night before, Buffy still had a hard time believing Oz could do something like this to Willow. She and Spike hadn't had a moment alone to discuss the situation together, but she was sure Spike felt the same way. Sure, they'd known Willow much longer than Oz, but in the year and half that they'd been friends with the musician, he'd always proven to be a great friend and an even better boyfriend.

Buffy knew Oz wasn't one for words, but when he did speak, he was always kind and funny, and sometimes pretty wise. Even without the words, you could tell he cared deeply for Willow.

Shaking her head to clear the contemplation, Buffy turned and continued on her way towards the bathroom. She splashed water on her face, wet and pasted her toothbrush and drew it up to her mouth. As she finished brushing her teeth, a heavy pounding sounded on the door. She shook her toothbrush out in the sink and threw it into its holder before making her way back into the room. A quick glance at the alarm clock sitting on her dresser showed it was barely 9 o'clock – still pretty early for anyone to show up unannounced.

The pounding on the door continued, waking both Spike and Willow. Spike reached for the pillow below him, cursed with a grumble and then slammed his body back down on the bed, covering his face with the pillow with another groan.

Willow, on the other hand, rubbed at her eyes and then froze. "Oh god!" She turned wide eyes on Buffy. "It's him. It has to be him, Buffy!"

The pounding continued, and as if to prove Willows theory, a deep male voice rang out with the bangs.

"Willow! Please open the door. I need to talk to you."

Spike's form sprang quickly up, and seconds later, the pillow covering his face went flying across the room. All three of them sat in shock, not knowing what to do.

And still the pounding continued.

Finally, Spike moved towards the door and mumbled, "For Christ sakes, ladies, if neither of you are going to get the door for the bloke, than I will. We can't just have him waking up the whole damn dorm."

Sighing in relief, Buffy walked to Willows bed and sat next to her, wrapping her arm around the redhead's shoulders in anticipation of what was bound to be something huge between her two friends.

Spike quickly threw on his jeans and a white undershirt before walking across the room and flinging the door open wide. Oz jumped back in surprise as the door finally opened.

"What's going on, mate? You're going to wake the whole damn school with your carrying on." Spike muttered.

Turning sad eyes on Spike, Oz quietly said, "Sorry, man. I just…is Willow here? I really need to talk to her."

Spike was unsure how to react. On one hand, he could scarcely believe that the man he had come to see as a good friend could act so horrendously, but on the other, he knew that Willow was one of his best mates and Oz had grievously wounded her sensitive heart. Turning imploring eyes on the redhead on the bed next to his girl, Spike knew what he had to do as Willow shook her head frantically.

"Sorry, mate. She never did come back last night. Maybe she's at her parents?" Spiked gulped slightly as he finished his lie. He'd never been very good at it and preferred a blunt, straight-forward approach.

Disappointment filled Oz's eyes as he looked away quickly. Spike was sure it was a way to hide tears that just couldn't be held back, and he, too, glanced away and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"Look man, just…give her some time. Ok?"

Oz turned his red-rimmed eyes back at the blonde in the doorway and nodded solemnly before turning away and walking somberly down the hall.

With a sigh, Spike closed the door and leaned his head against the wood. After a few moments, he took another deep breath and finally turned back towards the two girls staring nervously at him, one with eyes wide and the other crying silently.

Making his way toward Willow, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Give him a chance, luv. The bloke looks right devastated." Taking his hand off her shoulder after a few moments, he held it out towards Buffy, who took it tenderly and allowed him to pull her into his comforting arms as he softly grazed the top of her head with his lips.

When she turned imploring green eyes up at him, he mumbled, "Come on, sweets. Let's get ready to head over to Mom's and Dad's for lunch."

She nodded, giving him the briefest of smiles before turning towards the closet. Spike settled back on the bed for what he was sure to be her typical marathon dressing session.

* * *

It had been a week. A whole week since Willow had caught Oz in the arms of another woman. A whole week of pitying eyes, whispered warnings as she walked into a room and pressure to talk to Oz from her friends. A whole week of avoiding Oz-friendly places and ignoring countless phone calls and tearful pleas at the door.

She knew that she was putting her friends in an awkward situation. They all loved her, but Oz was their friend, too. And while they all reported that Oz had been avoiding them since the situation, a part of her was a little jealous that they sometimes seemed to have Oz's back. They kept making subtle suggestions that she hear him out, and Spike had outright begged for her not to jump to conclusions.

Deep down, however, Willow knew that she wasn't jumping to conclusions. After all, how could she when he'd been so blatantly obvious with that Veruca skank? Willow had caught him, red handed and lip-locked with someone who most assuredly was _not_ his girlfriend. Someone else. And a rather sexy someone else, at that.

As if Willow's confidence could afford to get any worse.

Oz had been the first boy she'd ever dated. Sure, she'd crushed on Xander from afar…for years…and had struggled early on with not wanting to disrupt the Scooby dynamics. When Xander had started dating Anya, she was jealous and had a hard time dealing with the girl in a civilized manner, but then Oz appeared in her life. The moment he'd given her that crooked grin, it was as if a switch had flipped in her heart. As if Xander had suddenly been powered on in the "friend" department and a newer light had filled the "love" department with brightness. Her life had changed so quickly…and now she didn't know how she could possibly go on without him.

Stubbornly, Willow resolved that she just couldn't. He was her other half. He complimented her in every way. She was so completely in love with him, but now that she thought about it, she honestly didn't know if that was enough anymore. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him smiling at her with that crooked grin…and with his arms wrapped around another girl. She heard said girl's moans, watched as her lips roamed Oz's mouth and neck.

It was all too much for her to handle.

And that was exactly why she was avoiding him…avoiding it…avoiding the whole damn situation. She couldn't decide which was worse: living without him or living with what he had done. She couldn't stand the thought of looking into his eyes and hearing his excuses.

So instead of dealing, she had taken to closing herself off. Away in her room. And trying her damndest to ignore all of Oz's efforts to talk to her.

And it was these swirling, ever-present morose thoughts that consumed Willow's mind as she buried her face in her pillow and forced herself to breathe through the grief. And they were the reason she never saw the note slip under the door or was aware of the solemn face on the man on the other side as he walked away for the last time.

"Alright, Spike! I have to go!" Buffy giggled as Spike stole another kiss on her lips…just one more time… before she teasingly pushed him away.

He grinned cockily back at her before pushing her up at against the wall and smothering her with yet another, more passionate kiss. Only this time, she felt her knees go weak before he settled his forehead against hers and joined her in a few calming breaths.

"Okay, okay. I just can't help myself." He whispered as he pushed away from her. His countenance changed from lust to concern, and he ran his hand along the curve of her cheek. "You think you can handle Willow tonight, love?"

Buffy sighed and pressed her cheek further into his loving hand. "Honestly, I don't know, but I'll do my best. YOU need to go home and study. Big chem test tomorrow, remember? And I refuse to be a distraction!"

Spike opened his mouth as if to argue, but Buffy cut him off. "Don't worry about me, Spike."

So he simply sighed and mumbled, "Impossible."

Buffy smiled at him and stretched her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "I love you, dummy."

She felt his responding chuckle vibrate in his chest and his soft lips press against the top of her head as his arms tightened around her. "And I you, pet."

Finally pulling away, he graced her with another smile before making his way out of the dorm. Her eyes followed him until the doors closed behind him, then she sighed. Mentally preparing herself for what was most likely waiting for her inside, Buffy pushed the door open.

Her eyes immediately found the mess of red hair protruding out of the bundle of blankets and pillows on Willow's bed. Shaking her head, Buffy took a few steps towards her friend, intent on checking to see how she was doing, when she slipped on a piece of paper on the floor.

"Fuck!" She screamed as her butt collided with the hard floor, causing Willow to jump up.

"Oh, Buffy! Are you okay?" While she sounded exhausted, Willow's voice held an edge of panic. Leaping out of bed, the redhead ran towards her friend and helped her up.

Buffy frowned and rubbed her behind. "Yeah, I'm good." Leaning forward, the blonde picked up the paper, noticing it had Willow's name written in crooked letter on the front. "This yours?" She asked as she held out the folded paper towards her friend.

Willow scrunched her eyes in confusion. "Um, I don't know." She took the paper and very slowly opened it.

Buffy could see the emotion in her friend's eyes as she read whatever was on the page. Concerned, Buffy took a step towards Willow just as the redhead dropped to her knees, closing her eyes and releasing the sheet of paper. Buffy watched as the page floated silently to the ground. Sinking to the floor so she was next to Willow, Buffy reached to pick up the note and read it.

_Willow,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person, but it is not for lack of trying. I want to start by telling you that I have no excuse for what you saw last week. I can tell you that I have no feelings for Veruca whatsoever. To be honest with you, I don't even remember very much of that night._

_What I do remember, though, is that I hurt you. That's something I promised myself I would never do. I don't blame you for refusing to speak to me. I just wish I could have touched you one last time before I left, whether I deserve to or not. _

_The thing is, the band's fan base is getting pretty big. For the longest time, I've refused to tour very far from Sunnydale, because being by your side has always been more important than anything else, including the money, the fans and the fame. _

_After what happened last week, though, I think it might be best for me to give you some time and space. On top of that, I just need to get myself together. I need to clear my mind and cleanse my soul. I don't know when I'll be back, but I know it won't be until I can look at you as a new man, a man that deserves your love. _

_I do love you, Willow. I think I always will._

_Oz_

Buffy could feel tears of her own welling up in her eyes. Refolding the note neatly, she placed it to the side and wrapped her arms around her sobbing friend. It seemed as if they stayed like that for hours. When Willow finally stopped sobbing and her eyes had dried, she pulled away from her blonde friend…and Buffy could feel the air in the room change. It was as if static had filled up the space all around them-as if a current ran through the air.

Slowly withdrawing from her friend, Buffy looked deep into Willow's oddly clear eyes and felt a chill run down her spine. In her heart, she knew that things were about to change…and not in a good way.

* * *

Please review!


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the delay! Enjoy! And please don't forget to favorite, review, and even share The Story. Thank you to those who have already done so and continue to do so.

* * *

Chapter 4 Part 2

Buffy couldn't help but check herself out in the car mirror as she pulled up to her Mom's house. Her long blonde hair rolled in waves around her face and her make-up was done just enough to make her already big green eyes pop and shine even brighter. She applied another generous dose of lip gloss on her pouty lips and made a soft moue to her reflection before stepping out of the car.

_Perfect timing_, she thought as she glanced up and saw Spike pulling around the corner. She paused in front of her car and waited for him to park and get out of his own.

As he stepped out of the car with his signature cocky grin, she couldn't help but admire his absolute male splendor. His look was simple, just as it always had been: a plain white shirt, a rugged pair of blue jeans, a pair of old combat boots and his infamous leather duster.

Her mouth started to water. _Absolutely stunning._

Finding herself drawn to him, she floated towards her boyfriend and into his arms. She tucked her cheek against his chest then, pulling away just enough to see his face, she went in for a generous kiss, reveling in the feel of his hands on her hips and his soft lips pressed against hers. It still amazed her that after two years of dating, she still got butterflies whenever he was near.

What they had was special. She just knew it.

With a chuckle, Spike said, "Alright, alright, love. No matter how much I want to take you into the back of this car and fuck you senseless, we shouldn't keep the parentals waiting."

With an exaggerated pout, Buffy resigned herself to a nod and stepped away, but not before Spike could grab her hand within his own. Hand in hand, they strolled together up the path to their parents' home.

"I wonder what's so important that they called this impromptu dinner." Buffy whispered.

Spike shrugged, "Probably nothing, ducks."

Flashing him another smile when he gave her a quick peck on the nose, she took a breath and opened the door.

"Mom! Giles! Dawn! We're here!" She yelled.

Her mother quickly appeared under the arch leading into the living room. "Oh, Buffy, Spike! Come in, come in. How have you been? How are your classes going? Come here and give me and hug, honey."

Buffy laughed under her breath as she let her mother draw her into a close hug, and she acknowledged that their relationship was better than ever. As Joyce went to hug Spike as well, Buffy released the older woman and made her way into the living room to look for Dawn and Giles.

Instead, she found a strange man sitting on her mom's sofa.

Looking closer, he actually looked familiar, though try as she might, Buffy couldn't quite place him. He had short brown hair that was gelled into a messy-on-purpose forest of twists and spikes at the top of his head. Thin-framed glasses did a poor job of blocking the bright blue eyes that lay blinking behind them. Though his head was tilted down towards his lap, Buffy could see a shadow of stubble on his cheeks and chin that was just a bit past five o'clock and that topped off his rugged appeal.

He looked up from the fumbling hands he'd been wringing in his lap and his eyes widened at the sight of Buffy. She felt bad for the guy. He was very clearly a nervous wreck. She smiled sweetly to reassure him, and he lifted a hand in greeting.

"Uh…um…hello. You must be, Buffy." He said in a stiff British accent that didn't quite match his appearance.

"That would be me. And you are?"

"Well, um…" He hesitated for the space of a few seconds and Buffy wondered if he'd forgotten his own name. "I think that would be better left up to Rupert to explain."

Scrunching her brow in confusion, Buffy turned in the direction she'd just come to figure out just what was taking Spike so long. This whole thing reeked of the uber weird.

* * *

The moment Joyce had greeted them at the door, Spike noted the nervous glint in her eyes and the way she was carrying herself. A glance towards Buffy told him she'd written off her mother's slightly odd rambling to Joyce's missing her daughter, but Spike was much more observant. Something was on Joyce's mind. Whatever it is, he was sure it would reveal itself eventually.

After spending a few minutes catching up with Buffy's mom, Spike took Joyce's arm in his and led her as they followed Buffy's path into the living room, then stopped short at the sight of the man sitting on the couch. Spike noted that he looked oddly familiar and the air in the room seemed to shift. Not wanting to seem like an ass, Spike stepped forward and held out his hand to the man.

"Name's Spike." Spike reached out to grasp the man's hand in his own, watching as the stranger gave him a tentative smile. "And you are?"

"Oh, uh, yes, I am Wesley."

Spike nodded thoughtfully and stepped away from the visitor. After breaking eye contact, Spike turned towards Joyce and asked, "Where's the old man anyway?"

Joyce bit her lip and began fumbling to rearrange the pillows on the love seat. "Oh, well, he is somewhere around here. We just had a bit of a surprise and he needed a second to-"

"It's ok, dear. I can handle this."

They all looked up to see a downtrodden Giles standing in the doorway. Spike observed the sympathetic look that Joyce sent towards his father and couldn't help but worry what it was a precursor to.

Taking a few steps towards his dad, Spike said, "Everything okay, Dad?" He felt Buffy slip her hand into his and reminded himself to take a breath as he waited for his dad's response.

Giles shuffled his feet a little as he removed his glasses and nervously wiped the lenses with the ruffled edge of his shirt. When he looked up, Spike noted that his dad's eyes were red from recently shed tears. When Giles motioned for his son to sit, Spike shook his head, unwilling to move until he knew what was causing the tension in the room.

"What's wrong, Dad?" The words left Spike's mouth in a trembling breath. He was grateful when he felt Buffy squeeze his hand once again.

Giles closed his eyes and whispered, "Please, son, sit."

Forcing himself to move, Spike pulled Buffy with him to the chair across from the couch. As he sat on the edge of the cushion, he drew her close against him in search of warmth and support.

Clearing his throat, Giles began, "As you both have noticed, we have a visitor." All eyes in the room turned towards Wesley, who was staring anxiously at his feet.

"This young man…Wesley Wyndham Price…is my son."

Not one sound penetrated the room. Giles looked apprehensively between his two sons. Joyce was looking down at the floor as her hand rubbed circles on her husband's back. Wesley stared anxiously at his brother, waiting for a response. All the while, Spike gaped at Giles in astonishment.

Buffy knew that everyone was waiting for her boyfriend's response, but she knew he needed time to process this revelation. She wasn't sure how he would react to this news. It wasn't necessarily negative, just…surprising. She knew Spike though, and he took things like this pretty seriously. There was a good chance he would get upset that Giles kept such a big secret from him. Watching him closely, Buffy saw him take a few breaths and his shoulders slowly release some of the tension he had been holding since Giles' announcement. _Here it comes_, she thought.

She watched him inhale once again, physically felt the exhale Spike forced out between clenched teeth. He was carefully avoiding his new brothers gaze, both eyes on Giles. And those eyes did not look happy. Buffy bit her lip nervously and watched as Spike let out a wicked laugh. _This so was not good._

"Would you care to expand that statement some?" Spike asked venomously.

Swallowing visibly, Giles struggled to begin an explanation. "Many years ago…approximately 25 actually…I briefly had a relationship with a young girl with whom I had been friends with for many years. Ahh…we were not in love, but we cared for each other very much. During our brief relationship, she fell pregnant. We were both…so young, only 15 years of age, unprepared to take care of a child, but she was determined and therefore, so was I. After the child, a boy, was born, I was told she died in childbirth…and the child with her." He looked directly at Spike as he finished. "It seems I was misinformed, to say the least."

The air suddenly left the room, and with it Spike's breath. Not knowing how to react to this news, Spike reacted the only way he could, in anger.

"So, what? This little piece of information just slipped your mind when we were laying it all out there so that we could start our relationship out on good terms? I don't know how it is where you're from, but in my mind that means we are honest with one another."

Giles fumbled anxiously, "William…I…this was something from so long ago, years before I even met your mother. I believed the boy to be buried beside his mother long, long ago. I was so young, and since then, so much has happened. To be honest with you, I have not given much thought to the matter in quite some time."

Still reeling from the news of his new brother, Spike pushed rational thought aside and laughed spitefully at his perplexed father.

"Hadn't given it much thought? Please, explain to me how one does not give much thought to a life that HE created? I'm guessing it was just like your abandonment of me, right? Leaving me to get raised by an abusive, hateful bastard, while you lived a peaceful existence, free of any pesky kids you might have forced on the women who fucking adored you. Right?"

Buffy could feel Spike's entire being shake with emotion. She knew that his reaction had an underlying meaning that was caused by more than just this surprising news. Sensing he needed to be free of this space, she jumped off his lap. Just as she stood up, Spike flew from the seat he was sitting in and strode brazenly passed his father, roughly bumping into the older man's shoulder as he passed.

Flinching as the door slammed behind him, Buffy turned sympathetic eyes towards Wesley and whispered, "I'm so sorry. This is just…it's a surprise for him. Please, don't take it personally."

Wesley nodded solemnly and coughed awkwardly as he also stood and strode out the front door. Biting her lip, Buffy turned to her mother and the man she now viewed as a father. Noting the tears in Giles' eyes, Buffy took a few tentative steps towards the man who seemed to age ten years in front of her eyes.

"Buffy…I.."

Buffy cut him off with a hug, startling her mother, who was standing close by with a comforting hand on her husband's back.

Buffy mumbled into his shoulder, "I love you, Giles, and I understand. He will too. Just give him time."

She pulled away and quickly kissed Giles on the cheek before striding anxiously after her boyfriend.

* * *

It didn't take her long to find him, leaning against his beloved Desoto, eyes turned towards the sky. His emotions were so strong she could almost see them rolling off his shoulders – in fact, that was one of the things that helped her fall in love with him. He wore his emotions on his sleeves and you always knew what you got. That passion for life, for everything he cared about, that was something she always admired about him…but it also led to moments like this. Moments where she knew she had to suck it up and be there for him, even if she didn't quite understand it.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy moseyed towards her boyfriend, stopped in front of him and leaned into his chest. His arms immediately engulfed her as she felt him press his face into her hair. She brought her hands up and ran them softly along his back, tracing unknown patterns. She knew the tickling sensation reminded him of when his mother would put him to sleep when he was just a boy, and it always helped him calm his feelings.

She felt when he released some of the pent up tension in his body and she pulled back to look into his waiting eyes. He grinned sadly at her and whispered, "Am I overreacting, love?"

Buffy smiled back and let out a little chuckle that made his heart jump. Her presence alone was enough to ease his mind. It was amazing what she could do to him with just one look, one smile, one touch. _She_ was amazing. He quirked an eyebrow at her as she seemed to be in thought, waiting for her reply.

Looking up directly into his eyes, she confidently answered, " Well, no, not exactly. This is a surprise for all of us, but especially for you. You have this brother who you knew nothing about, and at the same time you're still getting to know this new father. So, no, I don't think you're overreacting."

God, he loved her. She always seemed to understand him. Pulling her back to him he kiss the top of her head. "You, my dear, are the most wonderful woman I've ever known."

He could feel her silently laughing against him as he heard her muffled responses, "Well, duh!"

* * *

Across town, Willow was moping about the dorm, when a knock threw her from her thoughts. Everyone she knew would just walk on in, so she nervously made her way to the door wishing she could see through it to the other side. With a jolt, she realized that it could be Oz, and before any rational thoughts could penetrate her mind, she threw the door open.

Her hopes deflated as she saw Oz's bandmate and friend, Devon, standing across from her. That same hope shriveled and died as the very bitch that had herself wrapped around her boyfriend mere weeks ago popped up behind him.

"Finally." The bitch said as she walked past Willow and into the room.

Willow gritted her teeth as the girl sat at the end of her bed. "What the hell do you think you're doing." The venom in her voice surprised even herself and Devon walked over to stand next to the whore.

"Calm down, Wills. We are just here picking up Oz's stuff."

Turning her eyes away from the girl in front of her, she said, "Why did you bring that…that…bitch here?"

Devon scrunched his eyebrows in confusion and pointed sideways to the girl next to him, who stood there smiling cockily at Willow. "Veruca? What about her? She's a friend."

Willow snorted in a very unladylike way. "Yeah, I'm sure. A friend who screws other girls' boyfriends." She turned back toward Veruca. "Which reminds me. Get…the FUCK…out!" She screamed so hard that her throat began to throb, but the bitch just sat there with that smile. Willow was about to break her no violence rule when Devon interrupted her thoughts.

"What? What's she talking about V?"

Boldly, Veruca replied, "Well, the other night when we got Ozzie to take those X tabs, things got a little…out of hand. One thing led to another, and, well, let's just say he realized what a real woman could do for him."

As Willow lunged, Devon stepped between the two. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Willow, calm down. I am so sorry. I swear, I didn't know."

Pulling away, Willow wiped at her eyes, refusing to let that skank see her cry. "That explains it. You took advantage of him."

"Advantage of him? He's a big boy, Wilma. Plus, it was just a few pills, not enough to get him that geeked."

This time, Devon responded first. "Yeah, a few pills to a guy who never does drugs or even drinks. I remember that night clearly, V, and Oz was belligerent. God, he barely knew who he was. That's why I asked Sam to bring him home."

She grinned, "Well, I talked Sam into letting me take over that…job." Her lips popped on the last syllable, emphasizing the word that seemed disgusting all of a sudden to Willow's ears.

"Yeah, well, I agree with Willow. You took advantage of him, Veruca, and maybe it would be a good idea for you to vamoose."

Her mouth dropped and she stood up. "Are you freakin' serious right now, D?"

He didn't say a word but pointed towards the door. She stormed out, and as if on autopilot, Willow gathered Oz's things and put them in a trash bag. Silently, she handed it to Devon and with a sympathetic smile he walked out.

As the door closed, the anger she had been trying to hold inside herself bubbled to the surface. Furious tears began streaming from her eyes and her breath hitched in her throat. Reaching for her coat, Willow knew she needed to get out this room, like, now. She needed to find Buffy.

* * *

Spike was feeling noticeably better after their talk, but both of them decided it would be better to maintain some space from the other adults before approaching the topic again. Getting into Spike's car, Buffy let her boyfriend drive back to his dorm in silence, caressing his hand as he drove. When they arrived at the dorm, Buffy called her mother to let her know that they would be coming for breakfast in the morning and not to worry. Joyce, of course, was still worried, but she had grown to trust her daughters' instincts and decided it was better not to push the subject.

Now, lounging against the bedpost, Buffy played with the curls that rested at Spike's temple as his head sat gently in her lap. Without being prompted, he started talking. Spike spoke of his fear of how this news would affect his relationship with his father, and how his brother may not even like him. He talked about how he'd felt when he'd found out about Giles being his father. After some time, he even opened up about how he still had not completely forgiven his father for leaving him behind to endure Liam's foul treatment, although he knew he couldn't have known.

He talked, she listened, and they both cried every now and then. When she felt his tears wet her thighs, she would softly wipe them away with her thumb, holding his cheek in her palm even while her own emotions threatened to get the best of her.

She knew that Spike needed to get all of these feelings off his chest, and maybe after this, not only would he accept this new relationship that had been thrust into his life, but finally forgive his father for the years of abandonment. Even if he didn't say it aloud, she knew he needed her right now. He'd never burden her with that, he'd never admit it, but she knew and she didn't mind. She wanted to be there for him in any way that she could. She wanted to help him.

As the words lulled, they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

A silence that was quickly broken as someone began pounding on the door.

With a sigh, Buffy got up and mumbled, "I'll get it." She walked towards the door and forced it open. There before her stood Willow, who was grinding her teeth and angrily tapping her foot.

"Wills? What's going on."

"You won't believe it, Buffy!" Willow screamed, pushing past Buffy and into Spikes dorm. Ignoring Spike, she slammed herself down on the edge of his bed.

Buffy slowly closed the door and walked over to her friend. She knew that Willow was heartbroken and was going through something herself, but to be honest, she was starting to get frustrated with the constant drama. It had been almost a month since Oz had left, and even longer since the incident with the other woman had happened. They'd all tried to offer her advice, which she ignored, and they took turns being there for her. But now Spike needed her, and she wouldn't shut him out right now for anything.

Still, she wouldn't throw her friend out. "Everything okay, Wills?"

"That…that…WHORE had the nerve to show up at our dorm. She just strode right in like she freakin' owned the place, all rude-like. Can you believe it?"

Spike cleared his throat and excused himself as he took off into the restroom, giving the girls some space to themselves.

"Um, who exactly are we talking about? Start from the top."

With an exaggerated sigh, Willow regaled the experience of Devon and Veruca coming to pick up Oz's things and all that she had found out since. Buffy listened and nodded her head, wondering what was taking Spike so long.

"Wow. I'm sorry, Wills. That couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't." She said in a huff. "Let's go somewhere. Let's do something. I just can't be sitting around right now. And no Spike. Just us girls. I can't even remember the last time it's been just the two of us."

Buffy sighed. She really wanted to be there to help Willow blow off some steam, but she couldn't leave Spike right now, not when he was finally talking about all these issues that had been troubling him for so long.

"God, Willow, I really wish I could, but we got some…interesting news today and Spike really needs me here. Why don't you stay with us if you want?"

In her current state, Willow wasn't worrying about Spike's situation. All she could think about was how she had not given Oz a chance to explain. How she pushed him away, and now he was gone. All because of_ her_…Veruca.

"Are you serious, Buffy? I just told you my boyfriend was drugged and taken advantage of, AND on top of that, the bitch who did it showed up at our dorm like she owns the place!"

Buffy was a little flustered at Willows tone and tried to keep her own rising frustrations at bay. "I'm sorry, but I really need to be there for Spike right now. I can't just take off on him. "

Willow hopped up just as the restroom door creaked open and Spike peered out.

"I cant believe you. It's always about Spike, isn't it? God forbid anyone else needs you. In fact, why don't you just marry him already and get it over with. Then your whole life can revolve around him." With that, Willow stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Buffy cringed slightly at the sound and turned worried eyes towards Spike. "I'm sorry about that."

Spike shrugged. "You should go, pet. Don't worry about me."

Buffy walked over and put her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. The sound of his heart beating beneath her cheek calmed her rolling emotions. "No, this is where I want to be."

* * *

How dare she! Willow thought that Buffy was her friend, but it seemed like all she ever cared about was Spike. Spike this, Spike that. God, get over it already.

It didn't take long for Willow to find herself in front of The Bronze. Her mind still swirling with angry thoughts, she sank down into the barstool at the corner end of the bar.

"You alright there?"

Willow turned and looked into a slightly familiar face. "And you are?"

The girl next to grinned crookedly back at her. "You don't remember me? I'm hurt." She feigned sadness for a moment before laughing and sitting next to Willow. "Amy. I went to Sunnydale High with you."

"Ahh, Amy. I…think…I remember you."

Again, Amy laughed. "We didn't exactly hang out in the same crowd, so no worries. Willow, right?"

The redhead nodded and turned away, moving back to her thoughts. She didn't hide the irritation when they were suddenly broken again by Amy.

"Look, I know that look when I see it, and I know EXACTLY what you need."

"You do?" Willow asked only half-interested. This girl seemed shady. Still, she did need to blow off some steam.

Amy turned to the bartender and hollered over the noise of the crowd. "Two shots of tequila and two beers."

Willows eyes widened and she almost spoke out against the suggestion of doing something so wild. Almost. As the bartender sat the drinks down, Amy motioned for her to down the shot as she grabbed her own.

"Bottoms up!" Amy said.

Without another thought, Willow tilted her head back and threw the burning liquid down her throat. She thought she might cough from the sting of it as it slithered down her throat and sunk into her chest. But the burn…oh the burn. It tossed aside the other pain in her heart and made her mind go a little fuzzy. Immediately, she found she couldn't really focus on the things that had so bothered her just moments before.

Maybe this girl was just what she needed.

* * *

Bum Bum Bum! lol


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 4 Part 3**

It had been a month since the revelation of the startling news that Giles had another son…an equal amount of time since Buffy's argument with Willow.

In its immediate aftermath, Buffy had instinctively known how important it was to address the situation, and had encouraged Spike to accompany her to see her Mom and Giles, telling him how important it was that they talk about the situation. Once the initial awkward silence had been endured, the two women had sat back and watched, pleased to see father and son have a man to man discussion about their muffled past and to share how this news would affect their still budding relationship. Both males were in tears by the end, and it was clear they'd finally come to an understanding.

As they watched their men come together in a fierce hug, Buffy and her mom had shared a look filled with relief and understanding...then they'd called Wesley and invited him to dinner.

While the dinner had started awkwardly, fortunately it had ended with all three of the men getting to know one another better. And just before they'd parted ways for the night, Giles had reached out and hugged both sons tightly, drawing the two younger men into his arms simultaneously. As they parted, Wesley and Spike had shared a manly handshake, both of them struggling to hide the burgeoning moisture welling in their eyes.

Buffy could sense it was the start of something really great for the Giles men, and she was sure that Wesley would become an integral part of their lives.

Her relationship with Willow, on the other hand, hadn't had the same resolution. The redhead had been mysteriously absent from the gang, and had only come back to their dorm on the rare occasion she could sneak a visit without her roommate's presence or when it was incredibly late and she could pass out before Buffy got a word in.

Now, two weeks after the blowup, Buffy sat with the rest of the gang at the Bronze, finding out from her friends that apparently Willow wasn't just avoiding her...the redhead was avoiding all of them. Xander, in point of fact, was currently rambling on about his own run in with Willow as Buffy sat, looking on and lost in thought.

"You ok, Pet?"

The sound of her boyfriend's gentle voice soothed Buffy's gloomy, contemplative mood. Glancing up at him with big green eyes, Buffy forced a smile and a nod as Spike handed her a drink and scooted in next to her at their booth across from Xander and Anya.

The sympathetic-but-knowing look he gave her made her sigh, and as he wrapped an arm around her petite shoulders, Buffy rested her head against Spike's shoulder and tried to concentrate on her friend's story.

"I mean, she looked right past me like she didn't even know who I was. " Xander screeched.

"And did you see what she was wearing?" Anya interjected, taking advantage of Xander's need for a breath to throw her own addition into the story. "While I must admit the blouse did a lot for Willows small breasts, the whole getup was a little-"

"It was a little revealing!" Xander interrupted. "I don't know what's going on with her. Jesse even said he saw her the other night at a party with Amy! Remember her?"

Spikes head popped up at that. "Amy Madison?"

Xander's eyes widened and he nodded, "Yeah, _her_."

Yes, Spike remembered her and quite clearly. Back in his partying days, even _he_ had been outdone by the infamous Amy Madison. He'd run into her with her group at the occasional party, and not once had she been remotely sober. In fact, last he heard she was into some pretty heavy stuff. The thought of sweet Willow hanging around with that sort really worried him.

But Spike kept his thoughts to himself, not wanting to worry Buffy any more than she already was. He just nodded his head somberly and leaned back in his seat.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught his blonde beauty anxiously biting her lip. He reached over and gently placed his hand on top of her own that was absently picking at the fabric of her jeans. When he squeezed it, her head turned towards his and he sent her a comforting smile.

With a sigh, Buffy turned back towards her friends. "I just can't believe this has gone on for so long. I've been trying to give her some space, but maybe I just need to talk to her. I mean, this is going too far." The group nodded their agreement as silence descended.

"Well that was a depressing conversation. Can't we talk about something that's actually interesting like sex…oh, oh, or money? Money's good! Money's always good!"

A flustered Xander found himself suddenly wordless, and sat just shaking his head as Spike and Buffy shared a laugh at Anya's classic outburst. The mood seemed to shift back to one of joy and comfort, and Spike relaxed some as he watched the smile that played on Buffy's face.

* * *

The next night, Buffy decided it was time. There was absolutely no time to waste if what Xander said was true. Spike had plans to go to the movies with Wesley, so Buffy found herself with a good portion of the evening available to think about what she was going to say when Willow got home.

Two hours into her night of thinking, however, she had yet to figure out the right words.

Glancing at the clock, Buffy decided it might do her some good to take a walk around the campus. Getting some fresh air nearly always helped settle her mind, and she might get lucky and see Willow in the process. Hopping off her bed and shaking off the morose feelings of the evening so far, Buffy threw her peacoat on and headed out the door.

A branch of a larger university, the Sunnydale campus offered a plethora of courses but didn't boast a huge campus. It did have a few nice little trails that intertwined throughout the buildings, though, and a few that threaded through the university's lush gardens. Deciding on one of the more scenic trails, Buffy started on her walk. It was just late enough that the campus was mostly void of any other life forms, allowing the blonde a chance to relax her mind and think about her situation with Willow.

While she wanted to offer her assistance to her best friend, she certainly didn't want to come off as a "know it all." Buffy knew that people grew up and changed, but she just couldn't believe that Willow's change was of the natural. It seemed to Buffy that Willow's abrupt shift in personality was fueled by an intense grief and feeling of self-hatred. And her new friend, Amy, wasn't helping matters, either...in fact, she seemed to be capitalizing on the redhead's sudden weaknesses. From what Buffy had seen so far, Amy was leading Willow to believe that all her sorrows could be drowned in a bottle.

Buffy knew that that was just not the case. Getting plastered would only make matters worse in the long run, and she knew that once Willow snapped out of this funk, she would be awfully upset with herself.

Maybe worst of all was the thought that Buffy could have stopped this. If only she focused more on Willow that night. If only she'd taken a moment to listen. If only she'd reached out a supportive shoulder. If only... She had seen Willow's anger but hadn't realized just how desperate her friend really was. While Buffy knew that Spike had needed her that night as well, she couldn't assuage the guilt that simply wouldn't stop nagging at her.

Lost in thought, Buffy didn't even realize she was no longer alone. Shocked to find herself smacking right into a very hard…chest, Buffy looked up and saw that she had run right into the teacher's aid from her psych class. What was his name….Riley! That was it.

Riley chuckled at the situation and gripped Buffy by her arms to steady her. "Whoa! Watch it there." He teased as her cheeks turned crimson.

Backing away, Buffy smiled. "I am so sorry. My head must have really been in the clouds."

Riley grinned at her and winked. "Hey, it was no problem at all. You won't often hear me complain when a pretty girl falls into my arms."

Um...that was weird. Was he flirting with her? Deciding to play ignorant, Buffy just laughed nervously and waved. "Well, I guess I'll be going. Have a good night."

As she made her way past the large man, his hand shot out and hovered near her stomach, stopping her from passing by.

"Wait up, Buffy. I've actually been meaning to talk to you. Would you mind if I tagged along with you to…well, wherever it is you're going at this time of night?"

Buffy immediately got a bad feeling about his offer, but her manners were screaming at her to be kind. He hadn't actually done anything inappropriate. She just was getting a really weird vibe off of him.

"Uh, sure. I'm not really going anywhere in particular, though. I kind of felt like just walking aimlessly while I got my thoughts together."

He smiled at at her said, "Even better. We can be aimless together."

His hand dropped and he began walking in line with her as she picked up her pace. She kept quiet though, not knowing what to say to this guy she hardly even knew.

"Do you realize how cute you are when you're thinking?"

Shooting him a look, she mumbled her thanks at his compliment, still not feeling quite comfortable.

"You sure are quieter than I expected."

This time she stopped and turned towards him. "And just what were you expecting, Riley?"

Catching her train of thought he smiled and shrugged nonchalantly. "I've had my eye on you since last semester. The way you smile, the way you talk, even the way you move…it's mesmerizing. I just wanted to see if you wanted to maybe go out with me sometime."

While Buffy had sensed this coming, it still shocked the hell out of her. Her eyebrows shot up and she fumbled with her next words.

"You do know I have a boyfriend, right?"

He laughed. "I thought so, but he doesn't really seem like your type."

Well, she had been feeling sorry for him, but now she had decided she wasn't going to let Mr. All American get off so easy.

"And just what exactly do you think my type is?"

Smiling slyly, he whispered, "You know…big, buff, tan, outgoing…someone you can feel safe with. Someone who can…turn you on."

This time it was Buffy's turn to laugh. "Well, you are right on some points. I do love a man who I can feel safe with, and sure as hell someone who turns me on. But you see Riley, I am already with that man. He might not be tall, dark, and handsome. See, I'm not so much into that type. The guy I love is toned, smooth, and sexy. And I only have eyes for him."

The smile remained on Riley's face, but anger now gleamed in his eyes. "Are you serious?"

"Couldn't be more."

"Well, I just can't believe that. Give me a try. Let me show you what a real man can do." He leaned forwards until his lips were mere inches from her ear and whispered, "Let me show you how a real man can make you feel."

Buffy froze as she felt his bulky hand suddenly on her waist and slowly slide up to her breast. When his hand squeezed her breast through her thin cotton shirt, she gasped and pushed him harshly away from her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Showing you what a real man is."

As he started to inch closer, her hand shot up and slapped him roughly across his face. The sound rang through the empty courtyard, but the satisfaction of knowing she'd put him in his place immediately turned to fear as she watched the rage form on his face.

"Just go, Riley. Go now, and I won't tell anyone what an ass you are." She surprised herself with her boldness, because she certainly didn't feel as brave as she was struggling to come across.

"You bitch. You're a little fucking tease."

Those words felt remarkably familiar, but Buffy brushed the feelings they caused off and turned away. "Just go."

With a sneer, Riley turned and stormed off to who knows where. Buffy didn't wait a moment more as she quickly sped back to her dorm.

As soon as she saw the door to her dorm, she quickened her pace. Rushing through the door she slammed it roughly and pushed her back against it. Closing her eyes, she basked in the feeling of safety of being back inside. God, how was she going to tell Spike about this? He would go berserk. She wouldn't tell...he didn't need to know. No real harm had come to her, and if he found out about what Riley had said and done, no matter how small the infraction, he would want a confrontation. Buffy couldn't let that happen. She simply couldn't risk Spike getting hurt or in trouble...at least not for something like this.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, surprised to see Willow staring at her through glazed eyes.

"Willow? When did you get home?"

Willow smiled sloppily, her actions betraying her high level of intoxication. The redhead gave an off-balance shrug. "Not sure. Amy told me I needed to get my beauty sleep. She's got something big planned for tomorrow."

Buffy's eyebrows raised at that and she made her way over to her friend. She sat on the bed next to her and really looked at Willow. Her heavy makeup was smudged, giving her raccoon eyes and an uneven complexion. Her hair was tied in a messy bun on top of her head, and heavy bags drooped under her once-vibrant hazel eyes.

"Is everything okay, Wills?"

Buffy noticed that Willow scooted away from her before answering. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Willow. Its just…we've all noticed a difference in you, and we're worried."

Willow huffed, "Yeah, I'm actually happy now. That's the difference, you see. I'm having fun for the first time in my life. I feel good. Anyway, I don't see why you've decided to worry about me, now of all times."

"Willow! You're my best friend. I'm always worried and looking out for you, and I can't help but think that maybe Amy isn't that great of an influence on you."

"Amy is an amazing influence on me. When all of my friends were too hung up on their significant others to pay any attention to my pain, Amy was there. She showed me how to let the pain go and just feel the good vibes around me."

"Willow…"

"Don't." Willow stood up and turned away from Buffy. When she turned back around, Buffy was surprised by the raw emotion on her friend's face. Willow's eyes betrayed her sadness, though it was wrapped up with an intense anger and what was obviously a sense of betrayal. All of these strong emotions battled for a few seconds before Willow's whole face seemed to tighten with stubborn resolution. Shaking her head as if to clear the fogginess, the redhead pursed her lips before addressing Buffy.

"Since it seems like you're not going to stop pestering me, Ill just go sleep over at Amy's."

That was an idea that was definitely not of the good, so Buffy thought quickly and said, "Wait! You can stay. I won't bother you. I'll go stay at Spike's."

Willow shrugged and lay down on her bed, apparently unconcerned that she was still dressed in her rumpled clothing. Buffy took it as a dismissal, and with a sigh, grabbed her keys from the nightstand and resigned herself to end the conversation. This night was just not her night, it seemed.

* * *

"You're into Byron, too?"

Wesley shrugged in response to his brother and smiled, "Of course! _'__Yet, oh yet, thyself deceive not;__Love may sink by slow decay,__But by sudden wrench, believe not__Hearts can thus be torn away'_. It's masterful."

Spike laughed as his brother used his best, most refined poet's voice to recite one of Lord Bryon's famous pieces. "I can't believe it. We have so much more in common than I thought."

Wesley nodded, "Yes, it seems as if nature does, indeed, have greater influence than nurture."

"Or we just both simply have excellent taste."

The two men chuckled, then settled back in comfortable silence to wait for their drinks to arrive. It had been Wesley's idea to go somewhere they could actually talk, and Spike couldn't have agreed more. He really wanted to get to know his brother...and so far, so good.

It astonished him how different they seemed outwardly. Wesley was clean-shaven, sporting thick-framed glasses and prim, proper clothing. Spike, on the other hand, looked like a rebel with his bleach-blonde hair recklessly gelled around his head, his heavy boots tied to his feet and a long, leather duster pulsing with that classic bad boy vibe. The scar that ran across his eyebrow - his memento of his time as the son of Liam - and the trademark smug smile showed the world he was a cocky sort, and it was an impression he did not mind at all.

Despite outward appearances, however, the brothers had found that they shared quite a bit in common. Both men were very passionate individuals who enjoyed poetry - both the writing and reading of it. So far, their conversations had yet to lack depth or substance, and Spike thoroughly enjoyed the person his brother was turning out to be. He only hoped that Wesley felt the same.

"I remember the first poem I read by Bryon. It was actually what triggered me into being such a huge fan."

"Really? And what piece is that?" His brother questioned, actually seeming interested.

Spike smiled at the memory and recited, "'_She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, had half impaired the nameless grace which waves in every raven tress, or softly lightens o'er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express, how pure, how dear their dwelling-place. And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, so soft, so calm, yet eloquent, the smiles that win, the tints that glow, but tell of days in goodness spent a mind at peace with all below, a heart whose love is innocent!_""

As Spike finished his recital, he saw his brother's eyes twinkling and a sly smile on his face. "That's a poem for a man in love. Are you in love, my brother?"

Spike smiled shyly and shrugged. "Is it that obvious?"

Wesley chuckled. "Oh yes, quite. You spoke Bryon's words as if they were your own. Plus, well...I'm not blind."

Spike joined in his brother's laughter. "When I first read that poem, my initial thought was Buffy. Of course, we weren't together then."

"How did you two get together, exactly?"

Spikes eyebrows rose and he said, "That's quite the story, mate."

Wesley made a show of looking at his watch and said, "I'm in no rush. Tell me about her."

Now, this was a topic Spike could talk about for days. "Buffy was…is my savior. She came into my life at a time when I truly needed a friend. That is exactly what she was. What she is. My very best friend. It wasn't until years later that we finally realized how intense our feelings were, that we'd fallen in love with one another...well, at least it's really when she realized her love for me. I honestly think I was in love with her the moment my eyes saw her little self, tapping wide-eyed on my bedroom window."

Spike looked far off as he thought about the woman he loved more than life itself. "She's such a beautiful person, both inside and out. I love her for every part of her, good and bad, and I love who I am when I am with her."

His words lingered in the air and his brother sighed. "Ah, young love. What are your plans? You're both in school now. Do you plan to stay together through college? It won't be easy."

Spike nodded in thought and answered, "It's not easy for most kids our age, but me and Buffy...we're different. It's like she's the other part of me and I'm the other part of her. We complete each other. Without the other, neither of us is right. We don't make sense on our own. There are holes...you know, inside...pieces missing when we're on our own. We know that this thing we have…it's forever."

"That's quite an intense love for two people who are so young."

Spike agreed. "Yes, it is. That's what makes us different." He smiled at the waitress as she sat their drinks down on their table and continued, "As for our plans…well, we plan on getting married after college once we've started our careers. She wants to start a psychiatric practice here in Sunnydale, I'll hopefully be teaching here at UC-Sunnydale. Eventually, we want kids. You know, the usual. Right now, we're just kind of taking it one day at a time. We have a lifetime together, we're in no rush."

Wesley smiled at his brothers' passion and patted him on the shoulder. "You're a lucky man, Spike."

Smiling, Spike didn't respond further. But he knew.

* * *

That night when Spike got home, he couldn't wait to tell Buffy about his night out with his brother. As he walked into his apartment, he sat his keys on the bar and hung his duster across the back of the couch.

Noticing the time on the clock, he figured it was too late and would be best to call Buffy in the morning. Stifling a yawn behind the back of his hand, Spike made his way to his room and pushed the door open. Flipping the light switch on, he was just a little shocked to see Buffy's prone form sprawled out in his bed.

He smiled and thanked whatever god made his wish come true. He slid off his pants and shirt quickly, sat them neatly on the dresser, and crept lightly onto the bed beside Buffy.

Instead of pulling her into his body, though, he took a second to really admire her. She lay on her stomach with one leg pushed up and both arms bent just above her head. He couldn't help but appreciate those plump lips of hers, the way her hair framed her angelic face, that adorable pout she had as she slept.

God, he loved this woman. He felt an intense need to touch her, so he reached a hand out, softly tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear, then running the backside of his hand across her cheek. He laid a tender kiss on her pouty lips before sliding his hand down to her pert ass.

He moaned quietly as he squeezed her ass cheek and began tracing the subtle lines of her body. Needing to taste her again, he kissed softly at her neck, flicking his tongue out and savoring her. When she let out a small moan in her sleep, he smiled deviously.

This gave him a brilliant idea. Gently, he rolled her over onto her back and glanced cautiously back up at her face, ensuring she was still asleep. Assured of slumber, Spike began to slowly remove the sweat shorts she had been wearing. He smiled when he noticed she wasn't wearing panties.

What a lucky man he was - and in more ways than one. Spike forced himself to take a moment in admiration of her naked lower body. Running a finger between her smooth lips, he licked his own lips, oh-so-ready to savor the natural flavor of her body.

Dipping his head down, he placed a delicate kiss on her opening before delving his tongue between her folds. Flicking his tongue over this most delicate spot, he moaned in satisfaction as she ground her hips towards his mouth in her sleep. Taking advantage of her movement, he slid his hands under her bottom and cupped her cheeks, pushing her lower half up to his face and devouring her center.

He knew the moment she awoke when her hands moved to his head and her fingers ran through his hair in a frenzy. The sound of her moans filled the room and he groaned into her wetness as he felt his cock harden and press frustratingly against his boxers.

Slipping his fingers inside of her, he began to pump, tongue and fingers moving in sync to the cadence of her body. When he felt her walls tighten around his fingers, he lapped up the juices that she was now soaked in.

Before he could think of anything else, she grabbed him roughly and pulled him up to her mouth. Kissing him passionately, she unsheathed him from his boxers and moaned into his mouth as she grabbed his hardness in her hand, stroking it sensually and running her thumb over the sensitive head.

As she laid back, she brought him down with her, spreading her legs wider to make room for his large frame. She swiftly guided his member to her opening and pushed her hips forward. As he entered her, they both stopped, their eyes meeting and their breaths halting for a few seconds as they enjoyed the moment of ultimate intimacy. They began moving in a carnal rhythm, and it didn't take long for them to both reach their peak. When she came again, this time he came along with her, and when he rolled over onto his back, she nuzzled into the crook of his arm.

"You have no idea how much I needed that." She murmured against him.

Curious but also utterly spent, Spike simply placed a kiss against her forehead and within minutes, the two had drifted into a deep slumber.

* * *

It had been a long week since Buffy had last spoken with Willow. She'd been staying over at Spike's to avoid any conversation, and had gradually begun to realize just how much they had changed over the course of the last couple of months. Buffy regretted that neither one of them had anything to say that didn't end up an insult or injury to the other.

Still, Buffy loved Willow like a sister, and could not lose hope that things would eventually work themselves out.

The Friday night following their talk, Spike had just left to get her some ice cream when Buffy got an interesting call from Amy.

"Hello?" Buffy answered her phone curiously. She didn't recognize the number and it was already past 11pm.

"Betsy? Wait, Buffy. Yeah, um, Buffy? It's Amy."

Buffy sat up quickly, her stomach sinking. This couldn't be of the good if Amy was calling her.

"Hey, Amy. Is everything all right?"

"Eh, sort of. I just need you to come pick up Willow."

Now Buffy was getting really concerned but tried to keep her voice calm as she raced around the room grabbing socks, shoes, her purse and her keys. In her panic, she started rambling. "Where is she? Is she okay? What's going on? Amy, is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Chill out. I brought her over to a friend's house for a party and I guess she just couldn't hang. She's passed out in the back room and I've got to go. I'm catching a ride with a guy and there isn't room for her."

"There isn't room for her?" Buffy repeated incredulously, angry that Willow's so-called friend was giving little thought to Willow. "Um, okay. Where are you?"

Amy rambled off an address and Buffy quickly scribbled it down on a random envelope.

"I'll be there shortly."

"Good, I've got to go."

"Wait! You're going to leave her there?"

"Well, yeah. I can't keep this dude waiting."

Buffy immediately realized she could care less about her tone and angrily replied, "You're going to leave her all alone, passed out, at a random party?"

"It's not a random party, I've known Rack for years. I seriously doubt anything will happen to her." Buffy heard a man's voice in the background before Amy hurriedly said, "Look, I've got to go. Thanks again, Betty!" And with that, Amy hung up.

Buffy stared at the phone in astonishment for a few seconds, struggling to believe that Willow had gotten herself into such a shady situation. She really couldn't wrap her mind around Amy's thoughtlessness, not when the redhead had claimed she was such a good friend.

Buffy bit her lip anxiously and looked at the clock. Spike would be back any minute now, but Buffy didn't feel comfortable leaving Willow alone and in her state any longer than necessary. She quickly jotted down a note for Spike and, grabbing her keys, ran anxiously out the door.

It didn't take long to find the house. It was in a less than appealing part of town and looked more like an abandoned building than anyone's actual home. It hardly seemed like anyone was home and definitely did not seem like any of the parties Buffy had ever been to.

After making her way to the door, Buffy gave it a few sharp knocks and then waited for a response. When none came, she took the chance of just walking in. She peered inside and noticed a bunch of random people lounging about, all them looking stoned out of their minds. The lights were down low, making it difficult to really see the environment clearly, but after staring at them for a few seconds, Buffy noticed a couple in the corner of the room furiously making love. She blushed and quickly turned away.

God damn Willow for putting Buffy in this position. The while scene served to increase Buffy's panic, and she turned down the only hallway and began peering into the rooms in search of her friend. Behind the second door she opened, she found her friend passed out on a moldy-looking bed in the corner of the room. Luckily, it seemed she was alone.

"Willow…" she whispered as she nudged her friend. "Please wake up. We have to get out of here."

Placing a hand in front of Willows mouth, Buffy let out a sigh of relief when she felt her breathing. It seemed the redhead was just asleep. A rough shake would surely rouse her, but Buffy groaned when her friend didn't move a muscle. Looking around for something that could be of use, she was shocked when she not only saw an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the nightstand, but also a pill bottle and the discarded remains of a joint.

She had known Willow was partying, but she didn't know that she was doing more than just drinking. The drinking was bad enough, but drugs! She couldn't believe it.

"Oh, Willow…" she mumbled in frustration.

"Well, looky who we have here."

Buffy jumped and turned around at the gruff voice only to lay her eyes on a very intoxicated-looking Riley.

"Riley! Hey…"

Riley stumbled towards her with a malicious grin on his face.

"What's going on here, Buffy?"

The way he said her name made her cringe, but she knew that letting the larger boy know she was aware of just how screwed she was would not be a good idea.

"Just picking Willow up. Seems like she fell asleep. We were just going…"

As she stood, he pushed her roughly back onto the bed. Willow just snored loudly at the disruption, but still didn't wake up.

"What the hell?" Buffy shouted. Not wanting to turn her back on him, she haphazardly shook Willow.

"Eh, she's not waking up anytime soon. Not after all the shit she's been up to tonight. So…" He leaned forward and ran a rough hand up and down her arm before bringing it up to grasp her chin. "It's just you and me."

Looking up into his face, Buffy whispered, "Please Riley, just let us leave."

"You don't really want to leave now, do you, Buffy? I can see it in your eyes how much you want me. How much you want this…" He took her hand, roughly placing it on the bulge in his pants. She struggled to pull it away, but he held her hand fast, forcing her to join his gestures as he stroked himself through his pants.

She closed her eyes and tried to turn her head away from him but his grip tightened on her chin.

"You're hurting me. This isn't right, Riley. You know this. You're fucked up right now. Just try to think how bad this will be when your sober."

"Mmm, but think about how amazing it will feel right now."

Moving with a swiftness his inebriation shouldn't have afford him, he leaned into her and pushed his lips forcefully against hers. She felt them bruise as, with her free hand, she pushed and punched at his chest. He only forced her closer. When his tongue forced its way past her teeth, she bit hard until she tasted blood. Her relief was palpable when she heard him react with a scream, pulling away from her momentarily. The reprieve was brief, however, and his retaliation quick as his hand shot out and smacked her roughly.

"You bastard!" She shouted and reached out for the lamp that sat on the nightstand. She couldn't make a break for it. She couldn't just leave Willow, but she could fight back.

Before she could grab the lamp - the only weapon visible in the room - he grabbed her hair and used his body weight as leverage to swing her to the other side of the room.

"Oh, no you don't, you little tease."

He wasted no time pinning her to the floor as she fought for release. She felt on his legs slide between her thighs and he held her at her wrists with one hand above her head. It didn't matter how hard she struggled, he was just too strong. With his free hand, he pawed at her breast, ripping her shirt and pawing at her bra with harsh maneuverings.

When she spit in his face he growled. "You're a bad girl, Buffy. Looks like you need your punishment now."

Her eyes widened in fear as she heard his zipper unzip and felt him fumbling with her sweatpants.

This wasn't happening.

"Please, Riley, stop." The begging only inflamed him further, and he continued pulling at her pants. Buffy's panic rose even higher and she began to scream, "HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE!"

He pulled his hand away from her pants and pressed it against her mouth before her flipped her over and pushed her face hard into the ground.

"That should shut you up."

He had accomplished getting her pants at least to her knees which only served to trap her legs even further. With her ass in the air and her screams muffled by the carpet beneath her, Buffy let the tears begin to fall.

Just when she expected him to pull down her panties, she heard the door slam against the wall as it was forced open.

Oh god, thank you, she thought as she felt her captor being pulled off of her. Without giving it a second thought she quickly rolled over and pulled up her pants. Pushing herself back against the wall.

That's when she saw him. She had to admit seeing Riley get his face smashed in was now at the very top of her list, but knowing it was Spike doing the beating she knew it needed to be stopped.

Spike's eyes were filled with murder as he continuously pounded at the now limp man on the floor.

"Spike!" She screamed. "SPIKE!"

He stopped in mid swing and looked at her, his face shifting from pure rage to despair and helplessness.

"Please, baby, stop. He's out. Let's just leave. Please…"

The look in her eyes pleaded with him and struck a chord deep within his soul. He looked back down at the man who had almost raped his girlfriend, and spit.

When he had gotten home from the store and saw Buffy's note, he recognized the address immediately as Rack's. From his previous experience, he knew that it was no place for Buffy to go, especially not alone. He had quickly raced over and when he walked in was struck by the scream for help that emanated from the back. The rest of the crowd who sat getting high in the living room seemed to care less, but he didn't waste a moment. He raced back and kicked the door open with all his might.

What he had seen struck fear into his heart. Buffy, face shoved into the floor and Riley positioning himself behind her. He didn't even think as he soared at the man, slamming him across the room and pummeling down on him with all of his might.

The sight of him going limp and the blood pouring down his face didn't seem to soothe him, but it sure as hell didn't hurt. But now, looking at his girls bruised face and tears in her eyes, he moved to her and wrapped his arms fiercely around her.

"God, Buffy. I was almost too late." His last words came out in a sob and he pushed his face into her hair.

He could feel her trembling and the rage he felt at the man beaten on the ground rose once more, but he knew she needed to get out of this place. He helped her stand up and was determined to help her out to the car, but she shook her head and pointed to Willow.

"She won't wake up. She's breathing, but I can't get her to wake up."

He nodded. Angry at the girl sprawled on some strangers bed for getting his girl into this mess. He threw her over his shoulder and walked along side Buffy to the car. After throwing Willow across the backseats, he opened Buffy's door and strapped her in.

The ride home was a quiet one. Neither had said a word. Neither knew what to say. She could feel Spike's eyes on her every time the car came to a stop. She didn't know when, but he had wrapped her up in his duster at some point and right now it was a great comfort. She rubbed the material against her faces and smelled his manly scent.

When they reached his place, they silently decided Willow could sleep there, where they could keep an eye on her throughout the night. After getting her settled on the couch, Spike moseyed into the room where he found Buffy sitting at edge of the bed, showered and changed. She was staring off as she slowly brushed her hair.

He took a second to just stare at his beautiful girl, this girl that had so changed his world. He still couldn't stop thinking that he had been so close. If he was just seconds later Buffy would have been violated in a way that he could never make up for. The look on her face now was haunted and he knew that they needed to talk about this, but he was not going to rush her.

He sat gently down on the bed next to her and removed his shoes and clothing. Once he was ready for bed, he placed a soothing arm around her and pulled her towards him. She was stiff at first but then the tension dissolved from her body and she began to sob in his arms. He held his own tears back, acknowledging that this was her time. If she saw him in tears she may hold back, and he knew she needed to release these emotions.

"Oh god, Spike. I was so scared. I've never felt so weak in my life…"

He shushed her and rubbed his hands through her hair. "You fought him with all your might, love. You could only do so much. Did he…?"

His heart froze for a moment until he heard her whisper fervently, "No….no he didn't."

He blew out the breath he didn't even realize he had been holding. Thank god.

"I don't know what I was thinking, Spike. I just knew I had to get to Willow before she was hurt or taken advantage of. I couldn't let her stay there without being able to defend herself. I should have waited for you…"

He agreed but he held his tongue. He was angry, but not at her. He was angry with that bastard, Riley, and their friend Willow. Willows wild antics had upset them all recently, but as of yet she hadn't put any of them in danger. Her thoughtless act tonight had putted Buffy in grave jeopardy, and he didn't know if he could forgive her for that, no matter how unknowing she might have been.

"It's ok now, love. No one can hurt you now. No one will hurt you ever again."

She nodded against his chest and held him tighter before pulling away and giving him a gentle kiss. Her mouth was bruised and she winced some at the contact, but the feel of Spike's lips on her own made her feel like she was cleansing herself of Rileys.

While she couldn't imagine making love tonight, she knew she needed to be in his arms. That was the only thing she knew at the moment.

They both sank into the bed and Spike pulled her close against him. He gently ran his fingers along her side until she drifted off to sleep. Then he finally allowed himself to cry. Silent tears ran down his face as he thought of the fear and panic he felt. They came harder as he thought of his poor lover, scared and broken. She was so trusting, and now this asshole had taken some of that innocence from her.

He almost hoped he was dead. He could imagine him dead there on the floor in Racks drug den and the thought made him smile evilly. The bastard deserved it.

Tonight could've been so much worse. He thanked the gods that he arrived in time to save Buffy, but he only wished they could've avoided the whole thing in general. Maybe they could have if Willow hadn't acted so irresponsibly.

One thing was for sure, he was going to have a serious talk with Willow.

* * *

Please Review!


	9. Chapter 9

I want to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed and/or followed my story. Take a second to read my article hub/Why-Spike-Is-Clearly-Meant-To-Be-With-Buffy and vote for who you think is actually meant to be with Buffy. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 4 Part 4**

_What? Where am I?_ Willow struggled to sift through a maze of confused thoughts as she opened her eyes. Her head was killing her and she could barely stand the light that poured in threw the window of whatever room she was in.

Slowly sitting up, she looked around the room. Her eyes came to a rest on the framed photo of Buffy and Spike hanging on the wall, and she immediately realized she was at Spike's.

_Wait, why was she here?_

"Good, you're awake."

Shocked, she turned towards the male voice that was dripping with anger. "Spike? Where's Buffy?"

"She's still sleeping. I didn't want to wake her. She had a rough night…"

The fury in his voice took her by surprise, and she felt her own temper rising at his tone. "What's going on, Spike? Why are you acting like an ass."

He laughed cruelly and sat next to her on the couch. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

She thought for a moment before shaking her head. "Well, no…"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

What's was going on? She wondered. "Well, I remember going to a party with Amy and then…well, I don't remember much after that."

"What were you on last night, Willow?"

"What do you mean? I wasn't on anything! I might've gotten a little drunk, b-but I didn't take anything."

His face twisted into a sneer. "Don't lie to me, girl."

She was shocked at his behavior and with venom in her voice said, "So what if I did? It's none of your goddamn business what I do, is it? So, I might've taken a few Xanax. So, I might've gotten a little high. What's it to you?"

"What's it to me? What's it me? Well, how about the fact that you passed out at this little party of yours, and your friend Amy abandoned you to the drug fiends that surrounded the place. Your good friend Buffy went to get you and was…attacked by one of your friends." Spike shuddered visibly and closed his eyes, gathering his temper before he continued. "She was...she was almost…r-raped. She didn't even run out when she could have because she was trying to protect you. I'm lucky I got there when I did. Who knows what would have happened?"

Willow gasped at his story. It couldn't be true...but she immediately deduced that if there was any truth to Spike's words, it wasn't her fault someone had tried to attack Buffy.

"I-I'm sorry that happened, Spike, but that wasn't my fault."

"No, it might not have been you who made that guy violate Buffy, but it was you who put her in the position in the first place. Your irresponsibility put Buffy in a dangerous situation."

"She didn't have to come."

He laughed again, this time even more cruelly, "She's your friend, Willow. She was worried you would be hurt. She risked herself to come to you and she was punished for it, and just so you know if she would've been r-a…violated, you wouldn't be here right now. I can barely stand to look at you now."

Her eyes widened at his harsh words, and she turned away in thought. As the door opened and Buffy came walking from the bedroom, Willow stood and walked towards her.

Buffy looked up at Willow and tried to smile but failed. Willow was stunned at the bruises around Buffy's mouth and across her cheek, and the look in the blonde's eyes only served to intensify Willow's guilt. It was eerie seeing Buffy so fearful. She was always so strong and brave. She was the rock in their group, the steady foundation when everyone else seemed to falter. This broke Willow's defenses and she began to cry.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry…"

Willow struggled to hold in a sob as she wrapped her arms around Buffy. She felt Buffy place her hand lightly against her back.

"It's okay, Willow."

Pulling back Willow shook her head. "No, no, it's not okay. I'll fix this, I promise. I'm done with the drinking and the d-drugs. I swear it, Buffy."

Buffy smiled now, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "That's good, Willow."

Willow nodded eagerly, "I promise you, Buffy, I'm going to be a good friend again."

Buffy nodded at her friend and glanced over at Spike. They both shared a look of doubt but neither said a word.

* * *

Buffy was gave a sigh of relief as she walked out of her psych class. This past week had been a good one with Willow. She wasn't going out every night and she had refused all of Amy's calls. She actually seemed to be opening up to Buffy and the gang again, though Buffy's spidey senses were still tingling. Something was not quite right with the redhead, that much was clear...but she couldn't quite place just what it was.

And it was clear she wasn't the only one who noticed the change in Willow. Every now and then, Buffy caught Spike staring at the redhead intently, and she wondered what he saw, but he never said a word about it to her.

Now as Buffy walked from the class she shared with Riley, she couldn't help but be happy that he hadn't been in attendance. In the five days since he almost raped her, she hadn't seen his face once...and she would've thought him dead in a gutter if another student in the class hadn't asked Professor Walsh where the TA was. The teacher had responded that he was in the hospital with a serious concussion and fractured cheekbone, that apparently he has been "mugged" but hadn't seen the criminal who'd attacked him.

_Poor Riley_, Buffy thought venomously.

A glance at her wristwatch had her speeding up her pace. The gang had recently discussed counseling with Willow, and the redhead had reluctantly agreed. Buffy was supposed to be picking her up from the clinic a few blocks down the street.

It didn't take her long to arrive at the clinic, and she waited at the curb for Willow to emerge.

Buffy patiently watched as other young adults piled out of the building, but Willow didn't come out. Five minutes more and still no Willow. _Had she even shown up?_ Buffy wondered, trying to maintain her faith in her best friend.

A full ten minutes later, Buffy sighed with relief as Willow walked out talking to a mousey girl with long light brown hair. She had a generous smile and kind eyes, and she looked to be the complete opposite of Amy. _Good._

The girl leaned forward and hugged Willow before they parted, both of them waving goodbye as the brunette walked back into the building. Buffy watched as Willow blushed furiously , struggling to get her emotions back in check as she walked towards Buffy's car. When she got in and had settled herself in the passenger seat, Buffy smiled and asked, "So how was it?"

"Good, I guess." Willow mumbled.

"Who was that girl you walked out with?"

Willow's cheeked turned red and she looked back towards the entrance to the building, a secret smile spreading on her lips. "That's Tara. She is a volunteer counselor at these meetings. She's really nice."

Buffy smiled and nodded, "She seemed like it. She looked familiar."

"Oh…yeah, she goes to UC-Sunnydale. I'm surprised I haven't seen her before honestly."

"That's cool! You should invite her out to the Bronze with us one night."

Willow nodded and stared out of the window, clearly lost in thought. Sensing her friend needed some solo thinking time, Buffy put an end to her rambling and allowed the car to remain silent for the remainder of the drive.

A month into counseling, Willow didn't understand why everyone still remained on her case. It was always, "Hey, Willow, how's counseling going?" And, "Hey, Willow, you've got a session tonight, right?" And, "Willow, how are you doing now that you're working through things?" Sure, she knew that she had messed up, but c'mon...she seriously had it under control.

Sighing, she shook her head at her reflection in the bedroom mirror as she popped a couple Xanax in her mouth, tossed them back with a gulp of water and swallowed. She didn't need to quit having fun. She just needed to be more responsible about it. They didn't understand. None of them had ever been hurt the way she was hurting, and it felt so good to now the slip of a couple pills would allow her to let go of all those negative feelings.

Anything that made her feel _that good_ couldn't be bad. It wasn't the release or the partying that was an issue. It was simply the environment she had been in and the people she had been associating with that had been the problem.

With another glance in the mirror, she smiled. _Nope, not this._

Still, she couldn't seem to stem the tide of guilt that washed over her every time she acknowledged hiding this part of her life from her friends. The thing was, she wasn't keeping it a secret because she thought what she was doing was wrong. It was simply because they didn't understand. That's the main reason she'd waited for Buffy to go to Spike's before she deemed it time to let herself have some fun.

Fifteen minutes later, the Xanax began to kick in and the little bit of guilt she was feeling slipped away. Willow looked at her reflection again and began to smile. _This was gonna be a good night after all_. Maybe she'd take a drive.

Yeah, a drive seemed to be just what she needed, and the thought occurred to her a number of times more as she cruised down the street in her sedan. Windows down and radio tuned to the latest Cranberries CD, she sang along with the music and enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing in her face and Sunnydale passing slowly by. As she passed the movie theater, she noticed Dawn walking alone. Willow pulled up to the curb, leaning into the passenger seat as the younger girl walked unsuspectingly by her open window.

"Hey, Dawnie! Whatcha doing out here all alone?"

Dawn jumped at Willow's unnaturally shrill voice, but smiled when she realized it originated from a friendly face.

"Oh, Willow! Hey! I went to the movies with Janice and her boyfriend. They were supposed to give me a ride home, but with all the face sucking and drooling, I thought it'd be best to give them some space."

Willow laughed at the mental image and motioned for Dawn to come closer. "I can give you a ride, Dawnie. It's dangerous for you to be out this late all on your lonesome."

Dawn bit her lip, so similar to Buffy. "Well…I was going to walk over to Rachel's and use her phone to call my mom or Giles to come get me, but I guess riding with you would be fine." She shrugged and hastily made her way into the car.

Willow smiled. At least this Summer's perception of her wasn't destroyed by the recent chaos. "Of course it would be fine, Dawnie. You're like a little sister to me."

Dawn just smiled, getting the odd feeling that Willow was behaving strangely, but chalking it up to a genuinely good mood.

Once Dawn was belted in, Willow drove for a few blocks before realizing her buzz was starting to disappear. She thought about swinging by Racks, hesitating when she remembered Dawn was with her. It wouldn't be safe for Dawn over at Rack's…that was a bad idea...well...but then, she didn't have to go inside.

_Hmm...yeah! That made sense. Dawn would be fine if she just waited in the car. It would only take a few minutes._

"Hey, Dawn? Would you mind if I stopped at a friend's real quick to pick up something?"

Dawn glanced at the time and shrugged. "Um, I guess. I don't have to be home for thirty more minutes."

Willow smiled vibrantly and took a quick detour to Rack's place. She just needed a couple more Xanax. That should be more than adequate for a pretty solid high.

Pulling up at Rack's place, Willow jumped out quickly. Remembering she was still the responsible adult, she paused and spun on her heel, leaning back into the car to say, "Stay here Dawn. Don't go inside, okay? I'll be back in just a little bit." And without another word Willow jogged to the house and let herself in.

_This was seriously weird_, Dawn thought. Looking around, the younger girl noticed they weren't exactly in the best of neighborhoods. She quickly locked the doors. She had a _totally_ bad feeling about this.

Dawn was long past worried and entering into total panic zone. Looking at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, she saw that Willow had been inside the house for more than thirty minutes. _Crap! _Now Dawn was late getting home. Her parents would not be happy that she'd blown curfew.

Maybe she should go check on her. Swallowing her nerves, and resolving to buck it up and find out what her sister's best friend was up to, Dawn quietly exited the car and made her way to the house. When she reached the door, it surprised her to find it cracked open. Before she could even tap the wood to open it more, it swung inward as a large dirty looking man came stumbling out.

"Watch it, girl!" He yelled as he bumbled by her, nearly tripping over his feet as he went down the steps. Dawn crinkled her nose in disgust at the nasty smell that wafted off of him. Where the heck was she?

Turning away from the filthy man, Dawn continued into the home and immediately froze at the scene in front of her. Right there, in the middle of the living room, lay a mattress with multiple people lying and sitting on it. Needles and dirty spoons littered the floor, she caught the whiff of something burning, and some of the people on the mattress were practically naked. Shaking herself out of her fearful state, Dawn turned quickly and raced back to the car, slamming and locking the door hastily.

This wasn't a good place. Of that she was sure. Beyond that thought, however, Dawn didn't know what to do. It was late, she had no money left and she wasn't familiar with this side of town. She just wanted to go home. She didn't want to be here anymore. But she was too scared to leave the car. _Please Willow, oh, please hurry_, she thought fearfully.

Her prayers were granted as she saw Willow make her way out of the house and towards the car. When she got inside Dawn was repulsed by the odd smell rippling in waves off of the redhead.

"What the hell, Willow?" Dawn softly slapped the other girl's thigh with the back of her hand. "Where are we? Why are we at a place like this?"

Willow's smile faltered as she mumbled, "Don't worry about it, Dawnie. We're leaving now."

"Thank god! You do realize you were in there for over thirty minutes, right? I'm late getting home now. I'm gonna be in so much trouble for this!"

"Sorry about that, Dawnie." Willow's head seemed to roll on her shoulders as the redhead turned to flash her a smile. "I'll rush you home and maybe your mom won't be so mad. You'll just be a few minutes late."

Willow's head rolled haphazardly back towards the front as she turned her attention on the road and pressed harder on the gas, speeding the small sedan through the streets.

Dawn quickly buckled her seatbelt. "Willow, slow down. You don't have to go so fast. A couple of minutes isn't going to make that big of a difference."

Willow didn't understand. She thought Dawn wanted to be home quickly. "It's okay, Dawnie. I've got this."

Willow pressed the pedal even further downward, urging the car even faster through the streets. She failed to notice just how scared Dawn was. Swerving between cars, Willow honked as she sut avoided a car that was trying to change lanes.

"Willow! Stop!" Dawn was shrieking. "Please, Willow. Just let me out."

"W-what? It's fine. I'm trying to help, Dawn. What's the sitch?" Willow blinked rapidly as she looked back at Dawn, struggling to get a clear view of the younger girl's face.

"Willow, watch out!" Dawn screamed as she spotted a large truck turning onto the street they were currently speeding down. Willow wasn't paying any attention to the fact that they were facing them head-on, her entire focus on Dawn.

"Dawnie, I told you it's okay!" She gave a small giggle, "I've got th-" Willow's voice was cut off by Dawn's loud screams. The redhead quickly turned her attention forward in confusion, and - seeing that she was close to hitting the truck - jammed both feet down on the brakes.

The tires screeched and the brakes squeeled, but they weren't stopping fast enough. Willow turned the wheel sharply, trying her best to avoid hitting the oncoming vehicle, and they went flying towards the wall of the bridge. There was no time to react as Willow felt herself lose control of the ride.

The sound of glass shattering and metal being crushed filled the air, and the last thing Willow saw was her best friend's little sister being thrown against the car door as her own forehead slammed against the steering wheel.

Then everything went black.

* * *

"Where is she? Mom, where's Dawn?"

Buffy's voice was shrill with panic as she raced into the hospital waiting room, Spike following close on her heels. Both were out of breath, having come as quick as they could after the terrified call from Giles.

Joyce looked miserable, weak and unnaturally small as she sat slumped in the uncomfortable hospital chair. She wiped a wayward tear from her eye and whimpered. "She's in the back taking some x-rays. They say that she was lucky that she got away with a concussion and a few stitches in her head. Lucky! My poor little girl…" And with that, the older woman dissolved into tears, mopping at her eyes with the tissue she clenched in her fist.

Buffy walked to her mother, leaned down and hugged the woman fiercely. Struggling to keep her own emotional wreck in check now, she looked over at Spike for support.

He immediately knew what she wanted, and without a word, looked at his father. "What happened, Da'?"

Giles, who had been standing near the window of the waiting room, took a few steps towards his younger son. "It seems she was riding with your friend, Willow, when a truck pulled out in front of them. They hit a concrete wall trying to avoid the truck."

Buffy's head shot towards Giles. "Willow? Why was she with Willow?"

Giles removed his glasses and drew up the corner of his shirt as he began to wipe the lenses in the usual circular motions. "From what I can collect, she came across Willow on her way home from the movies and Willow offered her a ride home. The problem is…well, they brought Willow in as well, although she escaped mostly unharmed. I'm assuming something concerned them so they decided to test her sobriety. It seems she had certain drugs in her system. And not in small quantities."

Buffy was too shocked to speak, but Spike wasn't. "So Red was smashed? So smashed that she risked the Bit's life? I should've bloody known!" Spike began pacing angrily. "I had a feeling the girl wasn't sober. She was putting on a sodding show for us, the lying bint."

Giles coughed awkwardly and continued, "And that's not all, it seems. After questioning Dawn on tonight's events, it seems that Willow took Dawn to a very...well, let's just say a very _unbecoming_ place, and proceeded to leave her alone for nearly an hour in the car, before coming back 'odd,' as Dawn said." Giles placed the glasses back on his nose as he stopped talking.

Buffy recoiled at her stepfather's words. "She took her to Rack's!"

Spike's face was red with rage, and he was obviously struggling to keep his temper in check as he turned quickly and stormed out of the room. Buffy was just too upset to follow. She couldn't believe her friend would do something so very, very wrong.

"It'll be okay, Mom." She whispered, though even she didn't believe her words as she squeezed her mother's shoulders tightly.

This was the last straw. Willow had gone too far.

* * *

Buffy wrung her hands anxiously as she looked at the group of faces gathered around her. Xander and Anya sat together on the love seat, his eyes worried and hers closed as she leaned against his shoulder in silence. Next to them sat Dawn, her arm in a sling and bruises peppering her face and neck. Spike paced the perimeter of the room, his hands alternating between clenched fists and flexed fingers, his feet stomping with each step. Tara sat calmly next to her on the sofa.

After enduring the events of the previous night, Buffy had resolved that enough was enough. Willow needed to get her act together or she needed to stay away from them, plain and simple. And after regaling the story to her friends, they'd all agreed that Willow had, indeed, taken things much too far...and she hadn't even told them about the Riley incident!

Tara had come as a favor to Buffy, though the petite blonde had gotten the distinct feeling that it might be more than that. Willow had been spending more and more time with the girl from her counseling center, and when they were together, Buffy had noticed how much better Willow had seemed. Even though the redhead had yet to introduce them, Buffy had sought Tara out to ask for her help in this matter.

And now they all waited for Willow to come through the door.

Any minute now…

There was a light knock before the door swung open. "Buffy? You here?" Willow's voice shook, betraying its owner's overwrought nerves. She and Buffy had yet to talk about the ordeal of last night, and Willow was operating under the guise that it would just be Buffy here.

"Back here!" Buffy yelled as she waited for Willow to make her way to the living room.

As soon as the redhead stepped in the room she froze. "What's going on? Guys? Tara?"

Buffy cleared her throat and said, "Willow, we all wanted to talk to you. We know you've been distancing yourself from the bad influences you were associated with, but we also know that you haven't quit using drugs."

"Buffy, I-"

"No! Let me talk." Buffy said, interrupting Willow but trying to remain calm.

As Willow pursed her lips, Buffy continued. "Your actions not only put Dawn in danger, but they could have cost her her life! She's only 15, Willow. You should never have brought her to your drug dealers house, and you definitely shouldn't have been driving while you were actually using the drugs. No matter how much we hate it, what you do in your personal life is your responsibility. When you do it with my sister, however, it becomes mine as well."

Willow began to cry as she saw all of her friends nod solemnly. She looked at Dawn, who refused to meet her eyes, and decided it was best to avoid the angry gaze of Spike.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean to. I had it under control."

"Had it under control, huh? You could've killed Dawn, not to mention your sodding self!" Spike roared.

Willow flinched at his tone, and Xander piped up, hating to see his best friend cower. "Look, Willow….this isn't you. This isn't the Willow we know and love. All we're asking is that you put more time and effort into your counseling and possibly seek further help. I-I didn't realize that it was this bad…I'm sorry for that."

Anya placed a comforting hand on Xander's arm and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Xander, no! None of this was yor fault. You have nothing to be sorry about. I don't know what's wrong with me…I just...don't feel happy unless I'm high."

"W-what about our t-time together, Willow?" Tara whispered nervously.

Willow's eyes widened and she moved towards Tara. "Tara, I'm sorry. Things have been so wonderful since we've been…hanging out. I just-it's hard to just stop when they've been making me feel good for so long."

"W-Willow, you need help."

Willow sniffled and shook her head. "I know. I know! I'll do whatever I need to. I don't want to lose you guys…any of you." She pointedly looked at Tara as she finished her sentence. No one but Willow noticed the blush that crept onto the new girl's face.

Willow turned away and focused on Dawn. Her guilt flared at the sight of the bruises on her cheeks and the gash on the girls forehead, but she forced herself to move closer to the teenager. "Dawn, I am so sorry…so sorry for everything. Please forgive me."

Dawn shot the girl a look and mumbled, "Get help, Willow."

Willow nodded, seeing this was the most she was likely going to get from the angry teen.

"I will. I'm done with that stuff."

The gang nodded and Buffy felt better this time around. Willow seemed genuine...and this time they wouldn't be as trusting.

* * *

In the weeks since Willow had restarted treatment, Buffy noticed a huge difference. The gang had maintained a close eye on the redhead, and Tara seemed to be around much more often as well.

The two had grown pretty close over the past couple of months. It was the happiest Buffy had seen Willow since before Oz had left.

Tonight, the whole gang was going out to celebrate Willow's progress. Buffy stared at her reflection in the mirror, admiring her long blonde hair and the effect of her simple makeup routine: mascara and lip gloss. It wouldn't be long before Spike would arrive to pick her up. Smiling a bit wider, she considered that they may even have time for a quickie. _Good thing Willow was at Tara's getting ready._

A light knock echoed through the room and the door opened. A bleach blonde head poked through the crack, smiling from ear to ear.

"Is my girl ready yet?" Spike asked teasingly.

Buffy laughed and nodded, "I actually am ready, thank you very much!"

Walking into the dorm, Spike wrapped his arms around the petite blonde and placed a kiss on her head. Buffy couldn't hold in the sigh that escaped her lips, and she marveled as usual at how his presence automatically soothed her soul.

Tilting her head to gaze into his eyes, she asked, "What are you so smiley for?"

He shrugged. "What? A bloke can't be happy to see the girl of his dreams standing before him?"

Buffy quirked an eyebrow at him and he laughed. "Okay, okay. I might have a little confidential information about tonight."

"What? You have to tell me!" Buffy squealed.

"Uh-uh-uh," he denied, shaking his head mockingly from side to side. "Like I said, it's highly confidential. You'll have to wait for the announcement just like everyone else, kitten."

"An announcement, huh?"

"An announcement." He confirmed, laughing at her antics. Buffy never could handle secrets.

"Let's go, pet. We don't want to keep the others waiting."

Thoughts of a quickie out of her mind, Buffy grabbed his hand and followed him out of the door.

When they arrived at The Bronze, they quickly made their way to what was now known as _their table_. Willow and Tara were already there waiting, and Buffy quirked an eyebrow at the way they separated when they noticed them walking towards the table. _Well, that was odd._

"Hey, guys! "

"H-hi…" Tara mumbled shyly. Buffy noted the way Willow gazed at her with a sweet smile, but she didn't have much time to think on it as Anya came running up to the table, dragging Xander close behind her.

_What do we have here? _Once the couple reached the table, Buffy noticed the energy bouncing like Mexican jumping beans off of Anya. This girl was beyond excited.

Xander, on the hand, looked a little green with embarrassment, which was nothing new when it came to those two.

"We have news!"

"Ahn! Really? You couldn't at least wait until we sat down and said hello?"

Anya shot Xander a look before scooting in next to Buffy and Spike. She looked around at the group and abruptly announced, "Hello!" and then turned back to Xander with an annoyed face. "Now, can I tell them our news?"

Xander simply sighed and nodded his head. That was all the urging Anya needed, and with a grin stretched from ear to ear, she screamed, "We're engaged!" With that, her hand shot out into the middle of the table, flaunting the decent-sized diamond she sported on the third finger of her left hand.

So, this was the news. "Congratulations" rang out across the table. Anya beamed while Xander thanked them all shyly.

"Wow, Xander. This was quite…unexpected." Willow piped in.

Xander blushed and said, "Yeah…surprise!" His grin was exaggerated as he drew both hands up to his cheeks and wiggled his extended fingers.

Anya hadn't skipped a beat. "Now, I already know what my colors will be. I'm thinking greens."

"Anya, not now, babe. We're here to celebrate Willow...not our engagement."

Anya pouted at Xander's response, but remained silent.

Buffy couldn't help but sense the tension that Anya seemed utterly oblivious to...and when she stopped to consider it, Buffy thought the engagement was actually a little unexpected. Sure, the two had been together for over a year now, but that really wasn't a very long time considering their age. On top of that, they were constantly bickering. Granted, Anya was a close friend, but she was a little…well, a little odd. And Xander was constantly getting flustered with his girlfriend's odd antics, though it admittedly did seem like those quirks of hers were what attracted him in the first place.

Whatever their reasons, Buffy couldn't help but catch some of Anya's contagious enthusiasm, and she smiled brightly at her two friends despite Xander's obvious discomfort. Most everyone else was doing the same, though she noted Spike keeping a thoughtful eye on Xander. As Willow dismissed Xander's comment and invited Anya to discuss wedding plans, Spike jumped up.

"I'm sure you ladies would fancy a drink." Glancing at Xander, he motioned for him to follow. "Why don't we act like real gents and get our girls a cuppa'."

Xander eyed Spike supiciously before nodding and walking with him towards the bar. As they reached their destination, Spike looked directly at Xander and said, "So, what's the deal, mate?"

Xander appeared confused and mumbled, "I don't know what you're talking about, Spike."

Spike just raised an eyebrow and replied. "The girls might be willing to overlook your very clear melancholy, but I'm not. When we spoke on the phone earlier, mate, you didn't seem this…despondent."

Xander shrugged and looked back at the table, where Anya was chatting away as the girls nodded periodically in response. Looking back at Spike, Xander murmured, "I guess I was still in the moment then. I called you right after it happened and just needed to tell someone. Now, that I've had time to think about this….I think I made a horrible decision, Spike."

Spike placed a hand on Xander's shoulder and looked at him sympathetically. "Do you love the girl, mate?"

Xander smiled now and nodded. "I do…I really do."

Spike continued, "Then what's the problem?"

Again Xander shrugged and with a sigh he said, "I don't think I'm ready for marriage. I love Anya, but I can't stop thinking about who my role models were. I mean, you've seen my folks. I don't want to end up like that, man."

Spike interrupted, "Whoa, Xander, you know that you wouldn't end up like your Dad. If anyone can be an example of defying the whole nurture theory, it should be me. I had a shitty role model myself, and I like to think I'm a helluva lot better than that wanker. The same goes for you. You, my friend, are not your bloody father."

"I know that. I mean, I think I do. But, dude...that's not the only thing that's making me wig."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Out with it then, mate."

"We are so god damn young, Spike, _too_ young."

"Then why'd you propose to the bird?"

Spike noticed the way Xander's face reddened before he replied, "It wasn't exactly planned."

Waiting, Spike watched his friend fumble with his words. Xander looked at him and pointed his finger. "Look, don't laugh, all right?"

Spike chuckled and said, "Wouldn't think of it, mate."

Xander sighed and muttered, "It was after sex."

"Huh?"

"I proposed to Anya after we had the best sex of my life. I was coming down off the fucking best orgasm I've ever had, and it just came out. I sort of whispered, 'You've got to marry me.' I didn't mean it literally, but as soon as the words left my mouth Anya was just so happy that I couldn't take it back."

"So you let the bird assume you want to marry her instead?"

"I do want to marry her…just not right now."

Shaking his head, Spike asked, "What are you going to do?"

Xander scratched his head and looked back once more at the woman he was now engaged to. "Nothing…I'm going to do nothing. I love her and I wanted to marry her one day anyway. That day's just a lot sooner than I'd planned."

Spike nodded, serious now. "Look, mate, you have to keep the bird's feelings in mind. I know you think that calling this whole charade off will upset her, but you can't string her along. I know you want to avoid hurting her, but you've got to make sure this is something you can truly accept before following along with this plan of yours. Just...don't hurt her, mate."

"I know. I wouldn't…"

"Good."

And turning away from his friend, Spike got the attention of the bartender and ordered the table's drinks. His thoughts of Xander's predicament, however, never truly left his mind.

* * *

"Well, that was fun."

Spike looked over and smiled at Buffy. "I'm glad you had fun, pet."

Buffy slipped her hand into his free one and whispered, "You didn't?"

He smiled charmingly at her once more and said, "Love, I am always having fun when I'm in your presence."

She giggled softly and turned to look out her window. "So, what do you think of the whole Xander and Anya engagement thing?"

Spike thought carefully before responding. He didn't want to break his friend's confidence, but he didn't lie to Buffy. Not ever. "I have a bad feeling about the whole thing."

Buffy nodded and whispered, "The one thing I know for sure is that your gut is usually right."

Sensing Buffy's uncertainty, he added, "No worries though, pet. They're both adults. They can handle themselves. All I want to worry about tonight is how I'll work that fourth orgasm out of you." When she blushed he teased, "Now will it be with my mouth...with my fingers...or with your most favorite part of me?"

She laughed and swatted playfully at him. "You're such a pig, Spike."

Running his tongue behind his teeth he said, "That's just the way you like me, pet."

Before Buffy could respond her cell phone went off. Curious about who would be calling her this late, she fumbled through her bag and pulled out the phone. Glancing at the caller ID, she was confused...Giles?

Swiping the answer button she said, "Hello?"

"Oh, thank god, Buffy. Spike's phone keeps going to voicemail."

Buffy sat up straight at Giles tone. He didn't sound right. His voice was laced with fear and he sounded as if he had been crying. "Is everything okay?"

She heard him sniffle. "It's your mother…"

TBC...

* * *

DUN DUN DUN! Please don't forget that reviews are greatly appreciated. Also, if you love Spuffy, I would suggest going to Dark Solace Elysian Fields site. My story as well as countless others dedicated to the Spuffy ship are there. In fact here's a link


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 5 Part 1

"How do I look?" Anya screeched excitedly. When the gaggle of women did not turn their heads quick enough, Anya yelled, "Excuse me, everyone. Look at me!"

Willow, Tara, and Buffy all paused in their various stages of undress and looked directly at Anya, the blushing bride. Even though their own emerald green get-ups were last than appealing, Anya looked stunning.

Willow was the first to speak, "You look beautiful, Ahn."

Anya smiled vibrantly and nodded her thanks, turning her attention to the other two girls. "And you guys? What do you guys think? Don't I look magnificent?"

Tara held back a giggle as she shared a look with Willow, nodding her agreement. Buffy smiled at classic Anya and agreed. "You do, Anya. You look gorgeous."

Anya nodded, as if she knew this all along, which she probably did. "You all look good as well. I have to say, I did a great job picking out these dresses."

This time the girls remained silent, sharing a look as they persisted with what they were doing before Anya's abrupt entrance. Anya plopped down on the couch of the dressing room and began rambling as the girls continued doing their make-up and hair.

"I can't believe the day is here. I can't believe I am going to be Mrs. Xander Harris in just another hour." She broke off her sentence with the happiest laughter Buffy had ever heard.

Buffy couldn't help but smile. Things had been tough the last couple of months. Although she initially felt that Xander and Anya were rushing, getting married so soon upon getting engaged, she couldn't help but take advantage of the happy reprieve from the stress of her life. School was going well, and Willow had improved dramatically. She went to weekly counseling sessions, as well as meetings with other addicts. Even more surprising, was the fact that Willow and Tara had announced their relationship just a few weeks ago.

Buffy had been shocked to say the least, but there had been signs. She laughed a little at the fact that Spike had not been surprised at all. He always seems to notice the things that the rest of them seemed oblivious to. He never ceased to amaze her. In fact, their relationship was going amazingly. They had never been closer, and he was currently her life raft, keeping her afloat in the presence of all the anxiety of the last three months.

After her mom's diagnosis, Buffy's life had been in shambles. Hell, all of their lives had been. The night that Xander and Anya announced their engagement, Giles had called Buffy, frantic. Apparently, her mother had a massive seizure and was rushed to the emergency room. After a CT and an MRI, the doctors concluded that she had a brain tumor.

At first Buffy couldn't believe that it was true, so she focused on comforting her step-father and sister, while Spike had focused on keeping her intact. Once her mother had started treatment though, she was faced with the fact that her mother indeed had a serious condition. Seeing her mother physically falling apart, caused Buffy to do the same mentally. All the while, Spike had been there, to hold her when she cried, to listen to her when she needed to vent. He was always there, and without him, she didn't think she would be able to hold it together.

Speaking of her mother, she was supposed to be here with them getting ready. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Buffy frowned as she realized that she hadn't seen her mother for over an hour now. Looking back at her reflection, Buffy finished pinning the hair around her head.

"Ok, girls, I'm going to go find, Mom."

Anya jumped up. "Ok, Buffy, but don't be late. We will not wait for you!"

Buffy rolled her eyes, but nodded at Anya before walking out of the room in search of her mother.

* * *

"You look great, mate." Spike said as he tightened Xander's bow tie.

Xander swallowed visibly before turning away from his friend and mumbling his thanks. Spike watched him suspiciously. In the months since their talk, Xander had actually seemed to turn around about the idea of marrying Anya. He had seemed to begin to actually want to marry the girl, going as far as helping her plan the wedding…when she allowed it. Now on the other hand, he looked like he was ready to jump right out of his skin.

Spike sauntered towards his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You ok, Whelp?"

"I…um, well…you're going to laugh."

"Eh', I wouldn't do such a thing! Out with it."

Xander continued to stare out of the window as he spoke. "I had a dream last night, a really vivid dream." Xander visibly shuddered. "It was years from now, in an old, run-down trailer. I was married to Anya, and I was a complete loser. I did nothing but sit on the couch, watching tv, and drinking beer, while Anya raised our kids and tried to look after the house. We did nothing but bicker. Our kids grew up to hate me, and to cap it all off, I ended up killing her in a fit of rage."

Xander finally turned to meet Spikes eyes. Spike was shocked to see the tears welling up in his friend's eyes.

"Some dream, huh?" Xander sniffed.

"Yeah, mate. That's quite the dream you had there, but that's all it was, a dream."

"It could happen, Spike. I saw the same thing every day in my home, watching my folks fight and my dad scream at me. That dream feels like a sign of what's to come."

Spike laughed at his friend's rationale. "So now you're having prophetic dreams, huh?"

"This is serious, man. I don't know if I can do this."

Spike got serious very quickly. They had come too far for Xander to chicken out now. He knew his friend loved the bird, and he had even begun to believe that he wanted to be her husband. For those reasons, he knew that this reaction was one based on fear, and he'd be damned if he let his friend possibly ruin his life because he was scared.

"Xander, listen to me. You love Anya, and she loves you. You are happy together. This wedding is just a tiny piece of paper. That is all it is changing. You're not going to magically stop being Xander."

Xander looked away, tears beginning to betray him as they fell carelessly from his wide brown eyes. "I don't know, man. I don't know."

* * *

"There you are! Mom, I've been looking all over for you." Buffy chirped happily, as she lifted her poofy green dress and strolled out onto the patio of the church.

When Joyce remained silent, Buffy sighed and sat next to her mother. "What's wrong, mom?"

Joyce didn't even look at her, she just continued to look out at the garden, as if she was absorbing every small detail.

"Are you ok? Do I need to get Giles?" Buffy asked her voice rising in her worry.

Joyce simply waved Buffy off and whispered. "No…no. None of that. I'm fine."

Buffy placed a gentle hand on her mothers and squeezed. "It really doesn't seem like it, Mom."

Joyce finally turned wet eyes at her daughter. Despite the paleness of her skin and the pastel green scarf, wrapped tightly around her head to hide the thinning hair, Buffy thought her mother looked beautiful.

"I…I was just realizing that I probably won't get to see you walk down the aisle…or Dawn."

Buffy's heart clenched at her mother's words. While the rational part of her mind knew this could very likely be the case, every other cell in her body refused to believe that it was true.

"That's not true, mom. You can't think that way. It's not good for any of us, especially you."

When her mother didn't reply, Buffy persisted. "Close your eyes, Mom."

Her mother shook her head at her daughters silliness, but Buffy could not be ignored. "Please, mom."

With a sigh, Joyce close her eyes tightly and Buffy began. "I can see it now. I'll be in tears in the dressing room as you pin Memaws' broach to my ivory dress. You and Dawn will pull me into a fierce hug before I walk down the aisle alongside you and Giles. I can imagine the smile on your face when you give me over to Spike and your laughter as we dance wildly at the reception." Buffy wiped at the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as she continued. " I can see you in tears as you hold my first child and all the presents you and Giles will buy for the kid during their first Christmas. I can see it all, Mom, when I close my eyes. Can't you?"

The tears were flowing freely down Joyce's face now and she pulled her daughter into a tight hug. "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy squeezed her eyes, to control her own tears, and whispered, "I love you too, Mom."

* * *

After Buffy had walked her mom to her seat next to Giles, in the front pew, she decided to check on the groom before she made it back to see Anya and the girls. She knocked hesitantly at the large oak door before turning the knob and opening the door just a smudge.

"Oh Mr. About-to-get-married, it's your good friend the Buffster coming to see how you're doing?"

When she didn't get a response she peaked inside only to see a lonesome Spike sitting with his head in his hands. Uh Oh.

"Spike? What's wrong? Where's Xander?"

Buffy moved slowly towards her boyfriend, mind empty of everything else but the feelings she felt coming off of Spike. When she was close enough to touch him, she reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder.

"Spike?"

When he looked up she frowned at the dejection she saw in his eyes. "He's gone."

She scrunched her eyebrows, confused at his words. "Real funny. You're right here Spike. Now where's Xander?"

His laughing response held no joy. "He's gone, pet. Xander's gone."

The air was knocked out of her by his admission and she placed a hand over her heart as she fell into the seat next to Spike.

"Gone? He'll be back in time for the-"

"No, love. He said he can't do it and took off. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't force the bloke to stay. I had a feeling this was coming, but he could at least handle it like a man and face the girl who's heart he is about to shatter."

"Oh no….poor Anya."

Hearing the despair in her voice, Spike wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

* * *

Buffy stood just outside the bride's dressing room door thinking about how she should best handle this. God damn Xander and his childish antics. This should be his job. Before she left Spike, he vowed to find 'the git', and now she was standing mere feet from the soon to be gilted bride and she just couldn't figure out what to say.

She couldn't lie to her. She was supposed to be walking down the aisle in minute. Maybe she could get some help from Willow and Tara.

Opening the door, she carefully avoided Anya's gaze, staring only at her two friends across the room. "Willow, Tara, can you guys come here real quick."

She could see Anya frown through her peripherals and tried to act normal. Willow and Tara just gazed at her, confused at her motives. "Quickly, please."

Turning quickly towards Anya, but still not making eye contact, she mumbled, "Everything's fine, Ahn. Just need to talk about a few bridesmaids things with the girls." She flashed Anya a shaky smile as she led the other two girls form the room, closing the door softly behind them.

"What's going on, Buffy?"

Looking at her two concerned friends, Buffy whispered. "He's gone. Xander's disappeared."

"What?" Willow screamed, as Tara whispered , "O-Oh no."

"Spike's out looking for him, but it doesn't look good. "

Tara look dejectedly at the ground and Willow bit her lip anxiously. "I can't believe Xander would take off like this."

The door flew open and a panicked Anya stared at the three. "Xander's gone! What do you mean Xander's gone?"

"Calm down, Anya. Spike is out looking for him now. Maybe he just…" Buffy cut Willow off, unwilling to string the girl she has come to see as a friend, albeit an annoying one, along.

"Anya, Xander is being a coward. I don't know his reasons, but he is missing."

"No…"

Buffy pulled Anya into a tight hug, feeling for the girl who was now in tears.

"Anya." All four heads shoot up as they peered out Spike roughly holding the arm of a withdrawn Xander.

"Xander! Thank god! I knew they had to be wrong." Anya ran towards him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I know it's bad luck to see me before the wedding, but I'm just so happy to see you at all." She touched his cheek gently with her hand, smiling softly at the man she wanted so desperately to marry.

Xander smiled weakly back and closed his eyes against the emotions that roiled within him. He opened his mouth to talk but Anya cut him off. "It doesn't matter why you left, Xander. It's ok now. Let's go get married."

Squeezing his eyes tight, Xander muttered, "I can't."

Anya pulled away from him with wide eyes. "W-What?"

"I'm sorry, Ahn, but I can't. I'm not ready."

"Not ready? Why now? We have been planning for so long. Why now are you not ready? Is it me? What is it about me that you hate, Xander? I'll change it."

"It's not you I hate. I've had worries before this. Maybe we went too fast-"

"No! You're just shaken up. We can wait a few minutes. Take some time to calm down. We'll start over in a little bit, Okay?"

Tears were falling freely down Anya's face now and Xander's heart ached at the sight.

"We can't, Ahn. If this is a mistake, it's forever. And I don't want to hurt you…"

Anya looked down at the ground, her whole body shaking with sobs, as Xander released her hands and turned away from them all.

* * *

It had only been a few weeks since the almost wedding, and Buffy had yet to see either Anya or Xander. Xander left a note stating he was taking some time to himself and would be staying at his Uncle's in L.A. Anya on the other hand had just about disappeared. The had all taken turns knocking on her door and leaving cautious voicemails.

After Xander had left the wedding, Anya had fell apart. Buffy took over and let the guest know there would be no wedding and the rest of the gang cleaned everything up. The only thing Buffy had found when she came back to the dressing room was Anya's dress folded neatly on the counter, and her engagement ring sitting atop it all.

Since then there had been no sign of her, and Buffy was more than a little worried. But Anya was the last thing on her mind at the moment, as she sat in the waiting room of her mother's doctor's office. She held the hand of Spike in one hand and Dawn in the other. The three had been waiting as Joyce and Giles found out if the treatments were working.

It had been over two hours now since they had called her mother back, and Buffy was in a panic. Why was it taking so long? All she could do was squeeze her sisters and boyfriends hands and stare at the ridiculously cheery wallpaper. She counted the flowers that ran up and down the walls, trying desperately to put out the dread that she felt deep in her chest.

Something was wrong. She could feel it in her whole body. It was making her feel weak and dizzy. The stress was almost too much to bear. She caught herself multiple times feeling faint, but shook herself out of it. God, what if the treatment wasn't working? What if her mother was as good as dead. Bile rose i

n Buffy's throat and she gripped her boyfriend's hand tightly, fighting off the urge to throw up.

She eased up some as she felt Spike pull her hand to his lips and press a kiss to her palm. She glanced over at him and smiled, albeit shakily. Looking into those azure pools of his always seemed to calm her soul, and with a deep breath, she sent some of that reassurance to her poor sister who really had no concept of how serious this all was.

Still, Buffy could see the worry in the girls face as she glanced every few minutes at the door. "It'll be ok, Dawn." Buffy said, although she wasn't quite sure of it at the moment.

Dawn sighed dramatically and whispered, "You don't know that."

Buffy nodded slowly. "No, I don't, but no matter what we will make it ok."

Dawn sighed and looked away from her sister, although her countenance seemed to relax some at Buffy's words.

All three of them jumped as the heard the doors swish open. Spike stood as he watched his father and step-mother walk through. Neither looked at their faces, and dread instantly filled him.

Buffy and Dawn motioned towards their mother, stopping when they met her in the middle. They both looked hopefully at their mom. "Well?" Buffy was the first to speak.

Joyce just looked up at Giles and he nodded. "Well, girls, it appears that the treatments have don't little to change the size of the tumor. It seems your mother is n-no.." Giles paused in his retelling to cough, his eyes welling up with fresh tears, "She is no longer reacting to the treatment."

"But…isn't their something else they can do? Another treatment?" Dawn screeched.

"Unfortunately, for this type of tumor, there is no other treatment. Our only option now is to…operate."

"No…"

They all looked at Buffy who was shaking her head frantically. "Brain surgery…no…the risk is too high."

Joyce finally spoke, her voice raspy from her own tears, "It's our only option, sweetie. The doctor says there is actually a pretty good chance that this could fix all my problems with little rate of mortality."

"Mortality…" Buffy mumbled, suddenly very tired. The word repeated itself over and over in her mind until she could no longer keep her eyes open. Blackness surrounded her and as she fell, she felt a pair of strong, familiar hands reach for her.

* * *

"She's just very dehydrated….Yes…No…I'm sorry but I need to speak to the patient about her results first...Blood was taken only as a precaution….Sir, please…"

Buffy felt odd. This bed was not nearly as comfortable as hers. Was she at Spike's? How did she get here? Slowly opening her eyes towards the commotion in the corner of the room, Buffy realized she was in a hospital bed. What….how did she get here?

As her vision cleared, she made out the figures bickering on the other side of the room. It was a doctor and…Spike! She watched as Spike reached around the doctor, trying to grab the clipboard he held behind his back.

"Sir, I have to ask you to refrain from doing that. I am only trying to help."

Help? You won't tell me what you have there that's so god damn important that you want her to stay overnight. You keep saying it's just a precaution but I don't believe that rubbish. Now you want me to leave her? I've got news for you. I aint going nowhere, mate. "

Before the doctor could get in another word, Buffy coughed, realized for once how desperately thirsty she was. Both men turned their heads towards the sound. The doctor sighing in relief that he was done dealing with Spike, and Spike running to the side of her bed to grip her hand tightly in his.

"Oh god, Buffy. You had me so scared. We all were."

As he spoke he rained kisses along her face and neck. "How do you feel, pet?"

She shrugged but motioned for some water. The doctor quickly filled her up a cup and handed it to her. She shivered as the cool liquid hit her dry tongue. When she emptied the glass she noted the two men staring intently at her.

"How do you feel, Miss Summers?"

She shrugged at the attention and whispered. "Where's my mom. Is she ok?"

"Yeah, pet, she's fine. We were just worried is all. Brought you here because you fainted. Your Mum and the others went home. They're waiting on me to call them with an update as we speak, but bozo over here-" Spike motioned towards the waiting doctor, "wont give me any information."

"Information? What kind of information? Why did I pass out?"

The doctor glanced at Spike and Buffy shook her head. "It's fine. I give you permission to speak about my health in front of him."

With a nod the doctor began. "Well, Miss Summer's it appears you were simply dehydrated. The stress of the news you received must have been too much for your weakened body to handle. Of course, there is another matter that probably contributed to your weakened state."

She knotted her brow and Spike gripped her hand with worry. "What? What's wrong with me doctor?"

"Well, we went ahead and ran a simple blood test as a mere precaution, and we did find some interesting results. It appears, Miss Summers, that you are pregnant."

TBC...

* * *

Wowzers! Things are about to get very serious for Spuffy and in more ways than one. Dont forget to review with your thoughts and suggestions, share The Story with other Spuffy fans, favorite, and follow. Thank you to everyone who has read, favorited, followed, and reviewed. I appreciate each one of you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 5 Part 2**

"P-Pregnant?" Buffy repeated, staring blankly at the doctor. She could feel Spike's grip on her hand tighten but she did not have it in her to look over at him.

"Yes, Miss Summers. It appears you are pregnant." The doctor studied her expression for a moment. "I guess I was right in assuming you were not already aware of that. Your condition probably contributed to your delicate state. Now, if I can get some information from you, I can estimate how far along you are and we can get you set up with an OB/GYN."

The doctor looked at her expectantly, but Buffy couldn't move. She couldn't think. She could barely breathe. She was sure she looked like a fish on land, mouth opening and closing, unsure of what to say.

Spike, too, had yet to say a word, and Buffy was scared to imagine what the look on his face might convey. Neither of them had planned this...well, at least not for many more years. They were both still in school. They weren't even married. Hell, they didn't even live together. How could this even happen? They had been so cautious.

The doctor appeared to be getting concerned at the couples' lack of words. "Miss Summers, are you okay?"

Taking a deep breath, Buffy pulled her hand away from Spike's and pushed the hair back from her face. "Y-yes…I just...Well, this is kind of a surprise for us."

The doctor gave her a sympathetic nod and asked, "Is this young man the father?" He motioned with his chart to the still frozen Spike, who had yet to move or speak, mouth gaping open as wide as his eyes.

Buffy bit her lip anxiously as she stared at "the father." With a nod, she whispered, "Yes, he is the father."

Those words seemed to jostle Spike, and he turned to stare helplessly at Buffy, looking down at her stomach every few seconds. _Father._

As the doctor began asking Buffy a series of questions regarding her last menstrual cycle and health history, that word echoed in Spike's mind. _Father._

Buffy is pregnant. He spoke the words to himself in his head slowly, testing them out. I am going to be a father. He realized his mind had suddenly become paralyzed in fear._ Father._

He looked at Buffy, taking in her pouty lips and messy golden hair. Her green eyes, usually filled with happiness, were wide and innocent as she answered the doctor's seemingly endless questions. Turning his head, he glanced down at where her hands met just above her stomach. Apparently, there was a baby in there, his baby.

_Father._

Spike gulped and ran an anxious hand through his curly hair, looking away from Buffy and back towards the doctor, completely lost at this point.

"Ok, Miss Summers. As far as I can tell, you are in tip-top shape. Based on the information you have provided, I would say you are roughly five weeks pregnant. Keeping that in mind, I would say that, right now, you are due on April 24th. Now, this is the card for an OB/GYN who is connected with our hospital. I highly suggest giving her a call as soon as you can to get your first prenatal visit taken care of. She'll get you started on your vitamins and give you any other information you may need."

Spike just continued staring, lost. Buffy nodded at the doctor. With a smile, the physician strode easily out of the room as if he hadn't just cracked their world wide open.

The crack suddenly split into a chasm the moment the door closed behind the doctor, and Buffy put her hands over her face, begging the tears not to fall. She knew this should be a happy moment, a child always should be, but she couldn't help but fear what was to come. Hell, Spike had yet to speak a word. Who knew if he is even on board with the whole thing.

"B-Buffy…"

She jumped some at the sound of his shaky voice. Wiping at the tears that snuck past her eyes, she finally turned towards her boyfriend. She didn't see anger on his face or even despair. She saw fear. Pure, unadulterated fear was plastered on his face, in the look of his eyes, in the way his mouth was set. Every part of him screamed that he was utterly afraid.

Softening some, she gave him a shaky smile. "Yes?"

He reached for the hand she had subconsciously placed over her womb. Instead of taking it in his own, he placed it atop hers. In seconds, the fear left his face, and she was unsure if he had found renewed strength in her or if he was putting on a front for her sake - probably the latter - but she was thankful, nonetheless.

They both looked down at their hands, clasped and resting over Buffy's stomach. The sight of them joined over what she now knew was their child brought more tears forth, and Buffy began to sob in earnest.

"Come on, pet. Look at me."

Bringing her eyes up to gaze into his, she found strength. "I'm scared, Spike."

He squeezed his eyes closed at her words. "I know, love. Me too. I'm fucking petrified."

"Can we do this? Can we have a…a baby?" She whispered, unable to look away from the brilliant blue of his eyes.

He looked away for a moment before turning a smile towards her. "We can. We will. I couldn't imagine something more precious to do with you than raise a child. You'll be an excellent mum, pet. We just need to have faith in ourselves. "

"Oh, Spike…" she muttered as she swung her arms around his neck, pulling him to her chest.

In answer, he enveloped her into his being, wrapping loving arms around her. When she scooted over some, he climbed into the bed with her and pulled her into his side.

Neither knew how long they had sat just like that, arms wrapped lovingly around one another, eyes focused on the resting place for the child neither knew they had wanted.

* * *

Once Buffy had been released from the hospital the next day, she immediately set about scheduling a doctor's appointment for the following week. In the days that followed, neither of them spoke a word of their situation to any of their friends or family, but when the two were alone, they spoke as they once had when they were children.

They discussed their dreams, their hopes, and made plans for their burgeoning future. Both were scared out of their minds at their predicament, but right now, this was their little secret. Right now, this was more like a dream shared between the two of them, rather than an actual reality.

And at the moment, Buffy was okay with that.

She was okay with ignoring the fact that her mother was dying, that she wasn't married, that she was still in school. She was okay with pretending as if everything would work out, because they loved each other so damn much that it just couldn't go wrong. All the nagging thoughts of finances, housing, familial reactions...they were all pushed to the very back of her mind for that week. as far as she was concerned, it was the least she deserved. This moment to enjoy a precious new life before the harshness of reality became clear once more and put a damper on something that she knew was a beautifully spectacular moment.

At the end of what Buffy and Spike had come to call their Denial Week, Xander popped back into their lives. That Friday night, they happened to have Willow and Tara over to play cards. When they heard the timid knock on the door, they assumed it was the pizza man, and all four of them had been more than a little surprised to see an anxious Xander staring shyly back at them from the front step.

None of them were sure how to act, exactly, but they all loved their friend, so they welcomed him back with open arms and listened to as he made his apologies and explained about what he'd been up to. With an empty hole in his chest and and a chip the size of Montana weighing him down in Sunnydale, Xander had run off to his Uncle Rudy's in L.A. and had been staying with him for the past month. He'd known it was more in avoidance of Anya than of the want to visit his rather unusual family member, and asked nervously about his ex-fiancee. The girls told him of her disappearance, and he looked away in shame when the tears began to well up in his eyes. Having none of that, Buffy, Willow and Tara wrapped their arms around the young man, whispering words of comfort and support as he cried. Spike's hand pressed into his shoulder in silent support as well, and it wasn't long before Xander started cracking quiet, tear-exhausted jokes at his own expense.

The awkward part of the night over, things seemed to go back to normal for the now five-member group...well, as normal as they could be with a group consisting of a couple harboring a huge secret, a newly budding lesbian couple, and a lost man who had recently broken the heart of another mysteriously vanished friend.

The next day, Buffy reflected that it was nice knowing that Xander was going to be with them when they finally announced their pregnancy. He was one of their best friends, and it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't a part of this exciting adventure she and Spike were about to embark on.

An adventure that was becoming more and more real, Buffy thought to herself as she sat anxiously in the waiting room of the new OB/GYN the doctor that the hospital had recommended.

Spike had taken a job doing some security for the Bronze, which was lucky now considering their situation, and he'd promised to meet her at the doctor's on his way home. The job was flexible, so he was still able to go to his classes, and the little bit of money he made was enough for him to afford his apartment and still have some left over. It would definitely come in handy in the next few months, as they saved for the life they were planning to bring into the world.

Her appointment was set for 4:30, and she bit her lip anxiously as she noted that it was almost 5:00. The wait was killing her. They'd told her over the phone that they would run a few tests and perform an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and gestation, and the thought of seeing her baby made her heartbeat quicken with both excitement and fear. To actually see proof of the life that rested inside her, she would have to come to grips with all of the rest of the factors that come with it. Where was Spike? Why hadn't they called her back yet?

As she wiggled in the uncomfortable seat, she heard a familiar voice and froze. Anya? Looking up, she spotted the girl walking out of the doors leading to the back, eyes red and puffy.

This was the first time she had seen Anya since the wedding, and to run into her here was somewhat odd. Still, she wanted to take the opportunity to check up on her friend. She still considered Anya her friend, despite the state of her relationship with Xander.

"Anya! Hey, Anya!" Buffy said happily, getting the sullen girl's attention. When Anya looked towards Buffy she gave her a weak smile and made her way towards her.

"Hi, B-Buffy."

Catching the distraught vibe Anya was giving off, Buffy immediately sat up straighter. "Hey, Ahn. How have you been? We've all been trying to reach you for weeks."

Anya shrugged. "I just needed some time to think."

Buffy nodded her understanding, "Well, you know we are always here for you, no matter what. How are things?"

Anya looked away, trying to hide the tears in her eyes. "N-not so good…"

"Oh? I'm sorry. I know what Xander did was horrible and-"

"It's not that. Screw Xander! Over the last few weeks, I've realized I deserve a lot better than that…than that jerk! I just…"

Buffy gazed at the girl suspiciously, trying to figure out what it was that she wasn't saying. What it was that she was skirting around. When it hit her, she visibly jumped.

"Anya…are you pregnant?"

Anya sniffed and whispered, "I was…"

Oh no. Buffy couldn't believe it. Did Anya mean that she had an abortion? Did she hate Xander that much? "You were?"

Anya closed her eyes and let a stray tear fall from her eye, wiping at it haphazardly before looking into Buffy's eyes.

"I went in for my first ultrasound today and it seems that my baby doesn't have a heartbeat. She…or he is dead. It happens sometimes…it's called a missed miscarriage. My body just hasn't reacted to the death of the…" The girl took a breath before she was able to complete her sentence. "Of the fetus."

While one part of Buffy was glad to find out that Anya hadn't had an abortion, the other part felt complete despair at the truth. "Oh, no, Anya. I'm so sorry."

Anya shrugged again. "Don't be. I didn't want the baby anyway. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was planning on having the baby. It would be nice to have someone who can love me unconditionally…someone to love me without reserve. I wasn't happy when I found out though. God, a part of me even hoped I'd miscarry so that I wouldn't have to tell Xander or deal with the whole damn thing. But now, I just feel so miserable. It's stupid, I should feel relieved, and that only makes my misery so much more."

Buffy stood and wrapped her arms around her friend, squeezing her tightly. Her heart hurt for Anya - and even a little for Xander, the unknowing almost father. Then, there was a little piece of her heart that hurt for herself. What if this would be the outcome of her own ultrasound? Would she be relieved? No, she wouldn't...and she knew that Spike wouldn't feel that way either. Without realizing, she had fallen in love with the idea of this child, hers and Spike's. Fear shot through her at the thought that it could be lying dead in her womb. Bringing herself back to the situation at hand, she pulled away from Anya and looked into her eyes.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Anya took another shaky breath and pulled away fully from Buffy. "Yes…I think I just need to move on with my life. I think I need to get out of this town. Forget about all of this shit. No offense, Buffy, I just need a fresh start. I think that's the only way I can finally heal."

Buffy understood, though a part of her still ached at the loss of the girl she had come to love over the last couple of years.

"Buffy Summers?"

They both turned their heads towards the nurse standing in the doorway. Buffy hated leaving Anya like she was…

"It's okay. Go. I don't know if I'll see you again before I leave town, but please don't tell anyone about this."

"Anya…"

"No, Buffy. You can't tell Xander. In fact, don't even tell Spike. I just want to forget that this whole thing ever happened."

"Okay…"

Anya leaned in for another hug, awkwardly placing her arms around Buffy before hastily pulling away and heading out the door. As she walked out, Spike ran in, shoving through the door as if his life depended upon it.

Buffy watched as he halted at the sight of Anya. She just smiled at him and kept going through the door and out of their lives. When Spike turned to face Buffy, she just shook her head and held out her hand to him. Together, they walked back to face their fate.

* * *

"Go ahead and lie back, Miss Summers, and lift your shirt to just below your breasts."

Spike had held Buffy's hand through the questioning from the doctor. When was her last period? Had she been pregnant before? Did she have any health conditions? All the questions were spinning around in his head, but he remained calm and firm. He was here to support his girl, and that is what he would do.

He moved closer to the bed as Buffy followed the doctor's directions, hands still firmly clasped, his other hand brushing the stray hairs from her face. When she looked nervously up at him, he smiled his most reassuring smile, despite his own nerves. This was the moment of truth.

The doctor squirted a glob of clear liquid on Buffy's flat stomach and began gliding some sort of wand over her lower abdomen. The machine across from him began making an odd swooshing sound and they both turned away from each other to look at the little screen on Buffy's other side.

Spike squinted at the monitor. It just looked like a bunch of blobs. He definitely did not see a baby anywhere, but he remained composed as the doctor continued moving the stick around.

Suddenly the silent room was filled with a steady womp-womp, womp-womp, womp-womp. The doctor smiled at the confused couple.

"Do you hear that?"

As the two nodded, the doctor grinned. "That is the sound of your baby's heart."

Spike gripped Buffy's hand tighter and allowed the sound to flow through him as the doctor pressed some buttons below the screen. When a line with waves popped up on the screen, moving in rhythm with his child's heartbeat, he felt his own heart skip a beat. This was his baby's heart, fluttering away beneath the heart of the woman who he loved more than life itself.

Joy exploded in his chest and he let out a hearty laugh that shocked both Buffy and the doctor.

When he looked back down at Buffy, he saw that she looked just as happy, tears brimming in her eyes and a smile plastered on her face.

"Would you like to see your baby?"

At the couple's nod, the doctor began pointing towards a tiny bean shape on the screen.

"There it is. Now this circle here?" He pointed at a blob that was darker than the others on the screen. "That's the amniotic sac. And that, right there, is your baby. Do you see that little flashing dot right in the middle? That's the baby's heart, just a-beating away."

This time, Spike couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes, a stark contrast to the smile still plastered across his face.

This little bean was his baby. This little bean was Buffy's baby. This little bean was their baby.

He leaned forward and placed a gently kiss on Buffy's forehead before resting his own forehead against her temple.

When she turned her head to lean against his, her free hand coming to rest on his cheek, he whispered, "That's our baby, Buffy."

She sniffed, nodded slightly, and replied, "That's our baby, Spike."

* * *

After receiving some sample prenatal vitamins and the doctor's assurance that both their child and Buffy appeared sound and healthy, they went straight to their families' home.

They'd pulled into driveway and were sitting together in the DeSoto, both silently contemplating the coming minutes. They hadn't really talked about it, but both knew without mentioning it that what they had just experienced needed to be shared with their family.

Turning towards Spike, Buffy said, "Are you sure we are ready for this?"

Spike sighed and reached for her hand, drawing it up to his mouth and placing a kiss on her palm. "When will we truly be ready, pet? Now's as good a time as ever."

Buffy bit her lip. "What about Mom? What if she gets upset at the news? I don't know if she can handle that kind of stress in her condition."

Spike shook his head, "Buffy, your mother loves you. She may be worried about how this might affect us, but she will be happy. I know it."

Buffy wiped at an errant tear and nodded at her boyfriend. "I love you, Spike."

Spike smiled warmly and leaned forwards, placing a kiss on Buffy's lips. "And I you, pet."

Moving lower, Spike raised her shirt a few inches and placed a kiss on Buffy's flat stomach. "And I love you too, Niblet."

Buffy closed her eyes and basked in his words. Despite the lack of time, she couldn't feel more lucky. She had the love of a man who'd go to the ends of the earth for her and their child. Not all women who found themselves pregnant at her age had that kind of luck.

"Ready, pet?"

She nodded, and watched as he came around to open her door. "Let's go."

* * *

Telling their family had been unnerving, but in the end, it was comforting knowing the news was finally all out there and in the open.

Each family member had reacted as expected. Dawn had jumped up and down in excitement, squealing her brains out, much to both Spike's and Buffy's enjoyment. Joyce had been quiet for a few moments before smiling at the two. She told them that she hoped they had a plan because it would not be easy at their age, but confided that overall she couldn't be happier. She left some words unsaid - namely, that she feared there was a chance that she wouldn't actually get to see her first grandchild - and that emotion beat out all of the others. Giles, who had been cleaning his glasses feverishly, allowed himself to relax at the sound of utter delight in his wife's voice. Seeing her happiness, he allowed some for himself. He never expected to be a grandfather, he told them, but he couldn't wait to have a little Spike or Buffy running around the house to spoil.

Feeling confident after their announcement, the expectant parents immediately called and invited their friends to their place for a night of cheesy movies. After they'd spilled the big news to the gang, Spike and Buffy received many congratulations and more big hugs than they could manage.

When she received her congratulatory hug from Xander, she couldn't help but hurt for the loss he'd likely never know he'd suffered. She wanted so badly to tell him that he was almost a father, but she had made a promise she planned to keep. It was probably for the best that he didn't know about it anyway. It would only cause him pain.

Once things calmed down a bit, they commenced with watching the latest syfy horror movie, munching on popcorn, and joking at the movie's cheesiness.

Everything felt remarkably normal, much to Buffy's surprise. In fact, things were going so well, it was a little unnerving.

The next day, as Buffy waited for a red light on her way out to Spike's place, she couldn't help but think about her mother's upcoming surgery. The thought still scared her to death, but after reading up on it, she'd felt a little better knowing that there was a very good chance that the surgery would go well. Knowing that there was a possibility that her mother would survive to see her child grow up made Buffy's heart swell.

Seeing the light turn green, Buffy continued on towards Spike's apartment. Today had been the longest. She was finally having morning sickness, it seemed, she was having trouble fitting into her clothes, and she'd just bombed two tests she had completely forgotten to study for. She couldn't wait to get to Spike's and just relax.

Parking in front of his complex, she decided to leave her bags in the car and walked unhindered to his door. When she tried to open it she was surprised to see that it was locked. He must have gone to the store. He had needed more milk. That was probably it. Digging for her keys, she opened the door. What she saw left her frozen in place.

The lights were off, but it was by no means dark. What seemed to be hundreds of candle lit the room. Rose petals were scattered on the floor, and roses were placed throughout the room. There in the middle of it all was Spike, looking as gorgeous as ever, with his bleached hair slicked back, wearing black pants and a black button-up shirt.

His bright blue eyes met her own wide, green ones, and he smiled.

"Buffy…I always knew this moment would come. I knew that one day I would be on my knee in front of you, begging you to be mine for all of eternity. I always knew that if I was lucky, you'd say yes and we'd start a life that most only dream of. Although we didn't plan for that day to come so soon, nothing has ever felt more right. You came to me at a time when I had no one. You showed me love and friendship. You showed me that life could have meaning. You have been my very best friend since I was just a lad. You loved me even after I broke your heart. You came like an angel and saved my life. I owe everything to you, and I would be nothing without you."

He paused, his emotions getting the best of him. Taking a deep breath he continued, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. In that time, there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. When I say I love you, I don't say it because I want you-it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

Tears falling freely down both of their faces, Spike said, "Will you marry me, Buffy?"

Her hands covered her mouth as she nodded fervently and ran towards the man of her dreams...her fiancé. Throwing herself at him, they both fell over as her arms wrapped themselves around his neck.

He laughed heartily as her weight pressed against him, both sprawled on the floor, crying and laughing. "Is that a yes?"

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12

I just want to take a moment to thank my beta, Dani, and all the people who have taken the time to read The Story, especially those who have reviewed. I want to give a special thanks to mom8828 for all of her reviews. They really do inspire me to write. This chapter is short but very intense. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

While it remained a huge deal for Buffy and Spike, the news of their engagement didn't come as such a surprise to anyone else. When they shared the news with the gang, for example, their announcement was met with overwhelming glee and cheers of joy from all of their friends and family.

Admittedly, later, Buffy laughed at the thought that their news could have been met with any other kind of reaction. Everyone around them had always known that eventually this is where their relationship would eventually go. Frankly, long before they even pronounced their love for one another, it had been clear to everyone but the two involved that their paths were wound together, never straying too far, and always leading back to one another.

Likewise, beyond the impending nuptials, Buffy and Spike found that the news of their pregnancy was equally expected...and it was more than enough to brave Buffy's mom through her first - and hopefully last - surgery. While they all certainly feared for Joyce's life, each one of them was extraordinarily overjoyed when the woman's doctor, a nice young gentleman named Ben, strode towards them with a smile on his face, ready to announce the surgery's success.

In the weeks that had passed since her mother's surgery, things had begun to work their way into a routine. For one, Buffy had moved her things out of the dorm and into Spike's apartment. In actuality, this was a huge step for them…far beyond the simple fact that they were engaged and having a baby together. Still, living together was something they had dreamed of for many years, even as children, and when they moved the last box to Spike's place, both of them felt a significant sense of accomplishment.

And when it came to leaving Willow by herself in the dorm, the redhead didn't actually mind the move so much, considering Tara immediately signed up to share the dorm with her as soon as Buffy was out. The entire gang agreed that it was good seeing Willow happy again...equally so that Tara was truly a special girl.

Buffy and Spike stayed committed to their classes, though they had started to discuss going part time once the baby was born, partly so they would have more time to work and partly to increase the amount of care available for the baby. Buffy had also taken a part time job at Giles's shop, The Magic Box, and was stashing away what little extra cash she could pull in - definitely something that was coming in handy as her due date drew near and she became more aware of the prices of baby furniture in the latest issue of Baby Talk magazine.

Jeez, having a baby was expensive.

_Still_, she thought rubbing her belly, still tiny yet steadily growing larger by the day._This little one would be all worth it._

Xander, too, was slowly getting back into good spirits as well. Buffy still hadn't told him about her run in with Anya - and wasn't planning on it, honestly. Shortly after she had run into Anya at the doctor's office, she had heard that she had moved to New York with some guy named Andrew. She wondered if it was the Andrew from high school...a little, odd guy about _yay_ high. _No, it couldn't be._

All in all, things were going well...in fact, things were going smoothly...rather extraordinarily. When she truly thought about it, Buffy realized she definitely could not complain.

And it was that thought - the idea that she was living a dream, without a care in the world - that was interruped by the vibration from her phone. She smiled when she saw Spike's picture flash across her smartphone's small display.

"Hey, babe!" She answered cheerfully.

He chuckled that manly chuckle that gave her the urge to squeeze her thighs together and said, "You hungry, pet? I've got about 20 minutes before I need to be at the Bronze and I know this is about the time you start getting those odd lunch cravings."

She frowned at his statement but was still pleased that he cared enough to call. "No thanks. I actually have plans for a lunch with Mom in…" She twisted her head back to glance at the clock hanging in the kitchen. "Oh crap! I was supposed to meet Mom at her place, like, five minutes ago. I gotta go! Love you, Spike!"

She didn't bother to listen for his goodbye, quickly hanging up the phone before Spike could say another word. She hated leaving her mom waiting like this. She'd text Spike as soon as she got there and let him know she was okay.

Grabbing her coat and bag, she raced out of the door.

* * *

Not bothering to knock, Buffy casually walked into her mother's home, happy to see she wasn't too late despite her late departure. The flowers on the table near the door catch her attention, and she smiles as she reads the card.

_Rose are red, Violets are blue…But none of that matters because I have you. I love you, Joyce. See you after work._

Buffy smiled at Giles note and yelled, "Hey flower-getting' lady, where are you?"

Buffy walked briskly into the living room and screamed again, "Mom?"

Turning around, Buffy froze at the sight of her mother sprawled awkwardly across the couch. Not daring to take a breath, she whispered, "Mom? What are you doing? Mom…Mommy?"

Her mother was laying, stretched out on the sofa, her eyes closed as if in slumber...but the sense of dread that Buffy suddenly felt in the pit of her stomach made her suddenly think the worse.

She realized her mother may be…no, she couldn't even think the word. _It's impossible. She's okay._

Buffy rushed over to her mom and began frantically shaking her. "Mom!"

Not knowing what to do, she felt for a pulse at her mother's neck, but the older woman failed to respond. Frustrated at her lack of general first aid knowledge, plus the lack of movement from her mother, Buffy began to panic.

"Mom!" She shrieks loudly, tears falling down her face.

Buffy's panic only rose further as she realized her mother still wasn't responding, and it became evident that she was having difficulty breathing. Rising quickly, as if on auto-pilot, she stumbled into the kitchen to get the phone. The moment the electronic device was in her hands, Buffy dialed 911 and rushed back, phone to ear, to her mother's side. Tears, now silent, still flowed freely from her large green eyes.

"911 Emergency-"

"Hello?"

"Do you have an-"

"My mom! She's not moving. She won't wake up. I can't find a pulse. I-"

"Calm down. I need you to give me your address."

"What?"

"I'm going to send an ambulance over."

"1630 Revello Drive. It's 1630 Revello Drive. Please…hurry."

"I'm sending a unit right away. Are you alone in the house?"

"Yes, I…I just got home. God…what do I do?"

"Do you know how to administer CPR?"

"Oh, god. Yeah, yeah, I know this…" Buffy mumbled, dropping the phone and beginning the motions of CPR on her mother, appalled that she hadn't done it sooner. The 911 operator was a distant thought as Buffy scrambled to perform the basic life-saving technique she'd learned long ago in health class.

She could hear the ambulance sirens in the distance, and the sound forced her speedy heart rate to slow some, but she still couldn't catch her breath. _Were they going to be too late?_

Minutes later, when the paramedics rushed through the door, they had to drag a frantic Buffy away from her mother. They had asked her a few questions about her mother's health, and she had answered to the best of her knowledge, remembering to include her recent bout with a brain tumor and the corresponding surgery.

She watched as the moved all around her, but she couldn't really understand what was going on. She tried to ask what was wrong, what was happening, but the paramedics were too busy to pay much attention to her.

She felt clammy and tired as she watched them work. Before she knew it, they had lifted her mother onto a gurney and scrambled out the door.

She couldn't think, she couldn't feel. Ignoring a sharp pain that began to spread through her lower abdomen, she ran after them.

"Please, wait! I need to go with her. Please!"

They paused briefly before motioning for Buffy to get into the front of the ambulance. The ride did not take long and Buffy rushed after them inside the hospital until finally a nurse stopped her at the operating room doors.

"I'm sorry, hon. You can't go any further." The woman said kindly.

"But I…I…" Wincing, Buffy leaned forward, gripping her stomach as another sharp pain shot through her. She felt so weak.

"Oh, miss, are you alright?"

"I just…I…" Suddenly feeling wetness between her legs, Buffy looked down and saw blood seeping through her pink sweat pants.

Following Buffy's line of sight, the nurse mumbled, "Oh…"

TBC...

* * *

Oh no! Don't worry, I will be updating this story within the week. Don't forget to review! I appreciate each and every review I receive. Plus, I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Oh god, where is she?" Spike screamed frantically at the nurse behind the desk. The woman, frustratingly calm in his time of absolute panic, merely raised an eyebrow at the blonde man.

"Where is who, sir?" She said sardonically.

Wiping a stray tear that fell from his stubborn eyes, he said, "Buffy…Buffy Summers. Where is she?"

After a few pecks on her keyboard, she gestured down the hall, indicating that Spike would find the girl assigned to room 218. The moment the words left the nurses lips, Spike ran in a mad dash towards the room, desperate to see Buffy with his own two eyes. God, his poor girl, his mind screamed. His poor baby, a quieter voice in his head whispered.

Buffy had called him hysterical, begging him to come to the hospital. Something was wrong, she said, something was wrong with the baby. Something was wrong with her mother.

Oh god…

Reaching the designated room, Spike threw the door open and scanned the space urgently, his eyes immediately seeking his girl. When his eyes, full of fear, met her own grief-stricken pupils, he almost broke down right then and there. Buffy sniffled back tears, and Spike ran forward to wrap his arms gently around her.

"You're alright? God, say you're alright, Buffy." He whispered fervently into her hair.

He felt her nod at his words and relaxed some. Pulling away, he gazed into her sad eyes. "What happened, love?" Looking down at the hands she had placed over her stomach, his heart stopped. "Oh, god, the baby?"

Reaching for his face, she turned him back towards her. "No, the baby's fine. I just…it's a long story."

Spike wanted to collapse as relief flooded his body. "Oh, god, Buffy. I was so scared."

She sniffled again and mumbled, "Me, too."

Both were silent as they took a second to appreciate the outcome of this particular situation, but the calm didn't last more than a few breaths before Buffy felt the urge to break the silence.

"The doctor said it is called a subchorionic hemorrhage. It's when a blood clot forms between the uterus and the…well, the stuff that's all around the baby. When I started bleeding, I was sure that it was a…was a miscarriage, but the doctor assured me that it is just the hemorrhage healing itself." Coughing to clear her throat, she continued, "The doctor said we are lucky that it is healing so soon. I guess it can take some time to heal, and if it doesn't heal by the third trimester…well, it's really bad."

Spike nodded as he placed a tentative hand over her belly. Closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer that his baby would live another day. Turning his eyes back towards Buffy, he questioned, "What's wrong then, pet? There's more, isn't it?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Giles hasn't called you?"

He shook his head, worry sketched into the lines of his face.

"It's mom. She…" Buffy took a breath before continuing. "She had a brain aneurysm."

Spike took his own deep breath, despair creeping up to overwhelm his worry. "Is she…"

Buffy shook her head feverishly, "No! God, no. She is in a medically-induced coma right now. We were lucky that they caught it in time. They will be waking her up in a few days, but…she might have some problems once she does wake up…if she does."

"What do you mean, pet?"

"I mean, there is a 66% chance she could have a mental disability."

Squeezing his eyes shut, he reminded himself to be grateful that his soon-to-be mother-in-law was at least alive. They could make it through, whatever the outcome was.

But it wouldn't be easy.

* * *

Buffy was released from the hospital the next night, but she had simply walked - or rather, she was wheeled - from her own hospital room straight to her mother's. As soon as she entered the room, she was hit with the reality of their situation.

Giles sat in the corner, leaning forward in the hard, plastic hospital chair to stare expressionlessly at her comatose mother. His eyes were red-rimmed, his face drawn and sullen. The man had clearly not gotten any sleep...and Buffy was immediately struck with the thought that she'd look the same if she didn't have her baby to think of.

Dawn sat directly to her mother's left, holding the older woman's limp hand as if it was a lifeline. The young girl glanced up at her older sister when Buffy entered the room, the desolate look in Dawn's eyes sending a chill down her older sister's spine.

As Spike wheeled Buffy further into the room, she was even more shocked to see her mother, pale and sunken against the stark white of the hospital bed. The sound of the machines penetrated the silence that seemed to pulse through the room.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy looked directly at Giles and asked, "What have the doctors said?"

Giles leaned back and sighed at his stepdaughter's question, unsure about how to respond to the delicate girl. "They said that it is all up to her now, whether she wakes up or…doesn't."

Buffy gripped the armrests of her wheelchair and gritted her teeth. "What the hell does that mean?"

She felt Spike's comforting hand on her shoulder and his whispered words. "Calm down, pet. Remember, the baby…"

While a part of her - the hormonal part - was immediately irked he would hint that she could possibly forget about the baby, it was the other, more rational side that ultimately accepted his advice. If she was going to get through this, Buffy knew she was going to have think rationally.

"What do they mean?" she repeated.

"They mean that they have done all that they can, and now we must wait to see if her body can heal itself."

"And if it doesn't?" she mumbled, knowing instinctively what his answer would be, but not wanting to believe it. A sob from her sister stole her attention, and she turned loving eyes at the girl she had always felt needed her protection.

"Dawnie….are you okay?"

Dawn turned a pair of angry 16-year-old eyes on her sister. "No, I'm NOT okay, Buffy...and if you used even half of your freakin' brain, you'd know that Mom will die. She'll die if her body doesn't heal itself. Buffy, she'll die...and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it!"

She watched Dawn finish her rant and then bury her head into the tightly folded her arms she'd rested on her mother's bed. The outburst shocked Buffy, to say the least. They were falling apart…

"Oi! That's not fair, pet. You shouldn't talk to your sister like that. She's had a hard enough time as it is."

Buffy winced at Spike's tone. She knew he meant business, but she also knew that Dawn had a right to her anger. Frankly, if Buffy was the person Dawn chose to take that out on, then so be it.

Giles stood up, glancing at Dawn, and walked over to where Buffy sat, trapped in her wheelchair. Buffy looked at him with wide eyes.

"I-I…I'm sorry. I j-just-"

Giles silenced her with a sympathetic look. "Don't be sorry, Buffy. This whole thing has been trying for us all."

She nodded slowly, wiping away a stray tear from her cheek. As she felt Spike release her wheelchair, she relaxed some, and she waited silently as he slowly walked around to crouch in front of her.

Spike placed his index finger under her chin and drew her gaze upwards so she faced him. Buffy gazed deeply into his comforting, blue eyes, and when he gave her a soft smile, the butterflies that had lived in her stomach for the last four years suddenly woke up and made their presence known.

"You okay, love?"

God, she loved this man. Her emotions were getting the best of her, so she just nodded in response to his question. Spike squinted at her, as if looking deep into her soul, before placing a hand on her cheek, and Buffy leaned into his hand as she sat smiling at the man who'd stolen her world completely.

He didn't need to say anything. She just knew.

Spike rose and turned towards Giles, taking a few steps towards the older man before he pulled his father into a tight hug. "It'll be okay, Pops."

In response, Giles wrapped his own arms around his son's torso, sniffled and nodded at the words of reassurance. Turning away from Spike, Giles leaned down and gave Buffy a quick hug before pulling back, spinning towards the wall and wiping, embarrassingly, at his tears.

Both Buffy and Spike stared thoughtfully at Giles before Buffy broke the gaze and turned towards her mother. Without realizing it, she urged the spokes of the wheelchair forward a few revolutions, moving toward her mother's bed, before Spike realized she'd moved. Suddenly, as if his manly instincts kicked in, Spike rushed up behind her to take over and push. When her knees touched the side of the mattress, Buffy glanced across the bed to quickly acknowledge her sobbing sister before turning her head back to the pale woman laying prostrate before her.

Timidly, she reach for her mother's hand and squeezed. It was so cold, almost as if she was already…no, she wasn't, though. As if to confirm the validity of her thoughts, Buffy glanced up at the machines that pulsed with her mother's own beating heart, comforting herself with the gentle, electronic reminder that this woman still had a fighting chance.

"Mom…" She whispered, unsure of how to speak to someone who may or may not be able to hear her. "Please wake up. We all miss you so much, and we are so worried. You can't…you can't leave us, Mom. I don't know what we'd do without you. This baby, Mom, this baby needs its grandma. The baby needs you. Giles needs you, Mom. Dawn needs you. I need you…"

Her mother's lack of response came as no surprise, but it still hurt none the less. After a few moments of silence, Buffy just sighed and gazed across at her sister, who had lifted her head at the sound of her name. When the two sisters made eye contact, Dawn turned away, and Buffy could only hope that she could keep the tears at bay.

"We need to go, pet."

The sound of Spike's voice startled her back to reality, and she turned sharp eyes at him. "Why?"

He looked at her curiously. "You need your rest, love. Doctors' orders."

Her anger began to simmer and rise. "How can you expect me to leave her like this? Leave THEM like that?"

Spike's eyes widened at her reaction and he visibly pulled back. "Love, you have to think of the sprog. The doctor said you should try your best to relax and rest. It's the only way you'll heal. You'll never get to do that here."

Scrunching her nose at his reasoning, she responded, "It's a hospital, Spike. If there's any place I can heal, it's here."

This time he rolled her eyes at her stubbornness. "Pet…we can come back tomorrow. Hell, we'll come back every sodding day. I want to be here for her, too, and for Niblet and my dad...but I am trying to be responsible here. When your mom wakes up, she won't be very happy to find out you've locked yourself away here, and at risk of the baby."

Buffy was mad. This time Buffy was really mad. And she gave little thought to the fact that she'd failed to control her tone as she yelled, "Oh, so now I don't care about my baby, right? Is that what you're saying?"

"What? No. I'm just saying that you have to consider your own health and-"

"You're being a jerk!"

"Buffy!"

Both Spike and Buffy jumped at the new voice to enter their argument. Shocked, they both turned towards the culprit. Seeing she had their attention, Dawn continued. "Spike is right, Buffy. You need to go home. Go home, get some rest, both for yourself and for the baby. That's what Mom would want." Turning towards Spike, she said, "And you, buddy, maybe you could be a little more sensitive. She is pregnant."

Spike smiled at the girl's overt turnaround, deciding it best to refrain from a verbal response and simply nodded. Buffy stared at her sister in astonishment; she'd expected to be ignored for days, and certainly didn't expect her sister standing here, preaching to her about her own health.

"She's right, Buffy. Please, go home," agreed Giles. She turned toward her stepfather, glanced at her sister and then turned back to Spike, who was staring at her patiently.

"Ready, love?" His voice was quiet and compassionate.

Closing her eyes, Buffy leaned forward in her wheelchair and placed a gentle kiss on her mother's cold cheek. When she turned back to Spike, she mumbled, "Ready…"

* * *

It had been almost a month since her mother's aneurysm, and Buffy had stayed true to her word. Every day, she went to the hospital to visit her Mom...and every day, she just talked. She told her mom about her days, told her about her classes, gave Joyce updates on everything and everyone. She'd once read that it was important to talk to people that were in a coma, and therefore was determined to find something to talk to her mom about, each and every day.

In fact, today was the day that she and Spike would be finding out the sex of the baby...hopefully. So, on her way to her appointment with the obstetrician, Buffy had stopped by the hospital. Once she'd greeted Giles and waited for her stepfather to step out of the room, Buffy had begged her mother to wake up so she could be a part of such an important day. Buffy cried. She pleaded. She damn near made a fool of herself. But in the end, Joyce gave no sign that she had heard her daughter's words at all.

By the time Giles returned from getting a cup of tea in the cafeteria, Buffy had composed herself. Giving him a quick hug, she left the cup of tea he'd purchased for her behind and hurried down to her doctor's office, where she would be meeting Spike for their appointment.

Somewhat to her surprise, he was already there and waiting when she walked in...and upon further inspection, she realized that he was practically pulsing with excitement. She had to smile as he she watched him speak, animatedly and enthusiastically, to the very pregnant woman next to him. She strained to hear what he was saying over the screams of a young toddler who sat with her in the waiting room, and she laughed out loud when she heard him bragging about the fact that they were finding out the sex of their baby.

When he noticed Buffy entering the office, he turned quickly toward his girlfriend and let his smile shine even brighter. "There she is! There's my girl!" he announced.

He stood up and walked over to her, encasing her hand within one of his and placing the other lovingly over her stomach. "How are you feeling today, pet?" He said before placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

"About the same as I did four hours ago when you called me. And the same as I did this morning when I woke up to you talking to my stomach." She said jokingly, keeping her voice stern yet secretly loving his attention.

He chuckled and said, "Well, today's the big day, and I needed to have a talk with junior here to make sure he or she isn't too shy for our special appointment."

She smiled at him. After the visit to her mom's room, she appreciated his love so much more that morning. "I love you, Spike. You know that right?"

His huge smile somehow grew even bigger and he replied. "Oh, I do, love. Oh, I do."

* * *

"Will you stop fidgeting!"

Spike paused in his antics and gazed at his fiancé with wide eyes. "I can't help it, pet. I'm just so damn excited…and I'm bloody nervous the sprog's not going to work with us."

She turned pouty eyes on him and he sat up straight. "Does it matter to you? The sex of the baby, I mean. Will you be upset if it's not a girl? I know you've been wanting one so badly."

He smiled lovingly at her and caressed her cheek. "Pet, I couldn't be upset if I tried. I will love the Bit with all my heart, no matter what it is. Hell, it could be a damn monster and I'd love the thing more than the world itself...because it's ours."

He put emphasis on his last word, hoping Buffy understood that, while this doctor's visit was a special one, it didn't matter to him in the long run. True, he'd always wanted a girl. He could imagine a sweet girl with those big green eyes, blonde curls poking out of lopsided pigtails, the spitting image of his Buffy.

He would be just as happy with a Spike, Jr., though. All that mattered to him was that the baby was healthy.

There was a knock at the door that tore Buffy's and Spike's attention away from the other, and both waited a moment for the doctor to swing the door shut and walk across the room to examination table.

"Good afternoon, Miss Summers, Mr. Giles! How are you both today?"

After the usual greetings and a polite exchange of how's it going's, the doctor moved to the most important task at hand. Spike knew what to expect this time. He watched the doctor lift Buffy's shirt and, despite the fact he'd seen it every day, was a little astonished at how much Buffy's stomach had grown. It was by no means large, but the hill of Buffy's middle had grown more and more each day, creating a bigger place of safety where his baby now grew. He waited patiently, watching as the doctor moved her magic wand and waiting for his little bean to appear on the screen.

"Hmm…"

Both Spike and Buffy turned sharply towards the thoughtful doctor.

"What?" "Is everything okay?"

Their words were said in unison, and the doctor flashed a friendly smile at the couple and nodded. "Oh. Yes, I'm sorry, your little person here is being a little difficult. It seems you have a shy boy or girl here."

Relieved though somewhat disappointed that they may not be finding out the gender of their child, they turned back to the screen, still excited just to see their baby. But…this was not their baby.

"Where'd the bean go?" Spike couldn't help but blurt out, asking the question for the benefit of them both.

The doctor chuckled and replied, "The bean has sprouted into a baby."

She began pointing out the babies different parts, and this time he could actually make it all out. He could see his baby - their baby - loud and clear. Tears welled in his eyelids, threatening to make a quick exit from his eyes. The sight of the tears in Buffy's didn't help the matter at all.

"Let's try something out, may I?"

At the couples' nods, the doctor leaned over and jostled Buffy's stomach some, poking here and there. What the hell was she doing?

After a second of manipulation, the doctor straightened back up and brought the wand back out of her pocket, taking a moment to scan Buffy's stomach before smiling. "There he is."

Spike's mouth dropped and he heard Buffy's high pitch, "He?"

"Yep! Looks like you are having a bouncing baby boy. Congratulations, you two. Everything else looks great. You're right on track, Buffy."

With a few more words, the doctor was out their sight. Very slowly, the couple turned toward one another, both of them gaping in astonishment at the doctor's announcement.

Buffy was the first to break into a smile.

"He!"

Spike chuckled heartily and pulled her to his chest, "We are having a boy, Buffy!"

A boy!

* * *

Later that night, Buffy felt the need to share this news with her mother. Spike had the night off from work, and he'd offered to take her, wanting to speak to his father as well.

When they arrived at the hospital, Giles was speaking with the doctor and didn't even acknowledge their arrival. Curious but used to their shift in importance, Buffy and Spike walked past the older British man, holding their questions until later. They walked over to Joyce, who lay peacefully resting on the bed's crisp sheet. Spike placed his hand on Joyce's head and greeted his stepmother softly before falling back a step to allow Buffy some privacy with her mother.

"Hey, Mom…" She whispered, squeezing the woman's hand in her own. "I have some news for you."

Taking a deep breath and taking comfort in Spike's hand on her shoulder, she continued. "We had our ultrasound today. I really wish you were there, Mom. You would've loved seeing it. There's really a baby in there. A baby….boy. We are having a boy, Mom."

She closed her eyes and let her tears fall shamelessly down her face. She felt Spike pull her towards him, and leaned back into his warm body.

"A boy?"

They both froze and Buffy's eyes shot open. There was her mother, still very frail seeming, but eyes wide open.

"You're having a boy, Buffy?"

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 12**

In the weeks that had passed since her mother's miraculous revival, Joyce's health improved exponentially. To Buffy's relief, her mother was getting better and better. To all of the doctors' astonishment, it appeared as if her mother had no signs of permanent brain damage, despite having been in a coma for over a month. A miracle, they all said. Like a one in a million chance.

And she'd gotten through it as if it was effortless. By the end of the first week, Joyce was standing unassisted and complaining about everything, from the TV programming selection to the colors of the walls to the food she was convinced was poison. By the second week, her surgical wounds had all but healed and her hair had started growing back where it had been shaved. She'd gained a pound or two, filling out the gaunt sunkenness her face had sported only days before.

It had been a close call, and Buffy knew her mother intended to make the most of whatever time she had left, be it days or decades. The nurses told her frequently that the positive attitude made caring for her ever so much easier, and made the healing process ever so much faster.

That's not to say it was all a breeze. There were things that Buffy had a hard time understanding or that required extra help from the doctors who worked with her mother. The treatments, the doctor's visits, the medicine regimen, the physical therapy, the diagnostic testing, the constant buzz that surrounded her mother...the whole thing seemed virtually neverending to Buffy.

But while it was frustrating that her mother still needed medical assistance for some things, it was impossible not to acknowledge how lucky they'd been. Buffy was just happy that her mother was alive.

And as she stood looking at herself in the mirror a week later, she smiled at her reflection...and at the realization of just how happy she was to have her mother with her.

They'd wanted to be married before the baby came, so Buffy and Spike had begun planning a wedding the moment her mother had awakened and given them her blessing. In the four weeks that followed, Buffy - with the help of Spike, her family, and their friends - had planned a magnificent ceremony and reception, both of which she felt were quite fitting of their rather magnificent love.

And, like a wedding gift from above, Joyce had been released from the hospital the day before the festivities were scheduled to begin. Just in time.

Now, Buffy sat staring at the vibrant reflection in the mirror of her dressing room, while her best friend, Willow, strung pale pink flowers through her mess of wavy, golden hair. Gazing at herself, studying the curve of her chin, the angles of her cheekbone, the way her hair swept over her forehead, she couldn't help but admit she looked stunning. A light coating of mascara helped bring attention to her already large emerald eyes. The pout in her lips was accentuated by the delicate application of lip gloss. Her skin was positively radiant and smooth, framed by a mess of soft, shiny, golden waves.

The dress...oh, the dress! It was light and airy as a cloud, simply flowing like a cascading waterfall over her delicate frame, with an empire waist that hid her cute little 20-week belly bump. Not that she wanted to hide her little baby boy from the world. Quite the opposite, in fact. Her ever-expanding, always-growing love for the baby she had already dubbed "Mini-Spike" made it nearly impossible to feel anything but pride for the blossoming boy, despite her lack of chaste purity when she walked down the aisle.

"My god, you look lovely."

Glancing past a sweetly smiling Willow, who stood behind her in the mirror, Buffy made eye contact with her mother and smiled. Her presence, her being there at all was nothing short of a miracle, and Buffy couldn't help but remember their conversation from only a few months before, at the almost-wedding of Xander and Anya.

"Thanks, Mom."

"She's right, Buffy. I think the only bride who could look hotter than you would be…well, me!" Her sister said with a laugh, which only resulted in Buffy sticking out her tongue at Dawn in mock annoyance.

"Thanks, Dawn. I guess."

"You should stand up, Buffy, and let your mom really see how amazing your dress looks." Willow advised.

Following her friend's advice, Buffy slowly rose, taking care to not disrupt her freshly done hair. The gasps and smiles encouraged her into a slow twirl, and as she gazed around the room at her friends and family, their avid attention made the usually confident Buffy blush. She smiled softly at them, caressing the roundness of the stomach hiding beneath the layers of her gown.

"He'll love you." Her mother whispered, before giggling and adding, "Well, he already loves you. That much is clear. But if it's even possible, he will love you even more when he sees you." Her mother dabbed at her eyes with a light pink handkerchief that perfectly matched her own lacey, pink dress.

As she looked around again, Buffy was immediately struck by how lovely the girls around her were. Utterly beautiful, every one of them. She surveyed their dresses with approval, pleased with how stunning they all looked together. The gowns all matched in color, though the ladies wore different cuts and styles, each matching the girl within it.

Willow had her hair pinned up in an elegant-yet-messy bun. Her dress was high-necked and sleeveless, appearing modest from the front but dipping to a deep V in the back, where it met in a graceful bow slightly above her bottom.

The shy girl standing next to Willow smiled sweetly at Buffy. The top half of Tara's hair was pulled back and tied at the back of her head, the lower layer left flowing gently down past her shoulders. Her own dress, while similar in length and neckline to the redhead's, was instead lacey and intricately beaded from the waist up, in contrast to the smooth bodice Willow wore.

Now, Dawn...Dawn looked absolutely gorgeous. Fresh tears came to Buffy's eyes as she gazed at her little sister, who was quickly becoming a woman. Her long hair had been stylishly curled, and her makeup, though a touch heavy in the way only teenagers can accomplish, actually served to enhance her natural beauty. Her dress - which had taken her forever to choose, by the way - was a simple A-line dress that flattered her slim profile, its neckline and knotted straps the perfect frame for her sweet face. Admittedly, it came a little lower than Buffy's mother had initiaally approved of, but no one could deny how stunning the girl was in it.

Despite the utter beauty surrounding her, Buffy felt no jealousy or ill feelings on this most special of days. She couldn't help herself as her mind wandered, imagining what Spike must look like in his black vest and pale pink undershirt. She wondered how he'd do his hair, what color socks he'd wear, whether he'd cave and wear underwear in the rented tux. _What a stubborn mule, _Buffy thought with a smile. He had fought valiantly - and won - for the right to wear his beloved Doc Martens with his black fitted slacks. After all, he had argued, he'd given in to every other request. She'd eventually acquiesced...like she'd known all along she would.

He would look exquisite.

* * *

"I look like a bloody wanker."

Xander rolled his eyes at Spike's melodramatic outburst. "Oi! Don't roll your eyes at me."

"You look fine, Spike." His brother, Wesley, mumbled.

"Fine? Bullocks. I don't want to look fine. I want to look amazing for her, for Buffy."

Spike cringed at Xander's mocking laugh. "Spike, you could be butt naked and she would still think you looked amazing…well, actually she might prefer you butt naked."

This time Spike rolled his eyes at his friend as he glared at himself in the mirror. He had slicked back his bleach blonde curls to the best of his ability, yet still they waved slightly, as if trying to escape the way they'd been pressed to his head. He had rolled up the pale pink sleeves of the shirt he wore beneath the black vest. He felt hot...much too hot. Damn, maybe naked would be a good route.

A knock at the door shocked him out of his reverie, and Spike turned just in time to see his father shuffle in shyly.

"Pops! Where've you been?"

Giles smiled at his son, looking gentlemanly and dashing in a light grey suit that fit perfectly with his 'librarian' image. "Just checking on Joyce."

Spike perked up, "You saw Buffy then?"

"Well, yes."

"How was she? Bloody gorgeous, I'd imagine."

Giles smiled again at his lovestruck son. "Indeed, she was quite lovely."

Forgetting about his chagrin over his appearance, Spike smiled back, only thinking of the woman in the room down the hall.

* * *

"This is it! Are you sure about this? I could always distract them with a jig while you make a run for it our back." Willow said jokingly, trying to ease Buffy's nerves.

Buffy just giggled at her friend and reached for her hand. Giving it a squeeze, she whispered, "Thanks, Willow, but I couldn't want anything more than I want this, right now. Hell, I think it was my destiny."

Willow smiled as she hastily wiped a tear from her eye. "There you go! You've gone and made me cry, you big...you big cry-maker."

Wrapping her arms around her friend, a laugh-slash-sob escaped from Buffy's throat as she held Willow tight. The hug lasted but a few seconds, then she was taking a deep breath and signaling for the doors to open and the music to start.

The sound of the doors opening couldn't have been more daunting, but as soon as the girls began their walk down the aisle, Spike could feel nothing but butterflies running amuck in his whole body. Everything tingled in his excitement, his anxiety - and, god damn it, his fear - of seeing the girl of his dreams make her way towards him.

He was vaguely aware that each of the bridesmaids smiled at him as they moved swiftly down the aisle on their way to the bride's side, but when it came right down to it, he only had eyes for one. And that one strode now, no, floated...and she did it with the utmost of grace toward him. He immediately thought of the saying that pregnant women glowed, and it couldn't have appeared truer than in that moment, for Buffy glowed softly as she held his gaze.

Neither looked away. Neither tried. Frankly, neither knew if it was even possible, for once they had locked onto one another, they'd been mesmerized, falling prey to the love in the other's eyes.

When her mouth curved up into a tender smile, his heart beat harder and faster in his chest and a smile graced his own face. It took every ounce of strength in him to refrain from meeting her halfway and wrapping her in his arms. He doubted she would really mind.

When she finally came to a stop across from him, he reached out for her petite hand. When she gasped, though, he jumped and drew his hand back...and the moment was broken. Her mouth opened wide in shock.

"Are you okay, love?"

"He moved, Spike!"

Looking at her curiously, Spike ignored the waiting minister and the nearly hundred friends and family that watched. All he could see was her, standing happily in front of him.

"Love?"

Taking the hand that was already grasping her own, she placed it on the lower part of the mound that was her stomach. He waited for a few second, then felt something push out towards his palm. He gasped.

"That's…"

"It's our baby, Spike! He moved!"

Now Spike's face was filled with joy and a wide grin broke out on his face. "Bloody hell! He's a fierce little thing."

"Excuse me?"

They both turned, broken from their own little world by the minister across from them. Suddenly remembering they were in the middle of their wedding ceremony, they laughed and resumed positions, though Spike moved closer now so he could keep one hand on his bride's stomach and the other firmly grasping hers.

"Sorry...well, not really. Just go ahead. Let's do this thing." Spike said. Ready for this part to be over so he could hold his bride, the angel in front of him, in his arms.

* * *

"Introducing, Mister and Mrs. William Giles!"

As their family and friends clapped and cheered loudly for them. They strode hand-in-hand from the foyer and into the banquet room. They had yet to stop touching since that precious moment at the start of their ceremony, and both had independently planned to not stray too far from the other the entire rest of the night.

When they made their way into the center of the large reception area, the music began to play and the crowd silenced. Turning to look at her husband, Buffy grinned and reached for his other hand. He grinned back, pulling her close against him, leading with his steps as they began to sway to their song.

_All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true, I was made for you_

Buffy pressed her cheek against Spike's hard chest, and he held her as close as the precious cargo between them would allow. This had been their song since they were children, and to now be dancing to this song at their wedding was beyond surreal. Buffy closed her eyes, letting the words and the feelings they invoked to flow through her.

_I climbed across the mountaintops  
swam all across the ocean blue  
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules  
But baby I broke them all for you_

_Oh because even when I was flat broke  
You made me feel like a million bucks  
You do, I was made for you_

Spike had closed his eyes and rested his cheek against Buffy's head. The feel of her body rocking against him, their child swaying and swinging along with them to the beat of their song...it was almost too much for him to bear. This woman who he had worshipped since the ripe ol' age of 10...who he'd fallen in love with before he'd even hit puberty...she was now his wife. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, but for once, he could care less. All he could feel was the love for this woman, and the joy he felt overflowing from his soul.

_You see the smile that's on my mouth  
It's hiding the words that don't come out  
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed  
They don't know my head is a mess_

_No they don't know who I really am  
And they don't know what I've been through  
Like you do, and I was made for you_

The entire room was hypnotized by their dance and sat, staring at the couple in amazement. Small gasps could be heard here and there, as guests succumbed to a few tears of their own. Couples drew their chairs closer, held hands tighter, shared a kiss or a caress. It was as if the love Buffy and Spike felt for one another was palpable, as if it vibrated off of the newlyweds in waves, bouncing against the walls before making its way back to the couple who failed to notice anyone but each other. While their closest family and friends had always known this was where their relationship would eventually lead, it never ceased to amaze them all, the sheer love that these two felt for one another. And as the music came to an end, the guests were almost as disappointed as the couple themselves.

_All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am_

_Oh but these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true, I was made for you  
Oh yeah, well it's true that I was made for you_

As the last few notes of the song faded, Spike pushed her softly back. Taking his cue, she laughed and allowed him to spin her out before pulling her tightly back into his body. As their chests met, he whispered words of love into her ear and she could only smile._ How did she ever get so lucky?_

* * *

The night was coming to an end, but the joy had yet to cease. The couple sat now, still closely together, and stared out at the people they loved, many of them still dancing and carrying on.

Spike wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled Buffy closer to him. She turned in her seat, raising her chin as he dropped his forehead to hers. Both of them closed their eyes, taking a second to just cherish the moment, and knowing life would not always be this happy and grand.

Nonetheless, they both felt as if this must be the beginning of their forever.

TBC…


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 13**

"Happy one month anniversary, pet." Spike whispered, his hands full as he sat down on the bed next to the blonde.

Yawning and grinning widely at her husband, she replied, "Oh, Spike. You didn't have to do this...but thank you! I'm starving!"

Spike chuckled at her statement, refraining from saying out loud that she was always starving nowadays, and set the tray of goodies in front of his pregnant wife.

Her eyes widened at the sight before her. Oh, this man knew her too well. There, on her tray, sat a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, smothered in butter and swimming in syrup. The plate next to that held a mound of cheesy scrambled eggs, a few pieces of toast and a stack of crisp bacon. Next to that, to round off the meal, was a huge glass of _seriously_ chocolatey milk. Buffy couldn't fight the emotions that rose from his thoughtfulness. _He is so sweet._

Spike squinted at his wife, peering into her eyes and fighting confusion at the tears that welled up there. "Are you going to cry, love? Don't cry."

Buffy just bit her lip and nodded hastily. "This is all just so sweet, Spike." Setting the tray to the side, she threw herself at Spike, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing her lips against the soft skin of his throat. Her voice was raspy with emotion when she finally spoke again. "Thank you."

Spike just smiled and rubbed Buffy's back, content with the fact that she was happy with her surprise. While they had been together for almost four years now and known each other for over ten, this day marked the first month that they were man and wife. That, in and of itself, made it precious to him.

"I have another surprise for you, love."

Pulling back, Buffy stared excitedly into his eyes. "You do?"

He nodded, slightly nervous about his second, much larger surprise. Kissing her forehead and setting the tray back in front of her, he said, "First, pet, eat. This surprise can wait until after you've gotten some grub in you."

Pouting a little at the delay, Buffy glanced down at the chocolately goodness waiting for her, shoveled the first bite of pancakes from the fluffy mound into her mouth, and quickly forgot about anything else as she lost herself in her breakfast.

* * *

"Where are we going, Spike?"

Spike studied Buffy from the corner of his eye. She looked absolutely beautiful in a pale yellow sundress that subtly accentuated her rather large - and ever growing - belly. Was there anything more beautiful than the woman you love, carrying your child within her? Not to Spike at least.

He made no mention of the way she looked, though, and instead, in reply, simply muttered, "Patience, pet. We'll be there before you know it. In fact…" He paused a moment as they turned into the driveway of cute two story house before continuing, "We are here."

Scrunching her brow in confusion, Buffy stuttered, "W-where are we?"

Taking a deep breath, Spike turned his whole body to face his wife and reached for the hand that rested in her lap. "We're home, Buffy."

His words didn't help assuage her confusion at all, and she looked at the home, to him, and back at the home in front of her. It was of craftsman-style construction, with dark wood siding and a large, old-fashioned porch wrapped it, welcoming guests into its warmth. The lawn was large, the grass green and lush, but what made it seem all the more spectacular was the lovely cherry trees randomly placed on it.

_Their home._

It couldn't be, but all of a sudden she couldn't want anything more. Did he truly mean what she thought he meant? Turning wide eyes back at her husband, she voiced her question aloud.

He nodded, eying her carefully. "Do you like it, love?"

A smile broke across her face. "I love it!"

Spike immediately relaxed, allowing his face to break into a wide smile at her vibrant response. "Good, because I made an offer and it was accepted. Luckily, the owner is a rather nice old lady, and she is giving me a chance to show you before we sign the papers."

Practically jumping in her seat she said, "Well, I want it! I want it! Call her and tell we'll sign the papers….like, right now, Spike!"

Spike laughed at his girl and replied. "Don't you want to look inside?"

"We can do that?" She questioned eagerly.

At his nod, she jumped out of the car and took off for the front door, motioning for him to follow. "What are you waiting for? I want to see my house."

Spike chuckled but hurried out of the driver's side and raced to reach the house before Buffy. He made a big deal about opening the front door, gesturing widely with his arms and bowing low at the waist.

After first few steps into the home, Buffy stopped and took a moment to take it all in. The doors opened up into a small entry way that broke off on one side into a large living room, and on the other, into a cozy den. Moving into the living room, Buffy admired the large ceilings with wooden beams outlining it. From there, the room opened up into the dining area, and right beside that was the kitchen, perfectly sized for a budding family. There were large glass doors at the opposite end of the house offering a peek at a large backyard lined with cherry trees.

She could imagine cooking dinner in the kitchen, watching Spike help their son with his homework at the table or playing ball outside. She could see more children, yet to be born, running through the home and laughing joyfully. She saw Christmases, Thanksgivings, Birthdays, and so much more...all in this little home.

"It has three bedroom, pet. One down here and the other two upstairs."

Buffy jumped as Spike's words broke into her fantasy. "It's perfect." She whispered.

Turning towards her husband she said loudly, "When do we move in?"

* * *

It didn't take long, thanks to Spike's planning and the work he had already taken care of, and the couple was moved into their new home within two weeks. They had been pleasantly surprised at the generosity of the neighborhood and the various neighbors that came over to say hello…and to get a glimpse at the new young couple.

Buffy's favorite neighbor was a young woman situated in the home directly next door. She wasn't much older than Buffy, and while they seemed rather different on the outside, upon closer examination they had a lot in common. In fact, her sarcasm and blunt demeanor, which had initially annoyed Buffy, seemed charming now after they'd shared an actual conversation.

Faith was her name, and she was a wild child in every meaning of the phrase. She had a flirtatious, shameless vibe that practically radiated off a typically scantily dressed frame. Not that it really mattered, because upon meeting her boyfriend, Robin, it was apparent to Buffy that Faith only had eyes for him.

Glancing through the window toward the house of her new friend, Buffy paused in the middle of folding a towel and wondered where this new friendship would lead her. The sound of steps behind her startled her out of her reverie, and she smiled and went back to folding clean laundry as she eyed Spike, leaning against the doorframe, staring at her lovingly.

"Why don't we take a break, love? I was talking to Xander before the gang took off, and he mentioned going to the Bronze tonight. Relax some after all this hard work."

"I don't know, Spike. How will it look?" Buffy asked self-consciously as her eyes followed the hands she drew down over her burgeoning belly.

Spike took a few steps towards her and rubbed his palm against the belly that protected their son. "Well, I think it looks quite beautiful, to tell you the truth."

Biting her lip, Buffy looked back at him. "You know what I mean, Spike. Do you think people will think I'm a deadbeat mom, going out to a bar when I'm almost seven months pregnant?"

He refrained from laughing, knowing how emotional she was lately, and responded. "Pet, it's not like you're going to be getting sloshed. You're just going out with your friends." Noting her pout he continued, "And since when have you given two shits about what other people thought of you?"

Smiling now she nodded. "You're right. It'll be fun! Let's go."

* * *

Arriving at the Bronze, the couple peered around the dance floor, spotting their friends at their usual table. Before they were able to make their way across the room, though, a brazen Harmony stopped in front of Spike, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his face down towards hers.

"Blondie Bear! You're here."

Spike pulled away and frowned, but mumbled a hello nonetheless. Harmony pulled away, smiling coyly up at Spike before turning her attention to Buffy. "Oh, Betty, isn't it? Whatever."

"Watch it, Harmony."

Turning her glaring eyes from Buffy, Harmony smiled sweetly up at Spike. "Sorry, Spikey. Go have fun. I'll see you at your shift tomorrow night." Blowing him a kiss and shooting Buffy a dark look, Harmony walked back behind the bar.

Buffy turned incredulous eyes at her husband. "What was that all about?"

Spike shrugged uncomfortably. "Don't worry about her, Pet. She started working here a couple weeks back and is just a little overly friendly."

"Overly friendly? Is that what that was?" Buffy huffed sarcastically.

Blushing Spike mumbled, "She may have developed a little crush. I've been trying to hint that she needs to back away but the girl is rather…well, dense."

This time, Buffy laughed. She trusted her husband, but she absolutely hated Harmony - and had since that fateful day, ten years ago.

"Screw Harmony. She isn't going to ruin my night."

Spike smiled now, and the two walked arm-in-arm over to the table where their friends sat chirping loudly. When they stopped in front of the group, Willow and Xander immediately started to argue, and before long it became clear they were fighting for the right to tell some big news. Tara beat them to the punch, rolling her eyes softly before she spoke out.

"Someone named…A-Angel seems to be back in town. That's what these t-two were arguing over telling you."

Xander guffawed at the usually shy Tara's stealing of his moment, while Willow could simply smile at the girl's outburst.

Turning back towards the two, Xander muttered, "Yeah…yeah, that's what I was trying to say! Angel is-"

"Back! He's here, and he isn't alone either." Willow interrupted.

Xander glared at his friend before taking a deep breath and starting once more. "Yeah, you'd never believe who he is here with either. It's-"

"Cordelia! Can you believe it? Queen C. Apparently the two are together...or, well, the way they were dancing certainly suggests that." Willow finished, ignoring Xander exasperation.

Buffy's eyes went wide and Spike frowned, pulling out a seat and ushering his girl to sit before seating himself down next to her and asking, "Isn't he supposed to be locked up for the whole…Holtz family incident?"

Willow nodded and answered. "I don't know any details, but it seems like he got out a couple months ago. He was only sentenced to 18 months, right?"

Buffy nodded, doing the mental math and realizing that it had actually been more than 18 months since that night that Angel and his then-girlfriend, Darla, had drunkenly hit the Holtz family, killing everyone but the father, and leaving Darla in a coma. She and Spike had been present, when the paramedics and cops had been cleaning up the scene, and it surprised Buffy that the whole incident had slipped out of her conscious mind...especially considering the impact it had left on both her and Spike.

"Wow, that's…that's insane. I can't believe it's actually been that long." Buffy whispered.

"How'd the bloke seem?" Spike asked, concerned for his wife but also for the man that used to be his mortal enemy. There had never been warm feelings between Angel and Spike, but since that fateful night, Spike had seen the parallel between himself and the reckless youth. He could only imagine the emotional and physical torment Angel must have gone through since then. Knowing that he was responsible for the deaths of 4 people...losing his girlfriend to a coma...being separated from his family and friends and sent away to survive for over a year in a prison with rapists and murderers...it was hard not to feel sorry for Angel.

Xander shrugged, but it was the more sympathetic Willow who spoke up. "I guess he seemed okay. I don't know...content in a way. He and Cordelia seemed pretty cozy.

Tara spoke up this time and added. "He did seem content, but you could see it in his eyes. He is haunted."

Spike nodded and squeezed Buffy's hand reassuringly under the table. "I wonder if he's changed any?" Spike thought out loud, earning thoughtful looks from the rest of his friends.

"Let's hope." Buffy whispered under her breath.

A subject change was in order, and it came quickly. Willow asked Xander about an accident at his construction site, and before long, the group was happily chatting away, complaining about bosses and siblings, regaling tales of school, talking about the latest movies and TV shows, planning dinners and dates. Half an hour later, they were all so engrossed in one of Xander's tales from the construction site that they were surprised when the subject of their earlier conversation from earlier came striding up to their table.

And stood there, just looking at them.

All five turned wide eyes towards the tall man, staring at Angel as he stood there peering sheepishly back at them.

"Hello, Spike…" He turned to a brief glance to the blonde next to Spike. "Buffy."

Buffy smiled weakly and Spike nodded, unsure of what his sudden appearance meant.

"Angel. How are you?" Spike's voice was wary.

Angel shrugged and took a sip of the drink in his hand. "As good as I can be, I guess."

With another quick drink of his brew , he looked intensely at Spike. "Look, Spike, I just wanted to say…I just wanted to say that...I'm sorry." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I'm sorry for all the grief I gave you...and you, Buffy...both of you, in high school. I was…well, I was an ass, and I'm sorry. I promise, I paid for it dearly."

The whole group remained frozen at his words...surprising words from a man they all used to despise for his callous, brute-like nature. No one made a move for several seconds until Spike smiled at Angel.

"Hey, mate, don't worry about it. Let bygones be bygones and all that shit, right?"

Smiling shyly back at Spike, Angel nodded. "I didn't want to interrupt or anything, I've just had a lot of time to think about how I used to act and the things I used to do." Angel visibly grimaced before continuing, "When I saw you guys, I knew I needed to get it off my chest."

The group relaxed some, and the tension slowly eased some from the moment. Buffy spoke up this time, and, smiling, suggested, "Why don't you and Cordy come sit over here with us?"

Angel's eyes widened and he stared at Buffy for a moment before replying. "Are you sure?"

Shrugging, Spike said, "Sure, mate. That is, if you want to."

Angel smiled at the group and nodded before heading off to fetch Cordelia.

Spike looked around, noting the astonished looks on the faces staring back at him. Xander was the first to speak.

"Well that wasn't awkward in the least."

Everyone chuckled, thankful, for once, for Xander's relentless humor.

It didn't take long for Angel and Cordelia to make their way toward the table, and the rest of the group accommodated, making room and pulling a couple of chairs over from the table next to them.

Then the table was silent for a few moments, tension refilling the space as no one knew what to say. Cordelia spoke up first.

"Okay, so this is way too uncomfortable for my liking, so let's go ahead and get the air cleared. Angel was in jail for manslaughter. He was released three months ago. I moved to L.A. to pursue my modeling career." Blushing some, she moved on, "I wasn't too successful in that avenue. And now I'm dating Angel." Turning to look at each member of the group, she added, "Oh, and sorry for being such an uber bitch to you guys in the past...emphasis on the uber."

It was silent a moment, everyone staring wide-eyed at the blunt valley girl, before Xander broke the silence with a chuckle. "That's one way to break the ice."

As things began to loosen up, the conversations started flowing more naturally. It didn't take long before the first questions about Angel's arrival back in Sunnydale started sprouting up. What was surprising, though, was that it was Willow who made the first move.

"So, Angel, what brings you back to Sunnydale?" The redhead's eyes were big when she asked the question.

Everyone paused, anticipating his reaction.

"Um, well, I actually just want to see my family. It's...well, it's been a while. They were never up for the drive to visit...which I guess is not so surprising, considering they chose to pursue the whole tough love thing and all." Raising his hands in the air as if admitting defeat, he added, "Not that I'm complaining. It worked. It _really_ worked. I realized I couldn't do whatever I wanted and just expect to have their support." Angel looked around the table at the group of people who sat nodding in agreement. He was immediately comforted, knowing he was finally being understood, and he took a wavering breath before speaking again. "Anyway, they accepted me home with open arms, which has been nice. But I have to admit, it's been kind of awkward since I arrived. I kind of feel like all eyes have been on me."

"Yeah, I'm sure they have been...both in your family and in this little town. How long you been back?" Spike asked.

"We just got in a couple nights ago. I've been staying in L.A. the last two months since my…release. That's where I ran into Cordelia, actually. We just randomly ran into each other at the diner down the street from my hotel, and the rest...is the rest."

Cordelia smiled sweetly at him, and for the first time Buffy realized that it wasn't just Angel who had changed.

"What about you guys? I'm sure a lot has happened over the last year and a half."

Cordelia spoke up now, "It seems like Willow's switched to girls, for one." The lightness of her tone made her words less insulting and more teasing, and Willow blushed as she introduced Tara to the couple.

"What about you guys? Spike? Buffy?" Angel asked.

Cordelia raised an eyebrow and added, "Yeah, I caught a glimpse of that shiny ring on your finger. Give me the deets! Dish!"

Buffy giggled but answered, "Well, we are married. Newlyweds, in fact, since we've not even been married for two months yet."

Spike smiled at Buffy and added, "That's not even the most important change." Dropping a hand to rub Buffy's concealed stomach, he concluded, "We are having a baby in...oh, 14 weeks, isn't it pet?"

Buffy nodded and placed her hand atop Spike's, both laughing when they felt a swift kick from their boy.

Both Cordelia and Angel's eyes widened at the news, but their surprise quickly recovered and the couple smiled at the husband and wife sitting opposite them.

"Congrats, Buffy! Wow, Buffy a mother. I can't wait to see if you get fat."

Angel scrunched his nose at Cordelia's blunt words, but added. "Really though, congratulations to both of you. I always knew that you two had something special." He grinned sheepishly. "I guess maybe that's why I always acted like such an insensitive prick."

Cordelia's arms started waving madly and her eyes grew big as saucers. "Oh! Do you know what you're having? Have you started decorating? Have you guys thought of any names?"

Willow perked up at the line of questions, "Oh, yeah, you guys haven't said anything. Have you thought of any names for little Spike Jr.?"

"Aw, it's a boy?" Cordelia asked.

"And thank Zeus for that, Cordy, because we need some more testosterone around here. Anyways, I always felt Alexander was a wonderful name for a boy." Xander suggested. When Buffy smiled over at him, he winked and added, "But, seriously."

Buffy looked over at Spike and replied. "Well, we haven't really decided anything yet. We have a list, though."

She paused, and Spike continued for her, "The thing is, we've decided that we are keeping said list a secret until Junior, here's, birth."

They laughed at Willow and Xander's pout, but smiled knowing that their friends could handle the wait.

"Well, I suggest a toast." Cordelia announced, glancing over at Angel to indicate the suggestion was for him to do the honors.

Seeing Cordelia was putting him on the spot, Angel sat up straight and after a moment of thought said, "To Buffy and Spike…and their baby, whatever they decide to name him."

The group laughed and smiled as they all lifted their drinks. As she sipped her diet coke, Buffy thought _I could definitely cheers to that_.

Conversation, dancing and overall enjoyment ensued, and by the time the night was coming to a close, the group felt like Angel and Cordelia had always been a part of it. The hour was late when they finally parted, promising to see one another soon for another evening out.

Buffy was utterly exhausted by the time she and Spike had made their way out of the club and to the car. Spike opened the DeSoto's passenger door for her, helping her into the seat and buckling her in securely. Buffy couldn't help but love it when he babied her, knowing the soon they would have a baby to…well, baby.

After starting the car, Spike drove in silence for a few minutes before he laughed out loud at the surprising way the night turned out. "Well, that was an interesting turn of events wasn't it, pet?"

When she didn't answer, Spike looked over and smiled. The poor girl was passed out awkwardly against the door, mouth agape, drool pooling at the corners of her lips and a soft snore sounding with every breath.

And with a hand placed lovingly over her stomach.

TBC…

* * *

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 14**

It had been a few weeks since they had run into Angel and Cordelia, and they'd been keeping in contact with the couple...especially Spike. He and Angel seemed to be getting a long pretty well, and when Spike didn't have to work late, he would have a few beers with Angel every now and then before coming home. Buffy didn't mind, she knew it was important for Spike to do his own thing sometimes. Just as it was important that she do her own thing too.

Speaking of which, as the weeks wore and the baby's arrival drew nearer, Buffy had thoroughly enjoyed spending some quality shopping time with her mother and Dawn. Her mother had decided it was time that they got the baby's room together, so without much more discussion, the three Summers women were packed up and on their way to the local shopping mall.

It was nice hanging out with her mom and sister, and she couldn't think of a better way to bond than with a nice, long trip down consumer lane.

And long it was. They'd been at it for hours, and had already purchased a beautiful ivory crib that would be delivered to their home at the end of the week, as well as an adorable nautical bedding set. When belly rumbles told them it was time for a bite to eat before doing anything else, they had made their way to the food court where they sat stuffing their faces with some pretty damn good tacos.

It wasn't long, though, before Buffy needed to use the restroom...as usual. When she told her sister and mom that she would be right back, she had to stick her tongue out as Dawn rolled her eyes and said, "Again?"

"You try having something the size of pineapple laying on your bladder."

Dawn just rolled her eyes and watched as Buffy turned to rush off to the restroom across the way.

When she exited the stall and made her way to sink to wash her hands, she was surprised to find Harmony standing next to her, staring at her in the mirror.

"Hello, Harmony." Buffy mumbled, returning her gaze to her hands and quickening the pace of her scrubbing in the hopes of getting out of the awkward situation as soon as possible.

"Betsy." Harmony said distastefully.

As Buffy turned off the water and hastened to dry her hands, Harmony interjected.

"I'm really sorry to hear about you and Spike, Biffy."

Buffy paused and turned towards the blonde. "What do you mean?"

Harmony feigned worry and said, "I'm sorry to hear about Spike breaking up with you, although you had to know it was bound to happen, what with the weight gain and all."

Buffy raised her eyebrows at the girls brazenness and said, "Look, Harmony, Spike and I are still happily married." She waggled her ring finger at the girl, who just smiled.

"What? That wasn't what he was telling me the other night. If I'd only known, Betsy! I would never have…done the dirty things I did with him last night. He was quite persistent about it, too." She said with mock horror.

Buffy just glared at the girl, refusing to bite at the hook she was throwing out. "Harmony…you should really think about what you are doing, or trying to do, rather unsuccessfully. I know Spike would never sink that low, whether we were together…or not."

Harmony scowled at her and added, "Where was he last night then, Birty?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, "He was getting a beer with Angel, not that it's any of your damn business." Buffy immediately wondered why she had even answered the girl's question. She didn't want to keep this conversation going any longer than necessary...which was not at all.

"So that's what he told you, huh? He's been having those beers…and a lot more, with me, Bonnie."

"It's Buffy! B-U-F-F-Y."

Smiling benevolently, Harmony simply said, "Just thought you should know." With that, Harmony turned on her heel and strode out of the restroom, leaving an annoyed and flustered Buffy behind.

* * *

That night, after a long bath, Buffy couldn't help but stare at her naked self in front of the mirror. She turned from side to side, noting all the changes in her once-tight, previously-compact body.

She paused in a turn and squeezed the love handles that had just begun to make an appearance at her sides. With a frown, she turned around in the opposite direction, compared the other side's plump softness, and then turned her head to look at her backside, noting the how much fatter her ass was. She turned back so she was viewing herself from side and ran a hand down her stomach, cradling her little baby bump. He was worth every ounce of fat she gained, every stretch mark, every bit of it. BUT, after her conversation with Harmony that afternoon, Buffy couldn't help but be a little self-conscious.

Not that she believed the dimwit. She trusted her husband, and was confident in his love for her...but Harmony's words had been damaging, leaving Buffy's self esteem in the lurch as she wondered just how attractive she actually was to Spike, now that her body had changed so drastically.

A knock at the door broke through her dreary thoughts, and Buffy muttered a soft, "Come in." The door opened, revealing a smiling Spike.

"There you are, love. I was just making sure everything was okay. You've been up here for a while, thought you might have fallen asleep."

Buffy smiled weakly at him and whispered, "I'm okay, Spike. Just getting dressed."

Noting the bereft look on her face, Spike frowned and moved further in the room, watching as Buffy's pout deepened as she began to slip her panties on.

"What's going on, pet? Everything okay?"

Without a glance, Buffy replied, "Yeah, I just told you. I'm fine, Spike."

Spike's frown deepened. "You don't seem fine."

Reaching, out Spike stopped her hand as she grabbed for her nightgown. Turning her around to face him, he placed his hands on her cheeks and turned her face up so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong, love."

Buffy sniffled and relaxed in his arms. Those soft blue eyes always did something to her soul, breaking her down in a way she never knew possible. When he looked at her like that, she couldn't hold anything in. It was like he could see deep within her, reading her deepest, darkest emotions and thoughts.

"I just…I just realized that my body has changed a lot over the last few months. I just got to thinking that maybe…"

He lifted an eyebrow as he waited for her to go on. She sighed and continued. "Well, I was thinking maybe you might not be as attracted to me now."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to see what emotions she might find in his own. After a second, she felt his lips on her own.

He was gentle at first, before slipping his tongue into her mouth and twirling it around her own. She moaned in response and began to meet his challenge, moving her lips and tongue to meet his.

His hand slid down her belly and into her panties. She gasped as he rubbed his finger in between her wet folds, exploring her most intimate warmth but not yet penetrating her. He let his thumb rub at the sensitive nub, teasing it as his other fingers curved within her. Thrusting one, then two fingers deep within her folds, he continued his ministrations with his thumb at her clit and his mouth on her own.

His other hand had been holding her cheek, and he slid it down from her face, over the soft skin on her neck and down to her chest, squeezing her tender breast gently. His thumb and forefinger began to pinch at her taut nipple, causing her to moan and writhe against him.

She could barely contain herself, he made her feel so good. When he pulled away from her mouth, she leaned her head back as he pressed her body against the counter. She could barely hold herself up, lost to the sensations as he plied her relentlessly with his talented fingers.

His mouth was quickly on her neck and chest, kissing and sucking and tasting and teasing. With a moan, she found her release, her inner walls squeezing relentlessly at the fingers that continued moving in and out of her now-dripping core.

As her orgasm came to a halt, she breathed heavily against Spike, looking curiously into his eyes.

He smiled widely at her, taking his fingers, and placing them in his mouth, sucking her juices off of them, turning her on even more.

"What was that about?" She asked breathlessly.

He leaned forward, placed a soft kiss against her lips before answering. "I need you to know, you are absolutely beautiful, Buffy. I wanted you to see what you did to me...what you do to me." He took her hand and placed it against his jean-clad erection.

She licked her lips, ready for round two, but he was not done yet. He looked deeply into her eyes, turning serious. "You have never been more beautiful, Buffy. You are the love of my life, the mother of my child, and I cannot think of anything more lovely, more beautiful, more stunning than the woman I love, ripe with my baby."

She smiled at his words, realizing how silly it was that she ever doubted this. He smiled back and said in a whisper, "Do you understand, Buffy? Do you understand how much I love you, how absolutely stunning you are and will forever be in my eyes?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "Good." He smiled now, picking her up with surprising ease and carrying her out of the bathroom and onto their bed. "Because I'm ready for round two."

TBC...

* * *

Thank you for reading and don't forget to review! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"That…was…amazing." Buffy breathed out as she rolled off her husband and nestled into the crook of his arm.

Spike pulled her closer and nodded his agreement into the mess of her hair. "Damn good, pet."

Buffy smiled. Pregnancy had only enhanced her libido exponentially, but since she had been getting rounder, sex was getting more difficult. They were limited to a few sexual positions, but they made most out of it...and lately, Buffy had been craving sex more than anything. More than those freaking awesome blooming onions that Spike brought home from the Bronze. And sometimes, dare she say it, even more than chocolate.

Closing her eyes, Buffy breathed in the smell that was unique to Spike, savoring it in her nostrils and pouting some as he moved to sit up.

"Spike…" She drew out his name, sulking as she watched him moved towards the bathroom.

Spike turned that charming smile at her and whispered, "Now you know I'd much rather spend the rest of the night cuddling with you, but that kid Jesse called in and now I have to pick up his shift." Eyeing the way she extended her pouty lip even further, Spike sighed, "Don't give me that lip, love. You know what it does to me. Come on, pet. It's extra dosh. We could really use it when the sprog comes."

Buffy knew he was right. They needed to save as much money as possible in preparation for the coming months, but she hated all the overtime he was putting in lately…if for no other reason, purely for the fact that he was home less and less. She made the effort to put her pout away, though, gave her husband a weak smile and nodded.

Spike smiled back at her before heading into the bathroom for a shower, leaving Buffy alone in a bed of jumbled sheets. Leaning back against the pillow, she closed her eyes and started thinking that a nap may be a good idea when, all of a sudden, Spike's phone vibrated loudly. The sudden interruption left her heart pounding in her chest, jolting her awake.

Grumbling, Buffy leaned over to check out the display; Giles had promised to call to update them on Joyce's most recent exam, and a quick glance at the digital clock on her bedside told her it could be him. With a swipe of her finger, she unlocked the screen…and froze.

It wasn't Giles who had sent Spike a message. It was Harmony.

* * *

Buffy decided it was best to refrain from mentioning the text message, but it did little to calm her nerves as she waited for her husband to shower, dress and leave for work. Giving up the notion of a nap – her sleepiness had disappeared with the tiny digital letters across Spike's cell phone – Buffy sat staring at the wall across from the bed, her mind repeating the words she'd read earlier.

The message had been simple enough. _I can't wait to see you tonight, baby._

After a quick glance up at the bathroom door, Buffy had swiped through the message – taking care not to erase it – and returned to the device's main messaging inbox. She'd been relieved to find no previous messages between the two. Relieved. And maybe ever-so-slightly, ever-so-secretly disappointed that there wasn't any evidence of Spike's retaliation at the girl's destructive behavior. No stray reply of "leave me alone, bitch" or "I love my wife."

Buffy halted that train of thought immediately.

No, she was definitely relieved. Because it was good, right? It was proof that Spike and Harmony hadn't been talking before this. Right? It was completely random…a ruckus the ditzy blonde was trying to cause between a husband and wife, and no more. Simply a bitch being a bitch.

But…

_Baby._ She'd called him _baby_. The utter familiarity with which Harmony had addressed Spike piqued Buffy's curiosity…and sharpened her fear.

As the nerves rose, Buffy forced herself to take a few calming breaths. She reminded herself that she and Spike had always had a very open, trusting relationship. Surely, it was her recent self-confidence issues – combined with the conversation with Harmony from a couple weeks prior – that had an already overly-emotional Buffy on even higher alert.

But wait…what if Harmony's words from before – the part about them being together before – what if that was true? And what if Spike had simply deleted his messages to avoid being caught?

_NO! No way._ Buffy shook her head hard, both as a negative response as well as in the effort of shaking said thoughts out of her head. She admonished herself for that disturbing train of thought. She knew better. Her husband loved her, and he had for a very long time.

Spike would never do something like that to her, no matter how fat….how moody…how disgusting she might get.

Biting her lip, Buffy set the phone back down on the nightstand and resolved to put a halt to her tumultuously storming emotions. She knew Spike would never cheat on her.

But what if he was getting bored with their limited sex life or her change in body? He was so adamant that he loved every part of her. Deep down, she knew that that was true…but a teeny tiny part of her couldn't help but fear that something was up.

_Resolve face, Buffy. Resolve face._

She forced herself out of bed and sat in her living room, flipping the TV on and surfing through the channels. She wasn't really paying attention; she just needed a distraction. And it wasn't working. With a deep huff, she hit the Power button on the remote and chucked it to the opposite end of the sofa. She needed to get out of here. She couldn't be here, all alone, another moment longer or she would go absolutely insane.

A quick call to Willow solved that problem, and an hour later, Willow and Tara arrive with snacks and movies. Buffy couldn't help but be thankful, knowing how badly she needed a distraction and that…well, now she had one. Moreover, it helped that her distraction was also her two best girlfriends. If she could talk to anyone, it would be them.

So as she sat in Spike's favorite oversized comfy chair, waiting for Tara to click "play" on the first film, why did she feel like she couldn't voice her fears to them? She was embarrassed. Embarrassed about her doubts, ashamed about her worries, and it was holding her back. Something inside kept shouting that she was making a big deal over nothing. After all, she knew Spike almost better than she knew herself. She knew that cheating was not something he would ever do to her…right?

But…

Great googly moogly, the sheer roller coaster of emotions was getting to be too much. Buffy closed her eyes tightly, pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her eyelids with her thumb and forefinger.

"Buffy?" Tara's voice was quiet, unsure, as she peered carefully at Buffy. "Is everything okay? You seem…distant."

Buffy slowly opened her eyes and drew the corners of her mouth upward, trying her hardest to imbue happiness, brightness into her smile. She nodded at the girl. "Of course! It's just my hormones with the running wild, doing a little wig and what not."

Tara kept her eyes locked on Buffy for a few moments longer, but it was clear she wasn't going to get any more out of the mommy-to-be. She smiled back and went back to getting the film started and helping Willow unload the goodies for their girls' night in.

Satisfied the spread was complete and their night was ready to start, Willow said. "Now, I know how a normal Buffy craves chocolate and ice cream, so I figured that a pregnant Buffy would need double that. So, voila!" Willow made a grand gesture, waving her hand in front of the array of munchies lined on the counter.

Buffy eyed the goodies hungrily. There were multiple bags of snack size chocolate treats, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate milk, double fudge ice cream, chocolate syrup, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate covered strawberries, and one party size bag of cheese puffs.

Her friends knew her too well.

"Willow! Tara! Wow. I mean, wow. You guys are amazing!"

Tara waved off the compliment and Willow blushed as she shrugged casually at Buffy's assessment. A few seconds later, she'd scooped up three oversized balls of ooey gooey double fudge ice cream, deposited them into a bowl, and handed it to her friend. "Now let's get with the grubbing and girl talk!"

Buffy smiled, deciding she couldn't agree more, and settled back against the sofa to listen as Willow and Tara caught her up on all the campus gossip and news from their lives. Before long, Buffy felt the pressure to at least bring up her predicament, make it known to her friends.

She waited until the conversation came to a brief lull, took a deep breath and began. "So, I think Spike is cheating on me."

* * *

"Sorry bloke, I can't let you put your hands on the pretty lady like that." Spike grumbled as he threw the third extra-handsy patron that night out the front door of the club. As head of security for the night, he was responsible for keeping a close eye on anyone who had a little too much to drink, for curbing any overly licentious behavior before it got out of control. The hands of this particular frat boy had done just that, gotten slightly out of control in their pursuit of a pretty girl, and Spike was only giving him the what for after he'd noticed the girl was a bit less than willing.

The drunk man stumbled, fell, stood up unsteadily and dusted himself off, staring at Spike angrily all the while. "Hey! It's not my fault, man. That bitch was a total tease. God, man, if anyone should be thrown out, it should be her!" As he spoke, he gestured wildly back toward the dance floor, nearly losing his balance again with the effort.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Real classy, mate. How 'bout you just get lost." With a casual salute, Spike slammed the door in the grumbling boy's face.

Making his way back through the growing crowd, he smiled when he spotted Angel sitting at the bar. As he drew nearer, though, the crowd parted slightly and he realized Harmony was making a spectacle of herself, throwing herself bodily at Angel in full-on flirt mode. Angel was, of course, like him. He was a taken man. And Spike was pleased to see his friend ignoring the wanton woman's advances. Spike rolled his eyes. _Better go save the bloke_.

"Hey there, Angel, ol' boy." Glancing at the pouting Harmony, Spike quickly said, "Harm, table 13 is looking a little thirsty."

The girl pouted for a second longer before putting on a big smile and saucily whispering, "Whatever you need, Spikey."

Spike rolled his eyes but didn't respond, then watched as the girl spun on her heel and took off to the table in question. The exaggerated swagger of her hips left Spike shaking his head in disbelief. "She just never stops, does she?"

Angel laughed and mirrored Spike's shaking head. "No, man, she really doesn't. She really doesn't. But she doesn't bother me nearly as much as she does you," he chuckled. "That girl has a serious thing for you, man. And I'm not sure it's a _good_ serious thing."

Spike groaned, "Yeah, I know. And it's really getting to be a problem. I'm just hoping if I keep ignoring her advances, she'll just…well, you know…see a squirrel and forget about me or something."

Angel laughed harder this time, his head thrown back in mirth. As he settled, he motioned for Spike to sit on the empty barstool to his left. "Hey, man, listen. I've been thinking…I want to start my own PI business. I've got a knack for the whole 'helping the helpless' thing, and well, I'm thinking of making a go at it. And I want you to be a part of it."

Spike lifted an eyebrow at Angel. "Really? Don't you need to be, like, a cop or something for that?"

Angel shook his head, "Not at all. Actually, I've already started taking the PI classes and I just have to pass a test. Then, of course, there's the regular business stuff…like getting a loan and insurance and all of that."

"And can you do that with your…"

"My record? Yeah, I talked to my parole officer. He says that it may be a little more difficult to get a loan, but it is still possible."

"Wow, mate, you've really thought this through."

"Yeah, I have. And the thing is, I don't think it'll be possible here. So Cordy and I have decided to move back to L.A. You know, settle down there with the business and everything. I've gotten some people in mind for the team, but you are number one on my list."

"L.A.? That'd be a hell of a commute, mate."

"Spike."

"I'd love to be a part of your team, Angel, but we just settled down here." Spike suddenly realized he was slightly disappointed at the prospect of having to refuse the opportunity, but shoved the disappointment down as he thought of the future that awaited him otherwise. "We're having a baby in less than three months, mate. I know Buffy, and I know me. Neither of us wants to be taken away from our family here."

"Well, while we're on the subject of family…I was talking to Wesley after everyone took off the other night at Willie's. Your brother's interested in joining up, too, Spike."

"Really? Wes?"

"Yeah, I know. I was a little surprised, too, but apparently there's some girl he's got his eye on in L.A."

Spike sat back. "Wow. Wes is moving to L.A. That's really something, Angel, all of it. And you know, I really wish I could do this with you, mate. I really do. But I just can't."

"Hey, I understand. Just remember that the offer is always on the table."

Spike nodded. With a quick goodbye to his friend, he hopped off the bar stool and returned back to work.

* * *

"W-What?" Willow stammered. Tara remained silent, her eyes wide.

Buffy sighed and added nervously, "Well, not necessarily cheating on me. I was cornered by that blonde bimbo, Harmony, the other week, and she told me this story about her and Spike which I totally blew off. Didn't think anything of it, right? Then, earlier today, he gets a pretty suggestive text from her. Calling him _baby_ and _can't wait to see you_." Buffy's voice hitched. "And…well, ugh. Now I can't stop thinking about it!"

Willow eyed her friend sympathetically. "You don't really think he'd do anything, do you, Buffy?"

Buffy frowned. "Well, no. I trust Spike. I mean, I've kind of been going over and over all the what-if's in my head…but, no, I don't really believe he'd do anything. I think it's all these hormones and the baby and this blimp belly and, well, she's skinny and blonde and perky…and I'm not exactly looking like super-hot Buffy anymore…not that Spike cares about that. But what if he does?" The jumble of words only served to reflect the giant jumble of knots residing at the bottom of Buffy's belly.

"Buff, hon, I think you just might be overthinking this." Willow said, careful not to rub her pregnant friend's emotions the wrong way.

"Your concern with your attractiveness, combined with your emotional state, is influencing your thought process. And Buffy, I think it's all pretty normal." Tara continued quietly. "I don't think Spike could ever do something like that to you."

Willow nodded her agreement, her wide doe eyes promising support.

Buffy sighed at the girls and shrugged. "I guess you guys are right. Maybe I'm just being hormonal Buffy."

All three girls smiled. Willow waited until Buffy had settled back more comfortably before pushing the conversation quickly elsewhere. "Speaking of hormones, did you guys happen to catch the way Sara Miller was absolutely hanging all over Jeff the other night? I mean, tonsil hockey much?"

* * *

"Buffy, love? You awake?" Spike whispered, placing his hand on the mound under the sheets that was just visible into the darkened room.

"Hmm…" Buffy mumbled, waking slowly and stretching.

Spike smiled at the sight of her, top rising up to expose the expanse of her rounded stomach, blonde hair spread across the pillows. She was utterly gorgeous.

He set his coat down on the dresser and began taking off his clothes until he stood before her in just in his boxers, then he quickly slipped into bed next to his girl. Buffy responded immediately, nestling herself into the crook of his arm. He took a few seconds to just breathe in her uniquely _Buffy_ smell.

"How was work?" Buffy mumbled, still half asleep.

"Ah, same ol' same ol'. Saw Angel and had an interesting convo with him. The bloke's starting a private investigating business in L.A., if you can believe it."

"Hmmm, good for him."

"Yeah, suppose it will be." Before he could add anything else he heard her quiet snores and smiled. "Goodnight, love. Sweet dreams." He whispered into her hair. He pressed a gentle kiss onto the top of her head and then ran a hand down to her stomach to say a silent _goodnight_ to his son.

Closing his eyes tightly, he thought again about Angel's offer, felt those same waves of disappointment flow over him for a few moments. He smiled when the disappointment faded as quickly as it started, allowed himself to bask in the serenity of the moment.

All he needed was this woman right here, this woman and their son.

"I love you." He whispered into the dark.

TBC…

* * *

Review are greatly appreciated! ;)


	18. Chapter 18

"And you better let us see every bloody feature of yours, buddy. If you go playing Mister Shy again, I may have to ground you once you're out."

Buffy laughed at her husband, bent over her belly and lecturing their son about his expected behavior for the 3D ultrasound they had scheduled for that weekend. He'd taken to doing it every morning since the weekend before, apparently believing that the more he spoke of his expectations to her burgeoning belly, the more likely their son would actually cooperate.

Spike's speech reached its conclusion and he rested his cheek on her stomach, placed a kiss on it. She smiled, overwhelmed as usual by his sweetness, and ran a hand through his messy hair.

She heard him whisper "I love you," felt him place another kiss on the mound that was to be their son, watched as he crawled up her body until his face hovered above her own.

"Peeping in on our conversation, eh' love?" He asked jokingly.

Buffy shrugged and leaned forward to place a kiss on his waiting lips. "It's kind of hard not to when the person you're talking to is attached to my body."

Spike chuckled and gave Buffy another quick kiss before rolling over to lay at her side."I just want to make sure Junior, here, doesn't misbehave on our big day."

Buffy looked pensive for a few seconds before she mumbled, "You know, it did work last time."

Spike raised both eyebrows and nodded at Buffy. "See!"

Buffy laughed as well, then gasped when a loud growl suddenly emanated from her stomach. With a frown, she whined. "Spiiiiiike! I'm starving. Would you mind picking up some mint chocolate chip ice cream from the store. Oh, and some hot Cheetos." She paused for a second, seemingly lost in deep thought, before smiling and adding, "Yeah, hot Cheetos."

Spike simply laughed and shook his head. He rolled over and began putting his shoes on, whispering, "Anything for my girl."

* * *

Spike was lost in thought, whistling happily to himself as he made his way out of the store and back to the car, a bag of ice cream and salty goodies in hand. As he extended his hand to open the DeSoto's driver's side door, a soft hand reached out and grasped his forearm.

His heart gave a surprised jolt and he spun around to face the person who'd interrupted his forward motion…and his nerves turned instantaneously into frustration as he realized it was Harmony.

Though his gut was telling him to start scream obscenities like a lunatic, he merely rolled his eyes at the blonde standing before him as he mumbled, "What do you want, Harmony?"

The girl bit her lip, an innocuous expression plastered on her face as she twirled a strand of blonde hair around her finger. She'd mastered the whole superficial-valley-chick vibe, and she knew how to dress to the part. Sure, she was a tad over-dressed for the grocery store, but that was the point. Spike took in the red laced-up corset top, the black leather mini skirt that ended miles above her knees. Her somewhat-fuller-than-natural breasts spilt over the top, a flat expanse of golden belly skin peeked out between the bottom of the corset and the top of the skirt, and the platform heels she wore made her appear a good deal more stripper than shopper.

"Aren't you happy to see me, blondie bear?" She asked, her voice vapid and cheerful, oblivious to Spike's obvious discomfort. "We almost never see each other outside of work."

"Yeah, and I'd like to keep it that way, Harm."

Turning back toward his car and away from the object of his frustration, Spike growled when the hand grabbed his arm again. He rolled his eyes as he acquiesced to the force she exerted to pull him back around.

The girl pouted visibly, batted her eyelashes and looked up into his face with puppy dog eyes. She moaned. "Come on, Spikey. You know you want more. If you just gave me a chance, I could show you…"

"Stop! Harmony, you know I'm married. I have a baby on the way, for Christ's sake. We work together. That's all. Now, I need to g-"

Before he could say anything else, her body and lips were pressed against his, and for a moment, he was frozen in place. He was helpless, unable to move a muscle, unable to even think, as the girl ran her hands up his chest and around his neck, pulling him harder against her. A moan escaped Harmony's lips, and it seemed to wake him up. He suddenly came back to himself, pulling harshly away from the girl and pushing her back away from him. God, as far away as he could possibly manage.

He swiped at his lips, dragging his jacket sleeves over this skin as if trying to rub them off, frantically scrubbing with the back of his arm and eyeing the blonde angrily. Harmony, somewhat affronted at his harsh treatment, still smiled saucily back at him.

"See how good I can make you feel, Spikey?"

"Get away from me, Harmony. What the fuck? I can't believe you think that that was okay. Just…for fuck's sake, Harmony, just get away and stay away from me."

She just smiled, muttering something that sounded like 'we'll see,' then strode off to wherever it is she came from.

Spike ran a hand down his face in frustration. He felt disgusting, used, abused. The cherry taste of her lip gloss was still on his lips. The smell of her sickeningly sweet perfume still pervaded his nostrils. The feel of her synthetic clothing was still rough against his fingers. His skin was positively crawling.

Before he allowed himself to move into a full-on panic attack, he jumped in the car and headed back to the girl who could make him feel better.

He never saw the redhead who, from the shadows of her car in the parking lot across from him, had caught a glimpse of Spike and Harmony at the worst possible moment.

* * *

The next night, Buffy had been alone in the house for a few minutes – Spike having only left for work – when the doorbell rang twice in quick succession. A third ring sounded before Buffy had waddled her way to the door, and she was surprised to see Willow standing on the other side of the door. Her friend always called before coming over, knowing that if Buffy wasn't at her mom's or Faith's, she was likely either peeing or sleeping.

"Willow! What's up?" She asked, her voice still husky from Spike's goodbye kiss and a smile plastered on her face. She stepped aside to let the frazzled-looking redhead in. When Willow only stood there ringing her hands, Buffy hesitated, "Um, everything okay, Wills?"

Willow closed her eyes tightly and muttered. "I saw Spike with Harmony."

Buffy froze. What had she said? "W-what?"

Willow opened her eyes now and gazed at her friend, her expression turning sympathetic and her eyes full of sorrow. "At the grocery store yesterday, I saw Harmony and Spike…making out against the DeSoto. I had to stop myself from going over there myself, but I just…I just left as fast as I could, Buffy. I freaked. I should've stayed. I should have walked over there, all tough and resolved, and given both of them a piece of my mind. I-"

Buffy silenced her rambling friend with a raised hand. "Are you…are you sure?"

Willow swallowed, locked eyes with her friend and nodded again. "I'm so sorry, Buffy. I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I don't know if there is some sort of explanation, but…well, I just know you deserved to know."

Buffy nodded. "Th-thank you…"

Willow looked down at her watch. "Oh, god, honey, I have to get to class. I should have waited to tell you, but I just couldn't hold it back any longer. When I saw your house on the way to class I just…I just acted. Are you going to be okay?"

Buffy nodded again, but she remained silent instead of releasing the panicked sob that threatened to escape her throat.

Willow wrapped her arms around her friend. "Do me a favor, Buffy. Let him explain himself first."

With that simple word of advice, Willow raised her hand to Buffy's cheek, wiping a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She left her fingers there, just touching Buffy, as she leaned in and kissed her friend lightly on the cheek. When Buffy didn't respond, Willow turned and strode out the door, leaving behind an utterly heartbroken mommy-to-be in her wake.

* * *

"Buffy, love? I'm home." Smiling in appreciation of the wisdom that had struck as he'd left his shift at the club, he added, "And I brought chocolate donuts." Spike's voice was an answerless echo, the deep melodious sounds bouncing off the walls as he walked through the empty rooms.

At her continued lack of response, he tried again. "Pet?"

From room to room, he searched for her, concern lacing his features. He finally found her, sitting with her legs criss-crossed and leaning back onto a pillow on the floor of the living room, a veritable jungle of snapshots, portraits and other pictures littering the rug around her.

He smiled, paused for a moment to take her in. When he noticed that her face was splotchy and red, as if she had been crying, he immediately became worried. One hand rested on her protruding belly, the other on one of the photos strewn across the room. As he neared her, he stooped to pick one of the images up and saw it was an old picture of the two of them in middle school, posing in front of her mother's house just before their 8th grade dance. He wore a dark suit, sported a red tie that looked just a mite too large around his thin neck, and a pair of black, shiny dress shoes. She was resplendent in a short red frock, its halter top tied around her bony shoulders, its bodice fitted to her slender torso and a skirt that flounced out in layers upon layers of scarlet tulle. He smiled at his awkward younger self, arm wrapped around the petite blonde who was just on the cusp of mature elegance and allure, as she stood next to him.

"Buffy…Sweetness, are you okay?"

He heard a loud, messy sniffle, and when she looked up at him, he could see tears still fresh in her eyes.

"Why'd you kiss her, Spike?"

Spike looked at her confused, "What are you talking about, pet?"

"Harmony! Why did you kiss her?"

Understanding sank through him and he frowned, "How did you-"

"Willow saw you."

Spike nodded solemnly and plopped himself down on the ground next to her. "Love, it wasn't what you think. The bird practically threw herself at me. I did freeze for a second, but as soon as my mind caught up, I threw the stupid bint off."

Buffy wiped at her tears and stared into his eyes. He ached with the knowledge of her pain that was clear by the look in her eyes. "Why didn't you say anything then? If that's how it happened, why not tell me?"

Spike thought for a moment and shrugged. "A part of me didn't think it was a huge deal. I didn't reciprocate her kiss, love. Mostly though, I didn't want you to worry. I know you've been thinking a lot about how this pregnancy's been affecting your body, questioning how I see you…and I didn't want this giving you any worry. I just didn't want you getting hurt."

Buffy made an effort to throw the picture that was in her hand at him, became even more upset when it caught against the breeze of the fan overhead and simply floated to the floor mere inches in front of where she sat. She screamed, "Well, you did hurt me, Spike." She made a concerted effort to calm herself down with a few deep breaths, then added in a whisper, "You knew this would be a huge deal to me, yet you kept it from me."

"I just didn't want you to worry, love. I'd never want that bimbo."

She bit her lip and gazed, innocent, wide eyes up at him. "Do you still want me, Spike?"

"Of course I do!" He yelled, reaching for her. He gasped when she pulled away. His eyes reflected immediate hurt, his voice sounded small and very unsure. "Pet?"

"Don't! Not now. I just can't deal with you right now. I need space."

Spike blanched. "Space?" His words came out in a raspy whisper. _What did that mean, space?_

She turned away from his desperate eyes, unable to handle the despair she saw within. "Not like…I don't want you to leave, Spike. I just need you to back off. I need to think about how this makes me feel."

Even her reassurance that this was just temporary gave him no ease. With shaky hands, he reached out to cup her cheek.

Buffy closed her eyes and leaned into his palm, allowing herself just a moment to accept his comfort. After a second, she pulled away from his warmth, silently and awkwardly pushed herself up and out of the room.

And left a desolate Spike to stare after her.

* * *

The next two days passed…no, crawled by slower than Buffy thought possible. Spike kept his word, had given her as much space as was possible in their little home. And the fact that she'd practically locked herself in her bedroom probably helped some, too.

Spike slept on the couch, coming and going to work quietly so as not to disturb her. He made an effort to keep her thinking about him, too. Every morning since that emotional night, she'd woken up to some sort of surprise outside her bedroom door. First, he'd left a dozen of the most beautiful crimson roses in a vase filled with water. The next morning, it was a package of Oreos and a can of whipped cream.

_Damn did that man know her._

His efforts to respect her wishes, the simple gifts he'd so thoughtfully selected…it all warmed Buffy's heart and made it a lot harder to refrain from jumping into his arms and squeezing him as tight as her little frame could. Nonetheless, she needed time to think about how she felt about what happened between Harmony and Spike…and to determine whether or not she believed his story.

She had never doubted Spike before…had never thought it necessary to even consider doing so. But hearing Willow's retelling of the story, hearing it straight from the redhead's mouth, just made it so much more difficult, so much more real. Granted, the girl had been clear about the fact that she'd not stayed around to see what happened after spotting the smooching. And sure, maybe she'd left in those first shocked moments, before Spike had thrown Harmony off in disgust. Deep in Buffy's heart, she knew that had to be the case, but a part of her…the emotional, self-conscious part…a tiny part of her was spouting all of these negative thoughts, like one of those little cartoon devils, sitting on her shoulder and whispering bad words into her ear.

No matter what, though, today was the day of her 3D ultrasound, and she was bound and determined to make the most of it. She'd never even considered leaving Spike out of this for her own hormonal reasons. She pulled her hair up and back into a high ponytail, applied a bit of lip gloss and a swipe of deodorant, made sure she looked decent, before anxiously walking out of her room and into the living room.

Spike was seated on the sofa reading a magazine, and he looked up at her as she walked in, taking in the beautiful curve of her stomach in her pale blue peasant top and denim maternity capris. He could see that she was very nervous, yet she still bravely met his eyes with her own. He flushed with pride. _There's his girl._

"Buffy I-"

She held up a hand and stopped him from starting his speech. Taking a few steps towards him, she stopped and said. "Let's not, Spike. I don't want to ruin the day with talk of…all that. Let's just pretend it didn't happen. Just for today, okay? Please?"

Spike stared at Buffy in astonishment. This was very unlike her, to let something this big go ignored, even if it was just for the day. While he didn't necessarily agree that it was the healthiest thing to do, he nodded, simply wanting to enjoy the day as well.

* * *

The car ride to the doctor's office was eerily silent. Spike was unsure of what to say. Buffy was unsure if she wanted to talk to him at all. It just seemed a better idea to not speak at all.

After pulling into a parking spot, Spike got out, raced around the car and opened her door, reaching out to guide her out of the passenger seat. His hand on the small of her back, he followed her into the office, where a receptionist invited her to sign her name on the waiting list and then have a seat. Ten minutes later, they were led to an examination room where an ultrasound technician gooed up Buffy's belly and started the show.

Though there was heavy tension between mom and dad, both were overjoyed to see the 3D images appear of their child. As the tech searched for the optimal shot, as the sonogram got closer and closer to the moment that captured their child, both parents-to-be could feel their tension ease. They were almost as comfortable with each other as they usually were…almost.

When the technician finally reached the angle she'd been searching for, Buffy and Spike watched in awe at the image on the screen. Spike's speeches had worked. Their son had apparently listened, because there before them, they could see every bit of the boy they had created together.

Buffy's eyes filled with tears, and a glance over at Spike told her he was fighting tears of his own.

"He has your cheekbones." She whispered, staring at the father of her child, her husband, the man she loved so desperately.

Spike grinned and responded, "You see that nose, though? That's all yours, sweets."

Buffy giggled and they laughed together when their son placed his thumb in his mouth and began to suck. It was a miracle, every part of it. From his adorable pouty lips, his tiny fingers and toes, and chubby little belly…it was all a damn miracle.

Their miracle.

* * *

After they'd returned home, Spike and Buffy sat together on the couch, perusing the images they'd been given by the ultrasound tech and comparing notes on their little man. An awkward silence suddenly pervaded the room, and Spike coughed awkwardly as the tension eased back in as well. As if in response, they moved further and further from their shared precious moment.

With a sigh, Buffy broke the silence. "Spike, I…I won't say that I'm sorry. You should have told me what happened with Harmony. That would have been the right thing to do, whether it hurt me or not. You, of all people, know how much I hate when people try to make my decisions for me, especially when they do it out of protection. That's not you, Spike, and that's not us. Granted, I do think I may have been a tad melodramatic, but a very big part of me thinks you deserved it for keeping such a big thing from me."

When she finished her speech, she waited for his reaction, watching as he floundered, opening and shutting his mouth like a fish out of water. He stammered, "Y-you….y-you forgive me? I didn't…I never thought…"

Buffy placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I love you, Spike. I love you more than life itself. I would forgive you almost anything. I believe you, about Harmony. I don't want this to get in the way of this precious thing we have. It's more important than anything in the world, us and our little family."

He nodded, tears threatening to spill from his cerulean eyes. "I love you, too, Buffy. And I'm so sorry." Wrapping his arms around her, he sobbed. "Never again. I won't ever keep anything like this from you again, I promise. Never again."

And as he kept repeating his promise into the stillness, Buffy wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself deep into him, letting her worries and fears dissolve and basking in the love she felt for him and their son.

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The weeks that had passed since what Buffy had ceremoniously dubbed "The Harmony Incident" had been utterly blissful. Once she'd realized she was allowing her insecurities to control her relationship with Spike, Buffy found it was simple to ease off of the paranoid thoughts.

In fact, after having a very deep one on one conversation with her husband, she found she was truly beginning to embrace the changes her pregnancy had wrought on her body. Spike had continued to describe to her how she looked through his eyes, had made love to her with words and thoughts, had made her understand how much of a beautiful, awe-inspiring miracle this experience was for him…and all because of her. She would never forget his words. Now, when she gazed into the mirror at her reflection, she no longer saw flaws that set her apart from the rest of the world. She saw a beautiful woman surrendering to the profound experience of creation, the miracle of life…a woman who was simply glowing with the essence of the child blossoming within her.

This night, in particular, as she gazed into her reflection, she saw a woman who was all dolled up and ready to go out with her friends to the Bronze…and she knew she looked absolutely stunning, pregnant or not. A shopping trip with Willow and Tara the day before had garnered her a brand new – and super-hot – red maternity sun dress, and she loved the way it hugged her curves in all the right places. The bodice was fitted, its halter neckline drawn up and tied around her neck, the ends left to dangle delicately down her back and over the soft, smooth skin of her collar bone. An empire waist, bordered with rows of tiny black beads, was a stark contrast to the milky peek at her ever-growing cleavage. The red skirt flounced just over her jutting belly, the fabric flowing naturally into silky waves that ended just a few inches above her knees. At her ears were the diamond hoops her mom had given her on her sixteenth birthday, and a filigree silver chain was wound twice around her neck.

She stood admiring herself, brushing a stray hair behind her ear, when a soft noise – the turning of the doorknob to the adjoining bathroom – interrupted her daydream. She turned to meet the man walking out, and her heart filled to overflowing in appreciation of how he looked, ravishing as ever, in his simple white t-shirt and dark wash blue jeans. He smelled of his cologne and his feet were bare, though she knew they'd soon be stuffed into his trademark Doc Martens. As usual, his bleached blonde hair was gelled down to his head, but his classically beautiful face was drawn up into a scowl as he fumbled with the band of his favorite black watch.

"God damn thing." He mumbled under his breath as he struggled with the clasp at his wrist.

Buffy watched, amused, for a few seconds before making her way across the room so she could take his hand and his new sworn enemy into her own. As she worked the clasped, she laughed under her breath at his pout.

"I coulda done it, pet," he mumbled.

With the watch finally secured and adjusted to face outward on his wrist, Buffy turned her large green eyes up at him. "I know. Let me take care of you every now and then."

Spike's eyes softened and he grinned at the petite girl in front of him. "You take care of me every day, love, and I appreciate every minute of it."

Buffy smiled brightly at her husband's words, and she stood on her tip toes to press a chaste kiss against his lips. With a growl, Spike pulled her closer to him, working awkwardly around her growing frame, and deepened their kiss. After a moment, a sudden jerk made them pause, and a feminine giggle escaped from between their lips.

Foreheads still touching, Spike glanced down and placed a hand on the belly in between them, whispering, "You're putting a wrench in my game, kid."

Placing her own hands on her stomach, Buffy added, "I think he's trying to remind us how we got into this mess in the first place."

"Maybe so. You almost ready, pet?"

"Yeah, it's just…"

Spike raised his eyebrow in question. With a loud sigh Buffy mumbled, "I can't get my shoes on."

She could tell Spike was struggling to hold in his laugh, appreciated him even more for his efforts, and watched as, in his best serious face, he said, "Which shoes, love? The red and black ones?"

Buffy nodded and watched Spike walk to their closet, open the double door and start rifling through the veritable forest of shoes she owned. Before he'd emerged victorious, she'd rethought her choice of footwear and had yelled, "Oh, wait! The all red leather ones! Those would look great with this dress."

She heard him mumble something under his breath but figured it was best to ignore it, and within a few minutes, he was back at her side and kneeling in front of her. She sighed with contentment as she felt him caress the sole of her foot and slip the strappy red sandals over the swell of her toes. She'd kept her feet up for the last few hours in preparation for the night out and was pleased to find that the shoes went on without a struggle. The way her feet were swelling these days, she knw that would likely change drastically after a few hours of dancing. "Now no one can tell me I'm neglecting my keen fashion sense, despite being 33 weeks pregnant."

Spike chuckled and said, "You're a stronger person than I, pet. I still don't understand why you don't just wear slippers everywhere you go. That's what I would do."

Buffy rolled her eyes at his lack of said fashion sense. "And that's why you're a man."

Spike agreed with a loud guffaw.

* * *

"See, even Willow agrees that this Jessie girl was totally flirting with me!"

Spike rolled his eyes at his friend. Since his relationship with Anya had ended, Xander had been pretty lonely – and vocal about it, to boot – in the romance department. After several months, it finally appeared as if Xander was making an attempt to move on. The only problem was, Xander had no clue how to pick up women.

"I didn't necessarily say that…" Willow said, her remark nearly causing Buffy to spit out her drink in the effort to refrain from laughing. She'd seen Xander "in action," so to speak, and it was decidedly _not_ smooth.

"What? You saw her, she was all like 'One water coming up' and I was didn't even ask for it."

"True, but I think she was just being a vigilant waitress, Xan." Tara added quietly.

Xander rolled his eyes and turned his head towards Spike and Buffy. He threw his hands up dramatically, exclaiming, "Lesbians! They think they know everything about women. I'm telling you, she wanted a piece of the Xan-Man."

Spike settled on the role of the silent-but-supportive friend, bit his tongue and simply nodded his head.

Buffy just stared wide-eyed at Xander and mumbled, "I'm sure she did, Xander."

With a sigh, Spike stood up and straightened his shirt over his jeans. He gazed down at his wife and then back up at their friends, seated around the table. "Gonna go to the little boys' room, love. Anyone need a drink on my way back?"

"Ew! No after restroom Spike drink for me, please." Xander said, and each of the ladies at the table grimaced appropriately at the thought.

Buffy rolled her eyes and swatted at Xander, then looked back up at Spike. "Um, how about a Dr. Pepper?"

Spike smiled and nodded in acknowledgment, bending down to give Buffy a quick kiss on the forehead before walking off towards the restrooms at the back of the building. He found one of the two available restrooms out of order and the other occupied, so he groaned and leaned back against the wall to wait.

"Hey, there."

Spike closed his eyes at the sickening sound of the whiney voice. "Get outta here, Harmony." He opened his eyes to slits, looked at the girl suddenly standing in front of him, and turned to walk away. No way, no how. His bladder wasn't worth this.

"Wait, Spike! I…I just wanted to say I was sorry."

Spike froze, waited a beat and then spun on his heel, turning back towards the vapid blonde who stood there waiting for his attention. He was pretty sure his suspicion could be clearly read in his eyes. "You're sorry?"

Harmony smiled and nodded vigorously. "Sure am! I just don't know what came over me. I mean, granted, I still think you'd be totally better off with a girl like me…but I think I over stepped my bounds."

With a lift of his eyebrow, Spike murmured, "Ya think?"

Harmony, perky as always, continued speaking, seemingly oblivious to his sarcasm. "Well, yeah. Sorry and all that. Can we hug it out?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Harmony."

She rolled her eyes in response and then, before he could walk away, wrapped her arms around him and squeezed.

"Get off, you blimey bint." Spike grumbled, pushing the girl's arms off and her body away from his.

"See you later, Spikey." Harmony said, unfazed, before flashing him a wide smile and walking off in the opposite direction.

_What was wrong with that girl?_ Spike shook his head in wonder but dismissed Harmony, never having felt the girl's hands slide into his coat pocket where they slipped in the final step in her plan to get Spike away from Buffy and into her arms.

* * *

"Well, that was, quite possibly, the dumbest movie I have ever seen in my life." Spike grumbled a few days later.

"Really? I thought it was pretty decent," came Buffy's perky reply.

"You would." Spike laughed, pressing his lips to his wife's temple before he rose from the sofa and took the empty bowl of popcorn from her hands. While science fiction flicks were normally at the top of his list of movie favorites, it took more than a substandard storyline and some flashy computer graphics to wow him. As far as Buffy was concerned, on the other hand, there was no such thing as too much cheese.

As Spike commenced the cleaning up of their movie mess, Buffy lay back against the sofa's overstuffed cushions and gazed out the front window into the darkness outside. "God, can you believe how bad it's storming? I don't think we've had rain like this in months."

Spike paused in his ministrations to look. "Raining cats and dogs, love." He agreed.

Stretching up and out across the couch like a cat, Buffy pressed her palms into the seat and stood awkwardly. Once she'd gained her balance, she rested her hands atop her stomach and said, "Perfect night to cuddle and be lazy."

She followed Spike into the kitchen, eyeing the calendar hanging on the side of the refrigerator. Amidst the various messaged scribbled in ink and the giant black X's denoting days passed, a big red circle had been drawn around the square for tomorrow's date. "Do you know what you're wearing to Dawn's thing tomorrow?"

Spike shrugged nonchalantly and mumbled, "Same ol', same ol', I suppose."

Buffy frowned at his apparent dismissal but didn't address it. "I think I might wear that really cute maternity sweater Mom got me. You know, it would go great with your red button-down."

Again, Spike just shrugged, more than happy to just let Buffy plan their outfits. He couldn't care less about what they wore. Frankly, if it were up to him, they'd be naked all day, every day.

"Oh, crap! I wore that sweater last week and I haven't done the laundry yet…I think it's still dirty." Glancing at the clock, she grumbled, "I guess I have time to do a load of laundry." Buffy waddled off to gather her sweater, pausing in the doorway to ask, "Anything you need washed, Lover Boy?"

Spike considered her question for a moment and replied, "Yeah, can you add my coat to the load, pet? The one I wore the other night to the Bronze?"

"Will do!"

Buffy began panting after a few steps, and she grumbled at how out of shape she was by the time she reached their room. She leaned over to grab her half-full laundry basket out of the corner, stooped here and there to pick up clothes scattered around the room. When her search for Spike's garment turned up fruitless, she yelled, "Spike, where is your coat?"

"Hanging in on the door, love!" came his shouted reply.

A push on the closet door revealed the object in question, and she smiled as she yelled, "Found it!"

Carrying the load to the washer, she set the basket on top of the dryer and began digging through the pockets of the pants, checking for any forgotten change or items of importance. It wouldn't be the first time she had washed money, makeup, important receipts…her phone.

Spike's coat pocket did, indeed, hold a few goodies, and she shook her head as she removed a handful of receipts from the breast pocket. The left side pocket was empty, but she felt something deep within the other side. "You left something in your pockets again, Spike!"

"Sorry, love!" She heard him yell back.

She frowned as her fingers closed around something soft. _What was this?_ She pulled her hand out, opened up a crumpled wad of fabric, pinched each end of the material between her hands, stretched it out. And suddenly realized she held a pair of panties. Black lacy ones. With thick satin ribbons on either side, a thinner piece of satin designed to run up the wearer's _back _side.

Black lacy panties. That weren't hers.

As she stood there, her hands holding up the scant undergarment like a flag, something fell out of the panties and into the washer. She let the bit of lace drop, leaned over and pulled out the…picture? She took one look at it and gasped. It was a picture of Harmony…completely naked…laying back on a bed…legs spread…touching herself provocatively.

Her heart dropped into her feet, leaving an empty hole in her chest. The world around her faded, disappeared. Her ears popped, the calm silence of her home suddenly replaced with a repetitive whirring, a _waa-waa-waa_ sound that sort of reminded her of the way adults speak in a Charlie Brown cartoon. It was perfectly even, numbingly regular, this noise, and it took her a few seconds to realize it was her heart, beating out a steady rhythm.

Beating as if it wasn't breaking.

Buffy was vaguely aware of setting the picture down, watched as if from a distance as a corner of the paper caught on the edge of the discarded lace panties and then slipped into the washer's basin. Placing a hand over her mouth, she held back a strangled sob. This was too much. How would he explain this? He couldn't possibly.

Silently, she sunk to the ground and clutched her knees close to her chest. She didn't cry. Couldn't seem to. She barely even blinked. Buffy just stared at the wall, unconsciously rocking herself back and forth, back and forth. She didn't want to think about what she had found. She didn't want to think about what this meant for them, about what he had done.

Heavy footsteps came down the hallway, stopped just outside the door. She slowly raised her head – it felt like she was moving through thick syrup – but she didn't turn her neck to face him.

"Love? You still messing with laundry? They've got the next corny Syfy original about to start in-" Spike froze as he saw Buffy on the ground, staring catatonically across the tiny room. Running to her, he fell to his knees beside her, braced one hand on the ground and gripped her shoulder with the other. "Buffy! Buffy! What's wrong? Is it the baby? Are you—"

"How could you?" Her whisper was so low he could barely make out the words.

Nearly frantic, Spike gripped her shoulder even harder, leaned down to stare into her face as he questioned, "Please, Buffy. Tell me what's wrong, baby. Tell me what to do."

She finally looked up and into his wide, blue eyes. Buffy glared. And with little thought otherwise, she reached out with her hand and slapped him, as hard as she could, across the face.

His hand immediately went to his inflamed cheek and, if possible, Spike's eyes widened even further with panic. He fumbled over his words, struggling to put together a coherent thought, unsure where this all had come from. Buffy had never laid a hand on him, never once touched him in anger. Or he her. Forget physical fighting…they barely even fought verbally.

"You bastard!" She screamed, bile rising in her throat, her face full of anger and her eyes teeming with hatred. Buffy tried, in vain, to stand up, slapping away Spike's attempts to help her. She spit her words back at him. "Don't touch me!"

Spike's whole body was shaking, his brain reeling with confusion. "Please…" He whispered, tears now streaming from his eyes, falling down his face. He couldn't bear to watch her struggle, so he stood back up and, ignoring her slapping hands, reached down to pull her up behind him.

She became frenzied, slapping at his chest and shaking her head frantically back and forth. Repeating her previous words over and over and over again. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me!"

He was absolutely and utterly at a loss for words, actions. He didn't know what to do. He didn't understand what was happening, had no idea what had started her tirade. Feeling the need to somehow respond, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, let her lash out her anger with the beat of her fists.

When the pounding turned to desperate pushes against him, it reminded him of a scared animal struggling against a trap. He released her and cried. "Buffy, please tell me what's wrong. Why are you doing this?"

Buffy laughed vehemently, reached into the washing machine, grabbed the picture and the panties. Turned and threw them at his face. "Explain this, asshole." When he didn't make a move to catch the items she'd pitched at him, she gasped back a violent sob, yelled again before he could respond. "In fact, save your breath. I don't want to hear your petty excuses."

She pushed at him once more and he stumbled as she sped out the laundry room. Buffy grabbed her purse and keys from the kitchen counter and headed out the front door.

Spike, gripped with panic, stood there in silence for a few moments, gathering his wits about him. He bent, reached to the floor for the bit of fabric Buffy had thrown at him. Black lace dangled from his fingers for a second or two before he realized what they were. A second more before he realized they weren't Buffy's.

Slowly, he reached again for the square of paper that had fallen, face down. Flipped it over. Gasped at the image.

And suddenly realize what happened.

The front door slammed then, and without another thought he sped after Buffy. "Wait!" He screamed, feeling as if the front door was miles further from him than it actually was. Seconds later – it felt like hours – he was throwing the door open and chasing after his wife. "Please, I didn't…I'd never…Just wait! Please!"

She was still there, and sat there weeping in the front driver's seat, but when he tried to lift the door handle, he found she'd locked herself inside. He pounded at the window, slamming his fists against the glass and begging her to open the door and talk to him.

Buffy reached into the cup holder, grabbed her key ring and fumbled through the mess of dangling metal. Dropped it in her panic. She struggled to reach around her belly, pick up the keys off the floor under her legs, braced herself against the back of the seat to get a better angle. This time, she found the key right away, shoved it into the ignition, started the car. She ignored his pleas, realized there was a part of her taking pleasure in the pain lacing his voice.

And without a glance back at him, she put the car in reverse and left him there, alone and crying in the rain.

* * *

It occurred to Buffy, as she reached the end of her street, that she didn't know where she was going. She only knew she had to get as far away from him as possible.

Placing a protective hand over the mound of her belly, she engaged her turn signal and then turned right at the main crossroad. Almost as if she was breaching a protective bubble, the barrier that had held her tears at bay finally broke. And with it came her sobs.

"Oh god…" She cried, aware of the sudden stillness pervading the cabin of the car. She struggled to wipe away her tears so she could make it safely to the side of the road. The motions were robotic from there. She pulled the car sharply to the right. Came to a complete stop. Put the car in park. Leaned back in her seat. Took a breath.

And let the torrential flood overcome her.

She cried like she'd never cried before, progressing quickly from gasps to sobs to straight up weeping. And she just let it come. Buffy screamed, shouted, pounded her fists against the steering wheel. When that started to hurt, she slammed her palms against the dashboard. Punched the seat beside her. Kicked against the wall of the car with her feet.

When her energy waned, she dropped her visor, opened the mirror and just stared at her reflection. She had no idea how their marriage would survive this.

With one free hand, she clutched her stomach, felt the lumps – the feet, the legs, the backside of the baby growing inside her. Tears poured harder now as she weeped for her child. A child who may never live in the happy home she had dreamed of providing.

The happy home they had both dreamed for him.

She needed to get off the road in this nasty weather, didn't feel it was safe to sit here for any more time, so she wiped at her eyes with the back of her sleeve and flicked on the blinker to signal oncoming traffic. She pulled into the turning lane that would take her car in the direction of her mother's home, sat waiting for the light to turn from a red arrow to green. When the signal changed, Buffy gently pressed on the gas.

The driver of the red corvette coming in the opposite direction never spared a glance at her own red light. The happily drunk woman inside, in fact, had closed her eyes as she sped through the intersection, singing along to her favorite song.

For a split second, it occurred to Buffy how amazingly quick everything happened. She heard the crunch of metal, felt the shatter and spray of the glass, experienced the snapping of bone, the tearing of flesh, tasted the blood on her lips. She felt herself falling, her body flying towards darkness.

And then the blackness spread out like a heavy blanket until there was nothing left.

All of these senses experienced so quickly and in such a short time, yet she had never seen it coming.

TBC…


	20. Chapter 20

This was one of the hardest chapters for me to write. It is VERY angsty and emotional. We are about midway through the story now, and this is going to be a turning point for Spuffy. Please, trust me and understand this is just a piece (albeit a big one) of a bigger picture.

* * *

**Chapter 20**

"20 year old female, appears to be in the later stages of pregnancy, suffering possible internal injuries from a motor vehicle accident." The feminine voice sounded official, monotonous, flat.

What? Trying – and failing – to pry open her eyelids, Buffy struggled to make sense of the words fluttering at the edge of her consciousness.

"Has she gained consciousness?" Another voice, this one a deep baritone. Male.

_Who are they talking about?_ Buffy was so confused. And she hurt. _God, she hurt so bad._ She was finally able to open her eyes…open them just enough to be instantly stunned by a harsh, blinding, too-bright light suspended somewhere above her face.

"No, Dr. Wilkinson, never fully. She's currently unresponsive and is tachycardic and tachypneic."

Buffy managed a slight squint, was able to make out the shape of a young woman running next to her. Watched her fade in and out as the woman spoke to someone over Buffy's head. She struggled to roll her eyes to the other edge of her peripheral view, watching the woman as she spoke to a dark haired man on the opposite side of…of the gurney she was laying on?

_Where are we going? Where am I? What's going on?_

"There's intense bleeding, she may be suffering placental abruption as well as internal injuries." She felt hands pressing against her, feeling her body, pausing at her bulging stomach.

_The baby! Oh, god!_ Buffy may not have been aware of what was going on, but she was suddenly so, so scared for her precious boy. What is happening?

The doctors continued to talk, speaking words she barely understood. She felt pressure in her abdomen and groaned aloud, startling the people around her.

"She's awake! Ma'am, ma'am, can you hear me?"

Buffy could hear the physician and nurse conversing, but she was unable to force her mind to think clearly enough to allow her tongue to form words. She just wanted to stop hurting.

A stab of pain shot through her stomach, Buffy tried in vain to grip it, tried to send the signal from her brain to her arm to her hand. She realized she could hardly feel, let alone move, her limbs, and the panic multiplied exponentially.

_What is happening?_

The accident came back to her in pieces. She remembered the frightening crunch of the metal and glass, the smell of the burnt tires and leaking oil. The impact. Her panic increased to new levels.

_My baby! Please save my baby!_ She tried to scream. Nothing. The words would not come out.

She couldn't see. She couldn't breathe. Everything was so cold. She could feel herself losing the battle as her consciousness waned, but still she fought her hardest to stay awake.

"Her heart rate has skyrocketed!"

"We're losing her."

"We have fetal distress!"

"We've got to get this baby out of her now if either of them are going to live."

Those were the last words Buffy heard before she lost her battle.

* * *

Spike hadn't moved since Buffy had stormed out on him. Not an inch. He didn't care what the neighbors thought, didn't care how odd he may look…on his knees…in his driveway…in the pouring rain.

He could hear nothing, feel nothing, see nothing. It was just the image of Buffy, heartbroken on the laundry room floor, which pulsed behind his eyelids and in his memory. How could he explain this to her? How could he make her believe him?

A sudden, powerful, soul-encompassing hatred for Harmony welled deep within him and slowly overtook his entire, numb body. His eyes and his heart burned as he cursed the blonde bitch for the damage she had wrought upon his family. He pledged that the next time he saw her, she would rue the day she ever set her eyes on him.

Spike closed his eyes, saw her again. The image of his wife holding her knees against her swollen belly, sobbing over what he had allegedly done. He would make her understand. He would make her see that it wasn't true. He would never do that to her. She was the only woman for him, no argument.

Despite his fervent knowledge that his wife was the only love he wanted or needed, he could see how this would be hard for her to believe. While he had always been a loving, doting husband and expectant father, all of these strange occurrences revolving around Harmony and himself did seem somewhat suspicious. If he was an outsider looking in to this currently, and hopefully temporarily, broken home, he could see how bad this looks combined with everything else. Fuckin' Harmony. She was truly a traitorous bitch, plotting all of this and weaving her lies into his once happy home.

Again, the image of his wife, pale and shaking, in his arms as he tried to soothe her, flashed before his eyes. He saw the way she lashed out at him in an almost animalistic frenzy. Her sobs, moans, and cries echoed around him, leaving him unable to think or breath. How could this happen? How could he let this get this far?

He took a deep, calming breath and tried to think rationally. He just needed to wait, let her cool down. She was probably on her way to her mom's. Give her space to calm down, then talk to her. He could make her understand. He had to.

Running his rugged hands over his tear- and rain-drenched face, he sighed, trying in vain to calm himself down. With a groan, he pushed himself up off the cold cement and slowly walked into the home that he shared with Buffy. The empty, devoid-of-happiness home that he could barely stand at the moment.

His cold, shaking body warmed the moment he stepped inside, but it felt wrong. He didn't want to be comfy. He didn't want to be warm. He wanted to feel all of the pain that was pulsing through his body, lingering in his heart.

He wandered down the hall, his movements robotic and his brain numb. The pictures that littered the walls and tables – snapshots of the two of them, copies of their ultrasounds, prints of their family and friends – failed to bring their usual brightness to his spirit. Now, more than anything else, they intensified his feelings of despair and self-hatred.

Spike knew he had done nothing wrong, but it didn't matter. This was his fault. He could have done something differently, said something earlier, been more forceful in his refusal of Harmony's attention. Now, his pregnant wife may never speak to him again.

A sob bubbled up from his belly, left his throat like the call of a wild animal. He buried his face in his hands.

His phone buzzed, and the sound and feel of the vibration startled him, but he cursed at it as if it was a live person. Told it to go away. After a few moments, the ringing started up again. A few moments after that, it started up a third time.

Reaching out with a sigh of resignation, he answered gruffly, "What the hell do you want?"

It wasn't a response but the sound of sobbing that met his ear, and he froze instantly. He pulled the phone from his ear, checked the caller ID, saw it was his mother-in-law.

"Joyce?" His voice was gravelly, rough from the screaming and crying he'd done.

"It's Buffy, Spike. She's…she's been in an accident. You need to come now. They're not sure if she'll make it!"

And it was with those words that Spike's world collapsed completely.

* * *

"I'm her fucking husband. You have to let me back there!" Two orderlies were holding him back, each struggling to hold an arm as the blonde man fought his way back into the hospital corridor, and a nurse stood in front of him, blocking the way.

"Sir, please. Sir! You need to calm down. It is best for everyone involved if you just stay here," said the nurse, her palm flat on Spike's chest.

"Best for everyone involved? You mean, best for you. My wife and child are fighting for their lives and I'm stuck here like a bleeding wanker. Move the hell out of my way before I make you."

"Spike! Stop it! Now!" Spike's forward motion halted as he turned around toward the sound of his father's deep, authoritative voice. There he stood, the one man who was unerringly polite and soft spoken any other day, who now spoke with a commanding air, strong and overtly masculine. "You're acting an ass."

Spike nearly crumpled to the floor, right then and there. Felt himself losing his fighting spirit at the sound of his father's voice. Tears pooled in his eyes, his lower lip shaking like a bloody toddler's. He struggled to hold back moans of utter desolation. "She needs me, Da'."

Rupert softened, held his arm out. He whispered, "She needs the doctors right now. You would just be in the way."

Without sparing a glance at the panicked nurse, Spike retreated to the main waiting room and began pacing. Eight steps to the wall, turn. Eight steps in the other direction, turn. Repeat.

He couldn't handle any of this: Joyce sobbing in his father's shaking arms, Xander whispering words of assurance to a crying Dawn, Tara and Willow holding each other for dear life. He knew he was pacing like a mad man, waiting for some small sign that his little family – his little spot of heaven on Earth – that it would all be okay.

When he'd initially arrived, pale and visibly shaken, the doctors had told him that she'd been in a nasty car accident, hit head-on by a drunk driver. They believed that she had some broken ribs, a broken leg, possibly some internal bleeding. Based on the dark bruising around her head, the doctors were concerned about possible brain trauma, but they hadn't been able to do any tests yet.

Because they'd had to immediately perform emergency surgery.

An emergency C-section.

The doctor's words terrified the young husband and father. It was too early for his son to be born. Buffy was only 32 weeks pregnant! Brain trauma? Internal bleeding? Those were things you heard in movies before the patient died.

Please, not my Buffy. Please, not my Buffy.

He repeated the mantra over and over, in his head and out loud, until he spotted a doctor calmly stride out into the waiting room and stop in front of his family gathered there. Spike's pacing came to a halt and he turned, his fearful eyes coming to an eventual rest on the face of the composed doctor. Sounds of sobbing, whispered words of reassurance…it all ceased. Family and friends lapsed into immediate silence, waiting for the doctor's first words.

Words that Spike would have nightmares about for the remainder of his life.

"Are you the family of Buffy Giles?"

Spike nodded and whispered, "I'm her husband."

The doctor continued. "My name is Ben Wilkinson. I was the attending doctor when Buffy was brought in and was able to be by her side during the surgeries."

Spike could barely breath, much less handle these senseless formalities. "Please," he moaned, "Tell me she's ok. Tell me that they are ok."

Ben smiled sympathetically at the blonde man. With a straight, expressionless face, he began. "We were able to stop the bleeding. Mrs. Giles has sustained several broken bones – including three broken ribs, a broken femur and a broken wrist – as well as a severe concussion. These injuries, as well as the combined stress of the event, really took a toll on her body. Mr. Giles, your wife is alive, but she is in a coma."

What was left of Spike's heart dropped to the floor. "A coma?"

In the background, Joyce and Dawn both gasped and began to cry.

"Yes, a medically-induced coma. We are concerned about possible swelling in the brain due to the trauma to her head and feel it is necessary to keep her under for a few days, as we continue to monitor her."

Slowly, Spike let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Somewhere, far off, he heard Xander's cheer, Willow's delirious giggle, Tara's quiet bid of thanks upward. Spike could nearly feel each of them relax as the news settled in, as they realized their friend was okay.

He needed to hear it though. He need to hear the words leave the doctor's mouth. "She's alive?"

Dr. Wilkinson nodded, "Yes, Mr. Giles. She's alive."

For a moment, the relief was intense, palpable. Then a thought that he'd later scorn himself for forgetting entered his mind. "My son, how is he? He is eight weeks early, but the nurse explained that there is still a good chance he will be able to breathe on his own. Can I…can I see him?"

The doctor's face shifted, his back rounded as his shoulders seemed to be weighted down. He looked at his feet, sighed, looked back at Spike. "Unfortunately, sir…I'm so sorry, the child did not make it. The blunt force trauma was simply too much for him. We did everything that we could." Pausing for a moment to gauge Spike's response, the doctor added, "I am so sorry for your loss."

He placed a steady hand on Spike's shoulder, left it there for a moment, then turned stepped away as if he hadn't just destroyed Spike's life.

There wasn't a sound in the waiting room, behind him or around, as every individual within earshot was immediately too shocked to believe what the doctor had just said. The din of the hospital staff was a steady murmur, machines hooked up to patients nearby droning their beeps and buzzing. Dr. Wilkinson's words slowly sunk in as, one by one, they lowered into the seats in silence.

Spike's whole body suddenly crumpled and he fell to his knees. He sat like that for a moment, weak with anguish as his world dissolved before his eyes. Then, deep within his belly, he felt a burning sensation, as if his soul was bursting to get out.

Lifting his face to the heavens, he let out a gut-wrenching wail.

* * *

"She looks like she's just sleeping."

Giles put his arm around his wife and held her close to him, rubbing her back as he stared at the tiny girl laying in the hospital bed. Machines whirled and beeped all around her.

"I suppose that, in a way, she is." He whispered.

Joyce held a wadded bit of tissue in her fist, dabbing her eyes and wiping her nose with it as she took in the bruises covering all visible parts of her daughter. A deep gash, crusted over with what looked like dark rust, spread across Buffy's forehead. Tiny, bright red scratches lined her arms, both of which rested limply atop a stomach that was noticeably flatter than before. Remembering the child that rested within only mere hours before brought on a fresh wave of tears.

"My poor baby…how will she ever heal from this?" Joyce sobbed.

Giles leaned his head against his wife's. "The doctors said that the bruising should be gone within a few weeks and-"

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Joyce argued with a vehement whisper.

Giles sighed and gripped his wife tighter. "I know…"

Joyce wiped at her tears – she'd already cried buckets – and whispered, "This will destroy her. It certainly seems to have destroyed Spike."

Giles didn't even want to think about his son's reaction to the news of the infant's death, couldn't imagine what he was going through. The image of Spike crumpled and broken, releasing heartbreaking wails as if God himself would hear, was permanently etched into his mind…and his heart.

"It'll be okay. We'll find a way to make it okay…" He uttered, more out of habit than actual belief.

Joyce reached out, brushed the hair back off of Buffy's forehead, placed her palm against her daughter's cheek, caressed her with the pad her thumb. She leaned over, pressed a kiss to Buffy's brow and said a silent prayer that her husband's words would prove true.

* * *

"God, Buffy…" He hadn't expected a response – Buffy had yet to move – but Xander could barely believe his eyes as he looked at the girl he had always seen as the bravest of their group. He'd never forgotten how she'd stood up to Cordelia all those years ago, and he'd looked up to her ever since. Seeing her this way, all beaten and broken…Xander didn't know how to respond. Timidly, he reached out and squeezed the unconscious girl's hand.

On the one hand, he was thrilled that Buffy would make it. She'd been lucky to have made it out alive, fortunate to eventually walk away from this accident. On the other hand, he didn't really know how much of his Buffy would be left after she'd found out that her son hadn't made it.

What was she going to do when she woke up and found out that the baby had died?

A sob escaped from Willow, standing behind him. He'd grown used to the sounds of Willow's crying – grown used to the sounds of everyone's crying, in fact – and turned to reach out a hand of support to the redhead's shoulder. She was weeping into her girlfriend's chest, and Tara was just standing there, holding Willow and rubbing circles on her back…silent tears running down her own face.

Look at them. They could barely control the despair. His thoughts immediately went to Spike. If this is how we're handling this, what must he be feeling? Xander couldn't imagine losing a child, much less having to go through it alone, with his wife laying silent in a coma. A fresh wave of pain rolled over Xander as he shuddered at the thought.

* * *

Spike stood staring at the door where the doctor had directed him. His son was laying behind it, not in an infant's crib where he belonged but on a cold steel slab where they placed the dead.

It suddenly occurred to him that he wished he'd brought the tiny blue blanket Dawn had given them, and the idea rang through his mind like a gong, filling him with an immediate need to run and get the cover before he realized how idiotic it was.

Nothing would warm his son now.

The doctor had guided him to this spot, explaining what he should expect and letting him know that he could enter when he was ready. That had been five minutes ago. He hadn't moved. Had hardly even breathed. Spike didn't know if he would make it through this, but he knew he had to do it. He had to see him. He had to see for himself that his son was dead.

Would he look like him? Would he look like Buffy? In all his dreaming and planning, he'd never expected to have these thoughts standing outside of the hospital's morgue.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, Spike opened the door. He shuddered at the cold that instantly penetrated his skin, grimaced at the scent of formaldehyde, shivered at the starkness of the sanitized area.

Then he saw the too-small body on the table, draped with a thin sheet.

_Oh, god._

Spike clutched his chest as it imploded. Had he ever felt such pain? His upper body tightened as a painful and throbbing ache spread through him. He opened his mouth to sob, but nothing came out. Tried breathing. Suddenly he couldn't.

In a panic, Spike gasped for air. He needed to get out of here. He wasn't strong enough for this.

He spun, racing on uneasy legs back to the door but pausing before pushing it open. He forced his lungs to work, squeezed his eyes shut tight.

_Be strong,_ he thought. _Be strong for your son._

After two more steadying breaths, he was able to force his body to turn slowly back toward the table. Then he took a step. And another. And another, until he was standing beside the table and pressed against its cold, metal edge. Ever so slowly, he reached out, grabbed the hem of the fabric and lifted the sheet back. And stared in shock at the tiny pale face.

He couldn't help himself. Slowly, he caressed the infant's sunken cheeks. Look at that, he has my cheekbones after all. He ran a finger gently down the infant's tiny nose, over the thin lips that were so like his own. His other hand came up then, running softly over and through the tiny brown hairs atop the infant's head.

Spike closed his eyes, willed the image of his son to burn into his brain. He never wanted to forget him, never wanted to forget how he looked in this moment. Because this was possibly his last moment with this precious boy, the boy who would never get a chance to live.

Spike laid his head on the edge of the table, careful to avoid the delicate body of the newborn. He closed his eyes and images of a curly haired boy ran rampant in his mind. He saw him as an infant, being rocked to sleep in his mother's arms, he watching on in amazement at the life they created. He saw him as a chubby, blue-eyed toddler, getting tickles from his adoring father. He saw him as a gangly youth, getting his tie straightened by good ol' dad, before his first date. Finally, he saw him, the spitting image of his father, as a grown man, with a family of his own. All of these images, images of things that would never happen, things that this newborn would never get a chance to experience, flashed through Spike's mind in an instant.

That's when the tears came, the thousands of unkempt tears. He wept, crying for the child in front of him, crying for himself, crying for his Buffy. He cried at how unfair it was that he stood here healthy as can be while his baby would never draw a breath. The sheer cruelty of this world was too much for Spike to bear.

Suddenly, Spike's world stopped spinning, and he lifted his head to once more gaze at the angel on the table. His entire focus tunneled, as if he was staring through a telescope into his son's beautiful face, taking in every inch of the tiny boy. He stood there, hypnotized by the experience and completely lost to his surroundings as the room around him faded into blackness.

Hours later, a nurse found him in that same spot, still standing at the edge of the metal table and simply staring at the tiny babe.

TBC…

* * *

I'm sorry if that was too much for anyone. Please, share you feelings. Review! Thank you to everyone who has read, liked, favorited, reviewed, and everything else you can possibly do. Thank you. Don't be too mad at me!


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you to everyone whoreviewed last chapter. I really needed to hear some affirmation thatI hadnt chased all of you off. It was good getting to see the emotions the chapter invoked as well as your predictions for the story. I hope that the next few chapters really help you understand the turn the story is taking a little better. They should also better help you get into the minds of Buffy and Spike, to fully udnerstand their feelings and r easons behind their actions. Again, thank you to all of you readers and especially those that have taken the time to review. An extra special thanks to my beta, Dani, too! Enjoy!

**Chapter 21**

_So soft._

The same thought over and over. For how long? How long would he sit and think of how soft his little boy was? Had it really been mere hours since he'd gently run his hand atop the downy tufts of hair? That beautiful, beautiful boy with his smooth, alabaster skin, an insane resemblance to his father. The cherished infant who lay in the morgue with all of the other lifeless souls.

No, no…his boy was too soft, too beautiful, too perfect to be laying on that cold, hard surface.

So soft.

Squeezing his eyes tighter, Spike brought the image of the boy to his mind. He remembered running his lips over his son's forehead and cheeks, over his tiny baby lips. Running his fingertips over the cold little body, mesmerized by how incredibly small the child was. His fingers had played with those tiny toes, lifted his little hands in his own.

His hands and lips could touch and roam as much as he pleased, but nothing would bring life back into his son. He would always be dead. No miracles here. Hell, the boy never even got a chance to live…never got the chance to open his tiny eyelids. His son would never see and smell and hear the world.

And it was all his fault.

Spike rubbed a hand over his own forehead, dug his thumb and index finger into his eyelids, cracked open his eyes and stared across the room at his wife. Her face was ashen, pale like the white sheets that cocooned her in the hospital bed before him. It was easier to imagine she was sleeping, to think of her resting, slumbering peacefully, rather than locked in the complete nothingness of a coma. Perhaps it was better this way. His heart ached with dread as he remembered the news he would have to share with her when she did awaken.

How could she love him after this? He hated himself enough for the both of them. How could she feel any other way? This tiny, fragile woman lying prone on the bed was the purest, most loving human being he had ever laid eyes upon, and he loved her dearly for it. But this news would certainly break her sweet heart. And once again, it was all his fault.

Everything was his fault. He was a horrible, horrible person. A bad, bad man. He deserved nothing but her hatred…hers and everyone else's. But they'd refused. His father had held him for hours as he sobbed, embraced him with support as he undertook the burden of the death of his son. Joyce had stood behind him, her hand on her husband's shoulders as she whispered words of reassurance just loud enough for Spike's ears. Dawn, her big eyes sunken as she drowned in her own pain, had run into his arms, allowed him to hold her against him as they wept together, ached together. Their friends had huddled close, hands grasped in a show of support, voices lilting with faux elation as they reminisced over silly stories from their past in the attempt to lighten his spirits. Even his brother had come to share in the grief, to place a hand and heart on Spike's shoulder.

It wasn't right. He couldn't abide their love, their kindness. He didn't deserve it, didn't deserve any of it. Didn't deserve their kind words, their embracing arms, their support. When Tara had leaned close, whispered that he would have been an amazing father, he'd almost snapped right then at the poor, sweet, timid girl. How could anyone call him a father? He hadn't earned title. His son's death was on his shoulders.

"Sir?"

Spike jumped, interrupted from his dark thoughts by the entrance of the doctor he'd come to know as Ben over the last two days.

Once he was sure he had Spike's attention, Ben began speaking in a soft, comforting voice. "I'm sorry if this comes off…crude, but I have some information I wanted to give you." Leaning forward, he extended his arm and handed Spike a stack of pamphlets. The blonde man didn't move, didn't reach out; he just sat there, staring back at the physician with a blank look on his face, at a loss for words. "I know it can feel like you don't know where to start. These brochures contain a good deal of information that may assist you with making arrangements for your son."

Spike remained still, couldn't force his body to move as he stared at the bundle of paperwork in the doctor's hand. Make arrangements? He hadn't even thought about that, hadn't considered that they'd have to pick out a tiny casket…have to bury his son…have to say their last goodbyes. How could he even think about that, when Buffy had yet to even say hello?

"Thanks, Ben, but it's a little soon."

The doctor ignored him, continued. "Also, I noticed you haven't submitted the paperwork for his birth certificate, Mr. Giles. We have 72 hours to file the death report for the death certificate to the state, and we cannot do that without a name. Were you and you wife able to discuss this before the accident?"

Spike drew his chin against his chest, shook his head vehemently. "No…well, yes. But we hadn't decided on one in particular and-and I won't! Not without her!"

"Sir, you understand…that could take days, if not weeks."

"I don't care!" Spike's head came up abruptly and he yelled in anger. Took a breath. Lowered his voice to an appropriate level before saying, "I'll wait."

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Mr. Giles. I understand how difficult this has been for you. It may help to talk this over with the rest of your family."

Spike couldn't handle this. He didn't want to talk to them. He wanted his wife. He wanted Buffy! Shouldn't he be planning their son's…funeral with her?

"Why isn't she awake yet? You took her off the coma meds last night. Shouldn't she be awake now?" Spike asked, suddenly panicked.

The doctor grimaced. "Unfortunately, it's impossible to provide you with an exact timeframe. It's really dependent upon when her body is ready. Try to remember, this is her body's way of protecting itself so that she can better heal."

Remember? No matter what he tried to remember, what he was told or how he looked at it, Spike was lost. He just wanted—no, needed Buffy. Guilt or no guilt.

Turning rudely away from the doctor, Spike drew up to the bed, stood against his wife's side, stared at the gentle rise and fall of her chest. He whispered, "Oh, god, Buffy. What am I going to do? Please, Buffy…you have to wake up. Darlin', please. Don't make me do this alone."

* * *

Buffy awoke with a start, gasping for air that seemed to be relatively illusive. Where am I?

She took a moment to examine her environment. Squinting her eyes, she saw that she was…in her backyard? She looked down at the soft grass, combed her fingertips through the bright green blades. Smelled the sweet scent on the air, heard the subdued melody emitted from a small radio set against a nearby tree. This was hers and Spike's spot, where they used to lay after school and just…talk. What was she doing here?

Wasn't she-Ow! Pain shot through Buffy's head when she tried to think of how she got here. Pressing her fingers to her eyelids to ease some of the tension, Buffy drew in a breath. Great. Just great, transportation, amnesia, AND a whopping headache.

"There you are."

Buffy turned, startled by the deep voice behind her. A man stood there, his face blocked by the glare of the scorching sun. Buffy jumped from her spot on the ground, backing up like a scared mouse until she felt the tree itching her back. "Who are you?"

The man stepped forward, making his way out of the blinding sun. Buffy gasped! The man was of medium build, attired in a pair of dark-washed jeans and a navy blue sweater with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. When his face was finally visible, she noted his head of curly brown hair that fell just a little into his bright blue eyes. His nose looked like it may have been broken before and his lips puckered in a smirk, but the most stunning of all was his sharp cheekbones. He looked just like…

"Hello, Mother."

* * *

"Spike?"

Spike didn't turn toward Joyce's voice Joyce, preferring to keep his eyes on his prone wife. He held her hand now, her fingers grasped tightly within his own, her knuckles pressed against his lips. Maybe she could feel his touch. Maybe she could feel his kisses, hear his pleading.

"Spike, honey?"

Spike sighed and turned to see Joyce and his father standing next to him, concern in their eyes. "Yes?"

Joyce glanced at Rupert, biting her lip in a way that was just so Buffy. This was apparently a signal to Rupert, because the older man then stepped forward, all the while rubbing furiously at his glasses.

"Well, son…we are just a little worried. It's been three days, and I know you are suffering a devastating loss, but the hospital needs to get together the paperwork for the death certificate, and they need to transport the, er, body soon. Have you considered what you are going to do?"

Spike stood, abruptly, menacingly and stared at his father. "I'm going to do nothing! How can I do anything? How can I make any plans or give our baby a name while she is just…just there." He flung his hand towards Buffy, his gesture emphasizing his words.

Joyce placed a loving hand on Spike's arm and whispered. "I know this is hard, Spike, but you're not alone. If you'd like us to take care of all this, your father and I can take over."

Spike laughed, angrily. "Sure, you can take care of all this…. You can wake Buffy up. You can make my son alive and healthy. You can erase the last few days off the planet and give me a clean slate. Can you do that?"

Rupert grimaced. "Son, you know that's not what she meant…"

"No, it's okay, Rupert. He's angry. He has a right to be." Joyce turned from her husband and back toward Spike. "We just want to help you as much as we can, honey."

Spike slammed the fist that wasn't holding Buffy's into the plastic cushion of the seat he'd folded himself into. "Then leave. I can't handle this right now. Just go."

"Oh, Spike…"

"Just go! Please. She'll wake up any minute now. You'll see."

* * *

"Mother? You're my…I'm your…What?" Buffy scrunched her nose, thoroughly confused.

The boy…er, man laughed and wrapped his strong arms around her. His laugh was rich with mirth, his voice melodic. "This is why I love you."

"Okay, what is going on?" Buffy asked, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "If you're my son, why are you so…you know, huge?" She moved a hand up and down in front of his large body as if to prove her words.

The boy…man pulled back and smiled brightly as he gazed down at her. "Walk with me…" He didn't wait for a response, simply reached for her hand and pulled her behind him.

"Where are we-" Buffy was interrupted as the earth began to shift and change. Suddenly, they were standing on the beach, a lovely, lovely beach with warm white sand, sun rising above the frenzied laps of the waves. The boy/man turned back to face her, and she suddenly had no doubt who he was. She couldn't believe how much he looked like his father. Buffy lifted a hand subconsciously, brushed a honey curl behind his ear and pressed her hand against his cheek. "Look at you…"

"Yeah, look at me." He said with a laugh, nuzzling Buffy's hand.

"You're a grown man, all handsome, tall, and muscular." Buffy whispered sadly, feeling as if she had missed so much.

Her son smirked and made a show of flexing his muscles in a series of exaggerated maneuvers that drew a giggle from his mother. He was so handsome, so sweet, so funny. She couldn't believe that this boy was her son, all grown up.

"Is this a dream then?" She asked soberly.

Her son sighed heavily and shook his head. "In a way…"

"In a way? What does that even mean?" Buffy asked, flustered.

The boy smiled at his mother and shook his head. "It's all rather….confusing, I know. But trust that I am here to help you. To help you see."

Buffy was more confused now than ever and said so with a sigh. "Help me see what?"

Squeezing one of her small hands in his own, he whispered, "That there is life after death."

* * *

"Spike? Can I come in?"

Spike looked up at Angel, who stood anxiously in the doorway of Buffy's hospital room. He nodded, both in acknowledgement of the other man as well as in approval of his request, before turning his still-silent gaze back to his wife.

Angel entered the room, equally silent as he moved around the bed to Buffy's other side. He stood staring at the tiny girl, noting how she looked so young, so fragile, so pale against the hospital sheets. He was aware of Spike watching him as he reached a hand out, gently touched the bruised welt on Buffy's cheek where her head had slammed into the steering column. A gaping gash over her eyebrow told him where the delayed air bag had struck upon inflation. He shuddered, gasped.

Spike saw Angel's hesitation, watched watched the tremble in his friend's hand as he pulled back slowly, and Spike immediately understood. He couldn't stand seeing his wife this way either, all covered in bruises and scratches. He hated the thought of the pain she must be in. Knew none of that would compare to the mental pain she would feel upon awakening.

Should he tell her the news right away? Should he wait, give her time? There was no time, though, was there? Shaking himself in the effort of clearing those painful thoughts, Spike glanced from Buffy's battered face to Angel's pained, solemn one.

"What are you doing here, mate?"

Angel gazed back at him, across Buffy's prostrate form, with pity in his eyes. "Your dad called me-"

"What a bloody crock o' shit," Spike interrupted, anger lacing his voice. "So now they're calling in the backup squad to come save ol' Spike from his self-pity and loathing?"

Angel ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "It's not like that, Spike. They're all worried about you and how you're taking this."

Spike's eyes went dark and he laughed venomously. "How I'm taking it? How I'm taking my wife's coma? How I'm taking the death of my son? Tell me something, Angel. How do you think I'm taking it?"

Angel squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, he walked around the foot of the bed to stand at Spike's side. "You're not alone, Spike. No matter how hard things are now, please know that you have friends, family, that want to help you through this. It's a lot to handle. You don't have to do it alone."

Spike stood, tossing the chair backwards. "I won't be alone! Buffy will wake up any go' damn minute now. She'll wake up and we'll go through this together. We will." Suddenly Spike began to shake, his body wracked with sobs as tears spilled from his eyes. "Won't we? God, she's going to hate me…"

Angel came forward, wrapping his arms around Spike, tucking the weeping man's head against his shoulder, holding him up. "She won't hate you, Spike. She could never hate you."

"But I did this! I should have gotten a handle on that barmy slag when I had the chance. I let it get out of control. I let her work her claws into Buffy's mind, make her doubt me. If she'd never run out on me that night she would-they would-" Spike couldn't finish, his sentence ending in a heart-wrenching sob.

Angel wasn't sure what Spike was talking about, had no clue what to say to help the man feel better. So he just let him cry.

Spike hadn't known he had tears left to cry. He was sure he had cried his body dry over the last couple of days, had felt the parched emptiness deep within his chest. Had it really only been a mere couple of days since his world was shattered into millions of irreparable pieces?

After a moment, Spike's sobs subsided, and he took a deep breath and brought himself back together, pulling away from Angel. He was somewhat embarrassed at his nancy boy behavior, and the shame only added to his despair.

Angel made no move towards him, but waited for Spike.

The man's whisper was hoarse when he finally gathered enough strength to speak. "I just need to be alone right now. I know you mean well, they mean well, but I just need to be alone."

Angel nodded, suddenly feeling as if his visit had done more harm than good, and with a sympathetic goodbye, tore from the room, leaving the wrecked man to stare once more at his broken wife.

* * *

"Well, that sounds uncomfortably ominous." Buffy mumbled.

Her son laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Did it? It shouldn't. It was meant to make you understand. To make you understand that those we love never truly leave our side. They walk beside us, silently, unseen and unheard, but still there. And although the pain of death will never fully disappear, memories will always remain." He slowly brushed a piece of hair from her face and then pointed to her chest. "In your mind…and in your heart"

Buffy frowned, moved by the words, but also concerned. "Yeah, that didn't help with the whole ominous thing. Why are you telling me this? Am I dead?"

Her son shook his head and gripped her hands once more. "Please, mother, no questions. Just listen and watch…" As he said the words he waved a hand before them.

* * *

"Hey, um, Spike…"

Spike sighed as he heard Willow's voice enter the room, and by the sounds of the hubbub that followed her, it was clear she wasn't alone.

"Yeah, hey, man. We, uh, we brought bags of tasty goodness," came from Xander.

Tara spoke up next, her voice full of compassion. "We know how bad this hospital food can be."

Spike looked over his rounded shoulder at his friends and their smiling faces. He knew they were trying to be helpful, and he appreciated their efforts. But he didn't want this. He didn't deserve this. "Thanks, but no thanks, mates. I'm not hungry."

Willow's eyes went wide, and they darted from Spike to Xander and then back again. "But, um, well, Buffy is going to be awfully hungry when she wakes up. So, you know…" She held up a bag of chocolate donuts and another bag full of snack-sized Snickers bars. "Chocolaty goodness."

Spike was pretty sure she wasn't telling the complete truth, but he knew she meant well. On top of that, he knew that those snacks were all things that Buffy would enjoy when she woke up. They might even make her feel a little better. Ha, like anything could make her feel better. Nothing would ever make her feel better. Nothing was making him feel better, at least…not that he deserved any relief from the devastation caused by his sins against those he held dearest.

"Oh, well….set the stuff over there then." He mumbled, pointing vaguely towards a table in the corner of the room before turning back toward his wife. Ignoring his friends, he went back to stroking Buffy's hand, as he had been before their abrupt entrance. He'd never even realized that they'd spent a full ten minutes outside the door, arguing over what to say and do once they'd gone inside.

Spike's hand paused and he frowned when he heard a chair squeak across the floor and to his side. At the corner of his eye, Willow and Tara emerged, standing across the bed and watching him closely. Moments later, he felt Xander's hand rest on his shoulder.

"She'll wake up, man. Any minute now, she'll wake up. And we're going to be here for you the whole time."

"For both of you…" Tara whispered.

While Spike felt the need to be alone with his wife, he was surprised to find he took comfort from the hand on his shoulder and the gentle sorrow in the two women's eyes.

Then he remembered. He didn't deserve their sympathy. Shaking Xander's hand from his shoulder, Spike scooted his chair closer to his wife's side and pulled her hand close to him once more, taking a moment to press a kiss into her open palm.

He heard Xander sigh, but none of his three friends left his side. He figured they sensed his need for as much privacy as they could afford, and they remained surprisingly quiet. He was sure they had come to intervene in his self-loathing…and, well, let's face it. Tara had the peaceful nature of a dove, but it had always been a bit hard for Willow and Xander - especially Xander - to be quiet for any extended period of time. But he appreciated that they were trying, and despite his need to be alone in his desperate self-disgust, he allowed them to remain without complaint.

After a moment, Spike stood and mumbled that he was going to get some coffee. Willow jumped up and offered to get it for him, but he shook his head and continued out the door. He needed some space. He needed a break from the presence of their sorrow, the guilt of their company.

He shuffled slowly down the hall, in no hurry to get anywhere, in no mood to exert too much energy. His mind was blank as he passed countless rows of white doors, some open, some closed, all seeming to blend into the sterile, white walls. He glanced up at a nurse pushing a woman in a wheelchair, her face plastered with a proud smile as she gazed down at the newborn in her arms. The tiny child squirmed, mewed quietly and turned a rooting mouth towards its mother.

Spike froze.

Immediately, the numbness became excruciating pain as he was flooded with dark thoughts. That should be Buffy, happily holding their newborn son. Instead, she was stuck in a never-ending coma while their son lay dead in the hospital morgue.

He couldn't move, was vaguely aware of the wall at his side, and leaned against it as he struggled to lift his hands to his face. Suddenly, he heard the sound of two nurses leaving a room just around the corner. They were whispering, louder than they believed, about the patient they had just left. Spike didn't mean to eavesdrop, but when he heard his wife's name, his ears immediately perked up.

"Can you believe it? I mean that poor Giles woman loses her baby and almost dies herself, and that one? She just makes it out with a broken leg and a concussion. I just don't understand it."

"Right? And you know and I know, it was probably because she was so drunk at the time of the accident. I heard from Officer Daniels that her blood alcohol was over a point two." Spike heard the nurse sigh before she continued. "I saw on the Discovery channel that when people are drunk and they get into an accident, they don't tighten up their bodies like you would if you weren't drunk. It eases the impact on their bodies, so they often don't get as hurt."

Spike heard one of the nurse make a tsk-ing sound as the two walked out of his range of hearing. So this bitch in the room right around the corner, mere feet from him, was the one who murdered his son and almost killed his wife.

The cops had come to him shortly after the accident, asking him if he'd wanted to press charges, and Spike had agreed vehemently. He had no desire to go through a trial, but he wanted revenge. He wanted this bitch to burn.

They'd, of course, refused to tell him where she in the hospital, hadn't informed him as to what had become of her. Now that he knew where she was, he was ready to wrap his hand around her neck and squeeze the life away. Turning the corner, he paused at the door, glancing at the name written in a woman's script in blue dry erase marker.

'Glory Ficus,' it read.

Twisting the knob, Spike flung the door open.

He began loudly humming "Glory, Glory Hallelujah" as he strode into the room. Once he was past the curtain that hung for additional privacy, he stared at the blonde before him. She looked practically untouched compared to Buffy. In fact, she looked downright bored as she sat staring blankly at a rerun of The Fresh Prince of Bellaire that was playing on the old TV mounted to the wall.

The blonde girl frowned at the interruption and looked over at him with disdain. He laughed viciously at her reaction and moved forward until his face was mere inches from hers.

She had the audacity to look cockily back at him. "What the hell do you want? This is a private room."

His hand shot out and grabbed her tanned throat, her eyes widening, finally showing a semblance of fear. "You're a murdering, traitorous bitch. You know who I am?" When she struggled to shake her head in his tight grip, he laughed again. "You will after tonight. You will remember my face until you finally die, and even then I will haunt you."

He flung her back against the bed and grabbed at her hands, squeezing to the point of pain. "See these hands? These hands murdered my son. They put my wife in a fucking coma." He threw her hands down and screamed, "I fucking hate you, you filthy bitch. You'll fucking regret the day you ever decided to fuck with me and my family."

Glory stared, wide-eyed, at him. It pleased Spike immensely to see the fear emanating from her pupils and the shaking of her hands as she held them close to her chest in horror.

"I-I…I'll call security."

The look he gave her was filled with disgust. "Do you even feel? Do you feel guilt at what you've done? You're a murderer. You chose to get shit-faced and drive. You hit my pregnant wife's car and threw our lives into shit." Wiping furiously at tears that threaten to spill, he whispered harshly, "Nothing will ever be the same."

The woman shrunk deeper into the bed, still not looking ashamed but fearful. Spike shook his head in disgust. Before he could make another move and act on the hatred he felt rise up in his soul, a doctor and security guard ran in.

"Sir! You cannot be here."

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I don't want to have to escort you out."

Spike kept his eyes trained on Glory, before turning away from her bed with his hands raised and pushing past both men to leave the room. He didn't listen to them apologize to the frightened woman, didn't hear her began griping about the lack of security in the hospital. He just sped as fast as possible back to his wife. He needed to see her. He needed to see her sweet face.

When he reached the room, he shot in, startling his friends. Ignoring their reactions, he marched over to Buffy's side and pressed his forehead on her own and wept.

When he finally stepped away and sat down, his friends were staring, wide-eyed, at him. "Uhh, Spike? Where's your coffee?"

Spike shook his head and remained silent, ignoring Willow's innocent question.

* * *

Buffy's eyes followed her son's hand as it waved in a wide arc in front of them. She gasped when she suddenly saw a small toddler running through the sand toward her.

"Mommy!" He yelled, a mess of crazy curls bouncing to and fro with every move he made. The toddler's bright blue eyes shone with love for the woman before him, and as soon as he was within arm's reach, he launched himself into her arms.

Buffy was surprised, to say the least, but the moment the boy's body was pressed against her bosom, she knew. She knew that this was the tiny version of the man across from her. She pressed her face into the boy's curls, closed her eyes, smelled his special little boy scent. She giggled when she realized he smelled like a puppy. Opening her eyes again, she gazed back at the grown man version of this tiny thing, her eyes full of questions. This was all so very odd.

Her adult son remained silent, just smiled and watched as mother held son. The toddler pulled back and smiled brightly as his mother.

"Mommy! Mommy, I'm a birdie, a boo-tiful birdie!" He was clearly on the precipice between baby-speak and full sentences, and his voice was utterly adorable. Buffy struggled to hold the boy as he waved his arms up and down, doing his best interpretation of a bird's wings. She giggled at his antics, held him tighter with one arm and brushed the fingers of her other hand through his wild hair.

"You are a birdie, aren't you, little man?"

He nodded vigorously and, if possible, his smile grew larger. "I know you love me, Mommy, but I have to go. I have to fly away, high in the sky like a pretty bird. Okay, Mommy?"

Buffy scrunched her nose, not sure what her son meant but smiling nonetheless at his cuteness. Staring in to his bright blue eyes, Buffy nodded and pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead.

"I bet you'll fly so high, sweet boy." She whispered against his soft skin.

The boy nodded again and then tilted his head back to stare up at the sky, which was now bathed in an array of colors from the rising sun.

"I'm going to paint the sky, Mommy. I'm going to paint it blue and green….oh, and pink, too, Mommy! I'll make a pretty rainbow. Just for you, Mommy!"

Buffy widened her eyes in a slightly over-exaggerated manner, as one tends to do when pressed with enthusiastic stories from a small child. "You will? I bet you will! Oh, it'll be so beautiful. I'm sure of it."

Closing his eyes, the small boy leaned close and whispered, "I'll make a rainbow just for you, Mommy, and every time you search the sky, you'll look for it, won't you? When you see, Mommy, you'll know it's me. It's my rainbow just for you!"

Buffy giggled and set the squirming child down. As soon as his feet hit the sand, he took off, full pelt, toward the shallow waves, hopping over them as they splashed against his feet.

Buffy watched her son play, giggling and smiling, then jumping slightly when she felt someone…oh, the adult version of her son, grab her hand. She looked up into his crystal-clear blue eyes and smiled, seeing the toddler reflected in all of his features. He smiled back at her and then sighed.

"You'll have to go back, Mother. They are waiting for you. He is waiting for you. He needs you, Mother."

Buffy turned from her son. "I don't want to go back. I feel so…so happy here, with you."

He turned her to face him again, left his hands on her shoulder as he continued. "Listen to me, Mother. You must not be afraid of change, no matter how much it hurts. Change will sometimes come from grief and sorrow, but the secret is, you must not fight it. You must not wish for what you can never change. You must embrace and build the new. Trust that you can keep going, long after you think you can go no further."

"What does this mean? Why are you telling me this? You're scaring me."

The man placed a gentle hand to her cheek, and Buffy leaned into his palm, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Do not be scared. Whenever you want to hold me, just close your eyes and remember this feeling now. Remember that I love you…and father. Remember that I will watch over you and hear you. I'll see you smile and cry. I'll always be near. Whenever it hurts so bad and you just want to hold me tight, just feel me in your heart, for that is where I will live forever."

As the world began to grow dark, Buffy screamed, "No! I don't want to leave you! Don't make me leave!"

As the darkness fully engulfed her, she remembered. She remembered the fear, the pain, the panic. She remembered the car accident and the doctor's scary words. She remembered it all, and as her eyes flew open, she jerked with a gasp, staring in shock at her friends…and finally, at her husband, who stared right back in amazement.

"Buffy?"

TBC…

* * *

I know! I know! More angst! There will be a lot of that these next few chapters. Please dont forget to like, review, favorite, and all of that good stuff. Thank you!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Notes:**

First, I want tot thank everyone for their reviews and for reading The Story. I loved hearing what everyone thinks, especialy about these more sensitive chapters. There were a few questions or comments I wanted to touch on real quick.

1) Harmony is definitely an evil bitch and her part in Spuffy's story is not over by any means, but right now the death of their son and those emotions/thoughts are trumping anything else. While they, especially Spike, have not forgottten, they have gone through a horrible ordeal that takes precedence. So, if you wonder why there's a lack of mention of Harmony, that is why.

2) Buffy is going to going through a lot of pain and because that pain is so strong, she is blinded by it. Blinded to Spike's feelings. I dont think she consciously blames Spike for the accident, but her own guilt and her grief are the cause of her acting out towards him. So, please forgive her for any callous behavior.

And before we get to the chapter, I want to give a special thanks to my amazing beta, Dani, and a shout out to Nana. Enjoy the read! :)

**Chapter 20**

Spike jumped into the back of his seat, mouth gaping and body trembling, as he found himself staring into his wife's scared, green – and, hallelujah, open! – eyes. She opened and shut her mouth as if she was desperate for air, in a way that made Spike think of a floundering fish.

Those standing around the perimeter of the room had reacted with similar wonder, each frozen in place, eyes glued to the frail young woman who now sat upright in the bed. No one moved for what seemed like forever, each stunned to silence with the sudden awakening of a beloved friend they'd begun to worry would never wake at all.

Buffy threw the covers back and began rubbing her hands in frenzied circles over her much-flattened stomach, panic and overstress causing her body to begin shaking violently. Spike noticed and reacted immediately, jumping out of his seat and moving quickly across the space between them, calming her shaking arms with his hands and pulling her towards him.

"Buffy…" He whispered into her hair, startled at the way she shook, startled even more so when she pushed him away. Spike looked into her face and saw absolute fear.

"Call for the nurse!" He barked to his still-frozen friends behind them.

Spike heard the door swing open and hit the wall with a furious bang, and though he was unsure which of them had been the one to finally take action, he was infinitely grateful to hear the sound of the sprinting footsteps fade down the hallway. He looked back at the scared girl, watched her mumbling something over and over again under her breath and looking around the room as if half-crazed. The doctors hadn't warned him to expect any odd behavior when she awoke, and his burgeoning fear and anxiety was beginning to make his own limbs tremble.

"Buffy, love, calm down," he soothed, reaching a hand toward her face to cup her cheek. She shoved his hand away, breaking his heart into a million more pieces and stunning him even more than he already was.

Suddenly he remembered what he had done, the death he had caused, and guilt shook him to his very core. Did she already know? Is that why she seemed to want nothing to do with him? He strained to hear, to make sense of her mumbling, as the doctors and nurses poured into the room and pulled him from the bed despite his efforts to remain by her side.

A sea of white lab coats surrounded her, blocking his view and pushing him further from the bed as he struggled to peer around the physicians who were asking question, shining lights into her eyes, running their hands along her body. He didn't understand it, couldn't understand what was happening as the room filled with even more nurses and doctors, their lab coats and equipment cards slowly pushing Spike and his friends from the room.

"Is she alright? Will she be ok?" He questioned no one in particular, half in a daze.

One sympathetic nurse who was passing by him paused and said, "I'm sure she'll be fine. We just need space to run a few tests to make sure of it." She smiled gently and continued past him.

And after days of sitting faithfully by her side, of holding her hand in the empty silence of her hospital room, Spike now found himself on the outside looking in. No, not even looking in…he was on the opposite side of her closed door, not even given a window to look through, a way to catch a glimpse of his wife. He was instantly bereft, needing the reassurance that she had, indeed, actually woken up. That this was not some sort of dream.

Another nurse pushed by him, shouldering the door open in a rush to join her colleagues. As she briefly turned to shut the door again his face, Spike finally realized what it was Buffy had been mumbling in a frenzy.

My baby…

* * *

"Please, tell me! Where is my baby?" Her question came out raspy, brittle, broken from her dry mouth.

One of the doctors spared her a glance, and with a quick motion signaled for a nurse to bring over some water. The woman rushed to a side table, grabbed a stubby Styrofoam cup, poured some of the clear liquid into it. Buffy ignored the nurse when she returned and held the straw to her parched lips.

"No! My baby…" Buffy shook her head wildly.

"Please ma'am, we need to make sure you are alright first."

The nurse persisted, tried once more, pressing the straw against Buffy's cracking lips. The blonde shook her head, pulled away from the cup. "I don't care! I don't care about…about me. Please, just tell me. Is he okay? He's at home, isn't he?"

The nurse sighed and walked away. Buffy's repeated question didn't cease, though, and the shrill in her voice grew as the doctors poked, prodded and ignored. Several minutes – though it felt like hours – later, a majority of physicians turned and filed out.

Why would no one answer her question? It was so simple. She sat now, dejectedly, staring blankly at the handful of doctors who remained. Helpless, silent tears began to fall from her eyes, and one of the physicians, an older man with dark hair and a greying beard, took pity upon her and moved closer to her bed.

"What is the last thing you remember, Mrs. Giles?"

"My baby…where is he?"

The doctor sighed, glanced at a redheaded female doctor across the room, and began at her nod. "You were in an accident. Do you remember that?"

Buffy closed her eyes and remembered the crunch of metal and shriek of tires. She bit her lip at the memory of that instant of fear, and how it quickly turned into pain…great, unbearable pain. Tears welled in her eyes and fell without a fight. She nodded.

"You retained multiple broken bones, Mrs. Giles, and a severe concussion that caused swelling on your brain. For this reason, we put you in a medically-induced coma to help relieve some of the swelling, to help decrease the pressure and prevent permanent damage. Mrs. Giles, because of the blunt force trauma of the accident, your placenta was torn from your uterine wall, causing massive bleeding. This bleeding caused you to go into shock. Fortunately, we were able to save your uterus, but…we were unable to save your child. Although we performed an emergency C-Searean, your son was stillborn upon delivery."

Buffy knew she heard the man's words, but her mind could not, would not, process them. He didn't make sense. She shook her head wildly and turned to the woman across the room. "Please! You, please, tell me what happened to my baby!"

The doctor stared sympathetically back at the girl and repeated, "I'm so very sorry, ma'am. Your son has passed."

Did no one know what they were talking about here? Buffy threw the sheets back and tried, in vain, to stand on her shaky legs. If these hacks didn't know where her baby was, she would find someone who did.

An image of Spike popped into her head. Oh god, Spike. He would know. He wouldn't lie to her about this, no matter what had happened between them before this, but before she could move further, the greying doctor sat her back down on the bed.

Buffy swatted angrily at him. "No!" She yelled quietly, but her resolution was instantly broken when a sudden, powerful rush of emotions hit her like a tidal wave. She began to wave her arms at the poor doctor, screaming louder and louder, "No! NO! NOOO! NO!"

A machine across the room suddenly burst into a series of rapid beeps, setting off an alarm that brought the female doctor forward in a struggle to press Buffy back down onto the bed. "Calm down, miss. Please, you must calm down. You're only going to hurt yourself."

Two nurses joined her, and suddenly the three women were holding her down, one of them calling out to a third nurse with a request for medicine that would supposedly calm her, sedate her. She didn't want it! She didn't want to calm down! She wanted her baby! And as they pressed her even further into the bed, her wails grew louder, more piercing, more agitated. "SPIKE! SPIKE, PLEASE! WILLIAM! PLEASE! HELP ME!"

She heard the redheaded doctor whisper to one of the nurses, vaguely recognized that she was swearing about the meds-fetching nurse's lack of speed, but she was interrupted as the door shot open, slamming against the wall with a bang that vibrated throughout the room.

Suddenly, Spike was there, standing before her, pale and frightened, but with all the fierceness of a lion there to protect his lioness.

"Get off of her!" He yelled with fury at the doctors.

"She is in a panic, sir. We must restrain her for her own good."

"STOP!" He roared, his eyes flaring once he noticed Buffy struggling hard against the staff's restraints. Turning his eyes to Buffy, he began whispering, his voice soothing and soft, "Stop, Buffy, stop. Calm down, pet. Talk to me…"

Her body reacted instantly, his words a balm to her thrashing and struggling. Her eyes remained panicked, though, and as Buffy stopped fighting, she watched Spike send a questioning glance at the doctor. With a nod, they released her, and she sat up, arms held out to Spike, who quickly rushed for her, enveloping her in his own.

"Oh, god, Buffy…"

She began to cry into his shoulder, relishing the feel of him for a brief moment, before she whispered, "They are telling me lies, Spike. They won't tell me where he is. Where is our baby?"

She felt Spike still against her and pulled back, remaining within his arms but far enough removed from his body that she was now able to look into his face, peer into his pained eyes. "Spike?" She whispered meekly.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut as the tears threatened, took a deep, calming breath before reopening them again. Squaring his shoulders, he faced her, his gunmetal blue eyes piercing the emerald green of hers. "Oh god, Buffy. He's…dead…" His whisper was so quiet, she could barely make out the words, but she knew in an instant, knew it to be true. He, of all people, would never lie about something that was so precious, so treasured to them both.

A deep, aching agony shot through her chest, radiating outward from the pit of her heart until it encased her entire body. She felt it all over, the pain, the torment of this truth. She felt it in her bones, in her blood, deep in her very soul.

She crumpled then, boneless, into his arms, but the tears did not leave her eyes. She just squeezed them tightly shut, allowing that pain, those lethal emotions to consume her, until she her body began convulsing in his arms with the magnanimity. Buffy drew her knees to her chest, curled into the fetal position, and Spike repositioned himself around her until he was holding her like a tiny baby in his arms. She curled tighter, balling up like a frightened animal, struggling to become as small as she could make herself. Trying to disappear. Thrusting her fists against her eye sockets, she suddenly let out a gut-wrenching wail and the dam broke. Loud, anguished sobs filled the room as Buffy's mourning shattered her little body.

As she wept, she could feel his tears falling like rain and soaking the top of her head. His face was pressed against the crown of her head, his arms deceptively strong and supportive around her, and she knew he was barely coping…but she could not handle his pain right now. She could only think of her own loss, a loss so great and powerful that nothing could ever, ever be the same. Words from her dream tried to peek out through the clouds in her mind, reminding her of all those fanciful, sweet quotes from the boy who had plagued them, but she was not ready to hear them. Not yet. So she mentally fought them back into the recesses of her mind to be blanketed by her grief.

The doctors watched as Spike rocked his grieving wife back and forth, her head tucked against his chest and his arms encasing her in a private bubble, moving as if to a lullaby that only they could hear. Sensing the need for privacy, the doctors turned and walked out of the room.

Neither Spike nor Buffy noticed, for who truly cared about them at this moment. They were mere shadows in a dark and dreary world.

* * *

Hours later, her solemn husband wheeled Buffy down the gloomy halls towards the place where her baby slept. The grief and pain that seemed to ache within her weary bones had not lessened after she'd cried herself out, after she'd spilled buckets of salt from her heart and soul. It had, in fact, only worsened, the pain like a lance within her, despite the all-apparent numbness that somehow went right along with it. Was it possible to be both grievously pained and utterly numb at the same time? The question didn't linger; Buffy didn't care about the answer. All she cared about was the empty feeling in her heart and the tiny little body that she would hold for just a moment…when she was supposed to hold him forever.

They reached a door emblazoned with large letters spelling…no, shouting out the words "Morgue," and Buffy closed her eyes and pretended Spike was pushing her into the nursery, where she would see her sweet bouncing baby boy in all his glory, instead of his mere shell.

When she opened her eyes once more, she realized they'd stopped in front of a table that had been pulled out of the wall. Immediately her heart clenched. How could they keep him in there? He was probably so scared, so frightened, and he hadn't his mother to rock him or whisper lullabies into his tiny baby ears.

Her eyes settled on a tiny mound covered by a thin blue sheet, and a sob echoed through the room. He was just a baby. Her baby, and her baby shouldn't be here. It just wasn't right. It was against all the laws of things. She shouldn't be looking at her lifeless child upon the morgue table. She turned and pressed her cheek against her shoulder as tears continued form her eyes.

She felt Spike's hand on her shoulder and him whisper, "You don't have to do this, pet."

She shook his hand off, whispered, "Of course I do." She instantly realized how harsh she was being, didn't care. She whispered again, this time slightly more sympathetically. "I just need some time alone with him….please?"

Spike didn't say a word, and she heard his footsteps as he turned and walked away from her and their child. Despite the fact that she asked him to, a small part of her wished he had argued, that he had stayed, and she resented the fact that he'd listened to her. And at the same time, she knew he was just being thoughtful. Nothing was clear. Would the world ever make sense again?

With a deep breath and a shaky hand, she reached for the sheet, pulled it back slowly until, inch by inch, the whole of the tiny little baby became visible to its mother's eyes. Buffy ignored the deathly palor, overlooked the boy's lack of color and the obvious signs of death, and instead saw the way his nose curved like Spike's, the way his hair tufted in dark swirls on his head, the pout of his sweet, tiny, pink lips.

She ran a delicate finger over his lips, his nose, his soft hair. She settled her hand softly over the baby's stomach, feeling the softness give under the weight of her fingers. Closing her eyes, she imagined the boy from her dreams, both the man and the child. She imagined this boy, a smaller version of those, pink with life and staring at her inquisitively with sparkling big blue eyes. The spitting image of his father. The pride of her heart. Her sweet baby boy.

She opened her eyes again, scrunched her cheeks, pressed her palms to her face. She would never see that baby, that child, that man. He'd never been given the chance to be seen, had never been given the opportunity to become real outside of her dreams. He would never cry out in the night for his mother's touch, would never run and play silly children's game with his friends, would never drink fruit punch or brush his hair or yawn. There would be no graduation, wedding, or children. Not for her son.

Her tears were falling unfettered, in earnest now, but she ignored them, carefully lifting the infant from the metal table and drawing him into the circle of her loving arms. She sat there for countless minutes, rocking the tiny body and just gazing into his beautiful little face. Softly, she crooned a lullaby she remembered her own mother singing when she was a child, matching the soft rocking with the slow lilting of the song. As the melody came to an end, she took in every precious detail, every scent, every touch, every line, and tucked them all away, safe, within her memory.

Pressing a tender kiss to the child's forehead, she laid him back down on the table, tucked the sheets gently around him as if he was merely sleeping. With one last kiss, she turned her chair and exited the room that held her heart.

TBC…

**Chapter End Notes:**

Review...Please?


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Notes:

Ok, so the next couple of chapters will mostly be the same events but broken down so that you can see it from both Buffy and Spike's POV's. Things are still extremely angsty if not more so. I appreciate all the support I've received on this story, all your reviews and likes. They really motivate me to keep writing. So once more, thank you to all of you!

And an extra special thanks to my beta, SlayerDaniWho, who just happened to post the first chapter to her own story last night. It's amazing! Check it out its called Seeds of Time.

_"It is so much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch me." - Sylvia Plath_

**Chapter 23**

Days had passed, and with each, Buffy learned new ways to withdraw from the world and to turn off her mind. She was aware that she was numbing her brain from her pain, ignoring the grief-filled thoughts so that she could move, breathe, speak…so she could just not feel. The perpetual numbness left a faint buzzing on the surface of her skin, a miniscule tingle, as if there was a barrier between her and the rest of the world.

But no matter how detached, how anesthetized she was to her surroundings, the deep ache in her heart had not ceased. No, not by any means. If possible, the ache had grown stronger, more powerful with every second spent without her beloved son in her arms. Added to that was the inevitable fatigue that went hand-in-hand with the despair, that seemed to weigh down on her limbs, making it increasingly more difficult to breathe, to move about.

Her mind had been thoroughly sectioned off, her consciousness compartmentalized so the hurt was blocked, so she could get through the tasks that needed addressing. She focused now, not on how the universe could be so cruel, or on how she would sleep with the weight of her baby neither in her womb nor in her arms, but on planning for his burial. The thoughts of after were strapped down with the others, and she never strayed too close.

She'd been living and speaking robotically, moving through the monotony of life step by step, as if on auto-pilot. The night of her awakening, her friends and family had swarmed around her, and she'd allowed them to hold her and cry over her and speak of their deepest sympathies. But she didn't really hear their words, didn't absorb the warmth of their arms wrapped around her.

She thought back to that night, when it was finally just she and her husband and the dark hospital room. He'd slid in under the starched white sheets, stretched out beside her in her tiny hospital bed, and he'd pressed himself tight against her. His skin, she'd felt, though it had elicited those same feelings of sorrow, sadness, emotions she wasn't ready to face yet. In turn, she'd buried herself in his arms and finally allowed the grief from the day to overwhelm her for the first time since she'd seen the baby's lifeless form earlier that day.

They'd slept fitfully, wrapped around each other, waking regularly to take comfort in the other's embrace. Then morning had come, finding Buffy mute and withdrawn once again, locked in a secret place within herself.

The doctors had come, poked, prodded, run their tests. She'd answered all their questions like a good girl, touched her nose and her toes, held out her tongue, looked up, looked down. She'd emptied her bladder when asked, taken a cold shower, forced down a few bites of lunch. Soon they'd declared her well and able to leave…

But not before they'd asked her the name she'd given the child for whom they'd been waiting to file the death certificate.

She hadn't looked at Spike since her awakening, deep-down wanted nothing to do with him, though she knew it was only her defenses preparing to save her from more heartbreak. When they'd asked her son's name, she hadn't spared him a glance, had replied immediately and with little thought, had spoken the name she'd known the moment she'd laid eyes upon the limp child laying cold in the morgue.

"Randy." She'd mumbled. Then, clearer and harder, she'd added, "Randy Alexander Giles."

She'd heard Spike's sharp intake of breath and known immediately that if she looked at him, she'd see her own pain reflected. So she'd kept her eyes glued to the doctor who stood before her, forced herself to actively participate in the task of filling out the inevitable paperwork. Endured a long conversation with multiple police officers, two lawyers and a psychologist with regards to Miss Glory Ficus, the murderer of her baby.

And even that she'd handled robotically, focusing only on the facts before her and not on the ache that constantly throbbed beneath her breastbone. At the end of the day, she was even more exhausted and emotionally drained than she'd already been, and they told her she was well enough to leave for home.

She'd initially refused, unable to fathom the thought of leaving her son behind in that cold, dark place. When her mother had tried to talk her into leaving, she'd merely shaken her head, refused to even discuss it, held tight to the sheets of her hospital bed. Her mother had looked to Spike for help, but he'd just shrugged and said that it was her choice. Then, after a few hours of inner turmoil, reason had won out…and, of course, the hospital staff had been increasingly more insistent upon giving her the boot. She'd ended up having no choice in the matter.

So Buffy had gone home that night, had allowed herself to be packed up and into the car, watched out the back window at the world passing by, barely registered the familiarity of their neighborhood. And she'd not sought the comfort of her husband's arms, either. Instead, she'd slept in the room that was meant for her son, for the tiny boy she'd had to leave behind. She'd gazed into his crib, aware of Spike staring at her wearily in the doorway, staring at her as he always did, studying her every move. She'd run her hands along the soft, baby blue blanket, the one she'd so lovingly folded and laid down at a neat angle on the tiny mattress. She'd reached for the little bear in the corner of the crib, a fuzzy little ball of light blue fur, a gift from Tara, meant to stand watch over the baby as he dreamt of sugarplums through the night. Pressing the toy against her nose, she'd sniffed it, searching for a scent that would never had a chance to bloom. Wishing that the bear had actually touched the infant who'd never get the chance to cuddle it.

Still, the toy had soothed her. For a few seconds, the world had stilled and she was able to breathe. Then, a sudden and overwhelming feeling of exhaustion had come over her, and she'd stooped to lay down right there on the floor, the bear pressed tightly to her chest. She'd stared at the ceiling, lost in her exhausted torment, until Spike drew close, at which point she'd averted her gaze, desperate to avoid looking at him. She didn't want him to see despair. It was hers, and she was not ready to share it with anyone else just yet.

She'd slept the whole night right there in that room, on his floor, waking eventually to find that she'd been draped with a quilt at some point during the night. Ignoring it, she'd gone back to her sleep, all the while ignoring the sobs of an equally tormented Spike in the room next door.

Her mother had arrived the next day, come to deliver them to the funeral home so they could make all the necessary arrangements. Buffy had cranked up the auto pilot, shoved down the thoughts that threatened to drag her down with them.

So when she found herself standing before the kind, old man who ran the funeral home, her mother on one side and Spike on the other, it was that internal, automated setting that allowed her to nod every now and then, provide the appropriate hmm's and okay's, listen as he sang the benefits of one coffin and the other.

"Mahogany." She said flatly, interrupting his pitch about the silk tufting and upgraded wood finish.

They all jumped a little at her tone, though the polite older man nodded and smiled. "Good choice."

She continued, "It's deep, rich, everything he would have been." She furrowed her brow. "Or no…white."

The man poked out a lip in confusion, but replied. "An excellent choice as well."

Once more, she continued. "White like the clouds…rainbows in clouds. It's childish, perfect for a child. Though he wasn't quite a child…no. Mahogany. Yes, mahogany."

The funeral director glanced between his three clients, looked from Buffy to Spike to Joyce and back again, and then wrote down Buffy's choice without another word. As the presentation, lengthy descriptions and subsequent questions continued, Buffy became even more erratic. While Spike remained silent, passively looking on with weary eyes, Buffy spoke briskly and matter-of-factly, sometimes going off on a tangent explanation, rambling through a series of random thoughts before settling back in her flat tone and declaring a final choice.

Once, when the choice of gravestones was threatening to put Buffy in a panic, Spike lay a gentle hand on her back and tried to pull her towards him, to comfort her. She simply shrugged him off, turned her head away from him. He stared at her, not out of anger or true confusion, but in realization and despair. He stood soon after that and exited the room, leaving her alone with her mother and her choices. So many choices.

When they finally were able to leave the wretched place, she saw Spike leaning against the brick wall near the front door, a billow of white surrounding him as he chain-smoked. Noting their arrival, he stood straight and quickly stubbed it out with the sole of his shoe. He hadn't smoked since they'd found out she was pregnant, and the knowledge that he had sunk back into the habit made Buffy's heart ache even more. But then her mind swept the thought away, shoving it into the same repository she stored all the other reckless thoughts…and once more, she moved on.

The day of her boy's funeral came quickly after that, and she soon found herself sitting in the front row at the service, staring numbly at the tiny casket, blanketed with bright, sunny daisies as a man droned on and on about life after death. Blah, blah, blah…her son was dead. That's all she knew, all she heard, all she lived and breathed when it came right down to it. She didn't know if there was a god or a heaven or if babies went there when they died. No matter how much she'd like to think so, all she knew at that very moment was that her little boy was lying in that mahogany chest, his tiny body soon to be lowered down and buried in the cold hard ground.

How would she hold him when he was underground? How would she kiss him or nuzzle his soft cheeks or sing him a sweet song? She wrapped her arms around herself, still maintaining distance and refusing Spike's comfort. She didn't want to think of his pain, didn't want him to think of hers.

The man came to the end of his speech, and she watched friends and family walk past the tiny coffin, pay their respects, give her their sympathies. She didn't want them. She just nodded and accepted their hugs and handshakes. Knew that Spike stood at her side in similar straights…although, instead of the hard, unfeeling, non-emotion with which she chose to face this pain, he remained in a daze, lost in his sorrow, a slave to the motions.

Unbidden thoughts fought to the forefront, thoughts that questioned the justice, the fairness of this situation, and banging on the defenses that she'd thought she had finally secured, smoothed out. Before they could destroy her hard work, she used all of her strength to push them back down. Numbly staring at the box before her, she resolutely ignored the quiet sobs of her husband.

And once more, she imagined the boy in her dreams, holding her, holding him, playing in the sand.

_Trust that you can keep going, long after you think you can go no longer._

She shook the thought away, choosing not to accept even that little bit of comfort.

Once everyone had filed out, the candles had been extinguished and the background noise had faded away, she stood, alone, with only her husband at her side. Though their shoulders and elbows were touching, a chasm of despair separated them, and they both stared feebly at the mahogany coffin that held safe the lifeless body of their newborn son.

She wasn't aware of how long they stood like that, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, in silence, neither daring to reach out and touch the other. Minutes maybe, perhaps hours had passed since those solemn words were preached over the tiny infant's grave. The service was performed mid-morning, and now the sun was slowing going down, casting a dusky mist over the fresh green grass. The simply beauty of it was in stark contrast to the emptiness she felt within.

She wanted desperately to cry, to curl into a ball or throw herself on her son's coffin so she could be buried right there with him. And why not? They might as well bury her, leave her be, move on with their lives, for this was as good as she was ever going to be again. She could never imagine a way to live after this. How could she ever survive such pain, such brutal agony?

She was startled when she felt Spike's calloused hand gingerly grab her own. This was the first contact they'd initiated with one another in days, since the night she'd let him hold her as they struggled to rest through that first night in the hospital room. A part of her wanted to shrink away from his touch, no matter how gentle and well-meaning, as she had done over the last few days. Still another part of her, the stronger part, grasped it firmly, held on for dear life. That was the part of her that had loved him almost her whole life. The part of her that had shared her most precious secrets with him. The part of that knew him better than anyone in the world - and he her. The part of her that had proudly married him in the chapel where their parents had wed. The part of her that carried his child beneath her heart. The part of her that shared his pain.

That was the part of her that allowed her to cling to his hand now. She didn't dare lay an eye on him, didn't glance to the corner of her eye, attempt to deepen the contact, despite the fact that she could feel his blue ones boring into her. But she took comfort in his touch and knew that he was doing the same. For they were the only two people in all the world who understood that moment, who understood just how hard it was to breathe, to move, to speak, to anything. How hard it was to continue, just….continue.

After a while, she stiffened her hand, and taking it as a sign, Spike sighed and released it, letting it fall to her side. Buffy took a few steps forward, stared at her child's final resting place and committed this moment to memory. Slowly, she placed a delicate hand on the top of the coffin. Closing her eyes tightly, she said her final goodbye to her precious baby boy.

She didn't spare Spike a glance, instead turned and walked away, both from him and from the child, the two people she had once considered her entire universe.

* * *

In the days since the accident, Spike had moved through several phases of emotions. When he'd first learned of their son's death, he had wallowed in despair, pity….guilt. Always, always guilt. The feelings had festered as he waited for Buffy to awaken from her coma, transformed into something darker than he had ever experienced.

Then Buffy had finally awakened, and he had dreaded telling her of their poor child's fate. Those moments, and he couldn't say how long they lasted, but those moments when she'd allowed him to rock her, comfort her in her grief, they'd healed a part of him he didn't know could be healed. Then, when she'd dried her eyes and bravely asked him to take her to their son, he'd worried. He'd known this was something she had to do to truly allow herself to grieve, but he'd been worried that she might not be capable of handling the sight of their son, lying dead and cold in the morgue. Christ, the sight had practically broken him.

He'd never doubted Buffy's ability to do anything in…well, ever. But this was different. So vastly different from everything else. This was something that could tear even the strongest of people apart, and she was his lifeline right now. Knowing that she needed him, knowing his best friend was by his side to walk through this with him…it was what carried him on. If he didn't have her, he would surely crumple up and die right then and there, at their son's side.

Once she'd had her moment with their child, though, she'd emerged a different woman. He hadn't known what to think of her callous, distant behavior. Granted, Spike understood that every person handled grief in a different way, but it was as if a switch had simply turned off. This woman he'd watched push herself down the halls of the dreary hospital…she was not the wife he knew.

That night, he'd shaken with fear and contempt: fear that he was losing her, contempt at himself. He'd been unable to bear the pain alone, and more for himself than for her, he'd climbed into her tiny bed where she'd been lying on her side, simply staring at the floral wallpaper. Spike had prayed then, sent a prayer straight from his soul to the heavens above, begging the powers that be that she would not push him away. Because if she did, he didn't know what he would do.

But, she hadn't. She'd allowed him to wrap a gentle arm around her. He hadn't needed to pull her close, because she had eased back into him. The sheer weight of her pressed against his chest acted as a balm for the throbbing sting that seemed to have taken up residence in his heart.

The next morning, Buffy had been brisk and to the point. She'd handled the doctors and the lawyers and the police officers with reason and speed. He had watched her in fascination that soon dissolved into pure horror. This was not his Buffy. He knew she was broken…thoroughly broken, in fact…yet, there he stood, watching her act as if nothing was wrong. He could, of course, see right past her brick façade. He knew that his girl had a heart of gold, knew this was her way of getting through the pain, but it still set Spike back on his heels.

It definitely didn't serve to assuage his confusion. He wandered around in a constant state of disorientation, lived in haze. Didn't recognize the world around him as the one he knew, the one in which he'd grown up. This was some cruel parallel dimension where nothing made sense. That was the only way to describe the steady lull, this constant state of agitated bewilderment. His grief and guilt continued to fester, whipped into a frenzy with the distance Buffy had placed between them.

When the doctors had asked for a name to place on their son's death certificate, Spike had frozen. During Buffy's coma, he'd felt panic at the mere thought of choosing a name without her, and he felt that same panic rise once again. How could they choose a name for him when they never got to see him squirm or stare or coo or cry? How would they know what name best fit his personality when they would never know it? Would he have been a quiet, sweet boy or a wild, mischievous one? Would he have liked to sing? Done well in school? Gone to prom? Become a father? They'd never know.

But he had stared at Buffy, pleading that she knew what to say. And, of course, she did.

When she had said Randy Alexander Giles, Spike had gasped. He wanted to cry right then and there. Giving the boy a name only intensified the pain, made the situation all the more real. Still, he had shaken that unwelcome emotion off, tried in vain to remain as professional about this as Buffy…or as this shell of her.

When the doctors told Buffy she was able to leave, she'd downright refused, a reaction that simultaneously gave him hope and scared him to death. He was glad to see his girl show some of that fire he knew still swarmed deep within her, but the way she said, the way she acted…it just didn't line up.

Their family and friends had looked to him for assistance, but how could he deny her what she wanted, especially after all he had done? No, he would let her handle this how she felt she needed to. He would not force her to leave. Of course, it helped that he knew the feeling. He'd never expected to walk away from this hospital without his son snuggled, warm in his mother's arms.

When she had finally seen reason and allowed Spike to take her home, he'd been relieved. Unsure of just how to handle their return to reality, he'd treated her like a fragile tea cup. Neither had said a word on the ride home…but, then again, neither really knew what to say. Little did he know, Buffy had nothing to say at all.

The way she'd acted as they'd walked into their home only served to confound him even further. Who was this woman? How was he supposed to handle her? He wanted so badly to make her feel better, to help his girl, but he just didn't know how. So, he settled for watching her, sometimes boldly, sometimes from the corner of his eye. He just watched and waited. Whenever he worked up the courage to speak to her or touch her, she would either flinch away or would mumble a minimal response.

Her behavior disoriented him and made him feel that he was living in a dream…no, a nightmare. This wasn't real. One day, they would all wake up and everything would be okay. Their baby would be safe within his mother's womb, and his happy, carefree Buffy would be wrapped in his loving arms. The image of a family that jumped in his head with that realization caused tears to spring to his eyes, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

He'd sat on the edge of the bed, silently watching her painstakingly slow movements as she emerged from a long, steamy shower and got herself dressed for bed. He watched as she brushed out her long golden hair, counted the hundred strokes she routinely drew through the locks every night, watched as she slipped on a simple night shirt and matching lounge pants. He'd watched and waited for her to climb into bed, climb into his arms so that they could both find the solace that seemed now to come only in their sleep.

But she didn't come to him. She'd barely even looked at him, and she'd never said a word to him. She had simply walked silently, slowly from the room. He'd forced himself to wait awhile, unsure if it was appropriate that he follow right away. He felt the need to give her some time to herself, to allow her to adjust to her first few hours back at home. So he took a quick shower, allow himself his own few moments to get comfortable, before venturing out of the room in search of Buffy.

When he'd finally found her, shivering and tucked into a tight fetal curl on the floor of their son's nursery, another piece had shattered from his already-broken heart. She'd looked so vulnerable, her eyes squeezed shut, clutching the tiny bear that had been awaiting their son's arrival from his perch in the crib. He'd wanted so badly to lift her into his arms and rock her, or to lay right there with her on the rug…but he hadn't done so. He'd always been able to read Buffy so well, and that was one of those times he'd instinctively known he was unwanted.

Still, he'd stood there, watching until her breathing had evened out and he was sure she'd fallen asleep. Then he'd fetched a blanket from the hall closet, delicately laid it over her. Once he'd finally found himself in his own bed, sleep remained a stranger. Instead, he'd sobbed. He'd sobbed with all of the emotions, all of the turmoil, all of the devastation that had been welling up in his heart.

Planning their child's funeral was even harder than he could have ever imagined. Buffy had refused to touch him…shit, she barely even laid eyes upon him. He'd wished so desperately she would let him comfort her, and a small part that he'd never really acknowledged wanted desperately for her to comfort him back. Still, her behavior as they chose the flowers and the cards and the prayers and the music…all the little pieces that would make up the day they'd ultimately put their child in the ground…her behavior had shocked and horrified him. Then, she'd slip into the occasional panicked ramble, and he'd remember that the hardness was a way of protecting herself. And then he would understand some. Then, he would reach out to her, wanting…no, needing, to help her through this. When she'd shrugged him off as if he was no more than a servant at her side, he had had enough.

It was then that he'd realized she hated him. He could feel it coming off of her in waves. She hated him, and he hated himself. What a pair they were. Unable to bear the feelings that washed over him, he'd left the small funeral home office in search of escape. He'd thought the fresh air would help relax him, but it hadn't, not even close. He spotted a random man lighting up as he strolled down the sidewalk, asked him for a fag. The blasé stranger had passed him a cigarette, looked up and read the name on the building, handed Spike two more with a look of sympathy in his eyes. Leaned over the shrubbery, he'd lit Spike's first cigarette and wished him well before carrying on with his business.

Spike had leaned back against the wall and inhaled deeply, feeling the rich smoke fill his lungs. The sweet taste of the tobacco he'd avoided for so long soothed his nerves, but it would never reach his soul. His soul could never be soothed, never be repaired.

He'd originally quit smoking, not just to please Buffy, but because it was best for the baby. The most important thing had always been the baby, and his want for the occasional fag was not nearly as important as his child's wellbeing. And now look at him. He had no child, did he? And it certainly seemed he wouldn't have a wife very much longer, either.

He'd lit the next cigarette with the first, inhaled it quickly and used it to ignite the third. When Buffy had finally emerged from the funeral parlor's lobby, plans all made, he'd momentarily panicked, quickly stomped out the cigarette. Her eyes had gone wide, his guilt deepened. But she didn't say anything and quickly re-erected the brick wall. He was beginning to get used to it, though he couldn't help but feel like he was betraying her in some way.

The funeral itself was nearly too much for him to bear. They'd been surrounded by well-wishers and loved ones, but in his mind it was just him, Buffy and that tiny casket. He felt in a stupor. The world around him was a blur, his vision tunneled in amazingly sharp focus on the flower-covered coffin that carried his son in its belly. He was vaguely aware of the words being spoken, though he couldn't quite concentrate long enough to understand their meaning, all the sounds muffled as if he was under water. He couldn't make sense of what he felt, either. The pain, desolation and guilt swirled through him and around him, leaving him dizzy with bewilderment and helplessness.

As he stood at Buffy's side, it occurred to him that a strong-enough wind, blown hard and fast right at that moment, would've blown him right along with it. He was empty, a mere shell of himself. As he glanced around the chapel, all he saw were empty chairs…he hadn't even realized that everyone had left and said their to-do's. His eyes had remained locked, staring blankly at the coffin, only occasionally daring to peek at his wife beside him.

When he had realized that they were actually alone, he took a chance and laid his eyes on the mother of his son. The look on her face, the expression that had been so calm and stoic during the proceedings of the funeral service, now seemed so utterly desolate. He couldn't help but reach out to her. He wasn't brave enough to pull her into his arms, so he settled for grasping her hand in his. He was surprised when she gripped it back, tightly. Eyes remained on that carefully poised face, wondering why she would not look at him. It almost made him feel as if it was he that was dead, that perhaps it was his ghost here now. Was he real? Was any of this real? It certainly didn't feel like it.

Still, he basked in the feel of her hand in his, feeling a whisper of a tingle at the base of his heart, a drop of water after months of desert draught. This was the first time she'd actually let him touch her in…shit, in what felt like a lifetime. They'd never gone so long without a touch, without a word…not since that angsty fight so long ago in their teenage years. They just stood like that for what felt like hours, just holding hands, he staring deeply at her, she staring straight ahead, until she broke. Stiffening her hand, he sighed loudly, recognizing the instant all those feelings of ease seeped from him, only to be replaced by sorrow and despair once more. No longer did he have his best friend to walk with him through this. He was once again alone.

He let go of her hand, watched as she shuffled, slowly, towards the grave, placed a hand atop the too-small coffin. She said nothing out loud, simply closed her eyes. A few minutes later, she was gone. He turned, watched until she was out of sight, and then returned his attention to the coffin that acted as his son's final baby carriage.

He swallowed deeply, swallowed again, then he took a few steps forward. He stood there staring, took a few minutes to gaze at the coffin, study the head stone, look at the flowers. His eyes returned to the coffin.

"Just you and me now, son." His words came out raw, his throat sore from days of guttural sobbing, but he continued. "You were my little man, my precious child, from the very beginning. I may not have carried you inside me like your mum, but I might as well have for all the love I felt….feel for you." He choked back a sob and paused to regain himself. "I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anything. I will always…always love you, my boy." He couldn't contain the raspy sob, released it, took a breath and spoke shakily.

"I am so, so sorry. I…I love you, Randy."

He ignored the tears streaming down his face, didn't notice as they dripped onto the coffin as he leaned over it and placed a gentle kiss on its lid. He held his lips to the coffin for a moment, sending all of his love into the precious cargo this beautiful box held.

When he pulled away, he did so reluctantly, and he couldn't help but wish that his wife was there with him. He finally felt a sense of closure, and though the guilt still ate away at his soul, he swore to himself that he wouldn't taint this moment with its poison.

Before he forced his feet to walk away, allowed himself to escape and bask in his sorrows, he whispered one more goodbye.

And then turned around and left his son for the final time.

TBC…


	24. Chapter 24

Ok...don't hate me. You guys have to trust me. I love Spuffy. I would never let this story end any other way than happily. It might make you guys happy to know that the toughest part is just about over.

**Chapter 24**

In the weeks that had passed since that horrible, horrible day, nothing much had truly changed. A steady ache still resided deep within her heart and the numbness in her brain had yet to fade. She never really allowed herself to think. Not about what she was doing, or why, or why she was getting the chance to live while her son would never be allowed that opportunity. She went through the motions every day, like a good girl, doing what she was supposed to and as she was told, but she never truly felt anything, other than that oh so reliable ache.

The ache was her daily reminder of what she had lost, and for some reason she couldn't quite let it go. It felt as if, by letting go of the pain, she was letting go of her son, and it was something she vowed never to do. And almost worse, she found she could not share this pain, not with her friends, not with her family, and, most especially, not with her husband.

She had barely even touched Spike, much less spoken to him, in the months that had passed since their son's funeral. A part of her knew she was being harsh and unkind, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was suffocating in her own pain, and she didn't dare allow herself to factor his pain into the equation.

It was agonizing for her to even look at the man, the man who fathered her child. It was painful to look into those eyes, so like the ones she saw in her coma dream, the eyes he shared with their little boy. Whenever she caught a glimpse of him in the moments that she couldn't quite avoid him, she was always reminded of that fantasy world from her coma. It only served to intensify the ache in her heart, threatening to spread through her and into her safely numbed mind. Yet that was only one of the reasons she was avoiding the man she had loved, and still loved despite her behavior, with all of her heart.

One big factor in their currently distant relationship was the fact they had yet to truly discuss the Harmony incident. At first, the event had been pushed far back into her mind and blanketed by the grief she'd felt for the loss of her son. Then, she had ignored it, and continued to do so, because she had more important things to worry about, like mourning over someone she should never have to mourn.

After a while, when the thoughts slowly began to seep back into her mind, she continued to ignore the thoughts and emotions that they brought with them. Not because it doesn't hurt her still or she wasn't consumed by blinding jealousy at the mere thought. No, she continued to ignore it because she just didn't have the strength to deal. Instead of fighting with her husband, a husband she could barely hold a decent conversation with at the moment, she preferred to bask in her grief.

That's not to say that Spike hadn't tried to bring the issue up. In fact, one night, he'd come to her room, drunk and sobbing, and had fallen to his knees directly in front of her, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist and pressing his cheek into her sunken stomach as he cried. She had frozen, not knowing what to do, not used to the contact after such a long time without it.

After she'd endured a few minutes of his sobbing, she nudged at his shoulders, trying to subtly get him to move away. This only served to increase his tears, though now they fell not from sadness, but in anger. He had pulled back and looked up at her and into her big, sad eyes. He had yelled, begged, pleaded for her to come back to him, to love him again, to just be his friend once more. He'd told her that he missed her, that he loved her, and that he was sorry for everything.

And then…then he brought that bitch up. He asked her if this was all about Harmony. He'd initiated a desperate, almost frenzied attempt to explain things from his point of view, but the mere mention of that woman's name had caused Buffy's blood to boil and her cold heart felt aflame for the first time in months.

Stepping further away from him and increasing the space between their two bodies, she said in a venomous voice, "Is that what you think? You think I'm being bitter over Harmony. You're going to sit there and cry and try to explain yourself to me? Oh, the cheating husband, woe is me. I don't want to hear it, Spike. I've got bigger things to worry about, more important things to occupy my mind than what you did."

Of course, she hadn't realized at the time how Spike might have interpreted her words as cruel. Frankly, she hadn't really thought about the way they would be interpreted at all. She'd merely spoken out of rage, too irate to hear that god-awful name come from his lovely lips. And before they could have it out or she could regret her words, the flame went out. Then, all over again, her heart froze and anger settled in once more with a steady, throbbing ache. Her mind numbed itself, barred from outside stimuli.

His sobs had turned into sniffles by then, and with a heavy sigh, he stood, never once taking his eyes off her. She felt as if his gaze was penetrating her, and she was too cowardly to hold his stare as she turned her head to look meaninglessly at the floor. She was unable to bear the emotions in his eyes, knew they were the same emotions she tried so hard to deny in herself. That small part of her that wasn't in denial, that wasn't destroying everything around her, wanted to reach out to him then. She wanted to wrap her arms around him so they could cry together over their loss and then move forward once and for all.

You must not fight it. You must not wish for what you can never change. You must embrace and build the new.

She heard the words again, but once more, brushed them off; she was still not ready to accept the reassuring words of her son.

Every night since, her husband had come home drunk. Instead of coming home after work, he chose to stay out hours after his shift. Later, typically as the night was turning into dawn, he'd coming home in a drunken stupor, stumbling around the house before passing out on the couch. Sometimes, she could feel him staring at her intently, as if trying to pour his heart out to her with his eyes. Other times, it was as if she wasn't even there. He'd just collapse onto the couch and pass out, leaving her alone in their big king size bed, just the way she wanted it.

* * *

For Spike, much like his wife, life had been drastically altered since that fateful day when they buried their boy deep within the earth. Life had continued as if he was underwater, and he felt as if he was in a constant dazed, almost confused state. At times, and often suddenly, things would become blindingly clear, and he'd wonder where he was and how he was functioning in such a half-assed state. Then, he'd remember, or he'd see his wife's distant demeanor, and once more, nothing made sense.

At first, he had been willing to give Buffy her space. He understood that that is how she had handled her emotions, that she had always been the sort that had a hard time wrapping her head around such intense emotions. Moreover, there was still a very large part of him that felt guilty for his role in the accident that led to the death of their son.

After a few weeks, though, Spike had yet to see a change in her, and he could no longer control his need. He yearned her comfort, her touch, longed to hear her soothing voice. She had always been his very best friend, and he had always had her to rely upon in his time of need. Now, this was their time of need, and he knew that they would only be stronger if they came together.

So he tried, multiples time, to speak with her, to share his feelings with her, to hold her, to even simply touch her hand. Each time, she had pulled further away from him. Some days she would go without acknowledging him at all, not even a look cast his way. In this confused, dazed state of his, he'd sometimes begin to wonder if he was even there at all. Maybe it was he who had died. Maybe he was just a ghost, unable to deal with the consequences of his death.

Finally, in a fit of unbearable grief, he'd stayed out after his work shift and gotten plastered drunk, then had come home and stumbled into their once-shared bedroom. The mere sight of her, so complacent and tiny on the edge of their bed, had made him lose all of his gumption. He had fallen to his knees in front of her and, without thinking, had wrapped his strong arms around her middle and pulled her close to his body, not caring that his tears stained the pale cotton of her shirt. He'd cried hard as he felt how tiny she had gotten from the weeks of ignoring her body's needs.

All of his planned words flew from his mind. He begged, he pleaded, he cried for her to come back to him. Maybe she couldn't love him ever again, not after what he'd done, but could she please be his friend once more. God, he needed his very best friend, so badly.

She had not responded in kind, only making him more confused. He didn't know what to do, how to make her see, how to make her feel. So, he said the only thing he had yet to say. The moment the words had left his lips, he'd known instant regret. Harmony's name fell onto Buffy's ears and he saw her visible startle seconds before her hands began to shake violently with unspoken rage.

Maybe this was good, he had thought. Her reaction was more emotion than he had seen from her in weeks. He continued, taking advantage of her brief pause and frantically explaining what had actually occurred, only to be cut off by her harsh tone.

"Is that what you think? You think I'm being bitter over Harmony. You're going to sit there and cry and try to explain yourself to me? Oh, the cheating husband, woe is me. I don't want to hear it, Spike. I've got bigger things to worry about, more important things to occupy my mind than what you did."

Her eyes had been filled with hate and anger, cruel words spewing like dragon's fire from her beautiful mouth. The cruelty of her response sent chills down his spine as another piece of his already-mangled heart fractured. In horror, he stared at her, realizing now that he had truly lost the love of his life, the girl of his dreams, his very best friend.

Since that night, he had found that he couldn't exist without a bottle in his hand. Even at work, he would find himself sneaking shots behind the bar or throwing back a beer in the alley on his short breaks. Anything to take the edge off and to ease the pain and guilt.

After the funeral, he had taken some time off, his manager being quite understanding. When the time came for him to resume his work, he had greatly anticipated his next interaction with Harmony, imagining the ways he would make the girl pay for the misery she had caused his family. Yet, he had arrived to work that first day back to find the chit had disappeared, put in her two weeks and hadn't been seen since. Good riddance! Let her rot in her own special kind of hell.

Admittedly, a part of him had been disappointed that he wouldn't be able to give the girl the comeuppance she deserved, especially after he'd worked himself into a frenzy imagining the way he would throttle the bitch. Another part of him was relieved that he wouldn't have to live with the consequences of what he would have done if he had seen her or had been forced to see her face or hear that wretched voice every day. Had her leaving not been the case, he didn't know if he could have continued working there…and that would have been horrible, considering how desperately they needed the money after all the hospital fees and funeral costs.

He didn't want Buffy getting a job. What he wanted was for Buffy to go back to school, to get her education like she had always dreamed before they had gotten pregnant. Of course, she didn't listen to him anymore and cared little for his opinion, so he could only watch as she quit the concept of school altogether and began working alongside Faith at the competing bar down the street.

He watched her withdraw from him more and more each day, and knew, despite his drunkenness, that this was how she handled things. Through his eyes, he could see that she preferred to wallow in her misery, alone, and remain locked up tight in their dark and dreary home.

Life continued this way for quite some time. It was on the six-month anniversary of their son's death, a full four months since he'd last confronted her, when he realized he had truly lost his wife. They had been living more like strangers than friends and lovers, she locking herself up in their home, avoiding all of their friends and family, and he spending most of his time at work or getting polluted. Yet, on that day, he ventured into their room, hoping that today of all days she would accept his comfort. A part of him imagined her allowing him to wrap his arms around her. Then, as if their love had been the key, they would heal and forgive together. Unfortunately, that would not be the case.

When he entered the room, she callously asked him what he wanted. He had sat on the bed and scooted slightly towards her, only to watch her pull further away from him. She repeated her question once more, this time with a hint of anger in her tone.

"I just thought…" He began to whisper and then stopped. What did he think? Why was he here? They had lost their fire months before. He was just hoping that today, for good time's sake, she would let him in, even temporarily. But as he stared into her lifeless eyes, he realized that that would never happen.

"Oh, my god.… What. Do. You. Want. Spike." She repeated again while rolling her eyes.

This time, he was the one to pull away, startled by the venom in her voice. Suddenly all the feelings he had been trying desperately not to feel - guilt for the part he'd played, sympathy for the way she was sinking, desolation for the life they both now led – it all came rushing to the surface. He was angry! So damn angry! Why was she doing this to him? Why was she treating him this way?

Without another word, he stormed from the room and out of the house, desperate to drink away these thoughts. He soon found himself at The Bronze, where he slammed himself down into a bar stool and began ordering shot after shot, chasing each down with nothing but a cool Guinness. He felt the fire burn in his stomach, but the fire in his heart had yet to cease.

It wasn't fair! Nothing was fair! Did she truly blame him for their son's death? How could he be angry at her for that when he blamed himself? Yet, with each shot he threw back, his anger grew. Why was he letting her punish him this way? He hadn't fucked the girl. Buffy hadn't given him a chance to explain before storming out. He hadn't even done anything wrong! All of the thoughts he had held in Buffy's defense suddenly flew out the window. All he could think about was how she was punishing him worse than he truly deserved for something he hadn't even done.

A few more shots in and he could barely stand, much less speak the words to order another shot. The bartender eyed him carefully. He knew Spike well, and as his order spewed sloppily from his lips, the bartender fumbled with his words.

"Spike…are you sure, man? You look like you're about done. I don't think I can serve you anymore."

Spike grumbled at the bartender, waving his hands at him. "Go fuck yourself then, you bloody poofter."

"Still want to drink, huh?" He heard the perky voice as he felt someone soft sit beside him, rubbing against his arm. He turned his eyes towards the voice and there was…Harmony. She was wearing practically nothing. A violet corset top, breasts spilling over the top. A skirt that left little to the imagination.

If he wasn't so drunk…. If he had been in his right mind, he would barely have been able to hold himself back from throwing himself at her in a fit of rage. But now…in this frame of mind, with the emotions that were coursing through his veins, one thought stood out clear in the fogginess of his awareness. If she was going to punish him like he'd done it…he might as well do it.

It didn't take long for Harmony to take the hint, though she did have the decency to be surprised by his behavior. He leaned heavily on her curvy frame as she practically pulled him towards the bathroom. He could barely walk, stumbling constantly into bystanders, but that didn't seem to bother her one bit. She just wrapped herself around him more and more. It didn't matter how drunk and dazed he was, she had wanted to fuck him since the day she saw him. Now she had her shot.

When they reached the empty bathroom door, she pushed him in and locked the door behind them. He went without complaint, stumbling into the room towards the sink. When she turned back to face him, she hesitated, seeing how green he was in the face. For a moment, he leaned over the sink, certain he was about to puke his brains out. Then, as she wrapped her arms around him and began nibbling at his ear, the nausea rolled away.

He closed his eyes and imagined it was Buffy's teeth pulling at his sensitive flesh, Buffy's lips pressed against his neck, Buffy's hand slipping into his pants to gently caress his throbbing member. Soon he was lost in the sensation and the fantasy. He had missed the touch of his wife and was desperate for even the most innocent of touches. In this fantasy, he received what his wife wouldn't give him in reality, her touch…her love.

Turning around, he lifted her onto the counter and flung her legs apart to step between them. When she started to speak, he crushed her mouth with his own, not allowing her to break the fantasy. He needed this, needed to feel something, something more than pain and misery.

His hand sought her entrance, and he swallowed her moans as he began to rub at her opening. Then, without a conscious thought of what he was doing, he slid her lacy thong to the side and exposed his hard cock. Not caring whether she was ready, he pushed into her roughly and began pounding into her in a frenzy. For those few minutes, he squeezed his eyes tight, the image of his wife at the forefront of his mind. In the haze clouding his drunken mind, he imagined it was her face before him, her hands running up and down his body, her nails digging into his back, and her pussy wrapped around him.

And then…she moaned. Nothing unusual for the act, but the sound of it was like a bell that cleared the haze and broke his fantasy. This was not his wife's throaty moan. This was Harmony, the crazy bitch who ruined his life. He froze and she began to whine for him to go on.

Without another thought, he pushed himself free of her and quickly adjusted himself. "I…How.." He couldn't get a sentence out. He was so confused. Why would he do this? Even drunk, why would he let it get this far? How could he do this to Buffy? To them?

Guilt came crashing down on him in waves. Before he could shed a tear in front of the bitch, he threw open the door and ran as fast as he could, desperate to get far, far away from this dirty place.

TBC…

**Chapter End Notes:**

I know it seems like theres no way they can come back from this, but trust me. I dont want to give any spoilers but this entire story has been thoroughly planned. Just trust me and try not to be too harsh on the reviews.


	25. Chapter 25

So, I know the last chapter scared a few of you off, but I want to thank everyone who is reading now and will see the story through with me. I understand that the thought of Spike cheating drives most of us insane, but I wanted to empahsize the lows that their relationship had entered. I know the angst was a little much for some, but believe me when I say, while this story is still angst-ridden, none will enter the same realm of angst as the last chapter. Try to rememebr that even canon Spuffy did some extremely horrible things to one another (attempted rape much?), but somehow we cant stop rooting for them.

For the most part, the story will turn to focus on rebuilding the Spuffy relationship from the bottom up, starting at their base, friendship. Thats something that this Spuffy relationship has lost sight of. You'll understand a little more by the end of this chapter, what I have in store.

I want to give an extra special thanks to my beta, SlayerDaniWho, and to all the readers who have reviewed and "liked" The Story. I apprecaite each and every one of you. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 25

Spike was panicked, in a frenzy. His drunken mind had sobered, but now he just could not think, could not grasp what he had done. He stumbled through the bar and ran straight for his Desoto, desperate to rid himself of this place and of the foul thing he had done.

Reaching his car, he threw himself in and slammed the door shut. Everything was so quiet in here, away from the crowd. He stared off at the brick wall before him, absorbing the silence and trying to straighten his mind out. What would he do? Where would he go?

The image of Harmony, legs wrapped around his waist as he drove into her, flashed before his eyes and he began to hyperventilate. Frantic to get far away from this place, he shoved the keys into the ignition and sped out of the parking lot.

Spike drove around aimlessly for a while before realizing he could not go home. There was no way that he could look at Buffy, see her beautiful face, not now. No matter how callous and cold she may have been, she didn't deserve what he had done, this breaking of the sanctity of their marriage.

Without really making a conscious decision, he headed for the hotel on the outskirts of town. It didn't take him long to get there and he felt a grave sense of shame wash over him as he turned into the raggedy place, passing the whores and drug addicts who yelled out profanity or gave him come hither looks.

He had robotically spoken to the clerk and paid for his nights, and before he knew it, he was standing in a dark and dank room that reeked of mildew. Glancing around him, he saw a dingy double bed and a single dresser across from it. A light from the bathroom caught his attention and he strode towards it, roughly stripping himself of his clothes as he walked, hoping it would rid him of the filth he felt surrounding him, not only physically but also internally.

He carefully avoided the mirror, not ready to look at the fool who gave up a love of more than five years, and turned the water to its hottest temperature. When he saw steam began to fold its way past the moldy curtain, he swung it open and flung himself within.

Tilting his head back, he allowed the steaming water to drench him, running its way down his body, cleansing him of his sins. After a few moments, he realized that the guilt and self-loathing he felt had not gone anywhere, and began frantically scrubbing at his body.

He scrubbed the stench of that whore off him, yet still he felt her around him. Would he ever be clean? After too many minutes spent trying, the water began to chill, so he turned off the shower and haphazardly dried himself. With only a glance at the clothes on the floor, he made his way to the bed, a feeling of exhaustion overtaking him. Nevertheless, as he lay on his side atop the grimy blanket, all he could think about is what he had done.

He had finally done it, he realized. He would finally push her too far. Maybe, just maybe, Buffy would've come out of…this, whatever this funk was she was in. Now she would not want a thing to do with him. She would never forgive him this sin. Hell, he would never forgive himself.

He shook, not from cold but from fear. Fear of losing his wife, the love of his life. He vowed to never hurt her, and he'd stood by that promise up until now. Lately, it had been he who watched as she hurt herself. He had spent so many years supporting her, protecting her…and now look at him. He had hurt her worse than she could ever hurt herself.

The fleeting thought of not telling her entered his mind only for a moment before he shunned it away. He had done enough to harm the once healthy relationship between them; he would not bring lies into it. In fact, Spike planned right then and there to tell her as soon as he laid eyes on her.

When that would be, he did not know. For now, all he wanted to do was hide like the coward he felt himself to be.

He would hide from the pain he knew he would see in her eyes, from the sins he had committed and the horrors he had caused. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he could not hide from the agony of it all. Silent sobs wracked his body and he cried…just cried. He cried for the loss of his marriage, for himself, for Buffy. He cried for them all.

* * *

At first, Buffy was frustrated. He was usually home by now. She rationalized his tardiness by assuming he was trying to make her worry, payback for how she'd acted. She knew what she had said and done was wrong, but the part of her that was hiding from reality just could not handle Spike's adoration, his emotions, not when she was trying so hard to push her own away.

A few hours later, when she finally went to bed, her frustration turned to anger. It was cruel of him to not let her know where he was. He had never been gone so long and he knew she would be worried. While she acknowledged, of course only to herself, that she was wrong, they were both adults and this was not how adults acted. She had gone to bed frowning at his behavior.

However, as the sun shown high in the sky and Buffy pulled herself out of bed and into the living room ready to give Spike the evil eye, she froze in dread. He wasn't home, and from the looks of it hadn't been home all night.

She paused for a moment, trying to think steadily, before striding back to her room and looking through her phone for any missed calls or texts. When she saw none, she slumped onto the bed. She was afraid. Had she finally gone too far? Had he left her?

On the other hand, was he hurt? Dead in a ditch? That thought sent chills up her spine and she shook it off, trying to calm herself. Somehow, she found herself standing in front of her couch, at the spot that had become Spike's place of rest. She turned and sunk slowly into the cushions, pulling the folded blanket into her lap and holding it to her face. She took a great breath, breathing in the scent of Spike, all leather and tobacco and some uniquely masculine scent.

She wiped at the tears that began to fall from her eyes. This was the first time that Spike had not come home. No matter how polluted he was, he always found a ride or a way to get back here, back to her. Now, with a sense of dread in her soul, Buffy felt terror for the first time in months.

Her thoughts were moving a mile a minute as she wondered where he was or in what condition. She couldn't shake the urge to panic and, finding she couldn't sit still, she began to pace around the room, every so often glancing at her phone for any sign of change.

Finally, she dialed his number, hoping to get a response. After two rings, it went to voicemail. She took a second to allow his voice to penetrate her mind and provide the briefest of comforts. If he was sending calls to voicemail, which it certainly seemed like, then he was alive.

Taking a deep breath, she relaxed some, a weight having lifted from her shoulders. Still, if he had not come home, things must be worse than she thought. She laughed a dry laugh without any trace of humor at that thought. She knew how bad it was, how much she was hurting him by trying to protect herself, how much she was only hurting herself by trying to deny anyone entry into her heart, into her mind. The thing is, she never expected Spike to leave. He had always been so devoted, so in love with her. If he had finally had enough…she couldn't imagine.

Maybe she was overreacting. Spike had probably just gotten too drunk and stayed the night at a friend's. That had to be it; at least that is what she was going to keep telling herself so that she wouldn't go into a panicked state once more. Still, the sense of dread weighed her down, and she found that she couldn't keep her eyes off her phone or out the window, waiting not-so-patiently for her husband's arrival.

When the sun began to set and she had still not heard a thing from Spike, the worry eased its way back. There was no reason she could think of that would cause him to be gone for more than one night, especially without contacting her. Sure, their relationship may not have been in the greatest place lately, but Spike would never scare her in this way, not intentionally.

She had been trying for so long to push him away, to keep him at arm's length so that she didn't have to deal. Finally, the moment it seemed it had worked, she realized she needed him. The panic seized her. Gasping for breath, she paced the room, unable to catch her breath. Her eyes darted from place to place and the sense of lightheadedness hit her like a tidal wave. Oh god, what had she done?

What was happening? It was like sensory overload. For months, she had been denying the feelings that threatened to consume her and now she was allowing herself to feel things she had been smothering since the day she woke up from that blissful fantasy world to find her son had died before he could even take a breath. Now it all violently assaulted her and she shook with the weight of it.

Frantically, she dialed his number and when it went to voicemail she dialed again and again. The fact that his phone was most likely dead didn't matter . In her panicked state she just knew she needed to hear him, needed to see him, needed him here with her.

Finally, she began dialing everyone they knew, trying to play off casual when she asked them if they had seen Spike. Xander had been confused, Willow concerned, her mother flustered, and Angel brooding. She ignored their questions, ending the calls as soon as she knew they didn't know a thing about her husband's whereabouts. She was hit with only a slight twinge of guilt. She had been ignoring her family and friends for months now, ignoring their calls and avoiding any contact with them at all, but right now, she had more important things to worry about.

She needed to find Spike. Where could he have gone? Oh god, she thought, what if he was hurt. She quickly dialed the hospitals in the area to see if anyone by his description had been brought in. When she didn't get lucky there, she threw her phone across the room with a feminine roar that would send chills down the toughest man's spine.

Finally, she sank to the floor, covering her face with her hands in frustration. Curling into a ball, Buffy hugged her knees tightly to her chest.

How had it come to this? Crying tears for a relationship she once thought was indestructible. Now look at it, look at what she had done, what she had wrought with her own two hands. She'd ignored her husband's pain and suffering. She had blocked him out of her life, pushing him away with malice and indifference. All he had wanted was her love, for them to heal one another, and what had she done? She had made him suffer for it, as if he wasn't in enough pain after losing their son.

Because what she had somehow ignored over these last few months was that he had lost a son too. It was not a loss that she had to suffer alone. The sorrow and anguish that she lived with every day since burying her boy, Spike had lived with it, too. Hell, Spike may even have it worse, if you add the guilt that she knew he felt over the accident.

No longer, Buffy! No longer would she allow her grief to destroy her life. She had every right to feel the pain she felt. Who wouldn't? But she also couldn't allow herself to be dragged into the pits of hell because of it. No matter how much it hurt, she was still alive. She laughed spitefully. Sure, she was still alive, but had she really lived since she'd awoken from her coma?

No more!

The thought pounded into her head and spread through to her heart, into her soul. She slowly let go of her knees and uncurled herself until she was lying flat on the ground, staring up at the beige ceiling of her living room.

No more!

Feelings she hadn't felt in months seeped into, destroying the barrier she'd placed in her mind to separate herself from reality. The sense of freedom that spread through her was so intense that she could practically see those walls crack and fall apart around her until they were no more.

"No more!" She roared with a confidence she hadn't felt in forever. She closed her eyes and stretched her limbs, feeling the tension ease out of her.

She had a plan! Buffy would wait for her husband, give him time. If she didn't hear from him by the end of the night, she'd contact the police, but now that the haze had been lifted from her mind, that old link between them seemed to slowly simmer to life. She had always been able to sense when he was in danger, and now she had no such feelings.

Therefore, when he came home, she would be here. Not that shell of herself that had been roaming the house the last six months. Not that harsh, frigid bitch of a woman who'd wanted to be left alone to wallow in her own misery. No, Buffy Anne Summers-Giles would be here waiting for him, and she'd apologize for the heartbreak she had caused them…and maybe, just maybe, he would forgive her. Then they could finally heal, together.

_You must not wish for what you can never change. You must embrace and build the new. Trust that you can keep going, long after you think you can go no further._

Her son's words rang strong in her mind, and finally she saw and understood them at face value. She was ready now. She was finally strong enough to deal. Then, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, she smiled.

* * *

One more block and he'd be home, yet here he was, parked in the driveway of an abandoned house on the next street. God, he was a coward.

He spent the entire night and most of the next day in his hotel room feeling sorry for himself. Once he'd somewhat snapped out of his despair and self-loathing, he realized his phone was dead and knew that Buffy must be worried sick. He'd certainly never been gone this long without contacting her or coming home. A part of him wondered if she was actually worried for him, though. The old Buffy, the one he married, would have been. This woman who had taken her place did not seem to care either way for him.

That thought made him sniffle, and once more he was overwhelmed with self-pity. She would never forgive him this. No way, no how…yet still, there was absolutely no way he'd keep it from her. Despite her behavior, she didn't deserve what he had done. Married or not, Spike had a pretty serious code of ethics. He had always believed himself to be a moral and just man at the core, in spite of his rebellious tendencies. What he had done - and with whom - went against everything he believed, and he didn't know if he'd ever be right again.

When he thought about how he would hurt her when he told her the news, it tore him up. She was his guiding light, his angel. So long ago, his upside down world suddenly made sense when that angel fell into his life. Then his every dream came true when she returned his love, and with a ferocity that stunned anyone who got close enough to see and feel the bond shared between them.

He didn't think anything could get better, but he'd soon realized that when you were near a girl like her, things could only do just that. When they'd found out that they had created a precious life together, the stars had aligned. Making her his wife was just another layer of icing to their cake. She was there for him when no one else cared, loved him when no one else wanted him, and she had held his hand through everything, good and bad, as they grew into the adults they were today. She was his everything, his world, and he couldn't bear that he was about to destroy that world.

He had never been good at handling emotions, and as his emotions bubbled up within him, he lashed out, taking his pain and anger out on the innocent dashboard of his car. Finally, feeling zapped of all his energy, he wrapped his arms around the steering wheel, rested his head against it, and cried. Who knows how long he sat there, just like that, but he cried until he was sure there was no longer any moisture left in him. The sun was already setting and he knew his time of cowardice had run up.

* * *

It was time to face his fate.

Since her breakthrough, Buffy had freshened up. The steaming hot shower she'd taken seemed to cleanse her soul. She had thrown on a simple pink hoodie and matching sweat shorts. The light layer of lip gloss she'd decided on at the last minute seemed to top her mood off.

Spike would be here soon. She could feel it, and when he made his appearance, she'd give him the surprise of a lifetime. Her excitement bubbled and she couldn't wait to tell him her discovery.

When she heard the car pull into the driveway, she quickly reapplied her lip gloss and stood, suddenly slightly nervous, in the doorway of foyer. She heard him jostle through his keys and watched as the door was unlocked from the outside. The door opened slowly, and there he was, in all his magnificent glory.

She had gone so long without truly seeing him. Now that her eyes were wide open, she was amazed at his beauty. The proud posture, rugged good looks, brilliant blue eyes that sang all of his emotions loud and clear. Emotions that made her slightly hesitant, but she brushed them off to his apprehension over their last fight.

When he noticed her standing there, watching him, he jumped, and then sighed heavily. "Buffy…"

The sound of his voice gave her shivers and she mustered up her most dazzling Buffy smile. He was clearly frightened of her reaction to his mysterious disappearance. When he looked like he was about to speak, she decided to go for it. She took the steps towards him in a trance until she was finally right before him, close enough she could smell the natural scent that had always made her wet. Now was not the time for that though. Of course, a part of her was excited to feel him between her legs once more. Had it really been so long?

Her closeness shocked him and before he could say a word, she placed a gently finger on his lips. Now his eyes had widened to an almost silly proportion. She had not touched him in months, especially not with gentleness. That thought made her sad, so she quickened to make her point.

"Don't say anything, please. I…what I did and said, not just the other night, but these last few months…they were horrible. I was horrible. You don't deserve what I've done to you." Her voice broke as the guilt came to the surface. "God, Spike, how did you deal with it? Why did you stay? I don't deserve it, your love. I don't deserve you."

Tears began falling from his eyes now, but he remained still, transfixed on her every word. She began rubbing her finger across his lips, loving the softness of them. She moved her other hand, the one that had been resting on his chest, up to cup his cheek and gently wipe away his errant tears.

"I love you, Spike. So damn much. I let my grief consume me and it almost tore us apart. Hell, it might have torn us apart. For all I know, you've given up on me at last. But if you haven't…if you still want me, still love me…or even if you don't, I need you to know I'm sorry. So very sorry."

She moved her other hand to cup his other cheek and pulled his head down towards her until their foreheads met. Her eyes watched as he squeezed his own shut tightly. When he finally opened them he pulled away from her and walked in a daze towards the window. She looked at his back, noticing the way it shook from silent sobs.

"Spike…" She whispered, unable to bear his grief but knowing that it was the least she could do as his wife and friend. When she reached him she placed a comforting hand on his back.

After a few moments he turned to face her, and the devastation she saw written on his face almost overwhelmed her. He wrapped his arms around her, in an almost bear hug, pulling her into him.

"Oh, god…" He mumbled into her neck. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Buffy."

"No, Spike! You have nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who pushed you away. I…"

He pulled back then and looked into her eyes before muttering, "I slept with her."

Buffy had barely heard him. She couldn't have heard him right. "You…what?"

She watched him take a deep breath, and when he looked at her with those intriguing blue eyes, she knew that this would be devastating.

"I slept with Harmony. Not all those months ago. I never even touched her then, but last night…after the fight we had, I got so damn wasted and just wanted to…it doesn't matter now. There's no excuse for what I did. I just…I am sorry, Buffy."

Oh .

Buffy expected to feel anger, even hatred. That's how she would have felt if he had made this confession all those months ago. But now, knowing her contribution to this act, and after breaking a barrier she never thought possible, she could only feel a deep sorrow and utter regret. Regret for all the time she allowed to pass between them. Regret for allowing their relationship to diminish this far. Regret for being too late.

Composing herself, she whispered the first question that had entered her mind. "Do you love her?"

He gasped and seemed to want to move closer to her, before hesitating and falling back. "No, pet. God, no. I hate the chit. What I did…Why I did it…there was no reason other than being thoroughly pissed and right angry. I wanted to…"

"To punish me." She said it calmly, because she knew deep down that it was true, and to be completely honest with herself, she probably deserved some of that punishment…not that she felt she deserved in in just this way.

He sighed and ran an errant hand through his hair. "Yes…but Buffy, I was out of my mind. It only lasted mere minute before I stopped it. I just…couldn't face you. I hid, like a poofter, in a hotel a few miles away. That's where I've been this last day."

She nodded, seemingly believing him. With a groan, she ran a hand down her face and finally looked in his eyes. "We really screwed things up, didn't we?"

God, his eyes were so expressive, and right now they were showing her how deeply his soul was wounded. Damn, she did love those blue eyes. "You didn't do anything, love. This was me, my fault."

She raised a hand for him to stop. "Don't say that because it's not all true now, is it? I hurt you bad. I treated you as if I wanted nothing to do with you, and at the time, I didn't. The things I said…the way I acted…I pushed you too far." She sighed and with new vigor she added, "What you did was wrong, but this isn't all on your shoulders. I know the part I played."

"No, love…" He saw that there was nothing he could do to change her mind, and a part of him knew her words to be true on some level.

"Maybe it's just not our time, Spike. We've done things now, to each other, that will take time to heal. For so long, it's been me and you, Buffy and Spike. We never learned how to survive without each other. Maybe…that's what we need to do."

"Survive…without each other?"

"Learn to. We need to heal ourselves before we can support each other again, and the hurt we did…it's the kind of hurt that needs time, Spike. I'm not saying that we'll never be us again, but maybe…maybe it's just not our time."

"What does that mean, love? Is this…are we over?"

She wiped at a tear. Feeling so utterly lost, but knowing, sensing deep down that this was for the best. "I think we have to be. We need to find ourselves…figure out who we are without each other. It's the only way…"

He nodded, understanding what she meant, but not really wanting to believe. Had it come to this? The end of an era…

She reached for his hand and looked up at him with those big doe eyes. "Tonight let's just forget, Spike. Just for tonight…"

He nodded and allowed her to pull him towards their bedroom. She climbed into the bed and stared at him as he froze in the doorway, unsure what she wanted from him.

"Will you stay with me…just for tonight?"

He nodded and moved, cautiously towards the bed. When she made scooted over to make room for him he understood then what she needed. He lay back onto the bed and engulfed her in his arms breathing in her feminine scent.

They lay there for hours, just like that, before her hands began to slowly brush his body. She started with his arms, sliding her hand up and down them, from his wrists to his broad shoulders. She glided her fingers down each one of his, before sweeping her hand under his black t-shirt and rubbing circles on his stomach and across his chest. He shivered as she traced his collarbone and ran her finger slowly down his thin brown happy trail to play at the waist of his pants.

He gasped when she dove in and grasped him firmly in her tiny palm. He heard her sigh softly against him, as if she had been waiting her whole life to feel him in this intimate way. It certainly had felt like a lifetime for him since she had last laid her hands upon him. When she began stroking him, first slowly, then confidently, he almost lost his mind right then and there.

From Buffy's own moan, he knew she was enjoying herself. Well, he could make her enjoy it much, much more. He sat up on his elbows and reached his hand out to pull her face towards his, enveloping her lips with his own, teasing them softly with his tongue, and nipping at the pouty bottom lip seductively. Their kisses were slow and tender, as if their every emotion was pouring forth with each slide of their lips or slip of their tongue.

They simply groped and kissed, just like that, leisurely and tenderly, in one another's arms for hours, teasing and playing with one another in ways they hadn't in ages. Somehow, they had managed to strip one another until their flesh was pressed together with every move.

Finally unable to bear it any more, Buffy swung her smooth leg across Spike's body and straddled him as she had so many times before, but this time was different…wasn't at all like it was before. She paused then, to just admire the man before her. He stared lovingly back at her with those icy blue eyes, narrowed in wanton desire. Stared right back at her with such open adoration that her heart almost broke all over again, for what they had lost, what they were losing. She shook all of the negative thoughts from her mind, though. This was their last night together, and she would not spoil it with reality, for soon enough, they would both be drenched in its foulness .

Eyes never leaving his, she slid herself down his length until she engulfed him fully to the hilt. She bit her lip to hold back the moan that threatened to escape her right then, feeling him shiver from the sheer sensation of her body wrapped tightly around him. After a moment, she began moving, slowly at first, then speeding up until she rode him as if her life depended on it. His hands expertly roamed her body, rubbing against her hardened nipple, teasing her swollen nub, eyes never once leaving her own.

She'd lost track of how many times she had orgasmed when he slowly rolled them over and drove into her with such fierce emotion that she couldn't help but cry with the weight of it. Each time he entered her, he'd place delicate yet blistering kisses along her collar bone, her breast, her neck, her lips. They were one, breathing in one another, and melding into something they could only wish to be.

That night, they made love as they never had, pouring every ounce of love and desire into every motion, knowing this would be their last with one another for a very, very long time.

* * *

By the end of the week, they had made plans about what to do with their lives now that things were over. Wesley was allowing Spike to stay at his beach house until he got himself together. Buffy was going to stay at the house, for now, and had begun looking for jobs in the area. Every night, they simply wrapped their arms around one another and held each other close, reality pausing for the briefest moment, allowing them to just…feel. They didn't make love again, knowing that it would only cause more pain as the day of their separation rang closer, but they would always cherish the night, that last night, when their worlds realigned for an instant.

The night before Spike's move went much the same, he and Buffy holding each other as if their lives depended on it, neither acknowledging the other's tears. When morning finally came, Buffy peeled herself slowly from his muscular frame and gazed longingly at the man she'd spent so many months tearing apart, the man that she loved more than life itself. Resigning herself to the fact that they would never have a healthy relationship if they didn't work past their issues, she tore her gaze from him and began preparing for the long, strenuous day ahead.

When he finally woke up, he knew that the time had come, that reality had dawned. He watched as Buffy wiped her hands off on her shorts and stared at the boxes she had littered across the room. He took a moment to just take her in, in all her glory. He remembered the confident little blonde bit that had chosen him oh-so-long ago. Looking at her now, he couldn't believe how much she had changed, how much she had grown. He knew that the death of their child had taken so much out of her, and in a way, didn't really blame her for the hurt she had caused him. But he knew she was right. Underneath it all, her behavior had caused a scar deep within him, and he had yet, if the time would ever come, to forgive himself for his actions towards her.

He loved her, and after last night, he couldn't doubt that she truly loved him, but they needed time to heal, away from one another. It was for the best. It was. He sighed and strode towards her.

"Guess, its time then, pet?"

She jumped, startled by his deep voice. When she turned to look at him, he could see she had been crying, but his brave girl sucked it right up and gave him one of her sweetest smiles. As they packed up his half of everything, they talked about what each item meant to them, reminiscing over times this was worn or when that picture was taken. And when it was all packed and Wesley had come, truck in tow to help Spike load up, they had stared at one another, the sun just starting to lower in the sky.

Buffy suddenly looked down awkwardly at her feet and Spike rubbed nervously at the back of his head. Finally, Spike spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "This is it. I guess I should…"

Before he could finish, Buffy wrapped her arms around him tightly, pressing her face into his chest. "I love you. Never forget that, but I want you to be happy, ok? Do whatever you need to do to heal. Take as much time as you need. I'll be here doing the same, but I'll always, always love you, Spike. You will always be my person. You know that, right?"

Fighting back tears, Spike nodded, pressing his cheek to her head and taking in the scent of her. "Of course, love. You know it's all the same for me. I'll always…I'll never stop loving you. Always here for you too. And I'm sorry. Truly am."

She sniffed loudly and then pulled away, quickly wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. When they made eye contact again, it was with sad eyes. They nodded at one another, both memorizing the other's every move, every feature. And then he turned and strode out of her life…for how long, she didn't know.

Time to focus on healing herself, from the inside out. It was long past time to heal. After taking a few moments just to breathe, she made the decision. Grabbing her purse from the table, she strode out the door with purpose.

* * *

His brother helped him unload the few boxes and bags that Spike had, and with a hug and a mournful look, wished him well. Leaving Spike in solitude, a solitude he both appreciated and loathed. After spending a few moments unpacking a few vitals, he came across a framed picture of him and Buffy on the day of their senior prom.

He allowed himself a moment to break down then and cry for what he had lost. He had tried so hard to be strong for Buffy these last few days, and now, alone, it was finally hitting him what had actually happened. How had life changed so drastically in so little time?

Pulling himself together, Spike wandered into the kitchen, and after a cursory look around, opened the fridge and pulled out a cold beer. Popping the top and ignoring it as it clanged loudly on the hard tiled floors, he made his way to the patio and, with a sigh, sunk down on the first step, looking out at the waves before him.

Beautiful, it was. Stunning, yet he couldn't appreciate it at all, couldn't appreciate a damn thing at the moment. He took a long swallow of his beer and closed his eyes, taking in the sounds of the place. Yeah, he could see getting his mind right here. Before long, his ears picked up the sound of tires crunching along the graveled drive way and he opened his eyes with a groan. Already?

Before he could rile himself up, he heard a door slam and the soft sound of sand beneath feet.

"Spike?"

Turning to face the intruder, Spike brought forth the best smile he could manage, which just happened to be his cocky grin.

"Peaches. What are you here for?"

Angel rolled his eyes and smiled at his friend. "Nice, warm welcome as usual, Captain Peroxide."

"Ehh! I have you know I buy only the best bleach products."

"Yeah, yeah…"

As Angel's words flowed away on the wind, the silence permeated the air. He was close now, only a few feet away from Spike, but neither knew what to say, where to begin. Spike decided he'd take a go at it.

"Look, man, I'm sorry I haven't really…called you in a while."

Angel sighed, "Yeah, haven't called, haven't answered my calls, and I'm pretty sure a couple of times you flat out ignored me when I was knocking at your door."

"About that…"

Angel raised his hands to quiet Spike. "That's not why I'm here. I mean, kind of, but I understand that. I know you were going through some stuff…serious stuff. I just wish you would've let me in, let any of us in. I have it on good authority you've been playing ghost with more than just me, you and Buffy both."

Spike grimaced, but Angel continued. "I'm sorry, Spike. I'm truly sorry about what happened between you and Buffy, to you and Buffy. I'm sorry about it all. I want to help you get back on your feet again, get away from it all."

Spike met Angel's gaze head on, trying to figure out what he was going on about. "What's this about then, mate?"

Angel shoved both of his hands in his jean pockets and mumbled, "We are heading to L.A. next week. I got certified, approved, and start paying rent on this old hotel we were planning on using as our headquarters." With a smile Angel added, "You're looking at the owner of Angel Investigations."

Spike smiled, "Good on you, ol' boy. I knew you and the cheerleader could get it done."

"Yeah, well, we want you with us, Spike. I've seen the way you handle things, the intuition you have. I've watched you more than once doing security at The Bronze. I know you didn't want to move so far…at the time, but maybe you've changed your mind. You don't have to decide anything now, but just know the offer is on the-"

"I'll take it."

Angel's eyes widened, stunned at Spike's sudden words. "You'll take it?"

Spike took another long swallow of his drink, finishing it off and looked Angel square in the eyes. "I'll take it."

* * *

Buffy walked the path as if she had it memorized, which, in a way, she did. She walked with purpose, yet slowly, drawing out the motions. She admired the green of the grass, still wet from the earlier day's rain. She took a moment to appreciate the sun as it drifted down to Earth's horizon, casting all sorts of lovely colors through the sky.

Then she was there, finally at her destination. Buffy stood before the grave and read the words on the newly placed stone slowly.

Our Precious Baby

Randy Alexander Giles

Although Lived But A Moment, Loved More Than A Lifetime

She wiped at a tear that had fallen down her cheek, and placed a hand atop the stone. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry that I used your death as an excuse to run away from the world, from my friends, our family…your father. What I did to us…I'll never forgive myself."

She paused, taking a moment to collect her emotions. A gentle chuckle emerged from her lips, as she wondered if she looked silly, speaking aloud to no one. Then again, she wasn't speaking to no one. She was speaking with her son. Wherever he was, be it heaven or the ether, she was speaking to his precious baby soul.

"No matter what's happened. No matter what's going to happen. You'll always be my baby, and I will always, always love you. I wish you could've seen the world. I've wished a lot of things these last few months, but I know now that there's nothing that I can do to change what happened. All I can do is love you. And I will, I'll love you for the rest of my life, with my dying breath."

She closed her eyes tightly and imagined that the breeze that grazed her skin softly was the embrace of her son. The image of the tiny, fragile baby at the hospital, who seemed as if he was only in sleep, entered her mind. As it faded, it was replaced by the man that that baby was supposed to become, so confident and smart. His brave words echoed in her ears and for once, she could hear it.

_Do not be scared. Whenever you want to hold me, just close your eyes and remember this feeling now. Remember that I love you…and father. Remember that I will watch over you and hear you. I'll see you smile and cry. I'll always be near. Whenever it hurts so bad and you just want to hold me tight, just feel me in your heart, for that is where I will live forever._

Then finally, she saw the curly haired toddler from her dreams, and once more those precious words whispered into her ear, lifting her soul to sour with them on the wind.

_I'll make a rainbow just for you, Mommy… When you see it, Mommy, you'll know it's me. It's my rainbow just for you!_

She opened her eyes, took a deep breath, and gazed one more time at the resting place of her boy. Blowing a kiss, she turned and found her way back to the car. When she reached it, she opened the door and sank down in the seat, a feeling of peace entering her for the first time in almost a year. As she pulled out, she looked back in her rear view mirror and saw it, clear and lovely through the clouds.

A rainbow.

TBC...

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I know this seems devastating now but remember that this story still has many years to go. The depths of the pain that Spuffy has caused one another is incredibly unhealthy and they need to focus on themselves before worrying about each other, although that could be near impossible. Now that they have reached their rock bottom, they can focus on healing themselves and then hopefully rebuilding what they had.

Right now, they have both reached a turn around point, and things will change very much for the two in the next few chapters. Always remember that this is a Spuffy story and I could never have this story end with anything other than a happy ending. That doesnt mean their lives will be perfect. It will be...incredibly Spuffy-like. Yes, I think they should add that to the dictionary lol.

Dont forget to review! Let me know your thoughts, ideas, and feelings. And as always, I cant wait to hear what you guys have to say. :)


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